Imperial Guard: Difference between revisions
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[[Image:Basilisk.png|thumb|right|[[Basilisk]]s are AWESOME]]The '''Imperial Guard''' are the footsoldiers of the [[Imperium]]. They only exist to die gloriously in the [[Empra]]'s name. [[Commissar]]s (like [[Holt]] and [[Ciaphas Cain]]) ensure they do so by shooting anyone who looks like deserting. Though the average Guardsman is only capable of drawing enemy fire and shining a torch at their enemies, much more fortunate Guardsmen get to drive the tanks and other | [[Image:Basilisk.png|thumb|right|[[Basilisk]]s are AWESOME]]The '''Imperial Guard''' are the footsoldiers of the [[Imperium]]. They only exist to die gloriously in the [[Empra]]'s name. [[Commissar]]s (like [[Holt]] and [[Ciaphas Cain]]) ensure they do so by shooting anyone who looks like deserting. Though the average Guardsman is only capable of drawing enemy fire and shining a [[Lasgun|torch]] at their enemies, much more fortunate Guardsmen get to drive the tanks and other armored vehicles fielded by the IG, which proceed to blow their enemies into little chunks from a very long way away. | ||
It is worth noting that in a universe where the majority of the other armies are either: | It is worth noting that in a universe where the majority of the other armies are either: | ||
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* [[Space Marines|Genetically engineered]] [[Ork|killing machines]] | * [[Space Marines|Genetically engineered]] [[Ork|killing machines]] | ||
* [[Chaos|Horrific mutants]] | * [[Chaos|Horrific mutants]] | ||
* Clad in [[pauldrons|powered | * Clad in [[pauldrons|powered armor]] | ||
* In possession of [[Eldar|extremely advanced technology]] and can jump around making damn accurate shots like Quake players | * In possession of [[Eldar|extremely advanced technology]] and can jump around making damn accurate shots like Quake players | ||
* [[Tau|Weeaboo Space Communists]] | * [[Tau|Weeaboo Space Communists]] | ||
* Some combination of the above | * Some combination of the above | ||
The footsoldiers of the Imperial Guard take to the field equipped with nothing more than the 40k equivalent of flak jackets, glorified laser pointers, and a copy of the Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer (if they have not already used it for toilet paper). They have balls of steel. Examples of Guardsmen going above and beyond this, demonstrating the possession of testicles so massive they should be deployed in battle as a separate unit, are plentiful; [[Ollanius Pius]] is one such Guardsman, standing up to fucking [[Horus]] himself; the original [[Dawn of War]] features the Blood Ravens running into a pair of Guardsmen who have held their position, without support, in the middle of a combined Chaos/Ork/Eldar invasion, for more than a week; [[Dawn of War II]] has Guardsmen rescued in an earlier mission returning in the finale to provide infantry support while the Blood Ravens launch an attack on a fucking [[Tyranid]] hive. Although the average | The footsoldiers of the Imperial Guard take to the field equipped with nothing more than the 40k equivalent of flak jackets, glorified laser pointers, and a copy of the Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer (if they have not already used it for toilet paper). They have balls of steel. Examples of Guardsmen going above and beyond this, demonstrating the possession of testicles so massive they should be deployed in battle as a separate unit, are plentiful; [[Ollanius Pius]] is one such Guardsman, standing up to fucking [[Horus]] himself; the original [[Dawn of War]] features the Blood Ravens running into a pair of Guardsmen who have held their position, without support, in the middle of a combined Chaos/Ork/Eldar invasion, for more than a week; [[Dawn of War II]] has Guardsmen rescued in an earlier mission returning in the finale to provide infantry support while the Blood Ravens launch an attack on a fucking [[Tyranid]] hive. Although the average front line Guardsman is highly unlikely to survive his first deployment, veteran soldiers are considered to be some of the manliest motherfuckers the Imperium has to offer. | ||
==Notable Figures of the Imperial Guard== | ==Notable Figures of the Imperial Guard== | ||
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*[[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]] - Another manly bastard, famous for losing 100 [[Baneblade]]s. | *[[Vance Motherfucking Stubbs]] - Another manly bastard, famous for losing 100 [[Baneblade]]s. | ||
*[[Creed|Lord Castellan Usarkar E. Creed]] - Famous for outflanking enemies with Titans. | *[[Creed|Lord Castellan Usarkar E. Creed]] - Famous for outflanking enemies with Titans. | ||
==Main Advantages of Fielding an Imperial Guard Army== | |||
*Shit loads of men to throw around the battlefield. | |||
*'''BASILISKS''' | |||
*'''BANEBLADES''' | |||
*'''COMMISARS''' | |||
*[[Creed|Titans acting as scouts]]. | |||
*Reasonable prices for vehicles. | |||
*Cool looking models and plenty of variety to choose from. | |||
{{Wh40k-stub}} | {{Wh40k-stub}} | ||
Revision as of 00:45, 10 February 2010
 This page is needs images. Help plz. |
The Imperial Guard are the footsoldiers of the Imperium. They only exist to die gloriously in the Empra's name. Commissars (like Holt and Ciaphas Cain) ensure they do so by shooting anyone who looks like deserting. Though the average Guardsman is only capable of drawing enemy fire and shining a torch at their enemies, much more fortunate Guardsmen get to drive the tanks and other armored vehicles fielded by the IG, which proceed to blow their enemies into little chunks from a very long way away.
