Tales of Fail - Revision history

imported>Administrator: 74 revisions imported

2023-06-23T13:40:27Z

74 revisions imported

← Older revision	Revision as of 13:40, 23 June 2023
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42.241.205.39 at 13:23, 22 June 2023

2023-06-22T13:23:57Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 13:23, 22 June 2023
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	Magic: 0 - Noise: 1 !		Magic: 0 - Noise: 1 !

			==Scratching the Paint==

			Local club during the early years of the game which shall not be named, so battle royals were hot. Had ten players around so someone said "Fuck it, ten way battle royal match!". This player brings a first-born BT army during 8th, still new to the game. Brought plenty of tacticals and dreads. First turn takes about as long as a normal game but a dark eldar player misjudged some cover and ends with a fully loaded Raider staring down this players entire army. Had 4 kraks, missiles, assault cannons and a metric shit ton of bolter resulting in 45 3+ to hit.

			Rolled 44 1s and 2s.

			One bolt pistol hit and wounded the vehicle scratch some paint off before getting return fire and being wiped the next turn. Four years later the legend of that bolt pistol is often brought up as proof that no matter how bad you roll, someone out there rolls worse.

	[[category:FAIL]]		[[category:FAIL]]

imported>Administrator: 1 revision imported

2023-06-19T13:58:53Z

1 revision imported

← Older revision	Revision as of 13:58, 19 June 2023
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84.135.104.83: /* What a Class A Panzy */

2020-07-09T15:46:38Z

What a Class A Panzy

← Older revision		Revision as of 15:46, 9 July 2020
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	==What a Class A Panzy==		==What a Class A Panzy==
	So [[Games Workshop\|Geedubbs]] made the Battle of Vedros set, in which it is Spess Mehrens versus Orkzes. In it are 5 nobz (as a separate unit) with a semi-equivalent would be a Spess Mehrens termi sgt. But the only problem was that the nobz would always turn one kill the sgt from across the board (One shot each/5 shots, 5+ to hit, 4+ to wound, 2+ save). This dint happen for one game. This happened five games in a row (and since then I've stopped playing Spess Mehrens). The Battle of Vedros set has 23 minitures (19 orkz and 9 [[~~space marines~~\|Spess ~~Mehrens~~]]) with the terminator sgt making a great frontline which is supposed to rampage through the orkz along with the dreadnought, [[RAGE\|if only he COULD MOVE BEFORE BEING SHOT BY BS 5 ORKZ TURN 1!]]		So [[Games Workshop\|Geedubbs]] made the Battle of Vedros set, in which it is Spess Mehrens versus Orkzes. In it are 5 nobz (as a separate unit) with a semi-equivalent would be a Spess Mehrens termi sgt. But the only problem was that the nobz would always turn one kill the sgt from across the board (One shot each/5 shots, 5+ to hit, 4+ to wound, 2+ save). This dint happen for one game. This happened five games in a row (and since then I've stopped playing Spess Mehrens). The Battle of Vedros set has 23 minitures (19 orkz and 9 [[Space Marines\|Spess Mehreens]]) with the terminator sgt making a great frontline which is supposed to rampage through the orkz along with the dreadnought, [[RAGE\|if only he COULD MOVE BEFORE BEING SHOT BY BS 5 ORKZ TURN 1!]]

	==Cuz they were made for fightin' an' winnin'==		==Cuz they were made for fightin' an' winnin'==

1d4chan>Unification: /* The Sound of Kakophoni */

2019-10-16T16:25:32Z

The Sound of Kakophoni

← Older revision		Revision as of 16:25, 16 October 2019
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	a) only 6 of 18 shots hit and wound (killing 2 Kakophoni from Gets Hot), and...		a) only 6 of 18 shots hit and wound (killing 2 Kakophoni from Gets Hot), and...

	b) 5 OUT OF 6 2+ ARMOUR SAVE FAIL IN SEQUENCE, leading to the death of 4 SEKHMET TERMINATORS AND A ~~PREATOR~~.		b) 5 OUT OF 6 2+ ARMOUR SAVE FAIL IN SEQUENCE, leading to the death of 4 SEKHMET TERMINATORS AND A PRAETOR.

	That's right : 180 pts of noisy bois took down over 400 pts of the best of the best magic Terminators in the Heresy. WITH NOISE !		That's right : 180 pts of noisy bois took down over 400 pts of the best of the best magic Terminators in the Heresy. WITH NOISE !

