Mongols - Revision history

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67.174.103.120 at 23:40, 9 May 2023

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	** '''The Golden Horde''': Batu, son of Jochi took control of the steppe lands, encompassing Volga-Dnieper and West Siberian territories of modern Russia. Once the direct Batu line died out the country has entered a half-century long succession crisis, which eventually turned into the good old habit of nomadic tribes fighting among themselves. Most of these statelets were annihilated by Russian Tsardom, but Crimean Khanate survived by becoming a vassal of Ottomans up until the 18th century.		** '''The Golden Horde''': Batu, son of Jochi took control of the steppe lands, encompassing Volga-Dnieper and West Siberian territories of modern Russia. Once the direct Batu line died out the country has entered a half-century long succession crisis, which eventually turned into the good old habit of nomadic tribes fighting among themselves. Most of these statelets were annihilated by Russian Tsardom, but Crimean Khanate survived by becoming a vassal of Ottomans up until the 18th century.
	** '''Ilkhanate''': first ruled by Tolui, the Ilkhanate stretched from Asia Minor (Turkey) to the Persian Gulf. While most of the mongol khanates were Buddhist, the Ilkhanate (alongside Golden Horde and Chagatai) were exposed to Islam, thought it was great and converted. Ilkhanate was badly ravaged by Black Death, and after the death of their Khan collapsed completely.		** '''Ilkhanate''': first ruled by Tolui, the Ilkhanate stretched from Asia Minor (Turkey) to the Persian Gulf. While most of the mongol khanates were Buddhist, the Ilkhanate (alongside Golden Horde and Chagatai) were exposed to Islam, thought it was great and converted. Ilkhanate was badly ravaged by Black Death, and after the death of their Khan collapsed completely.
	** '''Chagatai''': Initially spanning Afghanistan and surrounding areas, the Chagatai khanate has changed its borders a lot, thanks to ~~Timur~~/Tamarlane (who, alongside his descendants, the Mughals, are technically not recognized to be true successors of Genghis due to being partially Turkic instead of full Mongols in spite of sharing indirect blood ties) and internal conflicts, before falling to neighboring Dzungars in 1705.		** '''Chagatai''': Initially spanning Afghanistan and surrounding areas, the Chagatai khanate has changed its borders a lot, thanks to Timurkhan/Tamarlane (who, alongside his descendants, the Mughals, are technically not recognized to be true successors of Genghis due to being partially Turkic instead of full-blooded Mongols in spite of sharing indirect blood ties) and internal conflicts, before falling to neighboring Dzungars in 1705.
	*Administration: The Mongols were great warriors and were often led by great generals, but long story short a bunch of nomadic horse peoples off the steppes did not understand the fine details of managing complex agricultural and urban societies, especially when they often kept themselves said societies at arms length. Improper administration inevitably led to economic downturns, resentment and eventually rebellions. The biggest example would be in the death of the Mongol Yuan Dynasty, in which their bad policies led to them getting kicked out from power after less than a century of ruling china, proving that outsourcing bureaucracy to other civil servants who were themselves from another land (Arabia) was not sustainable.		*Administration: The Mongols were great warriors and were often led by great generals, but long story short a bunch of nomadic horse peoples off the steppes did not understand the fine details of managing complex agricultural and urban societies, especially when they often kept themselves said societies at arms length. Improper administration inevitably led to economic downturns, resentment and eventually rebellions. The biggest example would be in the death of the Mongol Yuan Dynasty, in which their bad policies led to them getting kicked out from power after less than a century of ruling china, proving that outsourcing bureaucracy to other civil servants who were themselves from another land (Arabia) was not sustainable.
	*[[Firearm\|Gunpowder]]: If there was a good hard counter to Mongol horse archers it would be firearms, sort of. It took the Mongols some seventy years to conquer China and they only succeeded in doing so when it was divided, after overrunning the northern Jin Dynasty and adopting gunpowder weapons of their own. At the battle of Ain Jalut in 1260, an army of the Mamluk Sultanate defeated a Mongol army partially by using gunpowder weapons. The Red Turban rebellion which toppled the Yuan Dynasty managed to drive them out in part through being good with blackpowder weapons. In both cases, these were very primitive firearms they went up against and firearms technology continued to advance. The Mongols' goose was cooked when the age of the Arquebus came around. The issue of course is not that Arquebuses are better than Mongol horsemen, but that it takes a Mongol a lifetime to be trained how to shoot accurately from horseback while at a full gallop, whereas you can train almost anybody to use a Arquebus in a matter of mere weeks, which the vastly more populated city cultures could use to create armies much larger and faster then the Nomadic Mongols.		*[[Firearm\|Gunpowder]]: If there was a good hard counter to Mongol horse archers it would be firearms, sort of. It took the Mongols some seventy years to conquer China and they only succeeded in doing so when it was divided, after overrunning the northern Jin Dynasty and adopting gunpowder weapons of their own. At the battle of Ain Jalut in 1260, an army of the Mamluk Sultanate defeated a Mongol army partially by using gunpowder weapons. The Red Turban rebellion which toppled the Yuan Dynasty managed to drive them out in part through being good with blackpowder weapons. In both cases, these were very primitive firearms they went up against and firearms technology continued to advance. The Mongols' goose was cooked when the age of the Arquebus came around. The issue of course is not that Arquebuses are better than Mongol horsemen, but that it takes a Mongol a lifetime to be trained how to shoot accurately from horseback while at a full gallop, whereas you can train almost anybody to use a Arquebus in a matter of mere weeks, which the vastly more populated city cultures could use to create armies much larger and faster then the Nomadic Mongols.

