Quest:Dorf Quest

You heard the man.

A Quest run by Gnome, featuring the adventures of the dorf Beardbeard, the elf Garrelf, the human rogue Aldwin, the neckbeard apprentice Lily, and the orc priestess Cultist. Plot summary is easier done by listing off what each character has done so far. The threads can be found here. Now also comes with its own TVTropes article!

Dorf Quest takes place every Saturday at 10pm, Central time. Gnome has said he'll also run it on Thursdays if he isn't too busy, but this has only happened once.

Characters

This article contains spoilers! You have been warned.

List of all the major characters in Dorf Quest, as well as their major accomplishments and current status.

Beardbeard Godslayer

Beardbeard is a Dorf and, for the most part, the main character of the game. He set out to make a name for himself and earn some cash. Despite his violent nature (he's Chaotic Evil), Beardbeard seems to value his friends and allies and tries to help them when possible. In fact, by this point, Beardbeard has become somewhat infamous in-game for going out of his way to resurrect or otherwise help his comrades, even if 90% of their deaths and/or problems are entirely his own damn fault. Beardbeard is a worshiper of Xom, and hails from the city of Mountainhome.

Currently, he is known as Godslayer for killing Glittergold and handing his divinity to Satan. He has claimed a dragon's cavern as his own, and wants to use it as the basis for founding his own country. However, he is currently trapped in the Shadow Realm with Garrelf, and needs to escape before he can do anything else.

Garrelf

A manly elf who got recruited into Beardbeard's party, and has so far proven to be a trustworthy ally. During a drinking contest between Beardbeard, Satan, and himself, he lost his liver (and his life) when Beardbeard ripped it out so he could replace Satan's. Beardbeard, in an act that would come to define his personality, then resurrected Garrelf and transformed him into a Shadar-kai. Garrelf is very likely the most depraved torture expert ever, and also the king of the elven city of Teven. He has no god, and hails from the city of Teven.

Currently, he is trapped in the Shadow Realm with Beardbeard. He got there in the first place by trying to hold off a Blue Eyes White Dragon by himself, but Beardbeard has come to get him, so now they need to find a way to get back home.

Aldwin Cardsharp

Aldwin is the second protagonist in the game. He and Beardbeard alternate weekly sessions. He is a rogue/cleric of Nemelex, and hails from Aordor.

Aldwin started out as a very incompetent rogue who pretty much sucked at anything he did. However, after much training with Lily, he has come to become a competent rogue, and Goldmoon had started to teach him the ways of an assassin before making the ultimate sacrifice. Most of his power comes from his summoning abilities, however, as most of the other rogues in the story are better than him at being rogues.

Aldwin currently lives with Lily and Cultist inside of a Windmill he claimed as his own a while back. Due to a series of unfortunate events, he is now in charge of the Goldmoon Slayers, despite being a still pretty inept rogue.

Lily Roosterhalt

A neckbeard in training and Aldwin's sidekick/adoptive daughter. She helps Aldwin stop sucking at his chosen profession and helps him in his training. Even though she is useless by herself, her extreme genre savvy helps her when dealing with Aldwin, and points him in the right direction. Also, she is the only character in Dorf Quest who communicates directly with the fa/tg/uys, even being considered an embodiment of /tg/ itself in the game world. Also she's pink and tiny. Really tiny. Really really fucking tiny. Lily is also a glass cannon - she has one very powerful attack (Nerdrage), but she can only use it once per session, and she can't take a hit at all. She has no god, and nobody knows where she hails from.

Lily is currently mourning the loss of Goldmoon, and is actually wearing girl clothes now. Somehow this seems to have made her taller.

Cultist of Xom

An orc cultist of Xom that started as just a throw-away NPC, but ended up being a member of Beardbeard's party. A pious follower of Xom, she helped Beardbeard by bringing Garrelf back, restoring Beardbeard's arm after his Satan arm went awry, and giving him the barrel of Kay-oss beer that mutated him (As a reward for getting 10 people to join Xom). She appears to be a shy and kind person, always trying to help out as much as she can, despite her not exactly beautiful looks and weird speech. She is a very obvious reference to Cultist-chan.

Currently, she is living with Lily and Aldwin at the windmill. She is pregnant, and has said that Aldwin is the father, but Gnome is a bastard and may have something up his sleeve...

Mado

A human rogue who follows Nevada around like a lost puppy. She has a huge crush on Nevada, and would do anything for her, including pretend she sucks so that she can stay Nevada's apprentice longer. She joined Beardbeard's party by force, but began to help them out after discovering that they wanted to bring back Nevada. She has no god, and hails from Aordor.

Currently, she is running around Teven looking for Nevada, who ran away after Mado confessed to her. It is uncertain at the moment how this will turn out.

Kav

A pixie mobster who had been sold off as a slave to the Blue Eyes White Dragon. She agreed to help out Beardbeard after he rescued her, but seems to crave action, and gets bored easily. She speaks in 1920's slang, making her exact message difficult to understand at times, but the gist of it is pretty clear. She has no god, and hails from Eridia.

Her current location is unknown.

PC Capability Cards

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Beardbeard's current Capability Card Garrelf's current Capability Card Aldwin's current Capability Card Lily's current Capability Card

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Cultist's current Capability Card Mado's TRUE Capability Card Kav's current Capability Card

NPCs

Finlay

An assassin who was an old acquaintance of Aldwin's. However, he has definitely lost Aldwin's trust, and deserves to DIAF. He was unjustly murdered by Goldmoon after being framed for the kidnapping of Lily, but no one really minds since he really was a total asshole. Finlay has no god, and hails from Aordor.

