Regulations of the Imperial Guard - Revision history

imported>Administrator: 73 revisions imported

2023-06-22T15:27:21Z

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2A02:C7E:198C:4500:C16A:EC38:4327:27B1: Added 222, bumped last rule to 223.

2022-09-02T21:34:39Z

Added 222, bumped last rule to 223.

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:34, 2 September 2022
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	221. A chaos titan was never taken down by Sargent Lenkon with Commissar Beckett's spare combat knife. It is wrong to tell new recruits this, and it is additionally forbidden to use the Commissar's weapons without permission.		221. A chaos titan was never taken down by Sargent Lenkon with Commissar Beckett's spare combat knife. It is wrong to tell new recruits this, and it is additionally forbidden to use the Commissar's weapons without permission.

	222. Commissar Beckett's pistols have not been blessed by the Emperor himself. It is wrong to tell new recruits this.		222. Catching a Tauros with a Sky Talon mid-air is not part of standard combat drills.

			223. Commissar Beckett's pistols have not been blessed by the Emperor himself. It is wrong to tell new recruits this.
	*a) Commissar Becket's pistols have not been blessed by any known Imperial Saint, either.		*a) Commissar Becket's pistols have not been blessed by any known Imperial Saint, either.
	*b) Nor have they been blessed by any other type of religious figure. We've checked.		*b) Nor have they been blessed by any other type of religious figure. We've checked.

2600:1003:B0A5:9B8A:61E2:8869:5FE0:5CE4: Addendum to 202-a

2021-11-02T16:44:42Z

Addendum to 202-a

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	202. The Departmento Munitorium does not acknowledge or accept the notion of casual Fridays.		202. The Departmento Munitorium does not acknowledge or accept the notion of casual Fridays.
	*a) What, you thought that just because you found a spiffy set of clothes, that the Orks were going to stop shooting at you?		*a) What, you thought that just because you found a spiffy set of clothes, that the Orks were going to stop shooting at you?
			**i) No we don’t care that a few of them did because they thought you looked “shiny”. If it doesn’t work on all of them, it’s not a valid tactic.
	203. Guardsmen are no longer allowed to form pirate armadas.		203. Guardsmen are no longer allowed to form pirate armadas.
	*a) Nor are they allowed to issue letters of marque.		*a) Nor are they allowed to issue letters of marque.

75.118.32.211: Entry 221

2021-06-21T05:18:57Z

Entry 221

← Older revision		Revision as of 05:18, 21 June 2021
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	*a) They'll probably also kick your ass.		*a) They'll probably also kick your ass.

	221. Commissar Beckett's pistols have not been blessed by the Emperor himself. It is wrong to tell new recruits this.		221. A chaos titan was never taken down by Sargent Lenkon with Commissar Beckett's spare combat knife. It is wrong to tell new recruits this, and it is additionally forbidden to use the Commissar's weapons without permission.

			222. Commissar Beckett's pistols have not been blessed by the Emperor himself. It is wrong to tell new recruits this.
	*a) Commissar Becket's pistols have not been blessed by any known Imperial Saint, either.		*a) Commissar Becket's pistols have not been blessed by any known Imperial Saint, either.
	*b) Nor have they been blessed by any other type of religious figure. We've checked.		*b) Nor have they been blessed by any other type of religious figure. We've checked.

1d4chan>The Hat That Was at 07:00, 5 February 2020

2020-02-05T07:00:02Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 07:00, 5 February 2020
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	*Mechanicus fire support		*Mechanicus fire support
	*Skitarii pin-ups		*Skitarii pin-ups


	50. Troopers are no longer allowed to attempt to purchase the souls of daemons, cultists, possessed psykers, insurance salesmen, or sorcerers on Regimental time.		50. Troopers are no longer allowed to attempt to purchase the souls of daemons, cultists, possessed psykers, insurance salesmen, or sorcerers on Regimental time.

