Praetorian Guard - Revision history

imported>Administrator: 79 revisions imported

2023-06-22T14:51:25Z

79 revisions imported

← Older revision	Revision as of 14:51, 22 June 2023
(No difference)

imported>Administrator: 1 revision imported

2023-06-19T02:58:00Z

1 revision imported

← Older revision	Revision as of 02:58, 19 June 2023
(No difference)

2A02:1810:4E2C:A900:3D6C:5C98:46F7:4F7D at 14:57, 1 June 2023

2023-06-01T14:57:42Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 14:57, 1 June 2023
Line 13:		Line 13:
	==40K==		==40K==

	The Praetorian Guard are Victorian era African theatre [[British Empire\|British]] soldiers in SPEHSS. They wear the classic redcoats with matching pith helmets, so they look rather classy and fucking manly as hell. They hail from the [[hive world]] of <strike>Praetoria</strike> PRETORIA, where the largest exports are disciplined regiments of dashingly handsome badasses and moustache wax. It’s no [[Catachan]] but Praetoria is a reasonably shit place to live, unless of course you are part of the nobility. If you weren’t fortunate enough to be born with a silver spoon tickling your tonsils, you are no doubt being shit on by the nobility in your tiny domicile, scratching a living among sewer gangs or you’re being pressed in to a redcoat so thick with starch it’s practically carapace. They are what the Mordian Iron Guard would be if Mordians drank tea and were channelling colonial era Brits instead of industrial era Germans.		The Praetorian Guard are Victorian era African theatre [[British Empire\|British]] soldiers in SPEHSS. They wear the classic redcoats with matching pith helmets, so they look rather classy and fucking manly as hell. They hail from the [[hive world]] of <strike>Praetoria</strike> PRETORIA, where the largest exports are disciplined regiments of dashingly handsome badasses and moustache wax. It’s no [[Catachan]] but Praetoria is a reasonably shit place to live, unless of course you are part of the nobility. If you weren’t fortunate enough to be born with a silver spoon tickling your tonsils, you are no doubt being shit on by the nobility in your tiny domicile, scratching a living among sewer gangs or you’re being pressed in to a redcoat so thick with starch it’s practically carapace. They are what the Mordian Iron Guard would be if Mordians drank tea and were channelling colonial era Brits instead of industrial era Germans.

	Apparently at some point in time the Praetorian's history, the handsome devils decided to do some fucking manly shit for the [[Emperor\|Empruh]], so they went to an uninhabited world filled to the brim with [[Orks]] with nothing but their bolt action flashlights and a handful of [[Tallarn]] guardsmen to back them up. While this bravado makes even the [[Mordian Iron Guard]] look like delicate flowers by comparison, needless to say the Praetorians have lost a few major engagements in their time, most notably was the battle known as ''The Massacre at Big Toof River''; underestimating the numbers of the enemy and being wiped out to a man. Inspired no doubt by the inglorious spanking the British Army suffered from the Zulu at the Battle of Isandlwana, though the order of battle reads almost as a literal copy/paste of the Wikipedia article for the Battle of the Little Bighorn (up to and including the cocking unit movements) just with some of the proper nouns swapped for 40k. However the Pratorians would then have their Rorkes Drift at ''The Battle of Glazer's River'', where a platoon led by Captain "Caine" (first name assumed Michael, since this is early and very on the nose GW fluff) dug in at a place called Glazer's farm. They had lost their [[Chimera]]'s, had a lot of wounded and where outnumbered a couple thousand to one by the Orks, so naturally they were able to hold out and route the Orks (with the help of some local civilians and a Ratling Sniper).		Apparently at some point in time the Praetorian's history, the handsome devils decided to do some fucking manly shit for the [[Emperor\|Empruh]], so they went to an uninhabited world filled to the brim with [[Orks]] with nothing but their bolt action flashlights and a handful of [[Tallarn]] guardsmen to back them up. While this bravado makes even the [[Mordian Iron Guard]] look like delicate flowers by comparison, needless to say the Praetorians have lost a few major engagements in their time, most notably was the battle known as ''The Massacre at Big Toof River''; underestimating the numbers of the enemy and being wiped out to a man. Inspired no doubt by the inglorious spanking the British Army suffered from the Zulu at the Battle of Isandlwana, though the order of battle reads almost as a literal copy/paste of the Wikipedia article for the Battle of the Little Bighorn (up to and including the cocking unit movements) just with some of the proper nouns swapped for 40k. However the Pratorians would then have their Rorkes Drift at ''The Battle of Glazer's River'', where a platoon led by Captain "Caine" (first name assumed Michael, since this is early and very on the nose GW fluff) dug in at a place called Glazer's farm. They had lost their [[Chimera]]'s, had a lot of wounded and where outnumbered a couple thousand to one by the Orks, so naturally they were able to hold out and route the Orks (with the help of some local civilians and a Ratling Sniper).

