Codex - Angry Custodes - Revision history

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2023-06-20T15:17:45Z

551 revisions imported

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2023-06-18T21:55:47Z

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104.220.162.108: /* Why play Angry Custodes? */

2023-05-23T21:49:31Z

Why play Angry Custodes?

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:49, 23 May 2023
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	That being said, the Angry Custodes, flavour wise, exist as a strange mix of [[Adeptus Custodes]] (no shit Sherlock), the [[Angry Marines]] (OUR FUCKING RAGE IS EVERYWHERE DICKHEAD!!!) and the [[~~orks~~]{ (those emprahs boyz is wel choppy ladz), with the Custodes part providing the actual models and the immense tankiness, the Angry Marines providing the rage (although fluff wise the Angry Custodes are even angrier), and the ~~orks~~ providing the reality bending powers and weird warp related shit (which if not almost certainly heretical, is definitely bending the laws to the point that they cry uncle.)		That being said, the Angry Custodes, flavour wise, exist as a strange mix of [[Adeptus Custodes]] (no shit Sherlock), the [[Angry Marines]] (OUR FUCKING RAGE IS EVERYWHERE DICKHEAD!!!) and the [[Orks]] (those emprahs boyz is wel choppy ladz), with the Custodes part providing the actual models and the immense tankiness, the Angry Marines providing the rage (although fluff wise the Angry Custodes are even angrier), and the Orks providing the reality bending powers and weird warp related shit (which if not almost certainly heretical, is definitely bending the laws to the point that they cry uncle.)

	==Pros:==		==Pros:==

2601:845:C200:EAC0:28DC:132E:4251:98FF: /* Commander of the Knights Apoplectic, Lady DAKKADAKKADAKKA */

2020-10-27T00:19:48Z

Commander of the Knights Apoplectic, Lady DAKKADAKKADAKKA

← Older revision		Revision as of 00:19, 27 October 2020
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	The Angry Custodes most powerful knight, piloted by the originally named Artemis Farber, and was given her... title by the Angry Custodes because of the knight she pilots, a Acastus Knight Porphyrion, the most powerful knight ever made, packing guns which give Warhound titans penis envy. Artemis did not start her life as a knight pilot however, she used to be an Adeptus Mechanicus adept who was employed by the knights original owner along with many other such adepts to maintain the knight Porphyrion, until one day (while she providing ground support in the form of shooting stuff) the Porphyrion's pilot was ripped out of their pilot compartment (along with the armoured door) by a Keeper of Secrets while fighting a Slaanesh incursion. Being Mechanicus, Ingrid and her fellow adepts were made furious by such abuse of a knight (the pilot could go fuck himself though) and as one they advanced on the pilot-less knight and the encroaching demons, fighting a bitter battle around the monstrous machines legs, being almost a match for the demonic horde if it wasn't for the Keeper of Secrets who kept picking them off one by one.		The Angry Custodes most powerful knight, piloted by the originally named Artemis Farber, and was given her... title by the Angry Custodes because of the knight she pilots, a Acastus Knight Porphyrion, the most powerful knight ever made, packing guns which give Warhound titans penis envy. Artemis did not start her life as a knight pilot however, she used to be an Adeptus Mechanicus adept who was employed by the knights original owner along with many other such adepts to maintain the knight Porphyrion, until one day (while she providing ground support in the form of shooting stuff) the Porphyrion's pilot was ripped out of their pilot compartment (along with the armoured door) by a Keeper of Secrets while fighting a Slaanesh incursion. Being Mechanicus, Ingrid and her fellow adepts were made furious by such abuse of a knight (the pilot could go fuck himself though) and as one they advanced on the pilot-less knight and the encroaching demons, fighting a bitter battle around the monstrous machines legs, being almost a match for the demonic horde if it wasn't for the Keeper of Secrets who kept picking them off one by one.