1d4chan>MiaoKobayashisDragonMaid: /* The Mongolian Empire */

2023-03-08T06:34:34Z

The Mongolian Empire

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	This was actually super important, because the Western Xia (which the Khan graciously let live early in his career because he wanted to start invading actual China) backstabbed the Mongolians by not sending him military aid during his Central Asian Campaigns and even got the remnants of the Jin to join them; while he died a little bit after this re-subjugation campaign ended, he stuck around long enough to personally raze their capitals and execute every single member of the Imperial family.		This was actually super important, because the Western Xia (which the Khan graciously let live early in his career because he wanted to start invading actual China) backstabbed the Mongolians by not sending him military aid during his Central Asian Campaigns and even got the remnants of the Jin to join them; while he died a little bit after this re-subjugation campaign ended, he stuck around long enough to personally raze their capitals and execute every single member of the Imperial family.

	'''Central Asian Campaign:''' The horde shifted west and began subjugating all the remaining Turkic and Central Asian nomads. This continued until the Mongols hit the powerful Khwarezmian empire in modern day Iran. The Khwarezmian shah, having just finished declaring [[exterminatus]] on the nomads on his side of the fence, wasn't in the mood for diplomacy and sent the Mongol emissaries back in boxes. Unfortunately for the shah and his people this just gave the Mongols a massive erection, and made Genghis Motherfucking Khan [[RAGE]](hurting emissaries being a big no-no in nomad culture). The ruling khans immediately stopped bickering and exploded west in an [[Angron]]-worthy campaign of pillage and depopulation.		'''Central Asian Campaign:''' The horde shifted west and began subjugating all the remaining Turkic and Central Asian nomads. This continued until the Mongols hit the powerful Khwarezmian empire in modern day Iran. The Khwarezmian shah, having just finished declaring [[exterminatus]] on the nomads on his side of the fence, wasn't in the mood for diplomacy and sent the Mongol emissaries back in boxes. Unfortunately for the shah and his people this just gave the Mongols a massive erection, and made Genghis Motherfucking Khan [[RAGE]](hurting emissaries being a big no-no in nomad culture). The ruling khans immediately stopped bickering and exploded west in an <s>[[Angron]]-worthy</s> campaign of pillage and depopulation so bloody, Genghis Khan would ascend to daemonhood and become [[Doombreed]] (seriously).

	Genghis was satisfied with the destruction of the offending Khwarezmian Empire, but his descendants would continue their expansion in the years after his death, a campaign that culminated in the destruction of the Arabian Empire. The destruction of their great cities was so traumatic that the Muslims were fairly certain they were living through the apocalypse. Even to this day, some Islamic historians ''are still'' [[butthurt]] by the destruction wrought by the Mongols, and they consider Genghis to be just as bad as Hitler in Europe; if you ever ask yourself why the [[Middle East]] is the way it is, the Islamic perspective was that the Caliphate became [[Dark eldar\|decadent and immoral]], and Mongols were sent as divine punishment, necessitating religious conservatism to get back on the path. Considering they were foreign subjects from the time of Genghis to the modern era, Islamic [[Ecclesiarchy\|fundamentalism became intrinsically tied with nationalism and xenophobia]]. Grimdark.		Genghis was satisfied with the destruction of the offending Khwarezmian Empire, but his descendants would continue their expansion in the years after his death, a campaign that culminated in the destruction of the Arabian Empire. The destruction of their great cities was so traumatic that the Muslims were fairly certain they were living through the apocalypse. Even to this day, some Islamic historians ''are still'' [[butthurt]] by the destruction wrought by the Mongols, and they consider Genghis to be just as bad as Hitler in Europe; if you ever ask yourself why the [[Middle East]] is the way it is, the Islamic perspective was that the Caliphate became [[Dark eldar\|decadent and immoral]], and Mongols were sent as divine punishment, necessitating religious conservatism to get back on the path. Considering they were foreign subjects from the time of Genghis to the modern era, Islamic [[Ecclesiarchy\|fundamentalism became intrinsically tied with nationalism and xenophobia]]. Grimdark.

