Valkia the Bloody - Revision history

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2023-06-23T15:52:18Z

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2A02:1810:4E2C:A900:6160:277B:3094:F705 at 15:20, 6 May 2023

2023-05-06T15:20:17Z

173.235.62.78 at 23:56, 1 May 2023

2023-05-01T23:56:54Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:56, 1 May 2023
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	See, once she was just a badass viking chick. And considering that vikings here are already, like, 40% Testosterone at birth, that's a serious lot of manly. She got her first taste of battle being a shield-maiden as a child and found she liked it. As she grew up, she found herself liking war and hating her father's increasing willingness for peace, eventually killing him and taking over the tribe, with one of Valkia's two childhood friends (willingly) taking the fall for her father's death. So this accounted, she killed a bunch of other chaos champions, which is the closest thing the Norse have to [[Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position\|consenting, heterosexual sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation]].		See, once she was just a badass viking chick. And considering that vikings here are already, like, 40% Testosterone at birth, that's a serious lot of manly. She got her first taste of battle being a shield-maiden as a child and found she liked it. As she grew up, she found herself liking war and hating her father's increasing willingness for peace, eventually killing him and taking over the tribe, with one of Valkia's two childhood friends (willingly) taking the fall for her father's death. So this accounted, she killed a bunch of other chaos champions, which is the closest thing the Norse have to [[Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position\|consenting, heterosexual sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation]].

	She later met the leader of another tribe who worshiped Khorne and he introduced Valkia to his faith. She really liked the Khornate faith and the god behind it while also respecting the man, so after awhile the two married. Soon he made it clear that he wanted to be the boss of the tribes and their relationship (yes, the "stay in the kitchen" argument). While butting heads with him over this, Valkia one day felt like becoming a mother so she got him drunk, banged him (apparently whiskey dick isn't a thing in the Warhammer world) and got pregnant, later giving birth to two daughters.		She later met the leader of another tribe who worshiped Khorne and he introduced Valkia to his faith. She really liked the Khornate faith and the god behind it while also respecting the man, so after awhile the two married. Soon he made it clear that he wanted to be the boss of the tribes and their relationship (yes, the "stay in the kitchen" argument). While butting heads with him over this, Valkia one day felt like becoming a mother, so she got him drunk, banged him (apparently whiskey dick isn't a thing in the Warhammer world) and got pregnant, later giving birth to two daughters.

	Shortly after their children were born, he revealed that he wanted sons and didn't think much of his daughters (that's right, we're also doing the "heir club for men" trope). Valkia decided this was a prime subject to troll him about and did so often - especially in front of his bros, which eventually got him so mad he tried to kill her. She offed the unfortunate fool and ruled his tribe as a single mother and a warqueen (somehow doing a good job of both at the same time) while her girls became women. Though neither served Khorne like their mother did, one of them got smitten with an up-and-coming young warrior in the tribe while the other decided to remain single (between her and Valkia, we know what you're thinking; something something "don't need no man").		Shortly after their children were born, he revealed that he wanted sons and didn't think much of his daughters (that's right, we're also doing the "heir club for men" trope). Valkia decided this was a prime subject to troll him about and did so often - especially in front of his bros, which eventually got him so mad he tried to kill her. She offed the unfortunate fool and ruled his tribe as a single mother and a warqueen (somehow doing a good job of both at the same time) while her girls became women. Though neither served Khorne like their mother did, one of them got smitten with an up-and-coming young warrior in the tribe while the other decided to remain single (between her and Valkia, we know what you're thinking; something something "don't need no man").
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	[[File:Valkia.jpg\|300px\|thumb\|right\|Don't fap to her, she'll cut your dick off. <strike>Probably use it as a spear, also. </strike> Lol you wish it was that long]]		[[File:Valkia.jpg\|300px\|thumb\|right\|Don't fap to her, she'll cut your dick off. <strike>Probably use it as a spear, also. </strike> Lol you wish it was that long]]
	So Valkia decided to go up north with some of her warriors to see Khorne and present the shield with Locephax's head to him, leaving her daughters to rule the tribe in her absence. Despite being a badass, she ~~trips~~ at the finish line due to ~~her~~ most of men being pussies and either dying or running away, and she dies being crushed by the weight of her muscles while soloing against hordes of Slaaneshi daemons because lolchaos. And this made Khorne blow his load (both figuratively AND literally), so explosively that it literally brought her back to life and then turned her into a demonic valkyrie (this provides a counter example to assertions that Chaos gods never reward a failure... then again, Valkia lost due to some of her followers betraying her) who judges who shall live and who shall die while reducing Locephax to a hypnotic shield that Valkia can use in battle to disorient her enemies. Oh, and be Khorne's personal stress management resource when Slaanesh starts laughing about Khorne's killhatemurder homosex club.		So Valkia decided to go up north with some of her warriors to see Khorne and present the shield with Locephax's head to him, leaving her daughters to rule the tribe in her absence. Despite being a badass, she tripped at the finish line due to most of men being pussies and either dying or running away, and she dies being crushed by the weight of her muscles while soloing against hordes of Slaaneshi daemons because lolchaos. And this made Khorne blow his load (both figuratively AND literally), so explosively that it literally brought her back to life and then turned her into a demonic valkyrie (this provides a counter example to assertions that Chaos gods never reward a failure... then again, Valkia lost due to some of her followers betraying her) who judges who shall live and who shall die while reducing Locephax to a hypnotic shield that Valkia can use in battle to disorient her enemies. Oh, and be Khorne's personal stress management resource when Slaanesh starts laughing about Khorne's killhatemurder homosex club.