1d4chan>The Hat That Was at 06:54, 5 February 2020

2020-02-05T06:54:36Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 06:54, 5 February 2020
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	*a) Troopers are no longer allowed to challenge other Sentinel pilots to a skating race.		*a) Troopers are no longer allowed to challenge other Sentinel pilots to a skating race.
	*b) Troopers are no longer allowed to rig Sentinels equipped with wheels with backwards-pointing flamers to increase speed.		*b) Troopers are no longer allowed to rig Sentinels equipped with wheels with backwards-pointing flamers to increase speed.
	*i) This applies to all type of devices used to increase speed. Rigging a rocket to your Sentinel is right out. Especially if you made them from a old barrel.		**i) This applies to all type of devices used to increase speed. Rigging a rocket to your Sentinel is right out. Especially if you made them from a old barrel.
	*c) Troopers are no longer allowed to offer the Tech-priests rides in a roller-skating Sentinel if they'll just modify yours		*c) Troopers are no longer allowed to offer the Tech-priests rides in a roller-skating Sentinel if they'll just modify yours
	*d) Troopers are no longer allowed to tell Sentinel pilots that all the cool pilots are using wheels.		*d) Troopers are no longer allowed to tell Sentinel pilots that all the cool pilots are using wheels.
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	221. Commissar Beckett's pistols have not been blessed by the Emperor himself. It is wrong to tell new recruits this.		221. Commissar Beckett's pistols have not been blessed by the Emperor himself. It is wrong to tell new recruits this.
			*a) Commissar Becket's pistols have not been blessed by any known Imperial Saint, either.
	a) Commissar Becket's pistols have not been blessed by any known Imperial Saint, either.		*b) Nor have they been blessed by any other type of religious figure. We've checked.
	b) Nor have they been blessed by any other type of religious figure. We've checked.		*c) For the record, Ol' Betsy was produced less than five years ago in an underhive workshop on Necromunda. It was not blessed by a dying saint on Salvation Day, and will not banish demons by its mere presence. At least, not that anybody has ever proven, anyway.
	c) For the record, Ol' Betsy was produced less than five years ago in an underhive workshop on Necromunda. It was not blessed by a dying saint on Salvation Day, and will not banish demons by its mere presence. At least, not that anybody has ever proven, anyway.		**i) Nor will it banish heretics, sorcerers, xenos, psykers, or senior officers.
	i) Nor will it banish heretics, sorcerers, xenos, psykers, or senior officers.		**ii) All evidence to the contrary, Ol' Betsy will not banish tanks or incoming artillery fire, either. We hope not, anyway.
	ii) All evidence to the contrary, Ol' Betsy will not banish tanks or incoming artillery fire, either. We hope not, anyway.		**iii) Although humorously appropriate, Private Banfry's death due to accidental weapons discharge has been thoroughly investigated, and it has been definitively ruled that it was not the result of divine justice on Ol' Betsy's behalf.
	iii) Although humorously appropriate, Private Banfry's death due to accidental weapons discharge has been thoroughly investigated, and it has been definitively ruled that it was not the result of divine justice on Ol' Betsy's behalf.		**iv) Yes, those markings on Ol' Betsy's barrel represent tank kills. No, you may not try to replicate the feats involved.
	iv) Yes, those markings on Ol' Betsy's barrel represent tank kills. No, you may not try to replicate the feats involved.

	[[Category:Imperial Guard]][[Category: Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Stories]][[Category:Awesome]]		[[Category:Imperial Guard]][[Category: Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Stories]][[Category:Awesome]]

1d4chan>Apocolypse101: Spelling

2020-02-05T04:29:14Z

Spelling

216.186.97.210: /* The Regulations of the Imperial Guard */

2019-09-13T21:19:27Z

The Regulations of the Imperial Guard

1d4chan>Washington001 at 04:58, 22 April 2019

2019-04-22T04:58:49Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 04:29, 5 February 2020
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			{{awesome}}
	Things the Imperial Guard is no longer allowed to do:		Things the Imperial Guard is no longer allowed to do:

	In 985 M.41, a garbled order from the Munitorium resulted in the agri-world of Nawtadefwald receiving orders to raise a new regiment for service with the Imperial Guard. After the standard triple-check to make sure everything was in order, the planet's government carried out the order immediately, and raised the 397th Light ~~Mechanised~~ Regiment, to be ready for immediate deployment offworld.		In 985 M.41, a garbled order from the Munitorium resulted in the agri-world of Nawtadefwald receiving orders to raise a new regiment for service with the Imperial Guard. After the standard triple-check to make sure everything was in order, the planet's government carried out the order immediately, and raised the 397th Light Mechanized Regiment, to be ready for immediate deployment offworld.
	It should be noted, at this point, that the Nawtans (as they prefer to be called) produce an unusually large amount of meat-based products, due to the truly unfortunate number of wild grox found on the planet's surface (sometimes the difference between a death world and an agri-world is a lot smaller than most people would prefer). The need to both hunt and herd these creatures has resulted in a populace that, upon receiving orders to produce a light mechanized regiment OF Sentinels, Tauros Rapid Assault Vehicles, and Salamanders, as opposed to a light mechanized regiment WITH all three of the above, saw nothing at all wrong with these orders, and probably felt vaguely cheered that the Munitorium was at long last displaying an uncommon amount of good horse sense. It probably says something that producing said regiment did not make a noticeable dent in the local PDF inventories.		It should be noted, at this point, that the Nawtans (as they prefer to be called) produce an unusually large amount of meat-based products, due to the truly unfortunate number of wild grox found on the planet's surface (sometimes the difference between a death world and an agri-world is a lot smaller than most people would prefer). The need to both hunt and herd these creatures has resulted in a populace that, upon receiving orders to produce a light mechanized regiment OF Sentinels, Tauros Rapid Assault Vehicles, and Salamanders, as opposed to a light mechanized regiment WITH all three of the above, saw nothing at all wrong with these orders, and probably felt vaguely cheered that the Munitorium was at long last displaying an uncommon amount of good horse sense. It probably says something that producing said regiment did not make a noticeable dent in the local PDF inventories.
	Needless to say, the regiment in question, while undeniably effective, has a reputation such that most people who encounter them immediately feel sorry for the Commissar. This has been known to include traitorous Guardsmen, loyal Guardsmen, Inquisitors, Space Marines, Traitor Space Marines, Eldar, Hrud, Genestealers, and, on one notable occasion, a Ork warboss. The following list has been compiled—at some personal risk—by the regimental Commissar, known as Scipio, or Sci, The Commissar, Commissar Wet Blanket, but the rest of the regiment, in a desperate last-ditch effort to keep the chaos known as “The regiment is not directly in the combat zone and engaging enemies” sort of vaguely under any semblance of control.		Needless to say, the regiment in question, while undeniably effective, has a reputation such that most people who encounter them immediately feel sorry for the Commissar. This has been known to include traitorous Guardsmen, loyal Guardsmen, Inquisitors, Space Marines, Traitor Space Marines, Eldar, Hrud, Genestealers, and, on one notable occasion, a Ork warboss. The following list has been compiled—at some personal risk—by the regimental Commissar, known as Scipio, or Sci, The Commissar, Commissar Wet Blanket, but the rest of the regiment, in a desperate last-ditch effort to keep the chaos known as “The regiment is not directly in the combat zone and engaging enemies” sort of vaguely under any semblance of control.
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	*b) Grots are not edible.		*b) Grots are not edible.
	**i) Never dare a Space Marine to eat an Ork. Those crazy buggers might just do it.		**i) Never dare a Space Marine to eat an Ork. Those crazy buggers might just do it.
	*c) ~~Tyrannids~~ are not edible either.		*c) Tyranids are not edible either.
	*d) Nor are Kroot.		*d) Nor are Kroot.
	*e) Troopers are advised that partially consumed Necron material may cause internal organs to phase out along with the rest of the Necrons' bodies.		*e) Troopers are advised that partially consumed Necron material may cause internal organs to phase out along with the rest of the Necrons' bodies.
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	37. Troopers will no longer be permitted to claim that they are suffering side effects from drugs they have never taken.		37. Troopers will no longer be permitted to claim that they are suffering side effects from drugs they have never taken.
	*a) Troopers will no longer be permitted to claim that they are suffering side effects from drugs they only ever took once, years ago, when the big girls made them do it and it wasn't their fault, I swear, mum.		*a) Troopers will no longer be permitted to claim that they are suffering side effects from drugs they only ever took once, years ago, when the big girls made them do it and it wasn't their fault, I swear, mum.
	*b) There is no such thing as a “hang-under”, and no-one has a cousin who ~~specialises~~ in reverse-temporal pharmacology.		*b) There is no such thing as a “hang-under”, and no-one has a cousin who specializes in reverse-temporal pharmacology.

	40. Power-loader operators will immediately cease all efforts to develop a power-loader-based form of martial arts.		40. Power-loader operators will immediately cease all efforts to develop a power-loader-based form of martial arts.
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	*Any other Commissar's Daughter		*Any other Commissar's Daughter
	*Anal beads		*Anal beads
	*Greater ~~Deamons~~		*Greater Daemons
	*Souls of Insurance Salesmen		*Souls of Insurance Salesmen
	*Armored Personnel Carriers		*Armored Personnel Carriers
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	*a) Any troopers who might believe that they witnessed this obviously impossible event are ordered to report to Inquisitor Hicks for comprehensive de-briefing.		*a) Any troopers who might believe that they witnessed this obviously impossible event are ordered to report to Inquisitor Hicks for comprehensive de-briefing.
	*b) Private Slokum is no longer allowed conduct negotiations with any form of Warp-dwelling entity.		*b) Private Slokum is no longer allowed conduct negotiations with any form of Warp-dwelling entity.
	**i) Or Materium-dwelling entity, after what his "Lasgun" did to ~~Commisar~~ Beckett's brain		**i) Or Materium-dwelling entity, after what his "Lasgun" did to Commissar Beckett's brain

	96. Any trooper who can perform sleight-of-hand tricks well enough to fool a Chaos sorcerer into believing them to be a psyker is forbidden from playing any more card games with the Colonel.		96. Any trooper who can perform sleight-of-hand tricks well enough to fool a Chaos sorcerer into believing them to be a psyker is forbidden from playing any more card games with the Colonel.
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	183. Your Sentinel does not need a chrome grill. Nor does it need subwoofers, handlebars, or a built-in karaoke set.		183. Your Sentinel does not need a chrome grill. Nor does it need subwoofers, handlebars, or a built-in karaoke set.
	*a) ~~Commisar~~ Beckett's Daughter does not need any of these things attached to her either		*a) Commissar Beckett's Daughter does not need any of these things attached to her either
	**i) Not even if she says that she does		**i) Not even if she says that she does
	***i) I will kick your damn arse, private Slokum		***i) I will kick your damn arse, private Slokum
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	*a) No, you don't. Living forever means explaining to Colonel Potter's replacement just how you managed to accumulate 365,752 (and counting) demerits in a single tour of duty.		*a) No, you don't. Living forever means explaining to Colonel Potter's replacement just how you managed to accumulate 365,752 (and counting) demerits in a single tour of duty.