	As the adepts fell from hundreds strong to a handful the survivors and ~~Ingrid~~ made their way up the knights body for higher ground only to be dragged back down into the horde to be abused in a suitably Slaanesh like fashion, until the only one left, standing atop the knight, was ~~Ingrid~~, weaponless, and starring into the eyes of the Keeper of Secrets, as it began to climb up to finish her off. In fear (although she would never admit it now) ~~Ingrid~~ stumbled back and away from the towering demon, and fell into the Knights pilot compartment, landing butt first on the pilots seat. A normal human would have still been fucked at this point, as piloting even a knight requires considerable cybernetic augmentation, but ~~Ingrid~~ was a Mechanicus adept, most of her body was already machine, and she had the implants she needed to interact with the Knights mind impulse link. And so, gritting her teeth and starring down the Keeper of Secrets as it reached for her, ~~Ingrid~~ connected herself, for the first time, to the knights machine spirit.		As the adepts fell from hundreds strong to a handful the survivors and Artemis made their way up the knights body for higher ground only to be dragged back down into the horde to be abused in a suitably Slaanesh like fashion, until the only one left, standing atop the knight, was Artemis, weaponless, and starring into the eyes of the Keeper of Secrets, as it began to climb up to finish her off. In fear (although she would never admit it now) Artemis stumbled back and away from the towering demon, and fell into the Knights pilot compartment, landing butt first on the pilots seat. A normal human would have still been fucked at this point, as piloting even a knight requires considerable cybernetic augmentation, but Artemis was a Mechanicus adept, most of her body was already machine, and she had the implants she needed to interact with the Knights mind impulse link. And so, gritting her teeth and starring down the Keeper of Secrets as it reached for her, Artemis connected herself, for the first time, to the knights machine spirit.

	When Mechanicus and PDF reinforcements arrived on the scene, they were greeted by a charred and blasted landscape, and by the sight of the Keeper of Secrets lying dismembered on the ground as the Knight Porphyrion repeatedly tea bagged/smashed its crotch region into the demons face while ~~Ingrid~~ screaming "EAT NUTSACK YOU FUCKING FAGGOT!!!" For a while the Mechanicus grudgingly accepted her for her valorous act/prevented the knight from falling into enemy hands, but after a few hundred years it became apparent that ~~Ingrid~~'s mind had been warped by suddenly connecting to the knight (a process which normally requires decades of training and preparation) and the Mechanicus would have tried to replace her if she hadn't met the Angry Custodes first, or more specifically, the Knights Apoplectic, who recognised her fury and tactical genius and invited her into their ranks. Any Mechanicus priests who tried to interject into the matter were found moments latter to have been kicked very hard in the genitals, and before the masters of mars could be informed of what was happening, ~~Ingrid~~ and her Knight had already joined the Angry Custodes.		When Mechanicus and PDF reinforcements arrived on the scene, they were greeted by a charred and blasted landscape, and by the sight of the Keeper of Secrets lying dismembered on the ground as the Knight Porphyrion repeatedly tea bagged/smashed its crotch region into the demons face while Artemis screaming "EAT NUTSACK YOU FUCKING FAGGOT!!!" For a while the Mechanicus grudgingly accepted her for her valorous act/prevented the knight from falling into enemy hands, but after a few hundred years it became apparent that Artemis's mind had been warped by suddenly connecting to the knight (a process which normally requires decades of training and preparation) and the Mechanicus would have tried to replace her if she hadn't met the Angry Custodes first, or more specifically, the Knights Apoplectic, who recognised her fury and tactical genius and invited her into their ranks. Any Mechanicus priests who tried to interject into the matter were found moments latter to have been kicked very hard in the genitals, and before the masters of mars could be informed of what was happening, Artemis and her Knight had already joined the Angry Custodes.

	Although she is the latest knight to join the Angry Custodes ranks she has quickly established herself as their leader, on part because she is the most knowledgeable among them on tactics and mechanics, but mostly because she has the largest knight fitted with the largest guns.		Although she is the latest knight to join the Angry Custodes ranks she has quickly established herself as their leader, on part because she is the most knowledgeable among them on tactics and mechanics, but mostly because she has the largest knight fitted with the largest guns.

2.24.96.134: /* Other Wargear */

2020-08-11T23:28:33Z

Other Wargear

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	Per model		Per model
	\|-		\|-
	\| Storm Shield (~~CHARECTERS~~) \|\| 15		\| Storm Shield (CHARACTERS) \|\| 15
	\|-		\|-
	\| Storm Shield (other models) \|\| 10		\| Storm Shield (other models) \|\| 10

2.24.96.134: /* Pros: */

2020-08-11T22:50:55Z

Pros:

← Older revision		Revision as of 22:50, 11 August 2020
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	*You like the adeptus custodes, but are annoyed that they have one named character.		*You like the adeptus custodes, but are annoyed that they have one named character.
	*You like your namesake troops being the bane of all toughness 3 units, but also have the ability to mess everything else up.		*You like your namesake troops being the bane of all toughness 3 units, but also have the ability to mess everything else up.
	*You like being able to dish out mortal wounds to everything, even your own guys, and being able to save against mortal wounds, to the point that ~~deamons~~ start getting jealous.		*You like being able to dish out mortal wounds to everything, even your own guys, and being able to save against mortal wounds, to the point that daemons start getting jealous.
	*You like an army which can explode when killed to RAEG QUIT!!!		*You like an army which can explode when killed to RAEG QUIT!!!
	*You like angry marines, but want something that's also dakkery.		*You like angry marines, but want something that's also dakkery.

168.216.112.244: /* Angry Custodes Rules */

2020-03-09T14:07:16Z

Angry Custodes Rules

← Older revision		Revision as of 14:07, 9 March 2020
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	*'''Dual Melee Weapons''': if a model with this ability is Equipped with two of the same Melee weapon, you can add 1 to its Attacks characteristic.		*'''Dual Melee Weapons''': if a model with this ability is Equipped with two of the same Melee weapon, you can add 1 to its Attacks characteristic.

	*'''Big E is Watching''': The Angry Custodes can be found fighting any number of battles at any given time, but when large numbers of them get together for a fight the ~~emperor~~ pays attention, as there’s ~~garenteed~~ to be a good fight.		*'''Big E is Watching''': The Angry Custodes can be found fighting any number of battles at any given time, but when large numbers of them get together for a fight the Emperor pays attention, as there’s guaranteed to be a good fight.
	:*If your army is battle forged, all '''Angry Custodes, INFANTRY''' and '''BIKER''' units in the '''Codex - Angry Custodes''' ~~Detatchment~~ add 1 to their invulnerability saves (to a maximum of 3+). In addition to this, these units also add 1 to their attack characteristic in a turn in which it charged, or performed a heroic intervention.		:*If your army is battle forged, all '''Angry Custodes, INFANTRY''' and '''BIKER''' units in the '''Codex - Angry Custodes''' Detachment add 1 to their invulnerability saves (to a maximum of 3+). In addition to this, these units also add 1 to their attack characteristic in a turn in which it charged, or performed a heroic intervention.

	*'''COCKSHOT YOU FUCKING CUNT!''': Angry Custodes just know where to find a targets dick, even if that target doesn't have a dick the Custodes will find it, and kick it, very hard, and only then will they start killing their target by more conventional means.		*'''COCKSHOT YOU FUCKING CUNT!''': Angry Custodes just know where to find a targets dick, even if that target doesn't have a dick the Custodes will find it, and kick it, very hard, and only then will they start killing their target by more conventional means.
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	**All non '''ANGRY CUSTODES''' models within 12" subtract 1 from their leadership and psychic tests (friend and foe).		**All non '''ANGRY CUSTODES''' models within 12" subtract 1 from their leadership and psychic tests (friend and foe).

	*'''EMPRAH PROTECT!!!''': The ~~emperors~~ seal of approval, like a purity seal except that it actually protects against stuff instead of just looking fancy.		*'''EMPRAH PROTECT!!!''': The Emperor's seal of approval, like a purity seal except that it actually protects against stuff instead of just looking fancy.
	:*Models with this ability have a 5+ invulnerability save, unless otherwise stated (eg a 3+ with a storm shield). In addition, Roll a D6 each time this unit suffers a mortal wound (except those caused by MIND DAKKA!!! and perils in the warp); on a 6+ that mortal wound is ignored.		:*Models with this ability have a 5+ invulnerability save, unless otherwise stated (eg a 3+ with a storm shield). In addition, Roll a D6 each time this unit suffers a mortal wound (except those caused by MIND DAKKA!!! and perils in the warp); on a 6+ that mortal wound is ignored.