	When she left Khorne's realm and returned to the world, she turned her last living loyal soldier (who'd gotten ~~got~~ his arm torn off by a lion) into a Chaos Lord of Khorne, fixing his physical handicaps while hooking him up with an awesome axe, Chaos armor and a Juggernaut mount. On the way back home, she learned that things had gone to pot in her absence. Her tribe was fractured due to the scheming of other tribes and traitors within her own. Those loyal to Valkia were getting killed or annexed into other tribes. Worst of all, her married daughter [[Grimdark\|was murdered in her sleep while pregnant with the killer cutting the baby out of her body]] and the surviving daughter now hated Valkia. After killing some Dwarfs in a gruesome ritual called the Blood Raven (another viking reference, this one just a grimdark in real-life as it is in Warhammer), she returned to her tribe to try and fix things. Naturally, this involved Valkia killing a lot of people, sadly including [[Grimdark\|her surviving daughter, who challenged Valkia to a duel because she now considered her mother an Abbadon-tier screw-up]].		When she left Khorne's realm and returned to the world, she turned her last living loyal soldier (who'd gotten his arm torn off by a lion) into a Chaos Lord of Khorne, fixing his physical handicaps while hooking him up with an awesome axe, Chaos armor and a Juggernaut mount. On the way back home, she learned that things had gone to pot in her absence. Her tribe was fractured due to the scheming of other tribes and traitors within her own. Those loyal to Valkia were getting killed or annexed into other tribes. Worst of all, her married daughter [[Grimdark\|was murdered in her sleep while pregnant with the killer cutting the baby out of her body]] and the surviving daughter now hated Valkia. After killing some Dwarfs in a gruesome ritual called the Blood Raven (another viking reference, this one just a grimdark in real-life as it is in Warhammer), she returned to her tribe to try and fix things. Naturally, this involved Valkia killing a lot of people, sadly including [[Grimdark\|her surviving daughter, who challenged Valkia to a duel because she now considered her mother an Abbadon-tier screw-up]].

	Over time Valkia regained control of her tribe and threw away anything other than serving Khorne as a leader, consort and Chaos Valkyrie. She also appeared to Archaon in his quest to become Everchosen after he got the ultimate Mark of Chaos, where she killed a black dragon and the Dark Elf Sorceress riding it.		Over time Valkia regained control of her tribe and threw away anything other than serving Khorne as a leader, consort and Chaos Valkyrie. She also appeared to Archaon in his quest to become Everchosen after he got the ultimate Mark of Chaos, where she killed a black dragon and the Dark Elf Sorceress riding it.

	In the End Times she led a Khornate army alongside Skarbrand to attack Naggaroth, smashing through the watchtowers and Ghrond's army, making it to the gates of the capital city Naggarond. She and Kouran, who led the defense of Naggarond in Malekith's absence, dueled twice. The first ended in a stalemate and the second she forfeited to duel the newly arrived Malekith and his dragon in combat. After a lengthy fight she lost, blasted by Malekith's magic and his dragon's breath weapon, but Khorne made her fighting fit again to do more in The End Times. Sadly, she goes out like a chump in End Times: ~~Archaon,~~ accidentally impaling herself on Ludwig Schwarzhelm's standard pole as she runs him through with her spear (there's a sex joke in there somewhere).		In the End Times she led a Khornate army alongside Skarbrand to attack Naggaroth, smashing through the watchtowers and Ghrond's army, making it to the gates of the capital city Naggarond. She and Kouran, who led the defense of Naggarond in Malekith's absence, dueled twice. The first ended in a stalemate and the second she forfeited to duel the newly arrived Malekith and his dragon in combat. After a lengthy fight she lost, blasted by Malekith's magic and his dragon's breath weapon, but Khorne made her fighting fit again to do more in The End Times. Sadly, she goes out like a chump in End Times: accidentally impaling herself on Ludwig Schwarzhelm's standard pole as she runs him through with her spear (there's a sex joke in there somewhere).

	A lot of people that died in The World That Was during the End Times are alive and active in Age of Sigmar and Valkia is one such case. She came back complete with ruling her own version of Valhalla in [[Age of Sigmar]]. I guess this makes her Chaos Freya or something. When not busy with either killing or with her husband, she is known to accept [[Gorechosen\|challenges to mortal combat]] from worthy mortals trying to prove their mettle to the boss.		A lot of people that died in The World That Was during the End Times are alive and active in Age of Sigmar and Valkia is one such case. She came back complete with ruling her own version of Valhalla in [[Age of Sigmar]]. I guess this makes her Chaos Freya or something. When not busy with either killing or with her husband, she is known to accept [[Gorechosen\|challenges to mortal combat]] from worthy mortals trying to prove their mettle to the boss.