	191. Painting “Dere's nuffin here, boyz” in large ~~flourescent~~ orange letters along the side of your Sentinel does NOT constitute anti-Ork camouflage.		191. Painting “Dere's nuffin here, boyz” in large fluorescent orange letters along the side of your Sentinel does NOT constitute anti-Ork camouflage.
	*a) No, we don't care if it works.		*a) No, we don't care if it works.
	*b) No, we don't care if you used another vehicle instead.		*b) No, we don't care if you used another vehicle instead.
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	198. Private Malarky is a sick bastard		198. Private Malarky is a sick bastard
	*a) Blessed ~~Emporer~~, Private, what did you do to that poor cultist?		*a) Blessed Emperor, Private, what did you do to that poor cultist?
	*b) By order of the Commissariat, Private Malarky is officially a sick bastard. Further investigation into this matter is prohibited on pain of death.		*b) By order of the Commissariat, Private Malarky is officially a sick bastard. Further investigation into this matter is prohibited on pain of death.

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	206. I don't care what the Inquisitor says, we are not capturing a fucking Zoanthorpe.		206. I don't care what the Inquisitor says, we are not capturing a fucking Zoanthorpe.
	*a) Nor are we capturing any other kind of ~~Tyrannid~~ life form.		*a) Nor are we capturing any other kind of Tyranid life form.
	*b) Nor are we capturing any kind of psyker, be they xenos or human.		*b) Nor are we capturing any kind of psyker, be they xenos or human.

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	*c) Or using the enemy's comms		*c) Or using the enemy's comms
	**i) Actually, if you can tie up the enemy's comms with something that fundamentally useless, knock yourself out.		**i) Actually, if you can tie up the enemy's comms with something that fundamentally useless, knock yourself out.
	**ii) As of M41.459, this has also been forbidden due to complications with a ~~slaaneshi~~ warband.		**ii) As of M41.459, this has also been forbidden due to complications with a Slaaneshi warband.

	211. Guardsmen are no longer allowed to dig tunnels		211. Guardsmen are no longer allowed to dig tunnels
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	*a) Nor the enemy		*a) Nor the enemy
	*b) Nor your fellow troopers		*b) Nor your fellow troopers
	*c) Nor the ~~Comissar~~'s daughter		*c) Nor the Commissar's daughter
	**i) The ~~Comissar~~'s daughter is off-limits for everything		**i) The Commissar's daughter is off-limits for everything
	***i) That includes hanging out with her		***i) That includes hanging out with her
	***ii) And teaching her to fire a Lasgun		***ii) And teaching her to fire a Lasgun
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	*c) We know all of the above is true. It is still not permitted		*c) We know all of the above is true. It is still not permitted

	219. The Emperor gives us two feet, so that we can walk. We are a ~~mechanised~~ regiment, so we drive a lot. The two are not a paradox, and do not mean you can attend briefing while driving a Sentinel.		219. The Emperor gives us two feet, so that we can walk. We are a mechanized regiment, so we drive a lot. The two are not a paradox, and do not mean you can attend briefing while driving a Sentinel.

	220. The chant "Cadia Stands!" is meant to be figurative. Pointing out it's falseness to any allied Cadian regiments is not only missing the point, but flat out rude as well.		220. The chant "Cadia Stands!" is meant to be figurative. Pointing out it's falseness to any allied Cadian regiments is not only missing the point, but flat out rude as well.
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	iv) Yes, those markings on Ol' Betsy's barrel represent tank kills. No, you may not try to replicate the feats involved.		iv) Yes, those markings on Ol' Betsy's barrel represent tank kills. No, you may not try to replicate the feats involved.

	[[Category:Imperial Guard]][[Category: Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Stories]]		[[Category:Imperial Guard]][[Category: Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Stories]][[Category:Awesome]]

← Older revision		Revision as of 21:19, 13 September 2019
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	*a) Yes, he can do that. He's the Commissar.		*a) Yes, he can do that. He's the Commissar.

	6. The regiment's recaff is off-limits for pranks, black market trades, and any and all experiments in making ration bars edible.		3. The regiment's recaff is off-limits for pranks, black market trades, and any and all experiments in making ration bars edible.
	*a) Dude. Making those things edible is a lost cause. Just give it up, already.		*a) Dude. Making those things edible is a lost cause. Just give it up, already.

