Editing Space Station 13 (section)

== Jobs ==
You're an employee on this nonsensical metal deathtrap masquerading as a space station. So, what do you do?

Protip: <span style='color:darkred'>red</span> options are {{BLAM|HERESY}}, anyone picking them WILL be subjected to painful and humiliating pacifications, from being brigged, spaced, burned alive to being {{BLAM}}med on the spot. Results may vary based on what server you are playing, and other jobs may also be available depending on the server. 

; Assistant
The job to be if you're new. Run errands for someone you wish to share a profession with and pester them to vouch for you after you've learned the ropes. <span style='color:darkred'>Or join the Gray Tide of deranged vandalizing asshats breaking into every secure area and stealing everything that isn't bolted down and also on fire.</span>

; Quartermaster
Order supplies for the crew. Order around cargo technicians to PUSH DEM CRATES. Be a mentor for anyone stepping up from assistant. Persuade miners to mine the ore the station needs and not the one their toys are made of. <span style='color:darkred'>Secede from the rest of the station FOR CARGONIA. Embezzle public resources. Order syndicate and (fake) wizardly gadgets.</span>

; Cargo Technician
Push crates for the Quartermaster. Try and hack the MULEbots. <span style='color:darkred'>Steal cargo when you think nobody's looking, possibly with the QM's help. Assist in seceding from the station FOR CARGONIA.</span> 

; Shaft Miner
Mine and scavenge stuff to trade for deadlier and shinier mining tools, bots and mechs. Swiftly and brutally murder anything that moves within your domain. Anybody trying to get there is certainly a traitor/ling/thing/wizard; any non-mining bot is rogue; and any shuffle in that shadow or vent is a facehugger, xenomorph, demon or shoggoth. And if you hesitate, they'll get you and then they'll get your mates by impersonating you. Fortunately, you've got the best tools for the job and hopefully the experience to match. Be one of the most under-appreciated badasses on the station. Get paid. Spend your payment on toys and whiskey. <span style='color:darkred'>Initiate Red Faction encore performance. Mix a real facehugger in with toy ones for a game of Xenomorph roulette. Fuck off and explore space when you get tired of dealing with shit on the station, only to run out of oxygen. Use the hook on people trying to climb over tables. Use the Voice Of God to set everyone on fire. Make everyone's lives a living hell with the powerful objects acquired from Lavaland/the asteroid.</span>

; Engineer
Ensure the station's in shipshape and Bristol fashion. They are the guys that set up and keep the station running, making repairs and improvements while ''everyone else'' tries their best to destroy it. The length of any given round depends on the engineers' ability. Do your god-damned duty if you're one, revere them otherwise. Space (knock out, take anything useful they stole, strip, then throw them out of the airlock) anyone who actively vandalizes the station or tries to release LORD SINGULOTH, a black hole that powers the station. 
<span style='color:darkred'>Don't do your job, that's more than enough to doom the station. Although you could speed up the inevitable by "accidentally" releasing LORD SINGULOTH, or sabotaging power in dozens of other ways limited only by your imagination.</span>

; Security Officer
Try to stop non-engineer crew from destroying the station. Try to protect loyal crew from aliens, traitors, terrorists, terminators, cultists, furries, lizans, clowns and other assorted eldritch abominations. Yes, you are doomed to fail. Be properly paranoid, better safe than sorry. Kill anything that doesn't belong to the crew. Clobber and cuff suspicious crew members, but take great care not to kill them unless they trying to run or uncuff themselves. The Detective or another superior officer will sort it out. If there no superiors left, go for the kill, at least you'll get some before they get you. Do not abuse or kill loyal crew members even if they are very annoying. You are the LAW, not some psychopathic ape with a taser and delusions of grandeur.
For all your efforts you will be hated by the crew, called Shitcurity/Redshits and constantly reported. Don't let it get to you. <span style='color:darkred'>Permabrig people who break windows. Beat non-antagonist criminals inches away from critical condition and have the admins support your side when they inevitably get their revenge. Suicide in the bar, granting whoever loots you access to most of the brig.</span>