82.35.156.7: /* Origins */

2023-04-29T20:52:28Z

Origins

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:52, 29 April 2023
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	[[File:Valkia.jpg\|300px\|thumb\|right\|Don't fap to her, she'll cut your dick off. <strike>Probably use it as a spear, also. </strike> Lol you wish it was that long]]		[[File:Valkia.jpg\|300px\|thumb\|right\|Don't fap to her, she'll cut your dick off. <strike>Probably use it as a spear, also. </strike> Lol you wish it was that long]]
	So Valkia decided to go up north with some of her warriors to see Khorne and present the shield with Locephax's head to him, leaving her daughters to rule the tribe in her absence. Despite being a badass, she trips at the finish line due to her most of men being pussies and either dying or running away, and she dies being crushed by the weight of her muscles while ~~fighting off~~ hordes of Slaaneshi daemons because lolchaos. And this made Khorne blow his load (both figuratively AND literally), so explosively that it literally brought her back to life and then turned her into a demonic valkyrie (this provides a counter example to assertions that Chaos gods never reward a failure... then again, Valkia lost due to some of her followers betraying her) who judges who shall live and who shall die while reducing Locephax to a hypnotic shield that Valkia can use in battle to disorient her enemies. Oh, and be Khorne's personal stress management resource when Slaanesh starts laughing about Khorne's killhatemurder homosex club.		So Valkia decided to go up north with some of her warriors to see Khorne and present the shield with Locephax's head to him, leaving her daughters to rule the tribe in her absence. Despite being a badass, she trips at the finish line due to her most of men being pussies and either dying or running away, and she dies being crushed by the weight of her muscles while soloing against hordes of Slaaneshi daemons because lolchaos. And this made Khorne blow his load (both figuratively AND literally), so explosively that it literally brought her back to life and then turned her into a demonic valkyrie (this provides a counter example to assertions that Chaos gods never reward a failure... then again, Valkia lost due to some of her followers betraying her) who judges who shall live and who shall die while reducing Locephax to a hypnotic shield that Valkia can use in battle to disorient her enemies. Oh, and be Khorne's personal stress management resource when Slaanesh starts laughing about Khorne's killhatemurder homosex club.

	When she left Khorne's realm and returned to the world, she turned her last living loyal soldier (who'd gotten got his arm torn off by a lion) into a Chaos Lord of Khorne, fixing his physical handicaps while hooking him up with an awesome axe, Chaos armor and a Juggernaut mount. On the way back home, she learned that things had gone to pot in her absence. Her tribe was fractured due to the scheming of other tribes and traitors within her own. Those loyal to Valkia were getting killed or annexed into other tribes. Worst of all, her married daughter [[Grimdark\|was murdered in her sleep while pregnant with the killer cutting the baby out of her body]] and the surviving daughter now hated Valkia. After killing some Dwarfs in a gruesome ritual called the Blood Raven (another viking reference, this one just a grimdark in real-life as it is in Warhammer), she returned to her tribe to try and fix things. Naturally, this involved Valkia killing a lot of people, sadly including [[Grimdark\|her surviving daughter, who challenged Valkia to a duel because she now considered her mother an Abbadon-tier screw-up]].		When she left Khorne's realm and returned to the world, she turned her last living loyal soldier (who'd gotten got his arm torn off by a lion) into a Chaos Lord of Khorne, fixing his physical handicaps while hooking him up with an awesome axe, Chaos armor and a Juggernaut mount. On the way back home, she learned that things had gone to pot in her absence. Her tribe was fractured due to the scheming of other tribes and traitors within her own. Those loyal to Valkia were getting killed or annexed into other tribes. Worst of all, her married daughter [[Grimdark\|was murdered in her sleep while pregnant with the killer cutting the baby out of her body]] and the surviving daughter now hated Valkia. After killing some Dwarfs in a gruesome ritual called the Blood Raven (another viking reference, this one just a grimdark in real-life as it is in Warhammer), she returned to her tribe to try and fix things. Naturally, this involved Valkia killing a lot of people, sadly including [[Grimdark\|her surviving daughter, who challenged Valkia to a duel because she now considered her mother an Abbadon-tier screw-up]].

82.35.156.7: /* Origins */

2023-04-29T20:51:39Z

Origins

← Older revision		Revision as of 20:51, 29 April 2023
Line 18:		Line 18:

	[[File:Valkia.jpg\|300px\|thumb\|right\|Don't fap to her, she'll cut your dick off. <strike>Probably use it as a spear, also. </strike> Lol you wish it was that long]]		[[File:Valkia.jpg\|300px\|thumb\|right\|Don't fap to her, she'll cut your dick off. <strike>Probably use it as a spear, also. </strike> Lol you wish it was that long]]
	So Valkia decided to go up north with some of her warriors to see Khorne and present the shield with Locephax's head to him, leaving her daughters to rule the tribe in her absence. Despite being a badass, she trips at the finish line and dies ~~after she is~~ crushed by the weight of her muscles because lolchaos. And this made Khorne blow his load (both figuratively AND literally), so explosively that it literally brought her back to life and then turned her into a demonic valkyrie (this provides a counter example to assertions that Chaos gods never reward a failure... then again, Valkia lost due to some of her followers betraying her) who judges who shall live and who shall die while reducing Locephax to a hypnotic shield that Valkia can use in battle to disorient her enemies. Oh, and be Khorne's personal stress management resource when Slaanesh starts laughing about Khorne's killhatemurder homosex club.		So Valkia decided to go up north with some of her warriors to see Khorne and present the shield with Locephax's head to him, leaving her daughters to rule the tribe in her absence. Despite being a badass, she trips at the finish line due to her most of men being pussies and either dying or running away, and she dies being crushed by the weight of her muscles while fighting off hordes of Slaaneshi daemons because lolchaos. And this made Khorne blow his load (both figuratively AND literally), so explosively that it literally brought her back to life and then turned her into a demonic valkyrie (this provides a counter example to assertions that Chaos gods never reward a failure... then again, Valkia lost due to some of her followers betraying her) who judges who shall live and who shall die while reducing Locephax to a hypnotic shield that Valkia can use in battle to disorient her enemies. Oh, and be Khorne's personal stress management resource when Slaanesh starts laughing about Khorne's killhatemurder homosex club.

	When she left Khorne's realm and returned to the world, she turned her last living loyal soldier (who'd gotten got his arm torn off by a lion) into a Chaos Lord of Khorne, fixing his physical handicaps while hooking him up with an awesome axe, Chaos armor and a Juggernaut mount. On the way back home, she learned that things had gone to pot in her absence. Her tribe was fractured due to the scheming of other tribes and traitors within her own. Those loyal to Valkia were getting killed or annexed into other tribes. Worst of all, her married daughter [[Grimdark\|was murdered in her sleep while pregnant with the killer cutting the baby out of her body]] and the surviving daughter now hated Valkia. After killing some Dwarfs in a gruesome ritual called the Blood Raven (another viking reference, this one just a grimdark in real-life as it is in Warhammer), she returned to her tribe to try and fix things. Naturally, this involved Valkia killing a lot of people, sadly including [[Grimdark\|her surviving daughter, who challenged Valkia to a duel because she now considered her mother an Abbadon-tier screw-up]].		When she left Khorne's realm and returned to the world, she turned her last living loyal soldier (who'd gotten got his arm torn off by a lion) into a Chaos Lord of Khorne, fixing his physical handicaps while hooking him up with an awesome axe, Chaos armor and a Juggernaut mount. On the way back home, she learned that things had gone to pot in her absence. Her tribe was fractured due to the scheming of other tribes and traitors within her own. Those loyal to Valkia were getting killed or annexed into other tribes. Worst of all, her married daughter [[Grimdark\|was murdered in her sleep while pregnant with the killer cutting the baby out of her body]] and the surviving daughter now hated Valkia. After killing some Dwarfs in a gruesome ritual called the Blood Raven (another viking reference, this one just a grimdark in real-life as it is in Warhammer), she returned to her tribe to try and fix things. Naturally, this involved Valkia killing a lot of people, sadly including [[Grimdark\|her surviving daughter, who challenged Valkia to a duel because she now considered her mother an Abbadon-tier screw-up]].

1d4chan>A Walrus: /* Origins */ have at it.

2022-10-20T05:48:39Z

Origins: have at it.

← Older revision		Revision as of 05:48, 20 October 2022
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	A lot of people that died in The World That Was during the End Times are alive and active in Age of Sigmar and Valkia is one such case. She came back complete with ruling her own version of Valhalla in [[Age of Sigmar]]. I guess this makes her Chaos Freya or something. When not busy with either killing or with her husband, she is known to accept [[Gorechosen\|challenges to mortal combat]] from worthy mortals trying to prove their mettle to the boss.		A lot of people that died in The World That Was during the End Times are alive and active in Age of Sigmar and Valkia is one such case. She came back complete with ruling her own version of Valhalla in [[Age of Sigmar]]. I guess this makes her Chaos Freya or something. When not busy with either killing or with her husband, she is known to accept [[Gorechosen\|challenges to mortal combat]] from worthy mortals trying to prove their mettle to the boss.

			There has been a fair bit of discussion about weather or not her Khorned up form should have hair.