1d4chan>MiaoKobayashisDragonMaid: /* Reasons You're Completely Fucked */

2023-02-25T20:42:27Z

Reasons You're Completely Fucked

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	==Reasons You're Completely Fucked==		==Reasons You're Completely Fucked==
	*The Mongols invented blitzkrieg warfare. In an era where most armies had to give up and go home every time farming needed to happen, the Mongols had only one reason to ever stop, namely that since Mongols used composite bows, wet weather could break the glue of their bows apart which may have been why they did not take much of wetter Europe, but other than that problem of their bows breaking apart, they would not stop. Every Mongol trooper carried everything he needed to survive and fight including extra bow strings (the penalty for losing one was death) and herded sheep along as a mobile food source. In the unlikely event that they ran out of sheep, they would simply steal from the locals; and in the unlikelier scenario that they were in a place with nothing to loot, they would [[vampire\|drink their horses' blood]]. Historians credit this fact for the wildly exaggerated numbers most opposing armies credited the Mongols with having. Nobody could believe that the same people who had fucked their shit up last [[Tuesday]] at the border were now camped outside their capital.		*The Mongols invented blitzkrieg warfare. In an era where most armies had to give up and go home every time farming needed to happen, the Mongols had only one reason to ever stop, namely that since Mongols used composite bows, wet weather could break the glue of their bows apart which may have been why they did not take much of wetter Europe, but other than that problem of their bows breaking apart, they would not stop. Every Mongol trooper carried everything he needed to survive and fight including extra bow strings (the penalty for losing one was death) and herded sheep along as a mobile food source; the Mongolians were also expert hunters, meat and game being their primary food source in the Winter. In Europe, hunting was a ceremonial activity reserved for the nobility, and doubled as training. For the Mongolians, every single rider knew how to systematically encircle and catch game in the winter for survival; it didn't matter if they were in Russia or China, winter hunting was a routine activity for them. In the unlikely event that they ran out of sheep or game, they would simply steal from the locals; and in the unlikelier scenario that they were in a place with nothing to loot, they would [[vampire\|drink their horses' blood]]. Historians credit this fact for the wildly exaggerated numbers most opposing armies credited the Mongols with having. Nobody could believe that the same people who had fucked their shit up last [[Tuesday]] at the border were now camped outside their capital.
	*Fortunately for their enemies, the Mongols refused to shed Noble blood. Unfortunately for enemies, the Mongols were incredibly creative people. Countless Nobles were executed by via trampling, drowning, being fed molten silver, being converted into a table and used for a mongol picnic, or just plain choked the fuck out.		*Fortunately for their enemies, the Mongols refused to shed Noble blood. Unfortunately for enemies, the Mongols were incredibly creative people. Countless Nobles were executed by via trampling, drowning, being fed molten silver, being converted into a table and used for a mongol picnic, or just plain choked the fuck out.
	*The Mongols were incredibly progressive. They respected local customs and allowed open worship, meaning successful rebellions almost never took in their territories. All they asked was that you kept telling your god [[Imperial Cult\|what a cool guy the khan is]], and that you definitely think he deserves to get into heaven/nirvana/be reincarnated as a Mongol.		*The Mongols were incredibly progressive. They respected local customs and allowed open worship, meaning successful rebellions almost never took in their territories. All they asked was that you kept telling your god [[Imperial Cult\|what a cool guy the khan is]], and that you definitely think he deserves to get into heaven/nirvana/be reincarnated as a Mongol. They also practiced a division of status/labor that placed the Khan's first wife as the leader of the camps, being responsible for civilian duties and logistics. Of course, this doesn't mean they were [[SJW\|feminists]] (they absolutely werent), but considering that the Slavs, Greeks, Muslims, Chinese, Indians had literal enclosures for noble women to keep them chaste as their husband's property, the fact that a woman could ride and be listened to confounded their vassals.
			*Genghis Khan was Mongolian, their culture and language being totally different from the previous nomadic invaders that plagued Persia and Europe, but his influence was so total that he united all the nomads under a single banner. Turkic nomads would follow his lead and incorporate Mongolian administration/culture, even after the actual Mongolians lost power and influence and became Turkicized themselves; the Turks would become 2/3s of the Gunpowder Empires, the first Empires to fully make use of gunpowder weapons, and they would continue to be a thorn to European expansion in his name (Ottomans, the Mughals). It is telling that the only Muslims that ''like'' the Khan are Turks,and they credit him with creating a united, nomadic identity, and the groundwork for their own empires.
			**On the other hand, the Mongolians were so traumatic that they were the impetus for creating united Russian and Islamic identities. Islamic fundamentalism is the result of the trauma of losing Baghdad to heathens, and the nomadic Cossacks and Tatars that the Russians used as a warrior-class were the targets of Stalin's ethnic purges because he didn't like how their culture and privilege were apart from the Soviet identity he wanted to create. Even today, Tatars and other nomadic peoples are considered "minorities" by Russia, and thus don't really have any ties to the land they occupy.
	*In the event that a rebellion was gaining traction, the Mongols had an incredibly sophisticated and advanced intelligence network ready to sabotage it. Anybody plotting against the horde would be bribed, blackmailed, or assassinated before they got anywhere near carrying out a plot. Far from being a group of rock banging barbarians, the Mongols knew that not every problem could be solved by [[Khorne]] scale ultra-violence. Just most problems.		*In the event that a rebellion was gaining traction, the Mongols had an incredibly sophisticated and advanced intelligence network ready to sabotage it. Anybody plotting against the horde would be bribed, blackmailed, or assassinated before they got anywhere near carrying out a plot. Far from being a group of rock banging barbarians, the Mongols knew that not every problem could be solved by [[Khorne]] scale ultra-violence. Just most problems.
	*Remember all that religious pluralism? It didn't stop them from taking their own beliefs pretty seriously. Said beliefs included the idea that the Mongols were destined to take over the world, and that even token resistance to Mongol conquest was [[heresy]]. [[Exterminatus\|Heretics were dealt with accordingly.]]		*Remember all that religious pluralism? It didn't stop them from taking their own beliefs pretty seriously. Said beliefs included the idea that the Mongols were destined to take over the world, and that even token resistance to Mongol conquest was [[heresy]]. [[Exterminatus\|Heretics were dealt with accordingly.]]

1d4chan>MiaoKobayashisDragonMaid: WAAAAGH! TEMUJIN

2023-02-25T20:07:48Z

WAAAAGH! TEMUJIN

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	Now enter [[Genghis motherfucking Khan]]. We won't go into great detail about him here because he has his own page (which he deserves and which you ''will'' read, sheep) but the short version was that he decided that uniting the stepped was too easy, so he decided to look for a [[Greenskin\|right proppa scrap]] by invading all of his neighbors. Just like a certain other [[Grimgor Ironhide\|GOAT Warlord]], he invaded any Empire that seemed like a challenge, utterly destroyed their leadership, and moved on the next one when he got bored. We're not even joking, because Genghis Khan died in 1227, which was well before Rus and China were entirely conquered, but well after their empires were razed: It was the Khan's way to oversee campaigns until the leadership was destroyed, then leave the mop-up to his Generals/Family, [[Waaagh\|which is badass when you realize that this meant the Mongolian Empire was fighting multiple wars on all sides, all the time]].		Now enter [[Genghis motherfucking Khan]]. We won't go into great detail about him here because he has his own page (which he deserves and which you ''will'' read, sheep) but the short version was that he decided that uniting the stepped was too easy, so he decided to look for a [[Greenskin\|right proppa scrap]] by invading all of his neighbors. Just like a certain other [[Grimgor Ironhide\|GOAT Warlord]], he invaded any Empire that seemed like a challenge, utterly destroyed their leadership, and moved on the next one when he got bored. We're not even joking, because Genghis Khan died in 1227, which was well before Rus and China were entirely conquered, but well after their empires were razed: It was the Khan's way to oversee campaigns until the leadership was destroyed, then leave the mop-up to his Generals/Family, [[Waaagh\|which is badass when you realize that this meant the Mongolian Empire was fighting multiple wars on all sides, all the time]].