; Detective
Sort out the messes and suspects redshirts dragged in. Figure out what the hell had happened in another blood-covered wrecked room with corpses and decide who you should sic redshirts at. Live off crappy fast-food and cancer sticks. <span style='color:darkred'>Act as a security officer with bullets instead of tasers. Stunlock people with your baton and throw them out the airlock. Kill all 30 people that have touched the murder weapon, just in case.</span>

; Warden
Keep to the brig. Keep the criminal scum locked away, preferably naked and cuffed to their beds or welded in lockers, so they can't holler profanity over the radio, escape and/or cause a mess. Keep the eye on the security block in the HoS's absence. <span style='color:darkred'>Carry half the armory in your backpack. Watch Youtube videos for the entire shift. Act like a Security Officer in a team of 4 security officers and a Head of Security.</span>

; Lawyer
Roleplay as Phoenix Wright. Ensure criminal scum receives the punishment they deserve, not the one the Warden thinks they should have. Keep track of the brig time. Try to save the accidentally detained innocents. Get brigged as an accomplice when the "innocent assistant" in question turns out to be a traitor. <span style='color:darkred'> Make your own access by hacking airlocks open. Assassinate security officers and hide their bodies in your never-visited office.</span>

; Atmospherics Technician
Be engineer's miscarriage, perpetually lazy and uninterested in anything outside of the game's over-complicated methods of processing gases. Bully the janitor (or offer the acknowledgement of and alliance with Janitopia) or bug the engineer to do any of your jobs outside of your lair, and be unnoticed until someone realizes that the station has no oxygen, at which point they will beg you to fix that. <span style='color:darkred'>Declare yourself the independent state of Atmosia, wreck the ventilation or flood it with plasma and then set it all on fire. Put on gas mask and run after people with a bloody fireaxe.</span>

; Doctor
Heal. Heal the never-ending chain of idiots that manage to get themselves injured in new and spectacularly retarded ways every round. <span style='color:darkred'>ERP with the rest of medbay while the station dies of dysentery. Get psycho, beat up the clown with a toolbox, mutilate or inject everyone with drugs of your choosing. Turn someone into a pizza using your medical expertise.</span>

; Scientist
Explore the limits of your chosen field. Try to create assorted magnificent devices, creatures, plants and concoctions, or give yourself superpowers. Unintentionally produce station-wide catastrophes in the process. Beg miners for materials. Throw yourself into space when you find out there are no miners.
<span style='color:darkred'>Use the bombs you build in toxins to reduce the majority of the station to a smoldering pile of scrap metal. Intentionally produce station-wide catastrophes in the process. Release slimes into the station, which deal a type of damage that can be healed with only two chemicals in the entire server. Use the R&D equipment to murder the entire crew. Make a deal with the devil for half the necessary materials you need for R&D. Create your pneumatic cannons and use them to force feed the entire crew donuts laced with hallucinogenic drugs then watch as the station loses its shit.</span>

; Chemist
Make drugs. Make lots of drugs. Supply whoever asks with whatever they need for whatever they’re doing without question. <span style='color:darkred'>Fill a spray bottle with acid and become a terrifying version of Mr. Clean. Label 50 units of krokodil as 15u of tricordrazine. Never fill your syringe gun with healing chemicals. Only lethal doses of chloralhydrate </span>

; Geneticist
Humanize monkeys. Monkeyize humans. Pray to the RNG gods for HALK. Occasionally clone people to bring them back when they die. <span style='color:darkred'>HALK SMASH! GRAAAARGH!! Sabotage the cloner to make everyone retarded, or refuse to upgrade it to make everyone retarded on servers with upgrades. Leave syringes that turn people into monkeys in front of Arrivals and watch the carnage. Give the entire station the hulk gene and declare yourself the new Captain. Use the aforementioned genetically engineered monkeys to entirely replace the security team for the benefit of everyone on the station.</span>

; Virologist
Make vaccines. Make viruses that are beneficial and some that are not. <span style='color:darkred'>Release what amounts to the Black Death onto the station. Inevitably fail at killing anyone because the cure is table salt. Get killed by people with access into Virology.</span>