	==Tabletop==		==Tabletop==

2A02:842A:806A:C501:45EE:A2B9:D1AF:A888 at 22:19, 26 September 2022

2022-09-26T22:19:26Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 22:19, 26 September 2022
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	==[[Total War: Warhammer]] III==		==[[Total War: Warhammer]] III==
	She shows up in the third game's "Champions of Chaos" DLC, alongside [[Azazel]], [[Festus the Leechlord]] and [[Vilitch the Curseling]], where all four champions are trying to make their ways to Zanbaijin, to claim all the souls absorbed by the city over the centuries. Even accounting for the fact that her unit card was displayed on turn 70+ on the campaign map, Valkia's stats are monstrous and easily make her a contender with Skarbrand and Nkari as the best duelist lord in the game. Unfortunately, she comes off as a bit of a [[Khaine\|chump]] in her trailer where she gets beat down by a bunch of Slaanesh marauders and flies away. CA probably wanted to show off Valkia's temporary invincibility ability, but there's better ways to do that! Have her tank a cannonball, WITH HER FACE! Thankfully, despite her trailer making her look weak, she's an absolute monster in-game. Fast, small and agile while also hitting like a truck loaded with explosives.		She shows up in the third game's "Champions of Chaos" DLC, alongside [[Azazel]], [[Festus the Leechlord]] and [[Vilitch the Curseling]], where all four champions are trying to make their ways to Zanbaijin, to claim all the souls absorbed by the city over the centuries. Even accounting for the fact that her unit card was displayed on turn 70+ on the campaign map, Valkia's stats are monstrous and easily make her a contender with Skarbrand and Nkari as the best duelist lord in the game. Unfortunately, she comes off as a bit of a [[Khaine\|chump]] in her trailer where she gets beat down by a bunch of Slaanesh marauders and flies away. CA probably wanted to show off Valkia's temporary invincibility ability, but there's better ways to do that! Have her tank a cannonball, WITH HER FACE! Thankfully, despite her trailer making her look weak, she's an absolute monster in-game. Fast, small and agile while also hitting like a truck loaded with explosives. Flying and Anti-Large too.

	Due to being a Warrior of Chaos faction, Valkia can also recruit Undivided units in her armies rather than solely relying on Khorne warriors and demons, and she can also [[Heresy\|recruit sorcerers ~~in her armies~~]] - presumably because Khorne is willing to make an exception for his favourite waifu.		Due to being a Warrior of Chaos faction, Valkia can also recruit Undivided units in her armies rather than solely relying on Khorne warriors and demons, and she can also [[Heresy\|recruit Undivided sorcerers]] - presumably because Khorne is willing to make an exception for his favourite waifu.

	{{clear}}		{{clear}}

176.160.236.0 at 14:54, 17 September 2022

2022-09-17T14:54:38Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 14:54, 17 September 2022
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	She shows up in the third game's "Champions of Chaos" DLC, alongside [[Azazel]], [[Festus the Leechlord]] and [[Vilitch the Curseling]], where all four champions are trying to make their ways to Zanbaijin, to claim all the souls absorbed by the city over the centuries. Even accounting for the fact that her unit card was displayed on turn 70+ on the campaign map, Valkia's stats are monstrous and easily make her a contender with Skarbrand and Nkari as the best duelist lord in the game. Unfortunately, she comes off as a bit of a [[Khaine\|chump]] in her trailer where she gets beat down by a bunch of Slaanesh marauders and flies away. CA probably wanted to show off Valkia's temporary invincibility ability, but there's better ways to do that! Have her tank a cannonball, WITH HER FACE! Thankfully, despite her trailer making her look weak, she's an absolute monster in-game. Fast, small and agile while also hitting like a truck loaded with explosives.		She shows up in the third game's "Champions of Chaos" DLC, alongside [[Azazel]], [[Festus the Leechlord]] and [[Vilitch the Curseling]], where all four champions are trying to make their ways to Zanbaijin, to claim all the souls absorbed by the city over the centuries. Even accounting for the fact that her unit card was displayed on turn 70+ on the campaign map, Valkia's stats are monstrous and easily make her a contender with Skarbrand and Nkari as the best duelist lord in the game. Unfortunately, she comes off as a bit of a [[Khaine\|chump]] in her trailer where she gets beat down by a bunch of Slaanesh marauders and flies away. CA probably wanted to show off Valkia's temporary invincibility ability, but there's better ways to do that! Have her tank a cannonball, WITH HER FACE! Thankfully, despite her trailer making her look weak, she's an absolute monster in-game. Fast, small and agile while also hitting like a truck loaded with explosives.

	Due to being a Warrior of Chaos faction, Valkia can also recruit Undivided units in her armies rather than solely ~~rekying~~ on Khorne warriors and demons, and she can also [[Heresy\|recruit sorcerers in her armies]] - presumably because Khorne is willing to make an exception for his favourite waifu.		Due to being a Warrior of Chaos faction, Valkia can also recruit Undivided units in her armies rather than solely relying on Khorne warriors and demons, and she can also [[Heresy\|recruit sorcerers in her armies]] - presumably because Khorne is willing to make an exception for his favourite waifu.