	The Chinese Campaigns: The Khan's first campaigns were invasions of China, which was divided into multiple competing dynasties and had been already been paying tribute to multiple nomadic nations for decades. Those in the Northwest rolled over with little resistance and [[Bullshit\|pinky-promised]] to be good vassals, while the Empire in China proper [[Imperial Guard\|stood their ground]] resulting in a longer war that only ended when Genghis sacked Beijing; the Jin Dynasty saw they were absolutely fucked and retreated south, and the Khan left it to his descendants to finish the job while he moved onto Central Asia; Ogedei's unification would only be completed in 1234.		'''The Chinese Campaigns:''' The Khan's first campaigns were invasions of China, which was divided into multiple competing dynasties and had been already been paying tribute to multiple nomadic nations for decades. Those in the Northwest rolled over with little resistance and [[Bullshit\|pinky-promised]] to be good vassals, while the Empire in China proper [[Imperial Guard\|stood their ground]] resulting in a longer war that only ended when Genghis sacked Beijing; the Jin Dynasty saw they were absolutely fucked and retreated south, and the Khan left it to his descendants to finish the job while he moved onto Central Asia; Ogedei's unification would only be completed in 1234.

	While the Chinese would eventually play their own trump card strategy of [[weeaboo\|just assimilating all the Mongols who came to China]] the first khans managed to keep their edge by continous warfare: Mongol units were routinely rotated back to the steppe to keep them hungry (both figuratively and literally) and distinct cultural and legal institutions were promoted to make sure they didn't get too friendly with the sheeple they were being sent to butcher. This was actually super important, because the Western Xia (which the Khan graciously let live early in his career and wanted to start invading actual China) backstabbed the Mongolians by not sending him military aid during his Central Asian Campaigns and even got the remnants of the Jin to join them; while he died a little bit after this re-subjugation campaign ended, he stuck around long enough to personally raze their capitals and execute every single member of the Imperial family.		While the Chinese would eventually play their own trump card strategy of [[weeaboo\|just assimilating all the Mongols who came to China]] the first khans managed to keep their edge by continous warfare: Mongol units were routinely rotated back to the steppe to keep them hungry (both figuratively and literally) and distinct cultural and legal institutions were promoted to make sure they didn't get too friendly with the sheeple they were being sent to butcher.

	~~Central Asian Campaign: The horde shifted west and began subjugating all the remaining Turkic and Central Asian nomads.~~ This ~~continued until~~ the ~~Mongols hit~~ the ~~powerful Khwarezmian empire~~ in ~~modern day Iran. The Khwarezmian shah, having just finished declaring [[exterminatus]] on the nomads on~~ his ~~side of~~ the ~~fence, wasn't in the mood for diplomacy and sent the Mongol emissaries back in boxes. Unfortunately for the shah and~~ his people this just gave the Mongols a massive erection, and made Genghis Motherfucking Khan [[RAGE]](hurting emissaries being a big no-no in nomad culture). The ruling khans immediately stopped bickering and exploded west in an [[Angron]]-worthy campaign of pillage and ~~depopulation that culminated in~~ the ~~seizure~~ of ~~most of the middle east. The Muslims, who were by this point fairly certain they were living through~~ the ~~apocalypse, were told~~ to ~~act right and pay their taxes but otherwise to do whatever they wanted. The horde left~~ a ~~few guys to stare portentously at their new Persian/Uzbek subjects and rolled west. Subutai, the Khan's right~~-~~hand man and known for his [[Tactical genius\|TACTICAL GENIUS]]~~, ~~convinced the Khan~~ to ~~go on vacation by sacking Afghanistan~~ and ~~India, while he and another General fought their way through~~ the ~~Caucasian mountains~~.		This was actually super important, because the Western Xia (which the Khan graciously let live early in his career because he wanted to start invading actual China) backstabbed the Mongolians by not sending him military aid during his Central Asian Campaigns and even got the remnants of the Jin to join them; while he died a little bit after this re-subjugation campaign ended, he stuck around long enough to personally raze their capitals and execute every single member of the Imperial family.

	~~Rus~~ Campaign: ~~After~~ the powerful ~~and united~~ Khwarezmian empire, crushing Rus, which by the time was split into dozen of feudal states waging petty wars on each other with little to no central government (much like the rest of the Europe of that times) posed about as much challenge as a [[~~nurgling~~]] ~~would to [[Marneus Calgar]]. After a few curb stomp battles~~ the ~~Russian princes attempted to play their own ethnic special ability~~ of ~~running away~~ and ~~letting winter conditions kill everybody~~. ~~The~~ Mongols, ~~having come from one of the few earthly places shittier than Russia, were quite pleased that they could now march over frozen rivers~~ and ~~promptly~~ [[~~wat\|sped up~~]]~~. The usual results ensued~~ (~~several Russian nobles were lashed together and used as~~ a ~~picnic table~~) and ~~the states of Rus were united for the first time~~ in ~~centuries under Mongol rule (except for Novgorod and Galich who bribed their way out~~ of serious fighting); some historians attribute the entire Russian national identity as a result of them resisting, being subjugated, then eventually breaking free, from the Mongolians, which is a delicious irony when you consider that historical Mongolia is now split between an autonomous Russian state, a semiautonomous Chinese state, and ~~the modern "independent" Mongolia~~.		'''Central Asian Campaign:''' The horde shifted west and began subjugating all the remaining Turkic and Central Asian nomads. This continued until the Mongols hit the powerful Khwarezmian empire in modern day Iran. The Khwarezmian shah, having just finished declaring [[exterminatus]] on the nomads on his side of the fence, wasn't in the mood for diplomacy and sent the Mongol emissaries back in boxes. Unfortunately for the shah and his people this just gave the Mongols a massive erection, and made Genghis Motherfucking Khan [[RAGE]](hurting emissaries being a big no-no in nomad culture). The ruling khans immediately stopped bickering and exploded west in an [[Angron]]-worthy campaign of pillage and depopulation.

