Hassan

Hassan, also known as Crazy Hassan, is a camel salesman. He is a universal singularity, much like L-Space or mysterious vendors from Discworld. He appears whenever someone is in need of transport with a herd of camels following him. Although the customers may be baffled to see him, he will nonetheless try (and succeed) to sell them camels and camel-related accessories. He will usually throw in a pack of dates and other seemingly unrelated items. Every customer that is visited by Hassan leaves with a camel, whether he wanted it or not.

The most peculiar thing about Hassan's business is that he will conduct it anywhere. He operates mostly in the desert, but can (and will) show up in tundra, north pole, grasslands, sea shores and other terrain types. Always with camels.

Writefaggotry

Do I need a camel?

Of course you need camel! Everyone need camel! I am Crazy Hassan, and I have a used camel specially for YOU! Camels last twice as long as horses, drink a third of the water, and just between you and me, look very nice. But come, you must see my camels! A camel for all situations and all permutations! You are stuck in space? I have space camel! Comes with it's own helmet and rocket! Buy now, I'll throw in bottle of fresh, best-quality air for free! Need to cross the ocean? Aqua-camel! Comes with its own waterwings! Great bargain - you buy the body and two legs, I'll throw in another two legs FREE! I have sold camels to everyone! No complaints! Tell your friends, tell your family! Bargain camels, almost never used! Ah, that one spit on you, it must like you!

And remember, ALWAYS SHOP AT CRAAAAAZY HASSAN'S FOR ALL YOUR CAMEL NEEDS!!

Hassan Stories

"So I sent my idiot brother to town the other day to buy a cow. Only problem? He passes Crazy Hassan's on the way into town. The moron came back two hours later with a camel, painted white with black spots. Praise Pelor I didn't send him after a dozen chickens..."

"I decided to climb a mountain once. After a few weeks of grueling toil, I reach the top, and who's there? It's motherfucking Crazy Hassan. He says something about trying to breed his camels with the local goats to toughen them up, but apparently his camels were tougher already. Then he gets on his personal camel and barrels the fuck down the mountainside, hollering the entire way. I think his camel pissed on the absolute peak, too."

"There was a time when I would only ride Thoroughbred Arabian Stallions. Things change when you see a man do Thriller in the middle of a desert with a herd of camels."