	29. Corporal McLaghlin is banned from making recaff with the regimental mess unit.		4. Corporal McLaghlin is banned from making recaff with the regimental mess unit.
	*a) Corporal McLaghlin is banned from making recaff anywhere, with any kind of mechanism, device, or technology.		*a) Corporal McLaghlin is banned from making recaff anywhere, with any kind of mechanism, device, or technology.
	*b) All trooper should be informed that the rumors claiming that three men had to have their stomachs pumped immediately after drinking Corporal McLaghlin's coffee are completely false.		*b) All trooper should be informed that the rumors claiming that three men had to have their stomachs pumped immediately after drinking Corporal McLaghlin's coffee are completely false.
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	**I) Nor defensive. No matter how effective they may be against Tyranids, the after effects are debilitating to morale.		**I) Nor defensive. No matter how effective they may be against Tyranids, the after effects are debilitating to morale.

	3. Troopers are no longer allowed to put wheels on the Sentinels so they can go faster.		5. Troopers are no longer allowed to put wheels on the Sentinels so they can go faster.
	*a) Troopers are no longer allowed to challenge other Sentinel pilots to a skating race.		*a) Troopers are no longer allowed to challenge other Sentinel pilots to a skating race.
	*b) Troopers are no longer allowed to rig Sentinels equipped with wheels with backwards-pointing flamers to increase speed.		*b) Troopers are no longer allowed to rig Sentinels equipped with wheels with backwards-pointing flamers to increase speed.
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	*f) I don't care if the Mechanicus DID produce approved wheel kits. Take those damned wheels off!		*f) I don't care if the Mechanicus DID produce approved wheel kits. Take those damned wheels off!

	12. Fuzzy dice are NOT part of the regulation gear for Sentinels, Salamanders, or Tauros RAVs. They are not banned, but discouraged by half rations.		6. Fuzzy dice are NOT part of the regulation gear for Sentinels, Salamanders, or Tauros RAVs. They are not banned, but discouraged by half rations.
	*a) Marshmallows are not part of the standard equipment for flamer-equipped units.		*a) Marshmallows are not part of the standard equipment for flamer-equipped units.
	*b) Heavy Flamers are not issued to help you keep warm, so knock it off!		*b) Heavy Flamers are not issued to help you keep warm, so knock it off!
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	*d) Scented Imperial Aquilae are permitted, and encouraged, as are scented purity seals, with an additional half ration.		*d) Scented Imperial Aquilae are permitted, and encouraged, as are scented purity seals, with an additional half ration.

	20. Troopers are no longer permitted to refit Sentinels, Salamanders, or Tauros RAVs with non-standard salvaged battlefield equipment without filling out the proper paperwork.		7. Troopers are no longer permitted to refit Sentinels, Salamanders, or Tauros RAVs with non-standard salvaged battlefield equipment without filling out the proper paperwork.
	*a) Paperwork for xenos weapons and artifacts should be submitted to the Forgery Unit in 2nd Platoon, G Company.		*a) Paperwork for xenos weapons and artifacts should be submitted to the Forgery Unit in 2nd Platoon, G Company.
	**i) It is considered polite, when answering an Inquisitor's questions on your non-standard and potentially xeno-constructed equipment, to make sure that the forged paperwork you present does not bear that particular Inquisitor's signature and insignia.		**i) It is considered polite, when answering an Inquisitor's questions on your non-standard and potentially xeno-constructed equipment, to make sure that the forged paperwork you present does not bear that particular Inquisitor's signature and insignia.
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	*c) The equipment MUST, and I cannot stress this enough, MUST, be disguised, in some fashion.		*c) The equipment MUST, and I cannot stress this enough, MUST, be disguised, in some fashion.

	38. Using a Sentinel's grappling hook to reel in an enemy vehicle does NOT count as “fishing.” Nor may pilots who do this call themselves “fishermen.”		8. Using a Sentinel's grappling hook to reel in an enemy vehicle does NOT count as “fishing.” Nor may pilots who do this call themselves “fishermen.”
	*a) Nor does riding behind an enemy vehicle that has been snared by a Tarsus RAV's grappling hook count as “surfing”.		*a) Nor does riding behind an enemy vehicle that has been snared by a Tarsus RAV's grappling hook count as “surfing”.

	60. Your Sentinel does not require a prow-mounted battering ram.		9. Your Sentinel does not require a prow-mounted battering ram.
	*a) Said rams do not need krak warheads attached.		*a) Said rams do not need krak warheads attached.
	*b) Or Melta warheads.		*b) Or Melta warheads.
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	*d) By the Emperor, why the FUCK did you mount a power sword on it?! For that matter, where did it come from?!		*d) By the Emperor, why the FUCK did you mount a power sword on it?! For that matter, where did it come from?!