	~~The conquest~~ of ~~Rus~~ would ~~eventually mark~~ the ~~highwater point~~ of the ~~Mongol~~ Empire~~; Temujin died in 1277, just before~~ they ~~could stage an invasion of Bulgaria/Hungary~~, ~~which would put him right on~~ the ~~doorstep of~~ the ~~<s>Romans</s> Byzantines~~; ~~though~~, ~~like~~ the ~~absolute chad~~ that ~~he is~~, ~~their goal wasn't gold or pussy~~, ~~but to gain access~~ to the ~~motherfucking pastures~~ of the ~~Pannonian Basin for their horses~~.		Genghis was satisfied with the destruction of the offending Khwarezmian Empire, but his descendants would continue their expansion in the years after his death, a campaign that culminated in the destruction of the Arabian Empire. The destruction of their great cities was so traumatic that the Muslims were fairly certain they were living through the apocalypse. Even to this day, some Islamic historians ''are still'' [[butthurt]] by the destruction wrought by the Mongols, and they consider Genghis to be just as bad as Hitler in Europe; if you ever ask yourself why the [[Middle East]] is the way it is, the Islamic perspective was that the Caliphate became [[Dark eldar\|decadent and immoral]], and Mongols were sent as divine punishment, necessitating religious conservatism to get back on the path. Considering they were foreign subjects from the time of Genghis to the modern era, Islamic [[Ecclesiarchy\|fundamentalism became intrinsically tied with nationalism and xenophobia]]. Grimdark.

	Temujin's offspring had always been a bunch of clusterfucking alcoholic maniacs but their egos and power had finally grown so large that even the laws and systems he had devised could no longer contain them, and they split themselves up. The final years of the united empire weren't without merits. The war machine kept grinding on even in the absence of competent leadership. The horde penetrated central Europe and began fucking up places like Poland and Hungary, but these were ''probing missions'', warm-ups for the real main event. Still, the handful of battles between Europe's chivalric armies and the Mongols usually played out like a match between the New York Yankees and your local tee-ball team (if Derek Jeter killed and mutilated the entire group of children after the game). Nobody is quite sure how far the Mongol forces might have swept it their leadership hadn't imploded, but take a moment to be happy you aren't speaking Mongolian.		Back on topic, though: after the horde ravaged Persia, Genghis was tired and in need of a vacation. Subutai, the Khan's right-hand man and known for his [[Tactical genius\|TACTICAL GENIUS]], convinced the Khan to embrace his inner white woman by Live, Laugh, Loving his way through Afghanistan and India, while he and another General fought their way through the Caucasian mountains, planning to meet up back in the steppes later.

			'''Rus Campaign''': After the powerful and united Khwarezmian empire, crushing Rus, which by the time was split into dozen of feudal states waging petty wars on each other with little to no central government (much like the rest of the Europe of that times) posed about as much challenge as a [[nurgling]] would to [[Marneus Calgar]]. After a few curb stomp battles the Russian princes attempted to play their own ethnic special ability of running away and letting winter conditions kill everybody. The Mongols, having come from one of the few earthly places shittier than Russia, were quite pleased that they could now march over frozen rivers and promptly [[wat\|sped up]]. The usual results ensued (several Russian nobles were lashed together and used as a picnic table) and the states of Rus were united for the first time in centuries under Mongol rule (except for Novgorod and Galich who bribed their way out of serious fighting); some historians attribute the entire Russian national identity as a result of them resisting, being subjugated, then eventually breaking free, from the Mongolians, which is a delicious irony when you consider that historical Mongolia is now split between an autonomous Russian state, a semiautonomous Chinese state, and the modern "independent" Mongolia.

			The conquest of Rus would eventually mark the highwater point of the Empire; Temujin died in 1227, just before they could stage an invasion of Bulgaria/Hungary, which would put him right on the doorstep of the <s>Romans</s> Byzantines; though, like the absolute chad that he is, their goal wasn't gold or pussy, but to gain access to the motherfucking pastures of the Pannonian Basin for their horses.

			Temujin's offspring had always been a bunch of clusterfucking alcoholic maniacs but their egos and power had finally grown so large that even the laws and systems he had devised could no longer contain them, and they split themselves up. The final years of the united empire weren't without merits. The war machine kept grinding on even in the absence of competent leadership. The horde penetrated central Europe and began fucking up places like Poland and Hungary, but these were ''[[FATAL\|probing missions]]'', warm-ups for the real main event. Still, the handful of battles between Europe's chivalric armies and the Mongols usually played out like a match between the New York Yankees and your local tee-ball team (if Derek Jeter killed and mutilated the entire group of children after the game). Nobody is quite sure how far the Mongol forces might have swept if the Xia didn't revolt, or if their Mongolian leadership hadn't imploded, but take a moment to be happy you aren't speaking Mongolian.