	{{clear}}		{{clear}}

2001:861:3203:6F80:E190:EE80:B930:3C25 at 23:19, 16 September 2022

2022-09-16T23:19:28Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 23:19, 16 September 2022
Line 38:		Line 38:
	She shows up in the third game's "Champions of Chaos" DLC, alongside [[Azazel]], [[Festus the Leechlord]] and [[Vilitch the Curseling]], where all four champions are trying to make their ways to Zanbaijin, to claim all the souls absorbed by the city over the centuries. Even accounting for the fact that her unit card was displayed on turn 70+ on the campaign map, Valkia's stats are monstrous and easily make her a contender with Skarbrand and Nkari as the best duelist lord in the game. Unfortunately, she comes off as a bit of a [[Khaine\|chump]] in her trailer where she gets beat down by a bunch of Slaanesh marauders and flies away. CA probably wanted to show off Valkia's temporary invincibility ability, but there's better ways to do that! Have her tank a cannonball, WITH HER FACE! Thankfully, despite her trailer making her look weak, she's an absolute monster in-game. Fast, small and agile while also hitting like a truck loaded with explosives.		She shows up in the third game's "Champions of Chaos" DLC, alongside [[Azazel]], [[Festus the Leechlord]] and [[Vilitch the Curseling]], where all four champions are trying to make their ways to Zanbaijin, to claim all the souls absorbed by the city over the centuries. Even accounting for the fact that her unit card was displayed on turn 70+ on the campaign map, Valkia's stats are monstrous and easily make her a contender with Skarbrand and Nkari as the best duelist lord in the game. Unfortunately, she comes off as a bit of a [[Khaine\|chump]] in her trailer where she gets beat down by a bunch of Slaanesh marauders and flies away. CA probably wanted to show off Valkia's temporary invincibility ability, but there's better ways to do that! Have her tank a cannonball, WITH HER FACE! Thankfully, despite her trailer making her look weak, she's an absolute monster in-game. Fast, small and agile while also hitting like a truck loaded with explosives.

	Due to being a Warrior of Chaos faction, Valkia can also recruit Undivided units in her ~~arly~~ rather solely Khorne warriors and demons, and she can also [[Heresy\|~~have~~ sorcerers in her armies]] - presumably because Khorne is willing to make an exception for his favourite waifu.		Due to being a Warrior of Chaos faction, Valkia can also recruit Undivided units in her armies rather than solely rekying on Khorne warriors and demons, and she can also [[Heresy\|recruit sorcerers in her armies]] - presumably because Khorne is willing to make an exception for his favourite waifu.

	{{clear}}		{{clear}}

← Older revision		Revision as of 15:20, 6 May 2023
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	== Origins ==		== Origins ==

	See, once she was just a badass viking chick. And considering that vikings here are already, like, 40% Testosterone at birth, that's a serious lot of manly. She got her first taste of battle being a shield-maiden as a child and found she liked it. As she grew up, she found herself liking war and hating her father's increasing willingness for peace, eventually killing him and taking over the tribe, with one of Valkia's two childhood friends (willingly) taking the fall for her father's death. So this accounted, she killed a bunch of other chaos champions, which is the closest thing the Norse have to [[Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position\|consenting, heterosexual sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation]].		See, once she was just a badass viking chick. And considering that vikings here are already, like, 40% Testosterone at birth, that's a serious lot of manly. She got her first taste of battle being a shield-maiden as a child and found she liked it. As she grew up, she found herself liking war and hating her father's increasing willingness for peace, eventually killing him and taking over the tribe, with one of Valkia's two childhood friends (willingly) taking the fall for her father's death. So this accounted, she killed a bunch of other chaos champions, which is the closest thing the Norse have to [[Heterosexual Sex in the Missionary Position\|consenting, heterosexual sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation]].

	She later met the leader of another tribe who worshiped Khorne and he introduced Valkia to his faith. She really liked the Khornate faith and the god behind it while also respecting the man, so after awhile the two married. Soon he made it clear that he wanted to be the boss of the tribes and their relationship (yes, the "stay in the kitchen" argument). While butting heads with him over this, Valkia one day felt like becoming a mother, so she got him drunk, banged him (apparently whiskey dick isn't a thing in the Warhammer world) and got pregnant, later giving birth to two daughters.		She later met the leader of another tribe who worshiped Khorne and he introduced Valkia to his faith. She really liked the Khornate faith and the god behind it while also respecting the man, so after awhile the two married. Soon he made it clear that he wanted to be the boss of the tribes and their relationship (yes, the "stay in the kitchen" argument). While butting heads with him over this, Valkia one day felt like becoming a mother, so she got him drunk, banged him (apparently whiskey dick isn't a thing in the Warhammer world) and got pregnant, later giving birth to two daughters.

	Shortly after their children were born, he revealed that he wanted sons and didn't think much of his daughters (that's right, we're also doing the "heir club for men" trope). Valkia decided this was a prime subject to troll him about and did so often - especially in front of his bros, which eventually got him so mad he tried to kill her. She offed the unfortunate fool and ruled his tribe as a single mother and a warqueen (somehow doing a good job of both at the same time) while her girls became women. Though neither served Khorne like their mother did, one of them got smitten with an up-and-coming young warrior in the tribe while the other decided to remain single (between her and Valkia, we know what you're thinking; something something "don't need no man").		Shortly after their children were born, he revealed that he wanted sons and didn't think much of his daughters (that's right, we're also doing the "heir club for men" trope). Valkia decided this was a prime subject to troll him about and did so often - especially in front of his bros, which eventually got him so mad he tried to kill her. She offed the unfortunate fool and ruled his tribe as a single mother and a warqueen (somehow doing a good job of both at the same time) while her girls became women. Though neither served Khorne like their mother did, one of them got smitten with an up-and-coming young warrior in the tribe while the other decided to remain single (between her and Valkia, we know what you're thinking; something something "don't need no man").