	Good luck finding original models for them these days outside of [[Only War]] though. No doubt in today’s climate Geedubs is more than happy to forget these blatant symbols of European colonialism (and the whole “is it or is it not racist that we compared native Africans to Orks” bizniss) despite their rampant, unabashed sideburny awesomeness. The fact that 40k is so anti-imperial it hurts notwithstanding (including the Imperium itself having little direct authority over member worlds...except at gunpoint). Some people think a satire is what you put on a sawheel. Oh well, at least there’s a fairly playable Praetorian mod for DoW Soulstorm.		Good luck finding original models for them these days outside of [[Only War]] though. No doubt in today’s climate Geedubs is more than happy to forget these blatant symbols of European colonialism (and the whole “is it or is it not racist that we compared native Africans to Orks” bizniss) despite their rampant, unabashed sideburny awesomeness. The fact that 40k is so anti-imperial it hurts notwithstanding (including the Imperium itself having little direct authority over member worlds...except at gunpoint). Some people think a satire is what you put on a sawheel. Oh well, at least there’s a fairly playable Praetorian mod for DoW Soulstorm.
Line 21:		Line 21:
	==Alternative Modeling Options==		==Alternative Modeling Options==

	[[Victoria Miniatures\|Aunt Vicky (Victoria Lamb)]] makes some awesome lookalike Praetorians (as well as [[Savlar Chem Dogs]], [[Mordian Iron Guard]], [[Drookian Fen Guard]] and, of course, the [[Spanish Inquisition]]). Check her webstore [https://victoriaminiatures.com/ here].		[[Victoria Miniatures\|Aunt Vicky (Victoria Lamb)]] makes some awesome lookalike Praetorians (as well as [[Savlar Chem Dogs]], [[Mordian Iron Guard]], [[Drookian Fen Guard]] and, of course, the [[Spanish Inquisition]]). Check her webstore [https://victoriaminiatures.com/ here].

	Alternatively you could just buy a box of '''38''' "Zulu War British Infantry" from Perry Miniatures for around $30, with matching Rough Riders. Perry Miniatures is notable in that they <s>'ve actually done subcontracting for GW</s> designed the Praetorians in the first place as headswaps of their older Mordian figures.		Alternatively you could just buy a box of '''38''' "Zulu War British Infantry" from Perry Miniatures for around $30, with matching Rough Riders. Perry Miniatures is notable in that they <s>'ve actually done subcontracting for GW</s> designed the Praetorians in the first place as headswaps of their older Mordian figures.

1d4chan>SabbatMartyr: /* 40K */

2023-02-01T17:27:39Z

40K

← Older revision		Revision as of 17:27, 1 February 2023
Line 13:		Line 13:
	==40K==		==40K==