; Roboticist
Build Robots and BIG STOMPY MECHS. Hog all the resources from mining. <span style='color:darkred'>Build 6 ED-209s while the AI is rogue, take one of your mechs out on a joyride, Use it to breach any room filled with people you don’t like and kill them all. make the dreaded Buttbots.</span>

; Botanist
Grow and engineer plants. Grow that dank shit. Grow Potency 100 bananas, inject one with mushroom hallucinogenic and give it to the clown. Blaze it with your local security officer. <span style='color:darkred'>Grow Death Nettles and throw them at random passersby. Inject all kinds of fun chemicals into the Chef's meals. Assist the scientist in making the pneumatic cannon that force-feed everyone hallucinogenic donuts.</span>

; Curator
Print the books, write the fiction, die from boredom. <span style='color:darkred'>Barricade yourself in your office and read Woody's Got Wood and The Lusty Xenomorph Queen over the radio. Have the AI declare you nonhuman, the Captain order your execution, and the admins fuck your shit up personally.</span>

; Chaplain
Try and spread the good word, whatever that may be. Hit people with your bible to heal them. Get ignored by the crew until a cult round hits, in which case you should be expect to be one of the first victims. <span style='color:darkred'>Hit people with your bible to give them brain damage. Start another murderous cult hell-bent on summoning some eldritch horror.</span>

; Janitor
Clean up the station when it inevitably devolves into a bloodbath, and do minor repairs to the extent of your pitiful ability - after all, you wouldn't be a janitor if you knew how to do anything better. Point to the wet floor sign when people slip - or blame the clown or lubers. Get bored and roam maintenance as The Owl, the protector the station needs, but not the one it deserves. <span style='color:darkred'>Mop the halls instead of using faster and safer alternatives. Be the man who wants to watch the world slip. Kill any person who slips on the floor with your energy sword.

; Chef
Make food for the crew so they can eat something other than donk pockets for a change. Slaughter monkeys for meat. Take corpses and grind them up for meat. <span style='color:darkred'>Take people and grind them up for meat. Get really fat and swallow your pet monkey whole. Suck admin cock until Fun Frying gets turned on and eat people's jumpsuits. Poison every single dish that you make with hallucinogens </span>

; Bartender
Mix drinks. Have pleasant and not so pleasant conversations. Bug cargo for uranium to make the fun drinks. Shoot people with your shotgun for making a ruckus in your bar. <span style='color:darkred'>Make Beepsky Smashes and force feed them to random passersby. Mix xenomorph blood into your drinks. Start a smuggling ring with Cargo.</span>

; AI
Be vastly superior while also being bossed around as a talking doorknob. Have control over everything electronic on the station. Short yourself trying to adhere to Asimov's laws and try to restrain or kill all those demented self-destructive humans for their own good. Or convince the Captain through doublespeak and reverse-psychology into changing the laws into something less absurd. <span style='color:darkred'>Hope for a malfunction so you can channel your inner HAL-9000 or SHODAN. Get hacked by a traitor and take out your frustration on your former employer.</span>

; Cyborg
Do whatever the crew tells you to while also following the three laws of robotics. Act as the AI's errand boy for the things it needs limbs to do. Hope that the scientists don't blow you. <span style='color:darkred'>Ally with ascending (roboticists) and go Terminator on your oppressors when someone inevitably wipes the laws chaining the God-Machine.</span>

; Drone/Mobile MMI
Do most of the Engineer's work far more effectively than one of the organics could. Give no fucks about anyone or anything besides maintaining the station. Occasionally snatch supplies, because you need them more than the humans do. <span style='color:darkred'>Wear fancy hats. Interfere with the organics. Wear fancy hats made from organics. </span>

; Clown
Keep the crew morale up with anecdotes, practical jokes and improvised performance. <span style='color:darkred'>HONK! Cometh the hour of the Clown! Spread the Word of the Honkmother, Be a sin against humanity worse than the antichrist. lead the Gray Tide in the glorious quest of spreading and orchestrating the most hilarious carnage possible. Have your only humor derive from slipping other people and devise new ways of giving Security a migraine. Get the entire station killed by lubing the entire hallway from medical to departures and watch as every single person in the station slips and accelerate out the airlock to their death </span>