It is worth noting that in a universe where the majority of the other armies are either:
- Robots
- Genetically engineered killing machines
- Horrific mutants
- Clad in powered armor
- In possession of extremely advanced technology and can jump around making damn accurate shots like Quake players
- Weeaboo Space Communists
- Some combination of the above
The footsoldiers of the Imperial Guard take to the field equipped with nothing more than the 40k equivalent of flak jackets, glorified laser pointers, and a copy of the Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer (if they have not already used it for toilet paper). They have balls of steel. Examples of Guardsmen going above and beyond this, demonstrating the possession of testicles so massive they should be deployed in battle as a separate unit, are plentiful; Ollanius Pius is one such Guardsman, standing up to fucking Horus himself; the original Dawn of War features the Blood Ravens running into a pair of Guardsmen who have held their position, without support, in the middle of a combined Chaos/Ork/Eldar invasion, for more than a week; Dawn of War II has Guardsmen rescued in an earlier mission returning in the finale to provide infantry support while the Blood Ravens launch an attack on a fucking Tyranid hive. Although the average front line Guardsman is highly unlikely to survive his first deployment, veteran soldiers are considered to be some of the manliest motherfuckers the Imperium has to offer.
Notable Figures of the Imperial Guard
- Ciaphas Cain - Charming Commissar in the Harry Flashman tradition.
- Colonel-Commissar Ibram Gaunt - Main protaganist of Gaunt's Ghosts.
- Commissar Holt - Awesome cinematics are awesome, from Warhammer 40,000: Final Liberation.
- Commissar Dan - "But Commissar Dan says we're on a blaze for glory run".
- Commissar Fuklaw - currently in service with the Angry Marines.
- General Sturnn - Manly damn old son of a bitch, from Dawn of War: Winter Assault. Struggles with grammar.
- Ollanius Pius - The catalyst for the Emperor finally slaying Horus. (No longer canon, which is BULLSHIT)
- Vance Motherfucking Stubbs - Another manly bastard, famous for losing 100 Baneblades.
- Lord Castellan Usarkar E. Creed - Famous for outflanking enemies with Titans.
Main Advantages of Fielding an Imperial Guard Army
- Shit loads of men to throw around the battlefield.
- BASILISKS
- BANEBLADES
- COMMISARS
- Titans acting as scouts.
- Reasonable prices for vehicles.
- Cool looking models and plenty of variety to choose from.
A Piece of Writefaggotry That Explains the Imperial Guard.
At the end of the day, though he's been ferried through Space Hell on a ship that's four thousand years old to his destination, though he deployed from high orbit with a grav chute, though he is one of ten million men raised from his homeworld to fight a war he barely understands, though he has been given a weapon that fires miniature suns and might annihilate him when he fires it because no-one knows how it works anymore, though his company is supported by tractor-tanks that run on anything you can burn, though he wages war against a devouring hivemind or space demons...
...a Guardsman is a man, just like you, though he grew up in another culture. He has no millenia-old genetic engineering, no prophetic leader, no miracles of faith. He has his lasgun, his orders, and his fellow soldiers.
And he will hold the line.
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