	61. No matter how good you are with your Sentinel or power-loader, you may not engage enemies in dance battles.		10. No matter how good you are with your Sentinel or power-loader, you may not engage enemies in dance battles.
	*a) Not even when said enemies are Harlequins.		*a) Not even when said enemies are Harlequins.
	*b) Not even if they started it.		*b) Not even if they started it.
	*c) Not allowed to dance it in standard combat either, even if it allows you to evade a little more enemy fire.		*c) Not allowed to dance it in standard combat either, even if it allows you to evade a little more enemy fire.

	72. Your Sentinel is not a ballerina. It does not need a tutu with a frilly pink dress.		11. Your Sentinel is not a ballerina. It does not need a tutu with a frilly pink dress.
	*a) Nor does it need a frilly purple dress.		*a) Nor does it need a frilly purple dress.
	*b) Nor does it need sequins		*b) Nor does it need sequins
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	*g) Mounting a set of Sentinel size Flak Armor onto your Sentinel is acceptable on a case by case basis. Users will be expected to draw additional fire.		*g) Mounting a set of Sentinel size Flak Armor onto your Sentinel is acceptable on a case by case basis. Users will be expected to draw additional fire.

	39. The Enginseers have informed the Colonel that using plasma weapons' heat sinks to cook grox is “disrespectful to the bacon-spirit.” This will cease immediately.		12. The Enginseers have informed the Colonel that using plasma weapons' heat sinks to cook grox is “disrespectful to the bacon-spirit.” This will cease immediately.
	*a) No, we don't want to know what they're talking about.		*a) No, we don't want to know what they're talking about.

	48. Troopers will no longer be permitted to paint their Sentinels white before attaching wooden rabbit ears and tossing brightly painted melta bombs out the window.		13. Troopers will no longer be permitted to paint their Sentinels white before attaching wooden rabbit ears and tossing brightly painted melta bombs out the window.
	*a) These are not “Macharius Eggs”.		*a) These are not “Macharius Eggs”.
	*b) You are not allowed to do the same with krak grenades.		*b) You are not allowed to do the same with krak grenades.
	*c) Not allowed to do this with any explosives. Especially landmines.		*c) Not allowed to do this with any explosives. Especially landmines.

	49. There is no acceptable reason for having an inflatable grox in your Sentinel.		14. There is no acceptable reason for having an inflatable grox in your Sentinel.
	*a) Nor is there an acceptable reason for having an inflatable grox in your quarters.		*a) Nor is there an acceptable reason for having an inflatable grox in your quarters.
	*b) Troopers are no longer allowed to paint a charging grox in front of a commanding officer's quarters while said officer is sleeping.		*b) Troopers are no longer allowed to paint a charging grox in front of a commanding officer's quarters while said officer is sleeping.
	**i) This goes double on a starship. Some of our commanding officers are a bit trigger-happy.		**i) This goes double on a starship. Some of our commanding officers are a bit trigger-happy.

	36. Troopers may no longer try to land-surf using captured squigs.		15. Troopers may no longer try to land-surf using captured squigs.

	21. If an officer from another unit asks why Colonel Blake's Tauros Venator is equipped with a Vanquisher, the correct answer is “That's just a piece of pipe we rigged up to scare the enemy, not an actual gun.”		16. If an officer from another unit asks why Colonel Blake's Tauros Venator is equipped with a Vanquisher, the correct answer is “That's just a piece of pipe we rigged up to scare the enemy, not an actual gun.”
	*a) If asked, the shells beside said piece of pipe are filled with paint, and are used for distraction purposes.		*a) If asked, the shells beside said piece of pipe are filled with paint, and are used for distraction purposes.
	*b) Please keep in mind that Private Slokum's ability to acquire more rounds for Colonel Blake's Venator is very limited. For this reason, the paint-filled ammunition is strictly off-limits.		*b) Please keep in mind that Private Slokum's ability to acquire more rounds for Colonel Blake's Venator is very limited. For this reason, the paint-filled ammunition is strictly off-limits.

	4. Troopers may no longer take the Emperor's name in vain (but it's okay if officers do it).		17. Troopers may no longer take the Emperor's name in vain (but it's okay if officers do it).
	*a) No longer allowed to take the Emperor's name in vanes.		*a) No longer allowed to take the Emperor's name in vanes.
	*b) The Emperor's name is not Vayn. Or Vayne. Or any other derivative thereof.		*b) The Emperor's name is not Vayn. Or Vayne. Or any other derivative thereof.