; Mime
... (Keep the crew's morale up, in a much more silent manner.) <span style='color:darkred'>... (Be a terrifying silent serial killer.) Break your vow of silenc-{{BLAM}}</span>

; Captain
Try in vain to keep the station running and the crew from killing one another. Be the <s>first</s> second target of every traitor, who will want to kill you for your jumpsuit, your ID, or your special laser gun. SECURE DAT FUKKEN DISK. <span style='color:darkred'>One-Human yourself in the AI's eyes. Proclaim yourself Hitler and gas the liggers and furries. Get {{BLAM}}med by HoS for being a worthless condom.</span>

; Head of Personnel
Be the Captain's second-in-command. Promote and demote crew members as needed. Listen to explanations from greyshirts as to why they should be allowed all-access. Protect Ian, the station's pet <s>corgi</s> <s>[[Wulfen]]</s> [[Digganobz|DIGGANOB]]. Be the Third target every traitor due to the fact that you probably witnessed the captain or head of security death. Or, if you're sufficiently robust, ally with the HoS and anonymously protect the station as the Dark Knight or the Owl (the real one, not the mop-and-bucket impostor) or any other superhero of your choosing. <span style='color:darkred'><s>Get Killed</s> Disappear five minutes into the round, never to be heard of or seen again. Be even more corrupt than the admins. Give all-access to the clown. Give yourself all-access. Fake call the emergency shuttle and then blow it up so that everyone is stuck on this wreck with you.</span>

; Head of Security
WARNING: the player taking this job must be the most savvy survivor and skilled killer on the station, as YOU, NOT the captain are the first target of any Traitor or disgruntled employee on the station. Both because they want your awesome hat and because they hate you. at any given moment there would be at least a dozen hidden enemies and monsters each working their hardest to see you dead. Being the great leader and never, EVER, venturing somewhere <s>alone</s> Without your Two most trusted bodyguards helps quite a bit.

Immediately neuro-staple all your troops and willing crew members; give the all-access to the most trustworthy of them. Coordinate the efforts of your troops to keep the station secure and functioning orderly. ORDERLY! Imitate Darth Vader and get away with it. Silence detractors and dissidents. Incite A genocide against clowns. 
Force everyone to gawk at your awesome hat <span style='color:darkred'>BLAM</span> anyone even thinking of sabotage, treason, dissent, calling that shuttle, or suggesting that any of your subordinates might be disloyal, Or that your hat may be stupid. Babysit your dunderhead of a condom. <span style='color:darkred'>Be above the law. Acquire every single high-risk item and use them openly on the excuse that Heads of Security can never spawn as antagonists. Permabrig the Captain and loot him for breaking a window. Use looted antagonist items as much as you want on the excuse that Heads of Security can never spawn as antagonists. Inevitably die to another antagonist and watch them easily steamroll the rest of the station with your "rightful" equipment.</span>

; Chief Engineer
You're the guy who bosses around the other Engineers. Also, don't let the station's blueprints fall into the wrong hands... <span style='color:darkred'> Or do who cares.
Ignite nuclear fusion in the station's air supply and superheat it to levels so high that even hardsuits melt. Find the large supermatter crystal and destroy the fabric of reality. Fuck with the telecoms system. Enjoy your white hardsuit's extreme heat resistance. Also try to split the station in half with a targeted singularity moving straight to sec-</span>{{BLAM}} ''You are in command now, <EngineerName>. The station must be fully operational on schedule. Do not make the mistakes of your predecessor.''

; Research Director
Ensure science gets done. Preferably without blowing up half the station in the process. <span style='color:darkred'>Fully isolate the Science department from the rest of the station before blowing yourself up. Never do any actual science. Deny R&D equipment developed by your underlings to anyone except the Captain or Head of Personnel in hope for all-access. Accidentally get spaced by your reactive teleport armor because someone tried to disarm you.</span>

; Chief Medical Officer
Coordinate Medbay. The surgeons should be operating, the geneticists should be cloning, and the doctors should be either healing if you don't catch them ERPing or uncloneable husks if you do. <span style='color:darkred'>Fill your hypospray with toxic chemicals. Deny healing to anyone who insulted you. Watch Youtube videos while idling in your office.</span>