1d4chan>LordNecron: /* The Sound of Kakophoni */

2019-05-11T18:32:36Z

The Sound of Kakophoni

← Older revision		Revision as of 18:32, 11 May 2019
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	==The Sound of Kakophoni==		==The Sound of Kakophoni==

	My latest Horus Heresy game featured Emperor's Children versus Iron Warirors and Thousand Sons trying to get into each other's deployment zones. On the way were the mighty Sekhmet Terminators of the Raptora Cult: 7, furstratingly hard to kill 2-wound 2+ save 3++ invuln level 2 psyker, loaded with combi-weapons, chainfists and power axes, supported by a Biomancy Preator to Enfeeble any unit sent to deal with them (including ~~my own~~ Praetor and Phoenix Guard). After 3 turns of furious hand-to-hand combat, 5 Sekhmet eventually consolidated out of combat, 3 of them and their Praetor down to 1 wound.		My latest Horus Heresy game featured Emperor's Children versus Iron Warirors and Thousand Sons trying to get into each other's deployment zones. On the way were the mighty Sekhmet Terminators of the Raptora Cult: 7, furstratingly hard to kill 2-wound 2+ save 3++ invuln level 2 psyker, loaded with combi-weapons, chainfists and power axes, supported by a Biomancy Preator to Enfeeble any unit sent to deal with them (including the EC Praetor and Phoenix Guard). After 3 turns of furious hand-to-hand combat, 5 Sekhmet eventually consolidated out of combat, 3 of them and their Praetor down to 1 wound.

	Enter the remnants of 2 Kakophoni units, the 30k version of Noise Marines, totalling 9 men with 2 S6 AP5 Gets Hot shots each. Desperately trying to stop them from walking up to their deployment zone they open fire on the red Terminators, hoping to take away a wound or two. That's when :		Enter the remnants of 2 Kakophoni units, the 30k version of Noise Marines, totalling 9 men with 2 S6 AP5 Gets Hot shots each. Desperately trying to stop them from walking up to their deployment zone they open fire on the red Terminators, hoping to take away a wound or two. That's when :

1d4chan>LordNecron: /* The Sound of Kakophoni */

2019-05-11T18:31:59Z

The Sound of Kakophoni

← Older revision		Revision as of 18:31, 11 May 2019
Line 120:		Line 120:
	==The Sound of Kakophoni==		==The Sound of Kakophoni==

	My latest Horus Heresy game featured Emperor's Children versus Iron Warirors and Thousand Sons trying to get into each other's deployment zones. ~~Barring~~ the way were the mighty Sekhmet Terminators of the Raptora Cult: 7, furstratingly hard to kill 2-wound 2+ save 3++ invuln level 2 psyker, loaded with combi-weapons, chainfists and power axes, supported by a Biomancy Preator to Enfeeble any unit sent to deal with them (including my own Praetor and Phoenix Guard). After 3 turns of furious hand-to-hand combat, 5 Sekhmet eventually consolidated out of combat, 3 of them and their Praetor down to 1 wound.		My latest Horus Heresy game featured Emperor's Children versus Iron Warirors and Thousand Sons trying to get into each other's deployment zones. On the way were the mighty Sekhmet Terminators of the Raptora Cult: 7, furstratingly hard to kill 2-wound 2+ save 3++ invuln level 2 psyker, loaded with combi-weapons, chainfists and power axes, supported by a Biomancy Preator to Enfeeble any unit sent to deal with them (including my own Praetor and Phoenix Guard). After 3 turns of furious hand-to-hand combat, 5 Sekhmet eventually consolidated out of combat, 3 of them and their Praetor down to 1 wound.

	Enter the remnants of 2 Kakophoni units, the 30k version of Noise Marines, totalling 9 men with 2 S6 AP5 Gets Hot shots each. Desperately trying to stop them from walking up to my deployment zone I open fire on the red Terminators, hoping to take away a wound or two. That's when :		Enter the remnants of 2 Kakophoni units, the 30k version of Noise Marines, totalling 9 men with 2 S6 AP5 Gets Hot shots each. Desperately trying to stop them from walking up to their deployment zone they open fire on the red Terminators, hoping to take away a wound or two. That's when :

	a) only 6 of 18 shots hit and wound (killing 2 Kakophoni from Gets Hot), and...		a) only 6 of 18 shots hit and wound (killing 2 Kakophoni from Gets Hot), and...