	The Praetorian Guard are Victorian era African theatre [[British Empire\|British]] soldiers in SPEHSS. They wear the classic redcoats with matching pith helmets, so they look rather classy and fucking manly as hell. They hail from the [[hive world]] of <strike>Praetoria</strike> PRETORIA, where the largest exports are disciplined regiments of dashingly handsome badasses and moustache wax. It’s no [[Catachan]] but Praetoria is a reasonably shit place to live, unless of course you are part of the nobility. If you weren’t fortunate enough to be born with a silver spoon tickling your tonsils, you are no doubt being shit on by the nobility in your tiny domicile, scratching a living among sewer gangs or you’re being pressed in to a redcoat so thick with starch it’s practically carapace. They are what the Mordian Iron Guard would be if Mordians drank tea and were ~~channeling~~ colonial era Brits instead of industrial era Germans. Apparently at some point in time the Praetorian's history, the handsome devils decided to do some fucking manly shit for the [[Emperor\|Empruh]], so they went to an uninhabited world filled to the brim with [[Orks]] with nothing but their bolt action flashlights and a handful of [[Tallarn]] guardsmen to back them up. While this bravado makes even the [[Mordian Iron Guard]] look like delicate flowers by comparison, needless to say the Praetorians have lost a few major engagements in their time, most notably was the battle known as ''The Massacre at Big Toof River''; underestimating the numbers of the enemy and being wiped out to a man. Inspired no doubt by the inglorious spanking the British Army suffered from the Zulu at the Battle of Isandlwana~~, blended with their desperate last stand victory at the Battle for Rorke’s Drift~~, though the order of battle reads almost as a literal copy/paste of the Wikipedia article for the Battle of the Little Bighorn (up to and including the cocking unit movements) just with some of the proper nouns swapped for 40k. ~~Sadly,~~ the ~~Praetorians weren’t quite so lucky as the Brits~~ at ~~Rourke~~'s ~~Drift~~, ~~but instead more like Custer~~ at ~~Little Big Horn, so ultimately~~ [[~~Grimdark\|ended up in Ork bellies instead~~ of ~~being rewarded~~ with ~~tea, medals~~ and a ~~hit motion picture starring Stanley Baker and MOI COCAINE]]~~. Good luck finding original models for them these days outside of [[Only War]] though. No doubt in today’s climate Geedubs is more than happy to forget these blatant symbols of European colonialism (and the whole “is it or is it not racist that we compared native Africans to Orks” bizniss) despite their rampant, unabashed sideburny awesomeness. The fact that 40k is so anti-imperial it hurts notwithstanding (including the Imperium itself having little direct authority over member worlds...except at gunpoint). Some people think a satire is what you put on a sawheel. Oh well, at least there’s a fairly playable Praetorian mod for DoW Soulstorm.		The Praetorian Guard are Victorian era African theatre [[British Empire\|British]] soldiers in SPEHSS. They wear the classic redcoats with matching pith helmets, so they look rather classy and fucking manly as hell. They hail from the [[hive world]] of <strike>Praetoria</strike> PRETORIA, where the largest exports are disciplined regiments of dashingly handsome badasses and moustache wax. It’s no [[Catachan]] but Praetoria is a reasonably shit place to live, unless of course you are part of the nobility. If you weren’t fortunate enough to be born with a silver spoon tickling your tonsils, you are no doubt being shit on by the nobility in your tiny domicile, scratching a living among sewer gangs or you’re being pressed in to a redcoat so thick with starch it’s practically carapace. They are what the Mordian Iron Guard would be if Mordians drank tea and were channelling colonial era Brits instead of industrial era Germans.

			Apparently at some point in time the Praetorian's history, the handsome devils decided to do some fucking manly shit for the [[Emperor\|Empruh]], so they went to an uninhabited world filled to the brim with [[Orks]] with nothing but their bolt action flashlights and a handful of [[Tallarn]] guardsmen to back them up. While this bravado makes even the [[Mordian Iron Guard]] look like delicate flowers by comparison, needless to say the Praetorians have lost a few major engagements in their time, most notably was the battle known as ''The Massacre at Big Toof River''; underestimating the numbers of the enemy and being wiped out to a man. Inspired no doubt by the inglorious spanking the British Army suffered from the Zulu at the Battle of Isandlwana, though the order of battle reads almost as a literal copy/paste of the Wikipedia article for the Battle of the Little Bighorn (up to and including the cocking unit movements) just with some of the proper nouns swapped for 40k. However the Pratorians would then have their Rorkes Drift at ''The Battle of Glazer's River'', where a platoon led by Captain "Caine" (first name assumed Michael, since this is early and very on the nose GW fluff) dug in at a place called Glazer's farm. They had lost their [[Chimera]]'s, had a lot of wounded and where outnumbered a couple thousand to one by the Orks, so naturally they were able to hold out and route the Orks (with the help of some local civilians and a Ratling Sniper).