1d4chan>VeryIntelligentShadeOfTheColourBlue: /* Relics of the Great Fuckening */

2020-02-21T21:48:41Z

Relics of the Great Fuckening

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:48, 21 February 2020
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	\| The bearer of this relic and a single '''ANGRY CUSTODES''' unit within 9” are immune to mortal wounds brought on by:		\| The bearer of this relic and a single '''ANGRY CUSTODES''' unit within 9” are immune to mortal wounds brought on by:
	*ECHO IN THE FUCKING WARP COCKSUCKER!!!		*ECHO IN THE FUCKING WARP COCKSUCKER!!!
	*Ka FUUUUUUU!		*Ka FUUUUUUU!!!
	*COCKSHOT YOU FUCKING CUNT!		*COCKSHOT YOU FUCKING CUNT!!!
	*JUST FUCKING HIT THE BASTARDS!		*JUST FUCKING HIT THE BASTARDS!!!
	*Perils of the warp (and similar effects of failed psychic powers).		*Perils of the warp (and similar effects of failed psychic powers).
	*COCKSHOT FOR YOU!!!COCKSHOT FOR YOU!!! COCKSHOT FOR EVERY MOTHER FUCKER IN THIS FUCKING ROOM!!!		*COCKSHOT FOR YOU!!!COCKSHOT FOR YOU!!! COCKSHOT FOR EVERY MOTHER FUCKER IN THIS FUCKING ROOM!!!
	*And ~~smite~~.		*And Smite.
	\|}		\|}
	<br style="clear: both; height: 0px;" /><br>		<br style="clear: both; height: 0px;" /><br>

142.177.81.42: /* Relics of the Great Fuckening */

2020-02-21T14:01:23Z

Relics of the Great Fuckening

← Older revision		Revision as of 14:01, 21 February 2020
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	*A golden glow (even goldier than normal for a custodian).		*A golden glow (even goldier than normal for a custodian).
	*And a girth and length large enough to satisfy a keeper of secrets (by this point Fulgrim is so jealous that he finds it embarrassing, and thereby arrousing).		*And a girth and length large enough to satisfy a keeper of secrets (by this point Fulgrim is so jealous that he finds it embarrassing, and thereby arrousing).
	This does have the unfortunate side effect that whoever holds the chunk of gold becomes the... centre of attention to all nearby life forms, and at least one holder of this relic was ~~killed~~ by a very enthusiastic group of sisters of RAEG and lubed up custodians who took their “admiration” a little too far (much enjoyment was had by slaanesh that day).</div>		This does have the unfortunate side effect that whoever holds the chunk of gold becomes the... centre of attention to all nearby life forms, and at least one holder of this relic was “knocked out” by a very enthusiastic group of sisters of RAEG and lubed up custodians who took their “admiration” a little too far (much enjoyment was had by slaanesh that day).</div>
	</div>		</div>
	This relic replaces a models Misericordia.		This relic replaces a models Misericordia.

1d4chan>VeryIntelligentShadeOfTheColourBlue: /* General Rules */

2020-02-19T13:22:52Z

General Rules

← Older revision		Revision as of 13:22, 19 February 2020
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	*'''Dual Melee Weapons''': if a model with this ability is Equipped with two of the same Melee weapon, you can add 1 to its Attacks characteristic.		*'''Dual Melee Weapons''': if a model with this ability is Equipped with two of the same Melee weapon, you can add 1 to its Attacks characteristic.

	*'''Big E is ~~watching~~''': The Angry Custodes can be found fighting any number of battles at any given time, but when large numbers of them get together for a fight the emperor pays attention, as there’s garenteed to be a good fight.		*'''Big E is Watching''': The Angry Custodes can be found fighting any number of battles at any given time, but when large numbers of them get together for a fight the emperor pays attention, as there’s garenteed to be a good fight.
	:*If your army is battle forged, all '''Angry Custodes, INFANTRY''' and '''BIKER''' units in the '''Codex - Angry Custodes''' Detatchment add 1 to their invulnerability saves (to a maximum of 3+). In addition to this, these units also add 1 to their attack characteristic in a turn in which it charged, or performed a heroic intervention.		:*If your army is battle forged, all '''Angry Custodes, INFANTRY''' and '''BIKER''' units in the '''Codex - Angry Custodes''' Detatchment add 1 to their invulnerability saves (to a maximum of 3+). In addition to this, these units also add 1 to their attack characteristic in a turn in which it charged, or performed a heroic intervention.

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	:*Models with this ability have a 5+ invulnerability save, unless otherwise stated (eg a 3+ with a storm shield). In addition, Roll a D6 each time this unit suffers a mortal wound (except those caused by MIND DAKKA!!! and perils in the warp); on a 6+ that mortal wound is ignored.		:*Models with this ability have a 5+ invulnerability save, unless otherwise stated (eg a 3+ with a storm shield). In addition, Roll a D6 each time this unit suffers a mortal wound (except those caused by MIND DAKKA!!! and perils in the warp); on a 6+ that mortal wound is ignored.