1d4chan>LordNecron at 18:22, 11 May 2019

2019-05-11T18:22:13Z

@@ Line 117: / Line 117: @@
 ==Why mortals SUCK==
 [[Daemonettes]], and [[Bloodletters]] gather round, for there is a tale about how useless mortals are. Now I've never found cultist to be a particularly good unit from my experience, as they, for me at least, even [[Fail|failed]] as a [[tarpit]]. Anyway, onto the story. It was my second game (so it was a low point game), I was playing Chaos, and was up against Tyranids, for the mission there was a single objective in the middle, worth 3VP, so of course we were both after it. On turn Six, my army had either had been shot off the board, or wrecked in combat, same for the nids, and the units I was up against were a lictor, and a brood of [[Hormagaunt|Horny Gaunts]], and I had 24 cultists left. My cultists were charged by the lictor, and I was [[Anal_Circumference|preparing my anus]], when somehow my cultists had an epic win at overwatch, and [[Awesome|proceeded to kill the lictor]], who [[What|failed to cause a single wound]], even with S6, so i guess their annoying voices threw it off? I sighed in relief and the next turn I shot the horny gaunts to pieces and charged the remaining ones. This was a mistake apparently, because the cultsits managed to kill 3 gaunts, while I lost about 6, which caused a morale check. [[Fail|I rolled two sixes]], the single horny gaunt (I'd like to add my opponent somehow missed adding a leg before spraying it. It is now an inside joke about one-legged gaunts) sweeping advanced my 18 cultists. So I got tabled.[[Fail|By a SINGLE one-legged]] [[hormagaunt]].
 [[category:FAIL]]

1d4chan>Ukkesh at 18:49, 29 May 2017

2017-05-29T18:49:38Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 18:49, 29 May 2017
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	But what kind of Ork hits with every ranged weapon he fires but can't fight in melee to save his life?		But what kind of Ork hits with every ranged weapon he fires but can't fight in melee to save his life?

			==Why mortals SUCK==
			[[Daemonettes]], and [[Bloodletters]] gather round, for there is a tale about how useless mortals are. Now I've never found cultist to be a particularly good unit from my experience, as they, for me at least, even [[Fail\|failed]] as a [[tarpit]]. Anyway, onto the story. It was my second game (so it was a low point game), I was playing Chaos, and was up against Tyranids, for the mission there was a single objective in the middle, worth 3VP, so of course we were both after it. On turn Six, my army had either had been shot off the board, or wrecked in combat, same for the nids, and the units I was up against were a lictor, and a brood of [[Hormagaunt\|Horny Gaunts]], and I had 24 cultists left. My cultists were charged by the lictor, and I was [[Anal_Circumference\|preparing my anus]], when somehow my cultists had an epic win at overwatch, and [[Awesome\|proceeded to kill the lictor]], who [[What\|failed to cause a single wound]], even with S6, so i guess their annoying voices threw it off? I sighed in relief and the next turn I shot the horny gaunts to pieces and charged the remaining ones. This was a mistake apparently, because the cultsits managed to kill 3 gaunts, while I lost about 6, which caused a morale check. [[Fail\|I rolled two sixes]], the single horny gaunt (I'd like to add my opponent somehow missed adding a leg before spraying it. It is now an inside joke about one-legged gaunts) sweeping advanced my 18 cultists. So I got tabled.[[Fail\|By a SINGLE one-legged]] [[hormagaunt]].
	[[category:FAIL]]		[[category:FAIL]]

71.218.77.98: /* What Kind Of Ork... */

2017-04-04T19:42:22Z

What Kind Of Ork...