	== Impact ==		== Impact ==

1d4chan>MiaoKobayashisDragonMaid: /* Condensed History */

2023-02-25T01:25:06Z

Condensed History

Show changes

2607:FB90:6D3F:69B4:B961:5D87:8260:15CD: /* Decline */

2023-02-24T20:15:46Z

Decline

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:15, 24 February 2023
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	** '''The Golden Horde''': Batu, son of Jochi took control of the steppe lands, encompassing Volga-Dnieper and West Siberian territories of modern Russia. Once the direct Batu line died out the country has entered a half-century long succession crisis, which eventually turned into the good old habit of nomadic tribes fighting among themselves. Most of these statelets were annihilated by Russian Tsardom, but Crimean Khanate survived by becoming a vassal of Ottomans up until the 18th century.		** '''The Golden Horde''': Batu, son of Jochi took control of the steppe lands, encompassing Volga-Dnieper and West Siberian territories of modern Russia. Once the direct Batu line died out the country has entered a half-century long succession crisis, which eventually turned into the good old habit of nomadic tribes fighting among themselves. Most of these statelets were annihilated by Russian Tsardom, but Crimean Khanate survived by becoming a vassal of Ottomans up until the 18th century.
	** '''Ilkhanate''': first ruled by Tolui, the Ilkhanate stretched from Asia Minor (Turkey) to the Persian Gulf. While most of the mongol khanates were Buddhist, the Ilkhanate (alongside Golden Horde and Chagatai) were exposed to Islam, thought it was great and converted. Ilkhanate was badly ravaged by Black Death, and after the death of their Khan collapsed completely.		** '''Ilkhanate''': first ruled by Tolui, the Ilkhanate stretched from Asia Minor (Turkey) to the Persian Gulf. While most of the mongol khanates were Buddhist, the Ilkhanate (alongside Golden Horde and Chagatai) were exposed to Islam, thought it was great and converted. Ilkhanate was badly ravaged by Black Death, and after the death of their Khan collapsed completely.
	** '''Chagatai''': Initially spanning Afghanistan and surrounding areas, the Chagatai khanate has changed its borders a lot, thanks to Timur/Tamarlane (who, alongside his descendants, the Mughals, is not recognized to be a true ~~successor~~ of Genghis due to being partially Turkic instead of full Mongols) and internal conflicts, before falling to neighboring Dzungars in 1705.		** '''Chagatai''': Initially spanning Afghanistan and surrounding areas, the Chagatai khanate has changed its borders a lot, thanks to Timur/Tamarlane (who, alongside his descendants, the Mughals, are technically not recognized to be true successors of Genghis due to being partially Turkic instead of full Mongols in spite of sharing indirect blood ties) and internal conflicts, before falling to neighboring Dzungars in 1705.
	*Administration: The Mongols were great warriors and were often led by great generals, but long story short a bunch of nomadic horse peoples off the steppes did not understand the fine details of managing complex agricultural and urban societies, especially when they often kept themselves said societies at arms length. Improper administration inevitably led to economic downturns, resentment and eventually rebellions. The biggest example would be in the death of the Mongol Yuan Dynasty, in which their bad policies led to them getting kicked out from power after less than a century of ruling china, proving that outsourcing bureaucracy to other civil servants who were themselves from another land (Arabia) was not sustainable.		*Administration: The Mongols were great warriors and were often led by great generals, but long story short a bunch of nomadic horse peoples off the steppes did not understand the fine details of managing complex agricultural and urban societies, especially when they often kept themselves said societies at arms length. Improper administration inevitably led to economic downturns, resentment and eventually rebellions. The biggest example would be in the death of the Mongol Yuan Dynasty, in which their bad policies led to them getting kicked out from power after less than a century of ruling china, proving that outsourcing bureaucracy to other civil servants who were themselves from another land (Arabia) was not sustainable.
	*[[Firearm\|Gunpowder]]: If there was a good hard counter to Mongol horse archers it would be firearms, sort of. It took the Mongols some seventy years to conquer China and they only succeeded in doing so when it was divided, after overrunning the northern Jin Dynasty and adopting gunpowder weapons of their own. At the battle of Ain Jalut in 1260, an army of the Mamluk Sultanate defeated a Mongol army partially by using gunpowder weapons. The Red Turban rebellion which toppled the Yuan Dynasty managed to drive them out in part through being good with blackpowder weapons. In both cases, these were very primitive firearms they went up against and firearms technology continued to advance. The Mongols' goose was cooked when the age of the Arquebus came around. The issue of course is not that Arquebuses are better than Mongol horsemen, but that it takes a Mongol a lifetime to be trained how to shoot accurately from horseback while at a full gallop, whereas you can train almost anybody to use a Arquebus in a matter of mere weeks, which the vastly more populated city cultures could use to create armies much larger and faster then the Nomadic Mongols.		*[[Firearm\|Gunpowder]]: If there was a good hard counter to Mongol horse archers it would be firearms, sort of. It took the Mongols some seventy years to conquer China and they only succeeded in doing so when it was divided, after overrunning the northern Jin Dynasty and adopting gunpowder weapons of their own. At the battle of Ain Jalut in 1260, an army of the Mamluk Sultanate defeated a Mongol army partially by using gunpowder weapons. The Red Turban rebellion which toppled the Yuan Dynasty managed to drive them out in part through being good with blackpowder weapons. In both cases, these were very primitive firearms they went up against and firearms technology continued to advance. The Mongols' goose was cooked when the age of the Arquebus came around. The issue of course is not that Arquebuses are better than Mongol horsemen, but that it takes a Mongol a lifetime to be trained how to shoot accurately from horseback while at a full gallop, whereas you can train almost anybody to use a Arquebus in a matter of mere weeks, which the vastly more populated city cultures could use to create armies much larger and faster then the Nomadic Mongols.

