Count Joe Kürbisgärtner

A /tg/ OC for Warhammer Fantasy designed to work as a battlescroll.

The Legend

Count Joe Kürbisgärtner appears as weathered old farmer dressed in overalls and a hat. In reality, he is a humble Vampire Count who lives on a plot of land on the outskirts of some damned blighted ground somewhere in the Empire. He cultivates multiple fields of crops, which he trades in the nearby town found just out of sight of his estate. His secret is well known, but ever since his presence was first reported almost three hundred years ago by a terrified tax collector who found a Master Vampire paying him in chickens and a pumpkin, he has sat on the backburner of the local nobles as well as the Witch Hunters. After all, most individuals are bright enough not to poke a sleeping dragon without cause. No "living" being has knowledge of his origins. Only a few clues exist, like his family name appearing on the wall of a crumbling ruin atop an old mountain in Kislev once known to house a company of Blood Dragons; an old polished suit of armor that gathers dust in the corner of his "thinkin' room" in the old Estalian style; a skeletal horse, whose movements seem more deliberate than that of a mere reanimated beast; and a wagon wheel made of Gromril hung ornamentally from a fence post. Count Joe has never been seen to exhibit a lust for blood in the living recollection of any man in the village. Some of the older gents who spend their days spinning yarns of incensed charging into portals to war on the domains of the Ruinous Powers, races of Dwarfs swallowed by locusts from the blackest of nights, virtuous knights that draw power from the blood of maidens, and similar such nonsense will claim to know what makes their neighbor differ. Sit enough With them on the right day and you'll hear that he was planted in the Earth a sinner and grew into a saint. That like a dog that loses sight but can hear for miles, the lack of light made Ol' Joe attune himself with the soil. That Joe loved a woman from the village, and she bore his child to another man so Joe turned to watch over his kin in the village for all time. No matter the story, the ending is the same. Count Joe Kürbisgärtner is here to stay, and is as good a neighbor and a better farmer than any have ever known.

When angered, he summons an army of corpses from the aforementioned blighted locale: the first time because a Warriors of Chaos army pillaged his fields for rations while he was at market on their way to destroy the Empire. The Emperor, only knowing that the intervention of "a crazy old farmer and his farmhands" saved the day, granted him title and a medal for his service. The former was added via paint to the name on his mailbox, the latter hangs proudly on on his favorite scarecrow.

His actual "field hands" are various skeletal and incorporeal undead. He never utilizes Zombies as he finds them disturbing (particularly to his flower beds), and finds the table manners as well as the outlandish slang and music preference of Ghouls to be offensive. He only ever had one Dire Wolf, an old hound dog named "Rip" who can be found terrorizing (literally) Chaos mutated wildlife down by the creek. His personal symbol is a sunflower growing out of a skull. It adorns the crates he transports goods to town in, as well as an old battle flag that hangs from his barn when not borne into battle by skeletons wearing gardening gloves. When well and truly riled, there are stories that the plant life acts in unnatural ways; that trees will leave a plot of land and avenge the owners slain by villains in the night. That pathways into the area close before armies of the damned, that fields of wheat blaze like fire when raiders attempt to cross them.

When he and his crew march into battle, the old haywagon is hitched to a team of skeletal steeds. Whatever remains of Count Joe's crop is loaded into the rickety old oak vehicle and thrown at the enemies of the farm. The ill will felt by scores of cheated laborers strengthens the frame of the wagon, and passes into the plump ammunition causing pumpkin innards to wrap around men and strangle them, corn cobs to burn flesh and steel, and rhubarb to strike men with the force of a sharply loosed tipped arrow.

>Hay ride: 50 point upgrade to Corpse Wagon. Gain 3 skeleton crew who can attack in any direction from the cart. Also gain a 6" ranged attack resolved at S3 which can be used in melee. > Pitchfork. For 20 points, Joe may take a pitchfork which allows him to strike any model behind his target in the same attack. >Jug (Instrument) For +10 points, musicians may take Jugs. Jugs provide an additional 1M to the unit. > Skeletal assistants help him grow his multi hundred acre crop, being washed to a gleam so to not contaminate his vegetables > Said skeletons have mastered precision, making them adept at severing whole bushels of crop, to severing dozens of heads with their weapons > Any army can ask for supplies > Joe will face their captain in combat > if worthy they may re supply from his field > if a passing army steals, Joe reaps their bodies like wheat until the debt is paid > Due to being washed daily they are clean in appearance > All weapons and armor are well maintained and thus are better in ability > Joe uses life spells in order to not provoke the thirst > Has gained a boon from thr natural world, being able to summon tree monsters as an allie > Gain regain wounds via the very ground struggling to keep Joe Alive > Gains +1 IN by drinking a flask of moonshine, only lasts one round