The Lampetie Accounts - Revision history

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1d4chan>Voivode1 at 17:53, 3 January 2016

2016-01-03T17:53:28Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 17:53, 3 January 2016
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	[[Category:Stories]]		[[Category:Stories]]
	[[Category:Imperial]]		[[Category:Imperial]]
			[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]

1d4chan>Luigi at 17:27, 18 September 2011

2011-09-18T17:27:04Z

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	[[Category:Stories]]		[[Category:Stories]]
	[[Category:Imperial ~~Church~~]]		[[Category:Imperial]]

1d4chan>Dzinch the Ruler at 12:25, 8 September 2011

2011-09-08T12:25:45Z

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	[[Category:Stories]]		[[Category:Stories]]
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99.144.231.20 at 02:40, 25 March 2009

2009-03-25T02:40:35Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 02:40, 25 March 2009
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	{{Story}}		{{Story}}
	Oldbeard Fic. 40k Version of the Canterbury Tales.
			Oldbeard Fic. 40k Version of the ''Canterbury Tales''.

	==The Lampetie Accounts==		==The Lampetie Accounts==
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	Above us, a maelstrom eddies across, for a moment I catch glimpses of derelicts, thousands of them, leering and heaving in the chapel windows, before it recedes again, back to the colors and shapes that hurt my eyes. With regret, I look to the Captain again, leaning back, laying on the pew, his hat down.		Above us, a maelstrom eddies across, for a moment I catch glimpses of derelicts, thousands of them, leering and heaving in the chapel windows, before it recedes again, back to the colors and shapes that hurt my eyes. With regret, I look to the Captain again, leaning back, laying on the pew, his hat down.

	"We went back up. The Mechanicus was unsure about launching the defective torpedo, but, he came around eventually. We fire it down, when the sun is above their ~~pissant~~ rock. I'm down there when it happens, everyone from every island around is out, ready to see this outlander with his very informal, abominable ruining mockery of their tongue, get ~~disproven~~.		"We went back up. The Mechanicus was unsure about launching the defective torpedo, but, he came around eventually. We fire it down, when the sun is above their puissant rock. I'm down there when it happens, everyone from every island around is out, ready to see this outlander with his very informal, abominable ruining mockery of their tongue, get disproved.

	I raise my hands, just when the flash hits. Even got a picture of me, with my content grin, back when my beard was full. A picture. Can you believe that? Some people. Maybe its still down there.		I raise my hands, just when the flash hits. Even got a picture of me, with my content grin, back when my beard was full. A picture. Can you believe that? Some people. Maybe its still down there.
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	"Like an idiot, I met them," He closed his eyes, "They, they thought me an avatar. A reverent figure. It irked the governor, so he just sprung them on me. I didn't know what to say. They asked me to make the sun deliver a cleansing wind. I said the sun can not do that. They asked for warmth, to cook the infection away. The sun can not do that. They asked for the light to at least make the hurting stop. The sun can not do that."		"Like an idiot, I met them," He closed his eyes, "They, they thought me an avatar. A reverent figure. It irked the governor, so he just sprung them on me. I didn't know what to say. They asked me to make the sun deliver a cleansing wind. I said the sun can not do that. They asked for warmth, to cook the infection away. The sun can not do that. They asked for the light to at least make the hurting stop. The sun can not do that."

	"'Then,'" The Captain's voice jumped an octave, an ~~embarassing~~ imitation of a little girl's voice, "'What can the sun do?'"		"'Then,'" The Captain's voice jumped an octave, an embarrassing imitation of a little girl's voice, "'What can the sun do?'"

	He holds for a moment. Glumly one hand drifts into his coat, holds a moment, then comes out, in the sign of an 'L'. Thumb out. First finger out, the rest curled in.		He holds for a moment. Glumly one hand drifts into his coat, holds a moment, then comes out, in the sign of an 'L'. Thumb out. First finger out, the rest curled in.
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	The Captain sighed, glancing at the bottle, before carefully setting it down on the chapel floor.		The Captain sighed, glancing at the bottle, before carefully setting it down on the chapel floor.

	"Now, the Guard are called. Heresy. Consorting with the Dark Powers," The Captain snorts, a wet, phlegmy snort, "Not so. Not every heresy immediately jumps straight into the wagon of Chaos," He pats himself down, and I reach back, pulling a tobacco stick out of my pocket, and ~~proferring~~ it to him. He nods his thanks, and leans forward, and under the eyes of the Spirit of Eternal Vigilance lights it in the Eternal Flame of Victory. He puffs, leaning back.		"Now, the Guard are called. Heresy. Consorting with the Dark Powers," The Captain snorts, a wet, phlegmy snort, "Not so. Not every heresy immediately jumps straight into the wagon of Chaos," He pats himself down, and I reach back, pulling a tobacco stick out of my pocket, and preferring it to him. He nods his thanks, and leans forward, and under the eyes of the Spirit of Eternal Vigilance lights it in the Eternal Flame of Victory. He puffs, leaning back.