			Good luck finding original models for them these days outside of [[Only War]] though. No doubt in today’s climate Geedubs is more than happy to forget these blatant symbols of European colonialism (and the whole “is it or is it not racist that we compared native Africans to Orks” bizniss) despite their rampant, unabashed sideburny awesomeness. The fact that 40k is so anti-imperial it hurts notwithstanding (including the Imperium itself having little direct authority over member worlds...except at gunpoint). Some people think a satire is what you put on a sawheel. Oh well, at least there’s a fairly playable Praetorian mod for DoW Soulstorm.

	==Alternative Modeling Options==		==Alternative Modeling Options==

69.180.141.85: /* 40K */

2022-11-27T03:59:29Z

40K

← Older revision		Revision as of 03:59, 27 November 2022
Line 13:		Line 13:
	==40K==		==40K==

	The Praetorian Guard are Victorian era African theatre [[British Empire\|British]] soldiers in SPEHSS. They wear the classic redcoats with matching pith helmets, so they look rather classy and fucking manly as hell. They hail from the [[hive world]] of <strike>Praetoria</strike> PRETORIA, where the largest exports are disciplined regiments of dashingly handsome badasses and moustache wax. It’s no [[Catachan]] but Praetoria is a reasonably shit place to live, unless of course you are part of the nobility. If you weren’t fortunate enough to be born with a silver spoon tickling your tonsils, you are no doubt being shit on by the nobility in your tiny domicile, scratching a living among sewer gangs or you’re being pressed in to a redcoat so thick with starch it’s practically carapace. They are what the Mordian Iron Guard would be if Mordians drank tea and were channeling colonial era ~~brits~~ instead of industrial era Germans. Apparently at some point in time the Praetorian's history, the handsome devils decided to do some fucking manly shit for the [[Emperor\|Empruh]], so they went to an uninhabited world filled to the brim with [[Orks]] with nothing but their bolt action flashlights and a handful of [[Tallarn]] guardsmen to back them up. While this bravado makes even the [[Mordian Iron Guard]] look like delicate flowers by comparison, needless to say the Praetorians have lost a few major engagements in their time, most notably was the battle known as ''The Massacre at Big Toof River''; underestimating the numbers of the enemy and being wiped out to a man. Inspired no doubt by the inglorious spanking the British Army suffered from the Zulu at the Battle of Isandlwana, blended with their desperate last stand victory at the Battle for Rorke’s Drift, though the order of battle reads almost as a literal copy/paste of the Wikipedia article for the Battle of the Little Bighorn (up to and including the cocking unit movements) just with some of the proper nouns swapped for 40k. Sadly, the Praetorians weren’t quite so lucky as the Brits at Rourke's Drift, but instead more like Custer at Little Big Horn, so ultimately [[Grimdark\|ended up in Ork bellies instead of being rewarded with tea, medals and a hit motion picture starring Stanley Baker and MOI COCAINE]]. Good luck finding original models for them these days outside of [[Only War]] though. No doubt in today’s climate Geedubs is more than happy to forget these blatant symbols of European colonialism (and the whole “is it or is it not racist that we compared native Africans to Orks” bizniss) despite their rampant, unabashed sideburny awesomeness. The fact that 40k is so anti-imperial it hurts notwithstanding (including the Imperium itself having little direct authority over member worlds...except at gunpoint). Some people think a satire is what you put on a sawheel. Oh well, at least there’s a fairly playable Praetorian mod for DoW Soulstorm.		The Praetorian Guard are Victorian era African theatre [[British Empire\|British]] soldiers in SPEHSS. They wear the classic redcoats with matching pith helmets, so they look rather classy and fucking manly as hell. They hail from the [[hive world]] of <strike>Praetoria</strike> PRETORIA, where the largest exports are disciplined regiments of dashingly handsome badasses and moustache wax. It’s no [[Catachan]] but Praetoria is a reasonably shit place to live, unless of course you are part of the nobility. If you weren’t fortunate enough to be born with a silver spoon tickling your tonsils, you are no doubt being shit on by the nobility in your tiny domicile, scratching a living among sewer gangs or you’re being pressed in to a redcoat so thick with starch it’s practically carapace. They are what the Mordian Iron Guard would be if Mordians drank tea and were channeling colonial era Brits instead of industrial era Germans. Apparently at some point in time the Praetorian's history, the handsome devils decided to do some fucking manly shit for the [[Emperor\|Empruh]], so they went to an uninhabited world filled to the brim with [[Orks]] with nothing but their bolt action flashlights and a handful of [[Tallarn]] guardsmen to back them up. While this bravado makes even the [[Mordian Iron Guard]] look like delicate flowers by comparison, needless to say the Praetorians have lost a few major engagements in their time, most notably was the battle known as ''The Massacre at Big Toof River''; underestimating the numbers of the enemy and being wiped out to a man. Inspired no doubt by the inglorious spanking the British Army suffered from the Zulu at the Battle of Isandlwana, blended with their desperate last stand victory at the Battle for Rorke’s Drift, though the order of battle reads almost as a literal copy/paste of the Wikipedia article for the Battle of the Little Bighorn (up to and including the cocking unit movements) just with some of the proper nouns swapped for 40k. Sadly, the Praetorians weren’t quite so lucky as the Brits at Rourke's Drift, but instead more like Custer at Little Big Horn, so ultimately [[Grimdark\|ended up in Ork bellies instead of being rewarded with tea, medals and a hit motion picture starring Stanley Baker and MOI COCAINE]]. Good luck finding original models for them these days outside of [[Only War]] though. No doubt in today’s climate Geedubs is more than happy to forget these blatant symbols of European colonialism (and the whole “is it or is it not racist that we compared native Africans to Orks” bizniss) despite their rampant, unabashed sideburny awesomeness. The fact that 40k is so anti-imperial it hurts notwithstanding (including the Imperium itself having little direct authority over member worlds...except at gunpoint). Some people think a satire is what you put on a sawheel. Oh well, at least there’s a fairly playable Praetorian mod for DoW Soulstorm.