	After this, Valkia's tribe was visited by Locephax, a [[Daemon Prince]] of [[Slaanesh]] who sought to plunder him some ass; Valkia's and her daughters' to be precise. While her daughters started to succumb to the daemon's beguilement, Valkia's Khornate faith enabled her to resist Locephax's powers. She responded by killing him in a duel, cutting his head off, and mounting it on her shield. LIKE A BOSS. Oh, and the head's still alive and trash-talks her regularly.		After this, Valkia's tribe was visited by Locephax, a [[Daemon Prince]] of [[Slaanesh]] who sought to plunder him some ass; Valkia's and her daughters' to be precise. While her daughters started to succumb to the daemon's beguilement, Valkia's Khornate faith enabled her to resist Locephax's powers. She responded by killing him in a duel, cutting his head off, and mounting it on her shield. LIKE A BOSS. Oh, and the head's still alive and trash-talks her regularly.

	[[File:Valkia.jpg\|300px\|thumb\|right\|Don't fap to her, she'll cut your dick off. <strike>Probably use it as a spear, also. </strike> Lol you wish it was that long]]		[[File:Valkia.jpg\|300px\|thumb\|right\|Don't fap to her, she'll cut your dick off. <strike>Probably use it as a spear, also. </strike> Lol you wish it was that long]]
	So Valkia decided to go up north with some of her warriors to see Khorne and present the shield with Locephax's head to him, leaving her daughters to rule the tribe in her absence. Despite being a badass, she tripped at the finish line due to most of men being pussies and either dying or running away, and she dies being crushed by the weight of her muscles while soloing against hordes of Slaaneshi daemons because lolchaos. And this made Khorne blow his load (both figuratively AND literally), so explosively that it literally brought her back to life and then turned her into a demonic valkyrie (this provides a counter example to assertions that Chaos gods never reward a failure... then again, Valkia lost due to some of her followers betraying her) who judges who shall live and who shall die while reducing Locephax to a hypnotic shield that Valkia can use in battle to disorient her enemies. Oh, and be Khorne's personal stress management resource when Slaanesh starts laughing about Khorne's killhatemurder homosex club.		So Valkia decided to go up north with some of her warriors to see Khorne and present the shield with Locephax's head to him, leaving her daughters to rule the tribe in her absence. Despite being a badass, she tripped at the finish line due to most of men being pussies and either dying or running away, and she dies being crushed by the weight of her muscles while soloing against hordes of Slaaneshi daemons because lolchaos. And this made Khorne blow his load (both figuratively AND literally), so explosively that it literally brought her back to life and then turned her into a demonic valkyrie (this provides a counter example to assertions that Chaos gods never reward a failure... then again, Valkia lost due to some of her followers betraying her) who judges who shall live and who shall die while reducing Locephax to a hypnotic shield that Valkia can use in battle to disorient her enemies. Oh, and be Khorne's personal stress management resource when Slaanesh starts laughing about Khorne's killhatemurder homosex club.

	When she left Khorne's realm and returned to the world, she turned her last living loyal soldier (who'd gotten his arm torn off by a lion) into a Chaos Lord of Khorne, fixing his physical handicaps while hooking him up with an awesome axe, Chaos armor and a Juggernaut mount. On the way back home, she learned that things had gone to pot in her absence. Her tribe was fractured due to the scheming of other tribes and traitors within her own. Those loyal to Valkia were getting killed or annexed into other tribes. Worst of all, her married daughter [[Grimdark\|was murdered in her sleep while pregnant with the killer cutting the baby out of her body]] and the surviving daughter now hated Valkia. After killing some Dwarfs in a gruesome ritual called the Blood Raven (another viking reference, this one just a grimdark in real-life as it is in Warhammer), she returned to her tribe to try and fix things. Naturally, this involved Valkia killing a lot of people, sadly including [[Grimdark\|her surviving daughter, who challenged Valkia to a duel because she now considered her mother an Abbadon-tier screw-up]].		When she left Khorne's realm and returned to the world, she turned her last living loyal soldier (who'd gotten his arm torn off by a lion) into a Chaos Lord of Khorne, fixing his physical handicaps while hooking him up with an awesome axe, Chaos armor and a Juggernaut mount. On the way back home, she learned that things had gone to pot in her absence. Her tribe was fractured due to the scheming of other tribes and traitors within her own. Those loyal to Valkia were getting killed or annexed into other tribes. Worst of all, her married daughter [[Grimdark\|was murdered in her sleep while pregnant with the killer cutting the baby out of her body]] and the surviving daughter now hated Valkia. After killing some Dwarfs in a gruesome ritual called the Blood Raven (another viking reference, this one just a grimdark in real-life as it is in Warhammer), she returned to her tribe to try and fix things. Naturally, this involved Valkia killing a lot of people, sadly including [[Grimdark\|her surviving daughter, who challenged Valkia to a duel because she now considered her mother an Abbadon-tier screw-up]].