	"They're the original sun ~~worshippers~~. Say we serve the bad sun. The Emperor Sun is the sun of cancer. Wants the Imperium out," The Captain closes his eyes, and then mutters, "I don't care anymore. Bloody primitives," One eye, wet and veined, opens, turns on me, "You're a soldier? Take my advice, do what I should have done. Don't try to help them or relate to them. They're idiots. Idiots convinced a boat beyond the atmosphere delivers divine wrath," He closes his eyes again, bringing a shuddering breath through my burning tobacco filter.		"They're the original sun worshipers. Say we serve the bad sun. The Emperor Sun is the sun of cancer. Wants the Imperium out," The Captain closes his eyes, and then mutters, "I don't care anymore. Bloody primitives," One eye, wet and veined, opens, turns on me, "You're a soldier? Take my advice, do what I should have done. Don't try to help them or relate to them. They're idiots. Idiots convinced a boat beyond the atmosphere delivers divine wrath," He closes his eyes again, bringing a shuddering breath through my burning tobacco filter.

	"Kill them. Kill them all. Let their sun sort them out."		"Kill them. Kill them all. Let their sun sort them out."
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	The pilot performs some initial checks on the package containing us, and it responds with a low, cranky, hissing.		The pilot performs some initial checks on the package containing us, and it responds with a low, cranky, hissing.

	"You see, we're getting deployed to one of the safer zones, and we're going to pots around and wait on the damn dirty island for a good, oh, whaddya think? Three?" The companion next to him grins a little, shaking his head, puts up two fingers, "Tch, an optimist, but I'll go with it, two weeks, while we ~~marshall~~ everything up, the generals settle their last minute arguments, and we get equipment deployed."		"You see, we're getting deployed to one of the safer zones, and we're going to pots around and wait on the damn dirty island for a good, oh, whaddya think? Three?" The companion next to him grins a little, shaking his head, puts up two fingers, "Tch, an optimist, but I'll go with it, two weeks, while we marshal everything up, the generals settle their last minute arguments, and we get equipment deployed."

	He revels in the drama of the pause. He waits for our approval, our cluelessness. Our exhortation for conclusion.		He revels in the drama of the pause. He waits for our approval, our cluelessness. Our exhortation for conclusion.
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	"It's how it was told to me," A thought springs to my mind, generation after generation of soldier, telling this same tale, delivering this same lecture.		"It's how it was told to me," A thought springs to my mind, generation after generation of soldier, telling this same tale, delivering this same lecture.

	"So," Said Gluon then, smiling benevolently at the soldiers in the box, "The Emperor ~~single handedly~~ delivered a slap to the face to the billions following him, telling them, 'No Imperial Army shall ever engage in such unprofessional acts'. Naturally, this has been broken over the years, but we," At this Gluon looked back to his cohorts, and smiled at them, "We know better. It's kind of a tradition in the Guard, something you pick up besides. Just goddamn logic, where we get into my economics."		"So," Said Gluon then, smiling benevolently at the soldiers in the box, "The Emperor singlehandedly delivered a slap to the face to the billions following him, telling them, 'No Imperial Army shall ever engage in such unprofessional acts'. Naturally, this has been broken over the years, but we," At this Gluon looked back to his cohorts, and smiled at them, "We know better. It's kind of a tradition in the Guard, something you pick up besides. Just goddamn logic, where we get into my economics."

	"Pretend your some dumb dirt farmer, who, thanks to Yours Truly putting his balls on the line against horrid threats he could never imagine, gets to enjoy the fine and beautiful range of products only the Imperium of Man can provide. Suddenly," Gluon brings his fingers together, "The prices jack up. 'Trouble over by the beta sector,'" the veteran's head wobbles back and forth, mimicking an accent strange to my ears, putting on the face of a put out old man, "the reason given," The fingers draw together tighter, "Then, you get word that some place you've barely heard of is lit up in rebellion, and you can't get no more chocolate, then the PDF are drawn up and you're on war rationing, then all of a sudden there's no more trade, no more merchants, no more nothing, and you can't get out because the orbital bombardments taken out the bridge, and the market, and you don't know what to do when suddenly!"		"Pretend your some dumb dirt farmer, who, thanks to Yours Truly putting his balls on the line against horrid threats he could never imagine, gets to enjoy the fine and beautiful range of products only the Imperium of Man can provide. Suddenly," Gluon brings his fingers together, "The prices jack up. 'Trouble over by the beta sector,'" the veteran's head wobbles back and forth, mimicking an accent strange to my ears, putting on the face of a put out old man, "the reason given," The fingers draw together tighter, "Then, you get word that some place you've barely heard of is lit up in rebellion, and you can't get no more chocolate, then the PDF are drawn up and you're on war rationing, then all of a sudden there's no more trade, no more merchants, no more nothing, and you can't get out because the orbital bombardments taken out the bridge, and the market, and you don't know what to do when suddenly!"
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	The rest of the men were taken alive. When they got returned to the Imperium, fished from the ocean on a raft they were meant to die on, they said the sergeant shot himself, rather than be taken prisoner.		The rest of the men were taken alive. When they got returned to the Imperium, fished from the ocean on a raft they were meant to die on, they said the sergeant shot himself, rather than be taken prisoner.