	==Alternative Modeling Options==		==Alternative Modeling Options==

103.219.21.27: Changed some of the lyrics so they rhyme better.

2022-10-14T23:52:50Z

Changed some of the lyrics so they rhyme better.

1d4chan>Redvsdead: /* Alternative Modeling Options */

2022-09-14T13:27:25Z

Alternative Modeling Options

← Older revision		Revision as of 13:27, 14 September 2022
Line 26:		Line 26:

	An even cheaper option is Warlord Games British infantry from their Black Powder Zulu War range and sticking Cadian lasrifles arms onto them. They fit rather well.		An even cheaper option is Warlord Games British infantry from their Black Powder Zulu War range and sticking Cadian lasrifles arms onto them. They fit rather well.


	The Bulldogs from [[Wargames Atlantic]] are a solid option as well.		The Bulldogs from [[Wargames Atlantic]] are a solid option as well.

1d4chan>Dislikespuns: /* 40K */

2022-09-14T01:24:54Z

40K

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:24, 14 September 2022
Line 13:		Line 13:
	==40K==		==40K==

	The Praetorian Guard are Victorian era African theatre [[British Empire\|British]] soldiers in SPEHSS. They wear the classic redcoats with matching pith helmets, so they look rather classy and fucking manly as hell. They hail from the [[hive world]] of <strike>Praetoria</strike> PRETORIA, where the largest exports are disciplined regiments of dashingly handsome badasses and moustache wax. It’s no [[Catachan]] but Praetoria is a reasonably shit place to live, unless of course you are part of the nobility. If you weren’t fortunate enough to be born with a silver spoon tickling your tonsils, you are no doubt being shit on by the nobility in your tiny domicile, scratching a living among sewer gangs or you’re being pressed in to a redcoat so thick with starch it’s practically carapace. They are what the Mordian Iron Guard would be if Mordians drank tea and were channeling colonial era brits instead of industrial era Germans. Apparently at some point in time the Praetorian's history, the handsome devils decided to do some fucking manly shit for the [[Emperor\|Empruh]], so they went to an uninhabited world filled to the brim with [[Orks]] with nothing but their bolt action flashlights and a handful of [[Tallarn]] guardsmen to back them up. While this bravado makes even the [[Mordian Iron Guard]] look like delicate flowers by comparison, needless to say the Praetorians lost a few major engagements, most notably was the battle known as ''The Massacre at Big Toof River''; underestimating the numbers of the enemy and being wiped out to a man. Inspired no doubt by the inglorious spanking the British Army suffered from the Zulu at the Battle of Isandlwana, blended with their desperate last stand victory at the Battle for Rorke’s Drift, though the order of battle reads almost as a literal copy/paste of the Wikipedia article for the Battle of the Little Bighorn (up to and including the cocking unit movements) just with some of the proper nouns swapped for 40k. Sadly, the Praetorians weren’t quite so lucky as the Brits at Rourke's Drift, but instead more like Custer at Little Big Horn, so ultimately [[Grimdark\|ended up in Ork bellies instead of being rewarded with tea, medals and a hit motion picture starring Stanley Baker and MOI COCAINE]]. Good luck finding original models for them these days outside of [[Only War]] though. No doubt in today’s climate Geedubs is more than happy to forget these blatant symbols of European colonialism (and the whole “is it or is it not racist that we compared native Africans to Orks” bizniss) despite their rampant, unabashed sideburny awesomeness. The fact that 40k is so anti-imperial it hurts notwithstanding (including the Imperium itself having little direct authority over member worlds...except at gunpoint). Some people think a satire is what you put on a sawheel. Oh well, at least there’s a fairly playable Praetorian mod for DoW Soulstorm.		