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:07, 25 February 2023
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	Now enter [[Genghis motherfucking Khan]]. We won't go into great detail about him here because he has his own page (which he deserves and which you ''will'' read, sheep) but the short version was that he decided that uniting the stepped was too easy, so he decided to look for a [[Greenskin\|right proppa scrap]] by invading all of his neighbors. Just like a certain other [[Grimgor Ironhide\|GOAT Warlord]], he invaded any Empire that seemed like a challenge, utterly destroyed their leadership, and moved on the next one when he got bored. We're not even joking, because Genghis Khan died in 1227, which was well before Rus and China were entirely conquered, but well after their empires were razed: It was the Khan's way to oversee campaigns until the leadership was destroyed, then leave the mop-up to his Generals/Family, [[Waaagh\|which is badass when you realize that this meant the Mongolian Empire was fighting multiple wars on all sides, all the time]].		Now enter [[Genghis motherfucking Khan]]. We won't go into great detail about him here because he has his own page (which he deserves and which you ''will'' read, sheep) but the short version was that he decided that uniting the stepped was too easy, so he decided to look for a [[Greenskin\|right proppa scrap]] by invading all of his neighbors. Just like a certain other [[Grimgor Ironhide\|GOAT Warlord]], he invaded any Empire that seemed like a challenge, utterly destroyed their leadership, and moved on the next one when he got bored. We're not even joking, because Genghis Khan died in 1227, which was well before Rus and China were entirely conquered, but well after their empires were razed: It was the Khan's way to oversee campaigns until the leadership was destroyed, then leave the mop-up to his Generals/Family, [[Waaagh\|which is badass when you realize that this meant the Mongolian Empire was fighting multiple wars on all sides, all the time]].

	The Chinese Campaigns: The Khan's first campaigns were invasions of China, which was divided into multiple competing dynasties and had been already been paying tribute to multiple nomadic nations for decades. Those in the Northwest rolled over with little resistance and [[Bullshit\|pinky-promised]] to be good vassals, while the Empire in China proper [[Imperial Guard\|stood their ground]] resulting in a longer war that only ended when Genghis sacked Beijing; the Jin Dynasty saw they were absolutely fucked and retreated south, and the Khan left it to his descendants to finish the job while he moved onto Central Asia; Ogedei's unification would only be completed in 1234.		'''The Chinese Campaigns:''' The Khan's first campaigns were invasions of China, which was divided into multiple competing dynasties and had been already been paying tribute to multiple nomadic nations for decades. Those in the Northwest rolled over with little resistance and [[Bullshit\|pinky-promised]] to be good vassals, while the Empire in China proper [[Imperial Guard\|stood their ground]] resulting in a longer war that only ended when Genghis sacked Beijing; the Jin Dynasty saw they were absolutely fucked and retreated south, and the Khan left it to his descendants to finish the job while he moved onto Central Asia; Ogedei's unification would only be completed in 1234.

	While the Chinese would eventually play their own trump card strategy of [[weeaboo\|just assimilating all the Mongols who came to China]] the first khans managed to keep their edge by continous warfare: Mongol units were routinely rotated back to the steppe to keep them hungry (both figuratively and literally) and distinct cultural and legal institutions were promoted to make sure they didn't get too friendly with the sheeple they were being sent to butcher. This was actually super important, because the Western Xia (which the Khan graciously let live early in his career and wanted to start invading actual China) backstabbed the Mongolians by not sending him military aid during his Central Asian Campaigns and even got the remnants of the Jin to join them; while he died a little bit after this re-subjugation campaign ended, he stuck around long enough to personally raze their capitals and execute every single member of the Imperial family.		While the Chinese would eventually play their own trump card strategy of [[weeaboo\|just assimilating all the Mongols who came to China]] the first khans managed to keep their edge by continous warfare: Mongol units were routinely rotated back to the steppe to keep them hungry (both figuratively and literally) and distinct cultural and legal institutions were promoted to make sure they didn't get too friendly with the sheeple they were being sent to butcher.

	~~Central Asian Campaign: The horde shifted west and began subjugating all the remaining Turkic and Central Asian nomads.~~ This ~~continued until~~ the ~~Mongols hit~~ the ~~powerful Khwarezmian empire~~ in ~~modern day Iran. The Khwarezmian shah, having just finished declaring [[exterminatus]] on the nomads on~~ his ~~side of~~ the ~~fence, wasn't in the mood for diplomacy and sent the Mongol emissaries back in boxes. Unfortunately for the shah and~~ his people this just gave the Mongols a massive erection, and made Genghis Motherfucking Khan [[RAGE]](hurting emissaries being a big no-no in nomad culture). The ruling khans immediately stopped bickering and exploded west in an [[Angron]]-worthy campaign of pillage and ~~depopulation that culminated in~~ the ~~seizure~~ of ~~most of the middle east. The Muslims, who were by this point fairly certain they were living through~~ the ~~apocalypse, were told~~ to ~~act right and pay their taxes but otherwise to do whatever they wanted. The horde left~~ a ~~few guys to stare portentously at their new Persian/Uzbek subjects and rolled west. Subutai, the Khan's right~~-~~hand man and known for his [[Tactical genius\|TACTICAL GENIUS]]~~, ~~convinced the Khan~~ to ~~go on vacation by sacking Afghanistan~~ and ~~India, while he and another General fought their way through~~ the ~~Caucasian mountains~~.		This was actually super important, because the Western Xia (which the Khan graciously let live early in his career because he wanted to start invading actual China) backstabbed the Mongolians by not sending him military aid during his Central Asian Campaigns and even got the remnants of the Jin to join them; while he died a little bit after this re-subjugation campaign ended, he stuck around long enough to personally raze their capitals and execute every single member of the Imperial family.

