Editing Mage's guild (old) (section)

== Feats of Wizardry ==

The Guild has undertaken many exploits in it's day, most of them ending badly.
But still they continue to thrive, even with most of them being decommissioned when Jakeness the Pyromancer went to the Northern Barrens.
Here is a list of their known accomplisments:

- Opening unclosable portals to the Elemental Plane of J-pop over the Tower of Alchemy, AGAIN.

- Releasing robots into the academy

- Hating and shunning Purple Wizards

- Creating the first Orc-Sheep hybrid (this event forced the Guild to make their tower stand up and walk to a new location after shit went down, crushing an entire continent along the way)

- Killing members of the Bard's Guild

- The first failed Owl-Book transmodification

- Opening a portal to the plane of K-Pop to stabilize the portal to the plane of J-Pop

- Making apprentices fight the Basement Beholder with a Grapefruit Spoon

- Leaving Owlbears in the library

- FAILING TO TRULY COMPREHEND THE POWER OF CAPRICAL VILE, TRICKSY CONJURER OF THE EIGHTH ORDER, BWUHUHAHAHAHAHA!

- Sending the Seventh Order into the Elemental Plane of obnoxious children

- Turning the apprentices into Dire Bats

- Cheating at Guild Poker Night (Chris looks at everyone's cards when he thinks they aren't looking)

- Banning Librarians from attending Guild Poker Night (On account of someone stealing Crumpet's monthly issue of Nuts magazine)

- Listing Binders under the heading 'anomalies', causing much confusion and devastation, mostly because no-one knew what the significance of this was.

- Making Hate-Powered Jetpacks (It was a bad idea, and completely Hatewizard Frank's fault)

- Turning a guy into a footstool

- Stuffing squirrels into a cage, tossing in a few transfiguration runes, and tossing it into the Bard's College.

- Making Lupa play strip-poker

- Starting a riot in the Aberration plane

- Making Owlbear Squirrels

- Discovering that saying "cunt" a bunch of times isn't a retort

- Debating the merits of why a lizardman would have sex with a rabit

- Crushing the village at the bottom of the hill by sticking all the apprentices into a ball and then getting Grog the Troll to throw them.

- Crushing the village by the river by releasing Morvario the Fluffy

- Crushing the mountain village by releasing giant eight-legged frogs

- Inventing the 'spank crossdresser' spell

- Discussing the savage tendencies of the Wafflegobbler

- Inventing the ritual of flatulent spirit

- Awakening the Doom-Badger, and then having to put her back to sleep with an accordian and a bottom salve

- Casting Chris into the Elemental Plane of bottomless ravines for three hundred years

- Getting to be Chief Librarian by waving around a few cantrips

- Struggling with crossword puzzles

- Inventing the 'conjure pornography dragon' spell

- Throwing nameless Anons into the chamber of incineration

- Not doing anything for a time due to Jakeness the Pyromage decommissioning everything when he went to the Northern Barrens

- Not using the Chamber of Sexual Torture due to it being decommissioned when Jakeness the Pyromage went to the Northern Barrens

- Re-opening the alchemy lab after it was decommissioned when Jakeness the Pyromage went to the Northern Barrens.

- Discussing wether to stick with traditional namings for spells or to let individuals claim their spell's effect by putting their names in the spell.

- Deciding that an avatar of gruumsh in the library was a minor issue and largely ignoring it

- Genderbending the king of Adros as a way to complain about taxes (it worked, and the king decided life as a girl was not that bad either)

- Destroying the moon, then making a new one

- Fending off a drow invasion

-"Allying" with the drudic circle against Jheska's schemes.

- Feeding Jheska to a witch in an anime villain body.

- Having a lesbian couple adopting a drow princess

- Selling wizardmas, than taking it back

- Set the bard's college on fire (again)

- Dueling by flinging evoked top hats and conjuring pants on unwilling people

- Creating the multiverse's first Arm Mimic

- Breaking a dragon's heart to achieve new levels of witchdom

- Summoning the lord of glam himself, Daveth the Bowyer down from the heavenly realms to impart guidance and resurrect a fallen friend (Calling Noone a friend? gods above and below you people are lonely) 

- Breaking poker house rules.

- Wizard Battle Chess Card Game Ultra Super Deluxe Romance Bingo 2.0: The Game that could take YEARS to finish! Ask Steve the Fighter about it sometime.

- Plunging the Archives of the guild hall into the Shadow Realm.

- Getting a twelve year old boy a little to involved with tentacles.

- Allowing an ancient, incredibly powerful, evil wizard (who, for the record, is a total dick) to resurrect just to make a little girl happy.

- Creating a giant, deadly obstacle course to get new bodies for the Necromancy department to use while writing off the deaths as a training exercise.

- Killing someone who may have been a good guy because he was a giant prick.

- Creating an army of molten gold golems to march on the kingdom and sign paperwork to return a half-half-dragon-half-greed elemental's hoard.

- Killing a minor god because it messed with Soros' girlfriend.

- Taking bets on whether or not Zirconis will get rekt, and if so by whom. (He did, and he rekt himself no less.)

- Making incredibly delicious soup which everyone loved until they found out the ingredients included a virgin human girl.

- Angering Karl the Goat Hucker, and unleashing a barrage of thrown goats and indecipherable accents.

- Mind Raping the same apprentice twice in twenty four hours by two different people.

- Somehow staying diplomatic for long enough to ally with the Kingdom.

- Putting together the Cromina's Ten Braves, a continents conquering, war waging, world shattering, endlessly bickering task force (currently said braves are Noel Crowflame, Conspierre, Quin Bradley, Ivina Ferrus, Dramorn Oakenheart, Mortimer, Lazarus, Lupa, Lord James of the Red Shadow and Trostia Flakker)

- Subduing an orchestra of musical basilisks, hiring a Living Wall, and then running away from some Mohrgs all in the same ancient tunnel

- Helping Cromina retrieve the crown of Valmia and become its legitimate ruler. It is unclear if it is a good thing though.

- Reading smut about sky pirates.

- Causing several international incidents while trying to stop some Murderous Malefic Girls.

- Shutting down the mana grid of a district of the Capital, leaving thousands of people without power for a night.

- Tasting the bitter prank of Zondor!

Guild Poker Night is Saturday Night, this was decommissioned for a time when Jakeness the Pyromage went to the Northern Barrens.
Simply put? Don't mess with these bathrobe faggots, they ''will'' hunt you down.
Hunting Down was decommissioned for a little while after Jakeness the Pyromage went to the Northern Barrens, but is now active again.