The Praetorian Guard are Victorian era African theatre [[British Empire\|British]] soldiers in SPEHSS. They wear the classic redcoats with matching pith helmets, so they look rather classy and fucking manly as hell. They hail from the [[hive world]] of <strike>Praetoria</strike> PRETORIA, where the largest exports are disciplined regiments of dashingly handsome badasses and moustache wax. It’s no [[Catachan]] but Praetoria is a reasonably shit place to live, unless of course you are part of the nobility. If you weren’t fortunate enough to be born with a silver spoon tickling your tonsils, you are no doubt being shit on by the nobility in your tiny domicile, scratching a living among sewer gangs or you’re being pressed in to a redcoat so thick with starch it’s practically carapace. They are what the Mordian Iron Guard would be if Mordians drank tea and were channeling colonial era brits instead of industrial era Germans. Apparently at some point in time the Praetorian's history, the handsome devils decided to do some fucking manly shit for the [[Emperor\|Empruh]], so they went to an uninhabited world filled to the brim with [[Orks]] with nothing but their bolt action flashlights and a handful of [[Tallarn]] guardsmen to back them up. While this bravado makes even the [[Mordian Iron Guard]] look like delicate flowers by comparison, needless to say the Praetorians have lost a few major engagements in their time, most notably was the battle known as ''The Massacre at Big Toof River''; underestimating the numbers of the enemy and being wiped out to a man. Inspired no doubt by the inglorious spanking the British Army suffered from the Zulu at the Battle of Isandlwana, blended with their desperate last stand victory at the Battle for Rorke’s Drift, though the order of battle reads almost as a literal copy/paste of the Wikipedia article for the Battle of the Little Bighorn (up to and including the cocking unit movements) just with some of the proper nouns swapped for 40k. Sadly, the Praetorians weren’t quite so lucky as the Brits at Rourke's Drift, but instead more like Custer at Little Big Horn, so ultimately [[Grimdark\|ended up in Ork bellies instead of being rewarded with tea, medals and a hit motion picture starring Stanley Baker and MOI COCAINE]]. Good luck finding original models for them these days outside of [[Only War]] though. No doubt in today’s climate Geedubs is more than happy to forget these blatant symbols of European colonialism (and the whole “is it or is it not racist that we compared native Africans to Orks” bizniss) despite their rampant, unabashed sideburny awesomeness. The fact that 40k is so anti-imperial it hurts notwithstanding (including the Imperium itself having little direct authority over member worlds...except at gunpoint). Some people think a satire is what you put on a sawheel. Oh well, at least there’s a fairly playable Praetorian mod for DoW Soulstorm.