	~~Rus~~ Campaign: ~~After~~ the powerful ~~and united~~ Khwarezmian empire, crushing Rus, which by the time was split into dozen of feudal states waging petty wars on each other with little to no central government (much like the rest of the Europe of that times) posed about as much challenge as a [[~~nurgling~~]] ~~would to [[Marneus Calgar]]. After a few curb stomp battles~~ the ~~Russian princes attempted to play their own ethnic special ability~~ of ~~running away~~ and ~~letting winter conditions kill everybody~~. ~~The~~ Mongols, ~~having come from one of the few earthly places shittier than Russia, were quite pleased that they could now march over frozen rivers~~ and ~~promptly~~ [[~~wat\|sped up~~]]~~. The usual results ensued~~ (~~several Russian nobles were lashed together and used as~~ a ~~picnic table~~) and ~~the states of Rus were united for the first time~~ in ~~centuries under Mongol rule (except for Novgorod and Galich who bribed their way out~~ of serious fighting); some historians attribute the entire Russian national identity as a result of them resisting, being subjugated, then eventually breaking free, from the Mongolians, which is a delicious irony when you consider that historical Mongolia is now split between an autonomous Russian state, a semiautonomous Chinese state, and ~~the modern "independent" Mongolia~~.		'''Central Asian Campaign:''' The horde shifted west and began subjugating all the remaining Turkic and Central Asian nomads. This continued until the Mongols hit the powerful Khwarezmian empire in modern day Iran. The Khwarezmian shah, having just finished declaring [[exterminatus]] on the nomads on his side of the fence, wasn't in the mood for diplomacy and sent the Mongol emissaries back in boxes. Unfortunately for the shah and his people this just gave the Mongols a massive erection, and made Genghis Motherfucking Khan [[RAGE]](hurting emissaries being a big no-no in nomad culture). The ruling khans immediately stopped bickering and exploded west in an [[Angron]]-worthy campaign of pillage and depopulation.

	~~The conquest~~ of ~~Rus~~ would ~~eventually mark~~ the ~~highwater point~~ of the ~~Mongol~~ Empire~~; Temujin died in 1277, just before~~ they ~~could stage an invasion of Bulgaria/Hungary~~, ~~which would put him right on~~ the ~~doorstep of~~ the ~~<s>Romans</s> Byzantines~~; ~~though~~, ~~like~~ the ~~absolute chad~~ that ~~he is~~, ~~their goal wasn't gold or pussy~~, ~~but to gain access~~ to the ~~motherfucking pastures~~ of the ~~Pannonian Basin for their horses~~.		Genghis was satisfied with the destruction of the offending Khwarezmian Empire, but his descendants would continue their expansion in the years after his death, a campaign that culminated in the destruction of the Arabian Empire. The destruction of their great cities was so traumatic that the Muslims were fairly certain they were living through the apocalypse. Even to this day, some Islamic historians ''are still'' [[butthurt]] by the destruction wrought by the Mongols, and they consider Genghis to be just as bad as Hitler in Europe; if you ever ask yourself why the [[Middle East]] is the way it is, the Islamic perspective was that the Caliphate became [[Dark eldar\|decadent and immoral]], and Mongols were sent as divine punishment, necessitating religious conservatism to get back on the path. Considering they were foreign subjects from the time of Genghis to the modern era, Islamic [[Ecclesiarchy\|fundamentalism became intrinsically tied with nationalism and xenophobia]]. Grimdark.

	Temujin's offspring had always been a bunch of clusterfucking alcoholic maniacs but their egos and power had finally grown so large that even the laws and systems he had devised could no longer contain them, and they split themselves up. The final years of the united empire weren't without merits. The war machine kept grinding on even in the absence of competent leadership. The horde penetrated central Europe and began fucking up places like Poland and Hungary, but these were ''probing missions'', warm-ups for the real main event. Still, the handful of battles between Europe's chivalric armies and the Mongols usually played out like a match between the New York Yankees and your local tee-ball team (if Derek Jeter killed and mutilated the entire group of children after the game). Nobody is quite sure how far the Mongol forces might have swept it their leadership hadn't imploded, but take a moment to be happy you aren't speaking Mongolian.		Back on topic, though: after the horde ravaged Persia, Genghis was tired and in need of a vacation. Subutai, the Khan's right-hand man and known for his [[Tactical genius\|TACTICAL GENIUS]], convinced the Khan to embrace his inner white woman by Live, Laugh, Loving his way through Afghanistan and India, while he and another General fought their way through the Caucasian mountains, planning to meet up back in the steppes later.

			'''Rus Campaign''': After the powerful and united Khwarezmian empire, crushing Rus, which by the time was split into dozen of feudal states waging petty wars on each other with little to no central government (much like the rest of the Europe of that times) posed about as much challenge as a [[nurgling]] would to [[Marneus Calgar]]. After a few curb stomp battles the Russian princes attempted to play their own ethnic special ability of running away and letting winter conditions kill everybody. The Mongols, having come from one of the few earthly places shittier than Russia, were quite pleased that they could now march over frozen rivers and promptly [[wat\|sped up]]. The usual results ensued (several Russian nobles were lashed together and used as a picnic table) and the states of Rus were united for the first time in centuries under Mongol rule (except for Novgorod and Galich who bribed their way out of serious fighting); some historians attribute the entire Russian national identity as a result of them resisting, being subjugated, then eventually breaking free, from the Mongolians, which is a delicious irony when you consider that historical Mongolia is now split between an autonomous Russian state, a semiautonomous Chinese state, and the modern "independent" Mongolia.

			The conquest of Rus would eventually mark the highwater point of the Empire; Temujin died in 1227, just before they could stage an invasion of Bulgaria/Hungary, which would put him right on the doorstep of the <s>Romans</s> Byzantines; though, like the absolute chad that he is, their goal wasn't gold or pussy, but to gain access to the motherfucking pastures of the Pannonian Basin for their horses.

			Temujin's offspring had always been a bunch of clusterfucking alcoholic maniacs but their egos and power had finally grown so large that even the laws and systems he had devised could no longer contain them, and they split themselves up. The final years of the united empire weren't without merits. The war machine kept grinding on even in the absence of competent leadership. The horde penetrated central Europe and began fucking up places like Poland and Hungary, but these were ''[[FATAL\|probing missions]]'', warm-ups for the real main event. Still, the handful of battles between Europe's chivalric armies and the Mongols usually played out like a match between the New York Yankees and your local tee-ball team (if Derek Jeter killed and mutilated the entire group of children after the game). Nobody is quite sure how far the Mongol forces might have swept if the Xia didn't revolt, or if their Mongolian leadership hadn't imploded, but take a moment to be happy you aren't speaking Mongolian.

	== Impact ==		== Impact ==