← Older revision		Revision as of 04:58, 22 April 2019
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	In 985 M.41, a garbled order from the Munitorium resulted in the agri-world of Nawtadefwald receiving orders to raise a new regiment for service with the Imperial Guard. After the standard triple-check to make sure everything was in order, the planet's government carried out the order immediately, and raised the 397th Light Mechanised Regiment, to be ready for immediate deployment offworld.		In 985 M.41, a garbled order from the Munitorium resulted in the agri-world of Nawtadefwald receiving orders to raise a new regiment for service with the Imperial Guard. After the standard triple-check to make sure everything was in order, the planet's government carried out the order immediately, and raised the 397th Light Mechanised Regiment, to be ready for immediate deployment offworld.
	It should be noted, at this point, that the Nawtans (as they prefer to be called) produce an unusually large amount of meat-based products, due to the truly unfortunate number of wild grox found on the planet's surface (sometimes the difference between a death world and an agri-world is a lot smaller than most people would prefer). The need to both hunt and herd these creatures has resulted in a populace that, upon receiving orders to produce a light mechanized regiment OF Sentinels, Tauros Rapid Assault Vehicles, and Salamanders, as opposed to a light mechanized regiment WITH all three of the above, saw nothing at all wrong with these orders, and probably felt vaguely cheered that the Munitorium was at long last displaying an uncommon amount of good horse sense. It probably says something that producing said regiment did not make a noticeable dent in the local PDF inventories.		It should be noted, at this point, that the Nawtans (as they prefer to be called) produce an unusually large amount of meat-based products, due to the truly unfortunate number of wild grox found on the planet's surface (sometimes the difference between a death world and an agri-world is a lot smaller than most people would prefer). The need to both hunt and herd these creatures has resulted in a populace that, upon receiving orders to produce a light mechanized regiment OF Sentinels, Tauros Rapid Assault Vehicles, and Salamanders, as opposed to a light mechanized regiment WITH all three of the above, saw nothing at all wrong with these orders, and probably felt vaguely cheered that the Munitorium was at long last displaying an uncommon amount of good horse sense. It probably says something that producing said regiment did not make a noticeable dent in the local PDF inventories.
	Needless to say, the regiment in question, while undeniably effective, has a reputation such that most people who encounter them immediately feel sorry for the Commissar. This has been known to include traitorous Guardsmen, and, on one notable occasion, an Ork warboss. The following list has been compiled—at some personal risk—by the regimental Commissar, ~~called~~ Scipio, in a desperate last-ditch effort to keep the chaos known as ~~“the~~ regiment is not directly in the combat ~~zone”~~ sort of vaguely under control.		Needless to say, the regiment in question, while undeniably effective, has a reputation such that most people who encounter them immediately feel sorry for the Commissar. This has been known to include traitorous Guardsmen, loyal Guardsmen, Inquisitors, Space Marines, Traitor Space Marines, Eldar, Hrud, Genestealers, and, on one notable occasion, a Ork warboss. The following list has been compiled—at some personal risk—by the regimental Commissar, known as Scipio, or Sci, The Commissar, Commissar Wet Blanket, but the rest of the regiment, in a desperate last-ditch effort to keep the chaos known as “The regiment is not directly in the combat zone and engaging enemies” sort of vaguely under any semblance of control.

	===The Regulations of the Imperial Guard===		===The Regulations of the Imperial Guard===
	1. The Commissar does not have psychic powers. It is wrong to tell new recruits that he does.		1. The Commissar does not have psychic powers. It is wrong to tell new recruits that he does.
	*a) It is also wrong to tell Inquisitors that he does, and he will not appreciate the joke. Neither will they.		*a) It is also wrong to tell Inquisitors that he does, and he will not appreciate the joke. Neither will they.
			*b) No matter how much it seems like he does, he does not. The fact that he can sometimes tell what "prank" you will pull next is because of experience.

	2. All troopers are reminded that the Commissarial recaff is VERY IMPORTANT, and the next time some joker decides to doctor it for a prank, the perpetrator WILL be shot. Even if the Commissar has to have the entire regiment shot to make sure he gets the culprit.		2. All troopers are reminded that the Commissarial recaff is VERY IMPORTANT, and the next time some joker decides to doctor it for a prank, the perpetrator WILL be shot. Even if the Commissar has to have the entire regiment shot to make sure he gets the culprit.
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	29. Corporal McLaghlin is banned from making recaff with the regimental mess unit.		29. Corporal McLaghlin is banned from making recaff with the regimental mess unit.
	*a) Corporal McLaghlin is banned from making recaff anywhere, with any kind of ~~gear~~.		*a) Corporal McLaghlin is banned from making recaff anywhere, with any kind of mechanism, device, or technology.
	*b) All trooper should be informed that the rumors claiming that three men had to have their stomachs pumped immediately after drinking Corporal McLaghlin's coffee are completely false.		*b) All trooper should be informed that the rumors claiming that three men had to have their stomachs pumped immediately after drinking Corporal McLaghlin's coffee are completely false.
	**i)Rumors that none of them lived long enough to have their stomachs pumped are also false, as Private McAuliff is still with us today.		**i)Rumors that none of them lived long enough to have their stomachs pumped are also false, as Private McAuliff is still with us today.
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	**i) Prisoners of war are not to be allowed to drink Corporal McLaghlin's recaff in combination with any interrogation drugs. These are enemies of the Emperor and of all Mankind, and are not to be permitted the mercy of a quick death.		**i) Prisoners of war are not to be allowed to drink Corporal McLaghlin's recaff in combination with any interrogation drugs. These are enemies of the Emperor and of all Mankind, and are not to be permitted the mercy of a quick death.
	*d) Corporal McLaghlin cannot curdle recaff just by his mere presence. It is wrong to tell new recruits this. Not to mention a bit creepy.		*d) Corporal McLaghlin cannot curdle recaff just by his mere presence. It is wrong to tell new recruits this. Not to mention a bit creepy.
			*e) Corporal McLaghlin's coffee is not allowed to be weaponized, sold as a riot agent, or used in any type of offensive manner.
			**I) Nor defensive. No matter how effective they may be against Tyranids, the after effects are debilitating to morale.

