Catachan Jungle Fighters: Difference between revisions

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*Half of the babies <strike>die</strike> are ''eaten'' before they are three.
*Half of the babies <strike>die</strike> are ''eaten'' before they are three.
*Half of those survivors are then eaten before they are ten.
*Half of those survivors are then eaten before they are ten.
*you are on the single deadliest planet in the known universe.
*Every animal is carnivorous. Every plant is poisonous.
*you are basically living in the perpetual first stages of a [[Tyranid]] invasion
*Most predators on Catachan aren't just giant monsters like you'd find on [[Space Wolves|Fenris]] or [[Flesh Tearers|Cretacia]]. That would just be too easy. Many of Catachan's most lethal killers are tiny, like insects, which will almost certainly kill you before you even see them.
*most of the predators on Catachan aren't giant monster's like you'd find on [[Space Wolves|Fenris]] or [[Flesh Tearers|Cretacia]]oh no those you will usually see before they eat you, Catachan's killers are small things usually just insects which you will almost certainly not see before they try to kill you.
*You live at several times Earth's gravity.
*If the animals don't kill you the Plants will.
*The planet's major export is soldiers. No, wait. The planet's ''only'' export is soldiers.
*the planets only export is guardsmen.
*Or in other words: Living on Catachan is like living perpetually in the first stages of a [[Tyranid]] invasion. Read: not a very good idea.
*you're living at several times earths gravity.


==Positive side==
==Positive side==

Revision as of 05:43, 11 March 2012

Catachan Jungle Fighters

The Catachan Jungle Fighters are an Imperial Guard army from the Death-world of Catachan. They are mainly noted for having what are quite possibly the largest balls in the entire Imperium.

Catachan: A very, very, very, very, very shitty place to live

If you think it sucks where you live... well, you know absolutely nothing. Here are just a few reasons why Catachan is the last place in the entire galaxy you would (or should) visit:

  • Half of the babies die are eaten before they are three.
  • Half of those survivors are then eaten before they are ten.
  • Every animal is carnivorous. Every plant is poisonous.
  • Most predators on Catachan aren't just giant monsters like you'd find on Fenris or Cretacia. That would just be too easy. Many of Catachan's most lethal killers are tiny, like insects, which will almost certainly kill you before you even see them.
  • You live at several times Earth's gravity.
  • The planet's major export is soldiers. No, wait. The planet's only export is soldiers.
  • Or in other words: Living on Catachan is like living perpetually in the first stages of a Tyranid invasion. Read: not a very good idea.

Positive side

there are however a good deal of positives that balance out all of the bad things about being a guardsmen from Catachan, you just need to ensure you live long enough to enjoy them.

  • you might be led by Colonel "I ate a Miral landshark for breakfast" Straken.
  • your muscles will grow so thick you count as having flack armor when not even wearing a shirt.
  • you will probably be able to kill Orks with your bare hands, and if that doesn't work you can just stab them with the fucking huge knife you were issued.
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