	==Alternative Modeling Options==		==Alternative Modeling Options==

1d4chan>Dislikespuns: /* 40K */

2022-09-14T01:24:06Z

40K

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:24, 14 September 2022
Line 13:		Line 13:
	==40K==		==40K==

	The Praetorian Guard are Victorian era African theatre [[British Empire\|British]] soldiers in SPEHSS. They wear the classic redcoats with matching pith helmets, so they look rather classy and fucking manly as hell. They hail from the [[hive world]] of <strike>Praetoria</strike> PRETORIA, where the largest exports are disciplined regiments of dashingly handsome badasses and moustache wax. It’s no [[Catachan]] but Praetoria is a reasonably shit place to live, unless of course you are part of the nobility. If you weren’t fortunate enough to be born with a silver spoon tickling your tonsils, you are no doubt being shit on by the nobility in your tiny domicile, scratching a living among sewer gangs or you’re being pressed in to a redcoat so thick with starch it’s practically carapace. They are what the Mordian Iron Guard would be if Mordians drank tea and were channeling colonial era brits instead of industrial era ~~germans~~. Apparently at some point in time the Praetorian's history, the handsome devils decided to do some fucking manly shit for the [[Emperor\|Empruh]], so they went to an uninhabited world filled to the brim with [[Orks]] with nothing but their bolt action flashlights and a handful of [[Tallarn]] guardsmen to back them up. While this bravado makes even the [[Mordian Iron Guard]] look like delicate flowers by comparison, needless to say the Praetorians lost a few major ~~battles~~, ~~the~~ most notably the ~~last~~ battle ~~titled~~ The Massacre at Big Toof River, underestimating the numbers of the enemy and being wiped out to a man. Inspired no doubt by the inglorious spanking the British Army suffered from the Zulu at the Battle of Isandlwana, blended with their desperate last stand victory at the Battle for Rorke’s Drift, though the order of battle reads almost as a literal copy/paste of the Wikipedia article for the Battle of the Little Bighorn (up to and including the cocking unit movements) just with some of the proper nouns swapped for 40k. Sadly, the Praetorians weren’t quite so lucky as the Brits at Rourke's Drift, but instead more like Custer at Little Big Horn, so ultimately [[Grimdark\|ended up in Ork bellies instead of being rewarded with tea, medals and a hit motion picture starring Stanley Baker and MOI COCAINE]]. Good luck finding original models for them these days outside of [[Only War]] though. No doubt in today’s climate Geedubs is more than happy to forget these blatant symbols of European colonialism (and the whole “is it or is it not racist that we compared native Africans to Orks” bizniss) despite their rampant, unabashed sideburny awesomeness. The fact that 40k is so anti-imperial it hurts notwithstanding (including the Imperium itself having little direct authority over member worlds...except at gunpoint). Some people think a satire is what you put on a sawheel. Oh well, at least there’s a fairly playable Praetorian mod for DoW Soulstorm.		The Praetorian Guard are Victorian era African theatre [[British Empire\|British]] soldiers in SPEHSS. They wear the classic redcoats with matching pith helmets, so they look rather classy and fucking manly as hell. They hail from the [[hive world]] of <strike>Praetoria</strike> PRETORIA, where the largest exports are disciplined regiments of dashingly handsome badasses and moustache wax. It’s no [[Catachan]] but Praetoria is a reasonably shit place to live, unless of course you are part of the nobility. If you weren’t fortunate enough to be born with a silver spoon tickling your tonsils, you are no doubt being shit on by the nobility in your tiny domicile, scratching a living among sewer gangs or you’re being pressed in to a redcoat so thick with starch it’s practically carapace. They are what the Mordian Iron Guard would be if Mordians drank tea and were channeling colonial era brits instead of industrial era Germans. Apparently at some point in time the Praetorian's history, the handsome devils decided to do some fucking manly shit for the [[Emperor\|Empruh]], so they went to an uninhabited world filled to the brim with [[Orks]] with nothing but their bolt action flashlights and a handful of [[Tallarn]] guardsmen to back them up. While this bravado makes even the [[Mordian Iron Guard]] look like delicate flowers by comparison, needless to say the Praetorians lost a few major engagements, most notably was the battle known as ''The Massacre at Big Toof River''; underestimating the numbers of the enemy and being wiped out to a man. Inspired no doubt by the inglorious spanking the British Army suffered from the Zulu at the Battle of Isandlwana, blended with their desperate last stand victory at the Battle for Rorke’s Drift, though the order of battle reads almost as a literal copy/paste of the Wikipedia article for the Battle of the Little Bighorn (up to and including the cocking unit movements) just with some of the proper nouns swapped for 40k. Sadly, the Praetorians weren’t quite so lucky as the Brits at Rourke's Drift, but instead more like Custer at Little Big Horn, so ultimately [[Grimdark\|ended up in Ork bellies instead of being rewarded with tea, medals and a hit motion picture starring Stanley Baker and MOI COCAINE]]. Good luck finding original models for them these days outside of [[Only War]] though. No doubt in today’s climate Geedubs is more than happy to forget these blatant symbols of European colonialism (and the whole “is it or is it not racist that we compared native Africans to Orks” bizniss) despite their rampant, unabashed sideburny awesomeness. The fact that 40k is so anti-imperial it hurts notwithstanding (including the Imperium itself having little direct authority over member worlds...except at gunpoint). Some people think a satire is what you put on a sawheel. Oh well, at least there’s a fairly playable Praetorian mod for DoW Soulstorm.