	3. Troopers are no longer allowed to put wheels on the Sentinels so they can go faster.		3. Troopers are no longer allowed to put wheels on the Sentinels so they can go faster.
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	*b) Heavy Flamers are not issued to help you keep warm, so knock it off!		*b) Heavy Flamers are not issued to help you keep warm, so knock it off!
	*c) Temporarily rescinded during operations on Ice Worlds.		*c) Temporarily rescinded during operations on Ice Worlds.
			*d) Scented Imperial Aquilae are permitted, and encouraged, as are scented purity seals, with an additional half ration.

	20. Troopers are no longer permitted to refit Sentinels, Salamanders, or Tauros RAVs with non-standard salvaged battlefield equipment without filling out the proper paperwork.		20. Troopers are no longer permitted to refit Sentinels, Salamanders, or Tauros RAVs with non-standard salvaged battlefield equipment without filling out the proper paperwork.
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	**i) It is considered polite, when answering an Inquisitor's questions on your non-standard and potentially xeno-constructed equipment, to make sure that the forged paperwork you present does not bear that particular Inquisitor's signature and insignia.		**i) It is considered polite, when answering an Inquisitor's questions on your non-standard and potentially xeno-constructed equipment, to make sure that the forged paperwork you present does not bear that particular Inquisitor's signature and insignia.
	*b) Any weapon that would make your vehicle flip or fall over when fired may not be refitted, regardless of the paperwork acquired.		*b) Any weapon that would make your vehicle flip or fall over when fired may not be refitted, regardless of the paperwork acquired.
			*c) The equipment MUST, and I cannot stress this enough, MUST, be disguised, in some fashion.

	38. Using a Sentinel's grappling hook to reel in an enemy vehicle does NOT count as “fishing.” Nor may pilots who do this call themselves “fishermen.”		38. Using a Sentinel's grappling hook to reel in an enemy vehicle does NOT count as “fishing.” Nor may pilots who do this call themselves “fishermen.”
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	*b) Or Melta warheads.		*b) Or Melta warheads.
	*c) Explosive tips are forbidden to be mounted on ram equipped Sentinels.		*c) Explosive tips are forbidden to be mounted on ram equipped Sentinels.
			*d) By the Emperor, why the FUCK did you mount a power sword on it?! For that matter, where did it come from?!

	61. No matter how good you are with your Sentinel or power-loader, you may not engage enemies in dance battles.		61. No matter how good you are with your Sentinel or power-loader, you may not engage enemies in dance battles.
	*a) Not even when said enemies are Harlequins.		*a) Not even when said enemies are Harlequins.
	**i) Not even if they started it.		*b) Not even if they started it.
			*c) Not allowed to dance it in standard combat either, even if it allows you to evade a little more enemy fire.

	72. Your Sentinel is not a ballerina. It does not need a tutu with a frilly pink dress.		72. Your Sentinel is not a ballerina. It does not need a tutu with a frilly pink dress.
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	*e) Dresses made out of ballistic fibers, while they will slightly increase ballistic protection, are still discouraged.		*e) Dresses made out of ballistic fibers, while they will slightly increase ballistic protection, are still discouraged.
	*f) Tuxedoes, as are any other article of clothing, are not allowed.		*f) Tuxedoes, as are any other article of clothing, are not allowed.
			*g) Mounting a set of Sentinel size Flak Armor onto your Sentinel is acceptable on a case by case basis. Users will be expected to draw additional fire.

	39. The Enginseers have informed the Colonel that using plasma weapons' heat sinks to cook grox is “disrespectful to the bacon-spirit.” This will cease immediately.		39. The Enginseers have informed the Colonel that using plasma weapons' heat sinks to cook grox is “disrespectful to the bacon-spirit.” This will cease immediately.