	*'''JUST FUCKING HIT THE BASTARDS!''': The Angry Custodes are, as you may have guessed, are rather angry and impatient creatures. They've spent god emperor knows how long travelling through the warp and real space looking for the next target to kick. So when it actually comes down to fighting, the Angry Custodes can't be bothered to wait around and slowly make their way to the enemy. Most of all, they hate that their weapons come in varieties which aren't assault, as for some reason they can't run and fire those weapons. So they just ignored the pansy, ultramarine rules, and ran, screaming and shooting, at their enemies anyway.		*'''JUST FUCKING HIT THE BASTARDS!!!''': The Angry Custodes are, as you may have guessed, are rather angry and impatient creatures. They've spent god emperor knows how long travelling through the warp and real space looking for the next target to kick. So when it actually comes down to fighting, the Angry Custodes can't be bothered to wait around and slowly make their way to the enemy. Most of all, they hate that their weapons come in varieties which aren't assault, as for some reason they can't run and fire those weapons. So they just ignored the pansy, ultramarine rules, and ran, screaming and shooting, at their enemies anyway.
	:* If a model with this ability advanced in the movement phase it's weapons become assault x (pistol 2 becomes assault 2) until the next turn.		:* If a model with this ability advanced in the movement phase it's weapons become assault x (pistol 2 becomes assault 2) until the next turn.

	*'''Ka FUUUUUUU!''': There's only so much hate, anger and belligerence you can fit into a given space, but The Great Fuckening managed it. While it has the advantage that every member of the Angry Custodes fights as if he's on every known enhancement drug (and some unknown ones, slaanesh would very much like to know what these are), it has the rather hilarious side effect that when an Angry Custodian dies, they explode, rather violently, it is thought that this isn't actually the Custodian being slain, but is in fact a very extreme form of rage quitting.		*'''Ka FUUUUUUU!!!''': There's only so much hate, anger and belligerence you can fit into a given space, but The Great Fuckening managed it. While it has the advantage that every member of the Angry Custodes fights as if he's on every known enhancement drug (and some unknown ones, slaanesh would very much like to know what these are), it has the rather hilarious side effect that when an Angry Custodian dies, they explode, rather violently, it is thought that this isn't actually the Custodian being slain, but is in fact a very extreme form of rage quitting.
	:*When a model with this rule is slain, it deals 1 mortal wound to its own unit and 1 mortal wound to each other units (friend and foe) within D6” where the slain model was. If this effect would be activated twice simultaneously, resolve them simultaneously. If the last model in a unit with this rule is slain however, each unit (friend or foe) within 6” suffers D3 mortal wounds.		:*When a model with this rule is slain, it deals 1 mortal wound to its own unit and 1 mortal wound to each other units (friend and foe) within D6” where the slain model was. If this effect would be activated twice simultaneously, resolve them simultaneously. If the last model in a unit with this rule is slain however, each unit (friend or foe) within 6” suffers D3 mortal wounds.

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	:*If a unit with this rule is the closest unit to an enemy unit, that enemy unit must target the unit with this rule in the shooting, fight and psychic phases.		:*If a unit with this rule is the closest unit to an enemy unit, that enemy unit must target the unit with this rule in the shooting, fight and psychic phases.

	*'''WHO'S THIS KHARN CUNT ANYWAY?!''': Angry Custodes never “miss” their target, they simply indented to hit that other target, even if that other target was a friendly Custodian.		*'''WHO'S THIS KHARN CUNT ANYWAY?!!!''': Angry Custodes never “miss” their target, they simply indented to hit that other target, even if that other target was a friendly Custodian.
	:*Every time a model with this ability fails a hit roll, roll a D6; on a 5+ is a "COCKSHOT", the nearest model in that models unit (or If there are no other models in the model's unit remaining then that attack is assigned to the nearest model (friend or foe).) suffers a mortal wound.		:*Every time a model with this ability fails a hit roll, roll a D6; on a 5+ is a "COCKSHOT", the nearest model in that models unit (or If there are no other models in the model's unit remaining then that attack is assigned to the nearest model (friend or foe).) suffers a mortal wound.