Imperial Guard: Difference between revisions
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[[Image:Basilisk.png|thumb|right|[[Basilisk]]s are AWESOME]]The '''Imperial Guard''' are the footsoldiers of the Imperium. They only exist to die gloriously in the [[Empra]]'s name. [[Commissar]]s (like [[Holt]] and [[Ciaphas Cain]]) ensure they do so by shooting anyone who looks like deserting. Though the average Guardsman is only capable of drawing enemy fire and shining a torch at their enemies, much more fortunate Guardsmen get to drive the tanks and other armoured vehicles fielded by the IG, which proceed to blow their enemies into little chunks from a very long way away. | [[Image:Basilisk.png|thumb|right|[[Basilisk]]s are AWESOME]]The '''Imperial Guard''' are the footsoldiers of the [[Imperium]]. They only exist to die gloriously in the [[Empra]]'s name. [[Commissar]]s (like [[Holt]] and [[Ciaphas Cain]]) ensure they do so by shooting anyone who looks like deserting. Though the average Guardsman is only capable of drawing enemy fire and shining a torch at their enemies, much more fortunate Guardsmen get to drive the tanks and other armoured vehicles fielded by the IG, which proceed to blow their enemies into little chunks from a very long way away. | ||
It is worth noting that in a universe where the majority of the other armies are either: | It is worth noting that in a universe where the majority of the other armies are either: | ||
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* [[Tau|Weeaboo Space Communists]] | * [[Tau|Weeaboo Space Communists]] | ||
* Some combination of the above | * Some combination of the above | ||
The footsoldiers of the Imperial Guard take to the field equipped with nothing more than the 40k equivalent of flak jackets, glorified laser pointers, and a copy of the Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer. They have balls of steel. | The footsoldiers of the Imperial Guard take to the field equipped with nothing more than the 40k equivalent of flak jackets, glorified laser pointers, and a copy of the Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer. They have balls of steel. Examples of Guardsmen going above and beyond this, demonstrating the possession of testicles so massive they should be deployed in battle as a separate unit, are plentiful; [[Ollanius Pius]] is one such Guardsman, standing up to fucking [[Horus]] himself; the original [[Dawn of War]] features the Blood Ravens running into a pair of Guardsmen who have held their position, without support, in the middle of a combined Chaos/Ork/Eldar invasion, for more than a week; [[Dawn of War II]] has Guardsmen rescued in an earlier mission returning in the finale to provide infantry support while the Blood Ravens launch an attack on a fucking [[Tyranid]] hive. Although the average frontline Guardsman is highly unlikely to survive his first deployment, veteran soldiers are considered to be some of the manliest motherfuckers the Imperium has to offer. | ||
==Notable Figures of the Imperial Guard== | ==Notable Figures of the Imperial Guard== | ||
Revision as of 23:31, 11 March 2009
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The Imperial Guard are the footsoldiers of the Imperium. They only exist to die gloriously in the Empra's name. Commissars (like Holt and Ciaphas Cain) ensure they do so by shooting anyone who looks like deserting. Though the average Guardsman is only capable of drawing enemy fire and shining a torch at their enemies, much more fortunate Guardsmen get to drive the tanks and other armoured vehicles fielded by the IG, which proceed to blow their enemies into little chunks from a very long way away.
It is worth noting that in a universe where the majority of the other armies are either:
- Robots
- Genetically engineered killing machines
- Horrific mutants
- Clad in powered armour
- In possession of extremely advanced technology and can jump around making damn accurate shots like Quake players
- Weeaboo Space Communists
- Some combination of the above
The footsoldiers of the Imperial Guard take to the field equipped with nothing more than the 40k equivalent of flak jackets, glorified laser pointers, and a copy of the Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer. They have balls of steel. Examples of Guardsmen going above and beyond this, demonstrating the possession of testicles so massive they should be deployed in battle as a separate unit, are plentiful; Ollanius Pius is one such Guardsman, standing up to fucking Horus himself; the original Dawn of War features the Blood Ravens running into a pair of Guardsmen who have held their position, without support, in the middle of a combined Chaos/Ork/Eldar invasion, for more than a week; Dawn of War II has Guardsmen rescued in an earlier mission returning in the finale to provide infantry support while the Blood Ravens launch an attack on a fucking Tyranid hive. Although the average frontline Guardsman is highly unlikely to survive his first deployment, veteran soldiers are considered to be some of the manliest motherfuckers the Imperium has to offer.
Notable Figures of the Imperial Guard
- Commissar Holt - Awesome cinematics are awesome, from Warhammer 40,000: Final Liberation.
- Commissar Dan - "But Commissar Dan says we're on a blaze for glory run".
- Commissar Fuklaw
- General Sturnn - Manly damn old son of a bitch, from Dawn of War: Winter Assault. Struggles with grammar.
- Ciaphas Cain - Charming Commissar in the Harry Flashman tradition.
- Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt - Main protaganist of Gaunt's Ghosts- Man what's with all the commissars let's break this up a bit.
- Ollanius Pius - The catalyst for the Emperor finally slaying Horus. (No longer canon, which is BULLSHIT)
- Vance Motherfucking Stubbs - Another manly bastard, famous for losing 100 Baneblades.
Gallery
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