	When the Lieutenant made Sergeant Gluon a hero, a main propaganda piece, another piece of the story got out. That before shooting himself, Gluon laughed, placing his mouth over the barrel of his lasgun, looking at his ~~tormenters~~, as he approximated fellatio on his weapon. Laughing at them. Before shooting himself.		When the Lieutenant made Sergeant Gluon a hero, a main propaganda piece, another piece of the story got out. That before shooting himself, Gluon laughed, placing his mouth over the barrel of his lasgun, looking at his tormentors, as he approximated fellatio on his weapon. Laughing at them. Before shooting himself.

	The survivors were executed to the man for Conspiracy to Destroy Morale.		The survivors were executed to the man for Conspiracy to Destroy Morale.
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	Hour 'till planetfall.		Hour 'till planetfall.
	[[Category:Stories]][[Category:Imperial]]
			[[Category:Stories]]
			[[Category:Imperial]]

1d4chan>Tgcodefag at 02:12, 13 August 2008

2008-08-13T02:12:41Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 02:12, 13 August 2008
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			{{Story}}
	Oldbeard Fic. 40k Version of the Canterbury Tales.		Oldbeard Fic. 40k Version of the Canterbury Tales.

1d4chan>Myomoto at 15:25, 1 July 2008

2008-07-01T15:25:08Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 15:25, 1 July 2008
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	Hour 'till planetfall.		Hour 'till planetfall.
	[[Category:Stories]][[Category:~~Warhammer40K~~]]		[[Category:Stories]][[Category:Imperial]]

1d4chan>Errany at 12:10, 28 June 2008

2008-06-28T12:10:54Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 12:10, 28 June 2008
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	Hour 'till planetfall.		Hour 'till planetfall.
			[[Category:Stories]][[Category:Warhammer40K]]

1d4chan>Carcer at 06:48, 27 June 2008

2008-06-27T06:48:14Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 06:48, 27 June 2008
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	Oldbeard Fic. 40k Version of the Canterbury Tales.		Oldbeard Fic. 40k Version of the Canterbury Tales.

	===The Lampetie Accounts===		==The Lampetie Accounts==

	~~==The Captain's Tale==~~
	~~________________________________________~~

			===The Captain's Tale===
	I met him, the Hero Captain Lampetie, before I fell on the world named after him. It was before planet fall, when Padre Nuestra ordered up and sponsored the brawl, a competition to warm us up. Get in the spirit of it. I wasn't invited. Convicts are best not to get acquainted with.		I met him, the Hero Captain Lampetie, before I fell on the world named after him. It was before planet fall, when Padre Nuestra ordered up and sponsored the brawl, a competition to warm us up. Get in the spirit of it. I wasn't invited. Convicts are best not to get acquainted with.

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	Six hours 'till planet's fall.		Six hours 'till planet's fall.

	==The Veteran's Tale==		===The Veteran's Tale===

	~~________________________________________~~

	We catch ourselves on anything nearby as we shudder back into reality. For a moment, I hear whispered laughter along the pipes, familiar of the captain's. I tell myself its the cold that makes me shiver.		We catch ourselves on anything nearby as we shudder back into reality. For a moment, I hear whispered laughter along the pipes, familiar of the captain's. I tell myself its the cold that makes me shiver.
	I go out, get armed with what they tell me is lasgun. When I ask for a magazine, I get hit upside the head with the flat end of a bayonet. The quartermaster instructs me that I want a powerpack. Not a magazine. A powerpack. He replaces periods with flat, lazy swings of the dull bayonet. I stumble away, to wait with the troops in one of the drop crates. I don't know what their official name is. Its what the troops call them though.		I go out, get armed with what they tell me is lasgun. When I ask for a magazine, I get hit upside the head with the flat end of a bayonet. The quartermaster instructs me that I want a powerpack. Not a magazine. A powerpack. He replaces periods with flat, lazy swings of the dull bayonet. I stumble away, to wait with the troops in one of the drop crates. I don't know what their official name is. Its what the troops call them though.