Since it will never come to light, his initial plan for killing Goldmoon was as follows: By using Aldwin/Lily as bait, he would get her to drop her guard, and then kill her himself. He would claim credit for the attack, thus putting himself in the Number One spot of the guild, and setting himself up as its leader. When Lily managed to knock him unconscious, and later claimed that he had been 'stopping the intruders' - that was entirely quick-thinking on his behalf, and not even slightly pre-planned. In addition, his arm was never broken - he had paid the doctor to say it was so his story would both be more believable, and so he could work without suspicion for a while. This backfired on him when Goldmoon required that he stay in his room until it healed, but he tried to make the best of it by working on his poisons. When George framed him for kidnapping, however, his lack of broken bone was discovered by Goldmoon, and she used Measure of Guilt on him - the ability's damage is based on how much you have lied to the user. Goldmoon had not intended to kill him, but... well... it worked better than expected.

Nevada

A halfling assassin from Goldmoon's guild, sent to kill Beardbeard. The fight went poorly for her, however, as Garrelf managed to kill her in cold blood in front of Mado. She has been resurrected by Beardbeard, and now has second doubts about his evil nature. Nevada worships Fate, and hails from Eridia.

Currently, she is trying to keep an eye on Beardbeard, but KEEP WATCH CANCELED: INTERRUPTED BY MADO.

Goldmoon

A celestial assassin who leads led the Goldmoon Slayers. She is was Lily's adoptive mother, and Aldwin's mentor. She made the ultimate sacrifice for Lily, to ensure Lily could take out Furious George.

Furious George

The BBEG. Or at least, he would like you to think so. Furious George was originally a reanimated Rhesus Macaque made by Satan at Beardbeard's request. However, it rampaged and was destroyed by Beardbeard. After questing through the multiverse, however, he gained super-powers and some semblance of sentience - but in the end, was really still only as intelligent as a monkey. He was defeated by the ultimate Nerd Rage, obtained when Lily was exposed to one of Aldwin's RAGE cards, and only further fueled by the death of Goldmoon.

NPC Capability Cards

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Finlay's current Capability Card Nevada's current Capability Card

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Gods

The following facts are provided by Gnome himself, for clarity. Anyone without a God in the PCs section of this wiki CAN later obtain a god, at /tg/'s request.

Xom

God of Chaos and Perversion. His domain involves mutation and transformation. This does include shapeshifting magic, although the closest we have seen to this is Cultist's granted mutations. Priests of Xom are capable of suppressing their own mutations - casual worshipers like Beardbeard have no such luck. Xom is worshiped by Beardbeard and Cultist. Xom himself is based off of Ruby Quest's [Red.]

Nemelex

God of Luck and Competition. His domain involves adjusting chance and bending rules to your favor/outright cheating. Nemelex is worshiped by Aldwin and Yami. Nemelex is based off of Dungeons and Dragons' Beholder, but with many many more eyes. Nemelex himself seems to care deeply for his worshipers, as shown by his threatening of Beardbeard for an event that nobody is quite sure of in the slightest.

Fate

God of Time and Destiny. His domain involves divinations and illusions. Fate is worshiped by Nevada. Fate is not based on external sources. Fate seems to like Beardbeard, for reasons unknown. Probably involves some sort of JUST AS PLANNED shit, however.

Glittergold Satan

God of Magic and Nature. His domain involves the manipulation of others' magic, such as counter spells and the redirection/alteration of magical effects, as well as elemental magic. Glittergold Satan does not have any worshipers among the main party, but he and Beardbeard are good friends. Glittergold is based on the Happy Mask Salesman Satan is based off of the Christians' mythological Lord of Hell.

Theoretically, having a new god in charge of Nature should have some drastic influences on the natural order, but nothing big seems to have happened yet. Although, Satan has been rather busy lately...

Yog

God of Law and Control. His domain involves protection and restoration of the natural order of things, as well as mental domination of its foes. Yog does not have any worshipers among the party, and is in fact despised by Cultist. Yog is very loosely based on the Yog-Sothoth of HP Lovecraft fame.

Heracles

God of Strength and War. His domain involves enchanting weapons and armor, providing temporary stat boosts, and destructive magic. Heracles does not have any worshipers among the party, and his only temple that has been found is used as a front for the Goldmoon Slayers. Heracles has not made an appearance yet.

Pelor

God of Judgment and Light. His domain involves those stupid alignment-based spells and healing. Pelor is worshiped by Goldmoon. Pelor has not made an appearance yet.

Ra

God of the Sky and Weather. His domain involves flight, lightning, and weather alteration. Ra does not have any worshipers among the party. Ra has not made an appearance yet.

Moradin

God of the Earth and Stone. His domain involves stoneshaping, fire, and crafting. Moradin does not have any worshipers among the party. Moradin has probably not made an appearance yet.

Poseidon

God of the Sea and Travel. His domain involves teleportation and water. Poseidon does not have any worshipers among the party. Poseidon has not made an appearance yet.

Epic Moments Gallery

Epic moments found throughout Dorf Quest.

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Best plan ever Beardbeard vs. Garrelf and SATAN Satan's arm begins to grow out of control

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Delicious stone bust Aldwin has fewer Crowning Moments of Awesome than Beardbeard, but he makes up for it "Eventually, one of your skulls will cave in, and the hydra forgot his helmet." The similarities are obvious. A convenient list of problems "A dorf is made of 4 things, Glittergold: A beard, an axe, a flagon of ale, and pride. I will show you how these 4 things will Kick. Your. Ass." Plot Summary, provided by gnome. Isn't she adorable? You don't fuck with Garrelf. Goodbye, Goldmoon

Fanart Gallery

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