	==Alternative Modeling Options==		==Alternative Modeling Options==

69.49.89.115: /* Alternative Modeling Options */

2022-06-26T17:03:12Z

Alternative Modeling Options

← Older revision		Revision as of 17:03, 26 June 2022
Line 26:		Line 26:

	An even cheaper option is Warlord Games British infantry from their Black Powder Zulu War range and sticking Cadian lasrifles arms onto them. They fit rather well.		An even cheaper option is Warlord Games British infantry from their Black Powder Zulu War range and sticking Cadian lasrifles arms onto them. They fit rather well.


			The Bulldogs from [[Wargames Atlantic]] are a solid option as well.

	==Anthems of Praetorian Regiments==		==Anthems of Praetorian Regiments==

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:52, 14 October 2022
Line 33:		Line 33:

	"Some talk of Ollanius Pius" <br>		"Some talk of Ollanius Pius" <br>
	"~~Some~~ of Ciaphas Cain." <br>		"And some of Ciaphas Cain." <br>
	"Of Marbo and Macharius" <br>		"Of Marbo and Macharius" <br>
	"And other greats the same." <br>		"And other greats the same." <br>
Line 40:		Line 40:
	"There’s none more great by far" <br>		"There’s none more great by far" <br>
	"With a tow, row, row, row, row, row," <br>		"With a tow, row, row, row, row, row," <br>
	"Than the Guard ~~of Praetoria~~!" <br>		"Than the Praetorian Guard!" <br>

	"Whene’er we are commanded to form our firing lines" <br>		"Whene’er we are commanded to form our firing lines" <br>
	"Our leaders stand before us, fearless of xenos swine." <br>		"Our leaders stand before us, fearless of xenos swine." <br>
	"To them and their commanders, they crumble and ~~scatter~~" <br>		"To them and their commanders, they crumble and flee afar" <br>
	"When they march into the firing line of the Guard ~~of Praetoria~~!" <br>		"When they march into the firing line of the Praetorian Guard!" <br>

	"And when campaign is over, we to our home repair"<br>		"And when campaign is over, we to our home repair"<br>
	"Our friends and loved ones gather and raise each voice in cheer"<br>		"Our friends and loved ones gather and raise each voice in cheer"<br>
	"'Hurrah for the Praetorian Guard! Let the Emperor's foes ~~beware~~"<br>		"'Hurrah for the Praetorian Guard! Let the Emperor's foes regard"<br>
	"Those gallant knights who will win the fights; they're the Guard ~~of Praetoria~~!'"<br>		"Those gallant knights who will win the fights; they're the Praetorian Guard!'"<br>

	"Then let us fill a bumper, and drink a health of those" <br>		"Then let us fill a bumper, and drink a health of those" <br>
	"Who tote lasguns and armor, and wear the loupèd clothes." <br>		"Who tote lasguns and armor, and wear the loupèd clothes." <br>
	"May they and their commanders ~~die for~~ the Emperor." <br>		"May they and their commanders serve the Emperor wide and far." <br>
	"With a tow, row, row, row, row, row, for the Guard ~~of Praetoria~~!" <br>		"With a tow, row, row, row, row, row, for the Praetorian Guard!" <br>

	==See Also==		==See Also==