	Over time Valkia regained control of her tribe and threw away anything other than serving Khorne as a leader, consort and Chaos Valkyrie. She also appeared to Archaon in his quest to become Everchosen after he got the ultimate Mark of Chaos, where she killed a black dragon and the Dark Elf Sorceress riding it.		Over time Valkia regained control of her tribe and threw away anything other than serving Khorne as a leader, consort and Chaos Valkyrie. She also appeared to Archaon in his quest to become Everchosen after he got the ultimate Mark of Chaos, where she killed a black dragon and the Dark Elf Sorceress riding it.

	In the End Times she led a Khornate army alongside Skarbrand to attack Naggaroth, smashing through the watchtowers and Ghrond's army, making it to the gates of the capital city Naggarond. She and Kouran, who led the defense of Naggarond in Malekith's absence, dueled twice. The first ended in a stalemate and the second she forfeited to duel the newly arrived Malekith and his dragon in combat. After a lengthy fight she lost, blasted by Malekith's magic and his dragon's breath weapon, but Khorne made her fighting fit again to do more in The End Times. Sadly, she goes out like a chump in End Times: accidentally impaling herself on Ludwig Schwarzhelm's standard pole as she runs him through with her spear (there's a sex joke in there somewhere).		In the End Times she led a Khornate army alongside Skarbrand to attack Naggaroth, smashing through the watchtowers and Ghrond's army, making it to the gates of the capital city Naggarond. She and Kouran, who led the defense of Naggarond in Malekith's absence, dueled twice. The first ended in a stalemate and the second she forfeited to duel the newly arrived Malekith and his dragon in combat. After a lengthy fight she lost, blasted by Malekith's magic and his dragon's breath weapon, but Khorne made her fighting fit again to do more in The End Times. Sadly, she goes out like a chump in End Times: accidentally impaling herself on Ludwig Schwarzhelm's standard pole as she runs him through with her spear (there's a sex joke in there somewhere).

	A lot of people that died in The World That Was during the End Times are alive and active in Age of Sigmar and Valkia is one such case. She came back complete with ruling her own version of Valhalla in [[Age of Sigmar]]. I guess this makes her Chaos Freya or something. When not busy with either killing or with her husband, she is known to accept [[Gorechosen\|challenges to mortal combat]] from worthy mortals trying to prove their mettle to the boss.		A lot of people that died in The World That Was during the End Times are alive and active in Age of Sigmar and Valkia is one such case. She came back complete with ruling her own version of Valhalla in [[Age of Sigmar]]. I guess this makes her Chaos Freya or something. When not busy with either killing or with her husband, she is known to accept [[Gorechosen\|challenges to mortal combat]] from worthy mortals trying to prove their mettle to the boss.

	There has been a fair bit of discussion about weather or not her Khorned up form should have hair.		There has been a fair bit of discussion about weather or not her Khorned up form should have hair.
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	==[[Total War: Warhammer]] III==		==[[Total War: Warhammer]] III==
	She shows up in the third game's "Champions of Chaos" DLC, alongside [[Azazel]], [[Festus the Leechlord]] and [[Vilitch the Curseling]], where all four champions are trying to make their ways to Zanbaijin, to claim all the souls absorbed by the city over the centuries. Even accounting for the fact that her unit card was displayed on turn 70+ on the campaign map, Valkia's stats are monstrous and easily make her a contender with Skarbrand and Nkari as the best duelist lord in the game. Unfortunately, she comes off as a bit of a [[Khaine\|chump]] in her trailer where she gets beat down by a bunch of Slaanesh marauders and flies away. CA probably wanted to show off Valkia's temporary invincibility ability, but there's better ways to do that! Have her tank a cannonball, WITH HER FACE! Thankfully, despite her trailer making her look weak, she's an absolute monster in-game. Fast, small and agile while also hitting like a truck loaded with explosives. Flying and Anti-Large too.		She shows up in the third game's "Champions of Chaos" DLC, alongside [[Azazel]], [[Festus the Leechlord]] and [[Vilitch the Curseling]], where all four champions are trying to make their ways to Zanbaijin, to claim all the souls absorbed by the city over the centuries. Even accounting for the fact that her unit card was displayed on turn 70+ on the campaign map, Valkia's stats are monstrous and easily make her a contender with Skarbrand and Nkari as the best duelist lord in the game. Unfortunately, she comes off as a bit of a [[Khaine\|chump]] in her trailer where she gets beat down by a bunch of Slaanesh marauders and flies away. CA probably wanted to show off Valkia's temporary invincibility ability, but there's better ways to do that! Have her tank a cannonball, WITH HER FACE! Thankfully, despite her trailer making her look weak, she's an absolute monster in-game. Fast, small and agile while also hitting like a truck loaded with explosives. Flying and Anti-Large too.

	Due to being a Warrior of Chaos faction, Valkia can also recruit Undivided units in her armies rather than solely relying on Khorne warriors and demons, and she can also [[Heresy\|recruit Undivided sorcerers]] - presumably because Khorne is willing to make an exception for his favourite waifu.		Due to being a Warrior of Chaos faction, Valkia can also recruit Undivided units in her armies rather than solely relying on Khorne warriors and demons, and she can also [[Heresy\|recruit Undivided sorcerers]] - presumably because Khorne is willing to make an exception for his favourite waifu.