← Older revision		Revision as of 19:42, 4 April 2017
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	We got the first turn. I surged into the open as fast as I could, while the others lurked in various ruins near the back of the board. I was focused on the Chaos Space Marine army, they were all clustered together and ripe for stompin'. During the shooting phase, I let loose with my [[Dakka\|Supa Gatler]], hoping to soften those Traitor Marines up before finishing them in melee. You can imagine everyone's suprise when I [[wat\|hit with seven out of nine shots]] on my first burst, killing five Marines. My second burst fired [[rape\|twelve shots]], and wiped the marines out before running out of ammo. I still had a lot of [[dakka]] left to fire, so I set my sights on a convoy of [[Dark Eldar]] [[Raider\|Raiders]] that were sneaking around the back, trying to get to the C'Tan. The had to bunch up a bit to get around a building, making them nice and close for my shooting. I aimed my Deff Kannon at the most forward Raider, and the shot scattered to also catch the one right behind it, destroying the first and crippling the second. Then, I unleashed the Supa-Rokkits: The first Rokkit doesn't scatter at all, blowing the exposed Dark Eldar from the first Raider into so much red mist. The second scatters away from the injured Raider, but lands directly on the third Raider in the back, immobilizing it. My third missile flies wild, scattering past the raiders, past the building, and [[awesome\|right into the Reavers lurking on the other side]]. Everyone at the table was stunned; I had crippled the Dark Eldar army on the first turn, and I wasn't even in melee yet. It was glorious.		We got the first turn. I surged into the open as fast as I could, while the others lurked in various ruins near the back of the board. I was focused on the Chaos Space Marine army, they were all clustered together and ripe for stompin'. During the shooting phase, I let loose with my [[Dakka\|Supa Gatler]], hoping to soften those Traitor Marines up before finishing them in melee. You can imagine everyone's suprise when I [[wat\|hit with seven out of nine shots]] on my first burst, killing five Marines. My second burst fired [[rape\|twelve shots]], and wiped the marines out before running out of ammo. I still had a lot of [[dakka]] left to fire, so I set my sights on a convoy of [[Dark Eldar]] [[Raider\|Raiders]] that were sneaking around the back, trying to get to the C'Tan. The had to bunch up a bit to get around a building, making them nice and close for my shooting. I aimed my Deff Kannon at the most forward Raider, and the shot scattered to also catch the one right behind it, destroying the first and crippling the second. Then, I unleashed the Supa-Rokkits: The first Rokkit doesn't scatter at all, blowing the exposed Dark Eldar from the first Raider into so much red mist. The second scatters away from the injured Raider, but lands directly on the third Raider in the back, immobilizing it. My third missile flies wild, scattering past the raiders, past the building, and [[awesome\|right into the Reavers lurking on the other side]]. Everyone at the table was stunned; I had crippled the Dark Eldar army on the first turn, and I wasn't even in melee yet. It was glorious.

	Then came the enemies first turn. I took the brunt of [[rage\|everyone's firepower]], as they poured everything they had into my Stompa. The Chaos player brought his [[Land Raider]] around, unleasing a barrage of lascannon shots before disgorging a squad of [[Nurgle]] [[Chaos ~~Terminators~~\|Terminators]]. They charged in to fight the Stompa, [[Power Fist\|Power Fists]] at the ready. I wasn't to worried; five termies versus a Stompa? I could handle it. The the assault begins: I make four attacks against the Termies, [[rage\|and only hit with one]]. I roll for damage on the one hit, and [[Fail\|got a 1]]. The Termies unleash their [[anal circumference\|Power Fists]], hitting with all but two attacks and tearing my Stompa apart with a few well-rolled Vehicle Explodes! results.		Then came the enemies first turn. I took the brunt of [[rage\|everyone's firepower]], as they poured everything they had into my Stompa. The Chaos player brought his [[Land Raider]] around, unleasing a barrage of lascannon shots before disgorging a squad of [[Nurgle]] [[Chaos Space Marines\|Terminators]]. They charged in to fight the Stompa, [[Power Fist\|Power Fists]] at the ready. I wasn't to worried; five termies versus a Stompa? I could handle it. The the assault begins: I make four attacks against the Termies, [[rage\|and only hit with one]]. I roll for damage on the one hit, and [[Fail\|got a 1]]. The Termies unleash their [[anal circumference\|Power Fists]], hitting with all but two attacks and tearing my wounded Stompa apart with a few well-rolled Vehicle Explodes! results. I died after one turn of gameplay, but still got third place on my team due to the sheer carnage I had delivered in that magnificent shooting phase.

	~~What~~ kind of Ork hits with every ranged weapon he fires but can't fight in melee to save his life?		But what kind of Ork hits with every ranged weapon he fires but can't fight in melee to save his life?

	[[category:FAIL]]		[[category:FAIL]]