Mountain Dew

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“Can I have a Mountain Dew?”

“Yes, you can have a Mountain Dew, just go get it!”

— The Dead Alewives

Mountain Dew (or Mtn Dew if you're an obnoxious marketing executive or too lazy to write the full name) is a soda made from sugar, caffeine, sulphuric acid, and the liquid from glowsticks. Gamers of all types drink gallons of the stuff on a daily basis, whether it be war, roleplaying, or vidja. Equally popular are Cheetos. It's theorized that the reason Mountain Dew is so popular is that, with the decline of Jolt Cola, it had the highest levels of caffeine and sugar available in beverage form before the advent of energy drinks.

Mountain Dew is said to be a "citrus" flavor, but anyone who's actually drank it knows that's a load. Its flavor is shit POWER mixed with drugs INSOMNIA. Other supposed flavors include Red Alert, Voltage, Live Wire, Baja Blast, and GUN. Lately, it's been culturally tied to FPS games like Halo, for the same reason that tabletop gamers drink it - a cheap, no piss-shakes way to stay up all night gaming. Or you can drink coffee like a goddamn adult.

In Canada, Mt. Dew has no caffeine. Heretics!

Some fundamentalists say Mountain Dew has a secret Maoist agenda, which is clearly shown by turning the logo upside down, making the word "Dew" look like "Mao". Because it is in red they see this as even more damning.

Mountain Dew is also a well known holy water, bless by the head pope of the dorito ecclesiarchy: Geoff Keighley, who also happened to be a living saint, notable for his death gaze.

Litany Of Mountain Dew

By the Power of this Bottle, I pray to thee,

Oh great god above, empower me.

Give me the strength to kill the alien, the mutant, the heretic.

And when your holy liquids fuel my rage

Let my foot fly straight and true when I hit the enemies' bullock.

At the accepted cost of decreasing my estimated life age.\

Oh god of the mountain, fuel me,

lest I commit heresy, and use coffee.