Assholetep: Difference between revisions
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1d4chan>Biggus Berrus Remember, <br> is your friend. |
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"An aeons old automaton king... with the petulant impatience and obnoxious tantrums of a 7 year old child." | "An aeons old automaton king... with the petulant impatience and obnoxious tantrums of a 7 year old child." | ||
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Below are a collection of anecdotes pertaining to the many misdeeds and tantrums of Assholetep the Insufferable. | Below are a collection of anecdotes pertaining to the many misdeeds and tantrums of Assholetep the Insufferable. | ||
>Wake up<br> | |||
>Wake up | >Orks looted his favorite Staff of Light<br> | ||
>Orks looted his favorite Staff of Light | >Teleport entire Tombworld's forces to fight massive Waaagh three sectors over<br> | ||
>Teleport entire Tombworld's forces to fight massive Waaagh three sectors over | >IG happen to be fighting the Orks<br> | ||
>IG happen to be fighting the Orks | >Help them<br> | ||
>Help them | >At victory party<br> | ||
>At victory party | >Planetary-Governor doesn't compliment his new cloak<br> | ||
>Planetary-Governor doesn't compliment his new cloak | |||
>Entire sub-sector devoid of all life the next week | >Entire sub-sector devoid of all life the next week | ||
-------------------- | -------------------- | ||
>Fighting Tyranids<br> | |||
>Fighting Tyranids | >Rippers won't let him keep them as pets<br> | ||
>Rippers won't let him keep them as pets | |||
>To this day, nobody knows what has been cutting a bloody path through Hive Fleet Kraken | >To this day, nobody knows what has been cutting a bloody path through Hive Fleet Kraken | ||
-------------------- | -------------------- | ||
>It's his birthday<br> | |||
>It's his birthday | >The Feudal World that hasn't had contact from space in thousands of years forgot<br> | ||
>The Feudal World that hasn't had contact from space in thousands of years forgot | >Entire population butchered<br> | ||
>Entire population butchered | |||
>Flayed Ones dance around in rotting flesh and party hats | >Flayed Ones dance around in rotting flesh and party hats | ||
-------------------- | -------------------- | ||
>At victory Banquet after fending off Hive Fleet Gorgon at Ka'mais | >At victory Banquet after fending off Hive Fleet Gorgon at Ka'mais | ||
>Nobody lets him ride in a Crisis Suit | >Nobody lets him ride in a Crisis Suit<br> | ||
>MFW we know the real reason for the Harvest of Ka'mais | >MFW we know the real reason for the Harvest of Ka'mais | ||
-------------------- | -------------------- | ||
>Helps IG fight Chaos for rule over a planet<br> | |||
>Helps IG fight Chaos for rule over a planet | >Weeks into the campaign<br> | ||
>Weeks into the campaign | >Lord Commissar mispronounces his name<br> | ||
>Lord Commissar mispronounces his name | |||
>The Deamon Prince Valshar now rules over Ciruck IV | >The Deamon Prince Valshar now rules over Ciruck IV | ||
-------------------- | -------------------- | ||
>Gives Arch-Magos new shiny Necrodermis body<br> | |||
>Gives Arch-Magos new shiny Necrodermis body | >Becomes most trusted advisor<br> | ||
>Becomes most trusted advisor | >Years later<br> | ||
>Years later | >Forgets to polish his Res Orb for him<br> | ||
>Forgets to polish his Res Orb for him | >Magos is melted down and turned into Scarabs. The forgeworld where he grew up is obliterated | ||
>Magos is melted down and turned into Scarabs. The forgeworld where he grew up is obliterated | |||
-------------------- | -------------------- | ||
>Admech find Assholehotep in stasis<br> | |||
>Admech find Assholehotep in stasis | >Praise him and write legends about him<br> | ||
>Praise him and write legends about him | >Thousands of years later they forget<br> | ||
>Thousands of | >He finds records when he wakes up<br> | ||
>He finds records when he wakes up | >They haven't edited his page on Admechpedia in 12000 years<br> | ||
>They haven't edited his page on Admechpedia in 12000 years | |||
>All forgeworlds in the next five sectors melted to a molten goo | >All forgeworlds in the next five sectors melted to a molten goo | ||
-------------------- | -------------------- | ||
>hive world is under attack by nids<br> | |||
>hive world is under attack by nids | >he sees the world being demolished and decides to help<br> | ||
>he sees the world being demolished and decides to help | >after a month of hard combat the nids are all eradicated<br> | ||
>after a month of hard combat the nids are all eradicated | >the citizens thank the lord and ask what he would like in return<br> | ||
>the citizens thank the lord and ask what he would like in return | >he asks for a solid gold statue of himself errected in the center of the major city<br> | ||
>he asks for a solid gold statue of himself errected in the center of the major city | >they comply<br> | ||
>they comply | >he inspects the work and finds a 5% impurity of silver in the statue<br> | ||
>he inspects the work and finds a 5% impurity of silver in the statue | |||
>the hive world is now a dead world. | >the hive world is now a dead world. | ||
-------------------- | -------------------- | ||
>Assholehotep helping a Forgeworld<br> | |||
>Assholehotep helping a Forgeworld | >One of their Titans steps on a single Scarab<br> | ||
>One of their Titans steps on a single Scarab | |||
>"What do mean an entire Titan Legion was eaten by bugs"? | >"What do mean an entire Titan Legion was eaten by bugs"? | ||
-------------------- | -------------------- | ||
>His Tomb Ships assist a fleet based Chapter fight of some Eldar Pirates<br> | |||
>His Tomb Ships assist a fleet based Chapter fight of some Eldar Pirates | >Battle Barge cuts in front of them by accident<br> | ||
>Battle Barge cuts in front of them by accident | |||
>The Space Hawk Chapter no longer exists | >The Space Hawk Chapter no longer exists | ||
-------------------- | -------------------- | ||
>Harvesting residents of a local Feral World<br> | |||
>Harvesting residents of a local Feral World | >Hears Feral Child has insulted him<br> | ||
>Hears Feral Child has insulted him | >Entire human population besides the child is killed<br> | ||
>Entire human population besides the child is killed | |||
>The last image of a sentient creature the child sees is Assholehotep mooning him | >The last image of a sentient creature the child sees is Assholehotep mooning him | ||
-------------------- | -------------------- | ||
>angry marines and asholehotept's destroyers get into an arguing match over who killed the most tau<br> | |||
>angry marines and asholehotept's destroyers get into an arguing match over who killed the most tau | >it was a tie<br> | ||
>it was a tie | >they proceeded to go to the next world to try to break the tie<br> | ||
>they proceeded to go to the next world to try to break the tie | >the whole sector was fucked | ||
>the whole sector was fucked | |||
-------------------- | -------------------- | ||
>Assholehotep is one of the few remaining Lords wearing the original attire<br> | |||
>Assholehotep is one of the few remaining Lords wearing the original attire | >Always made fun of<br> | ||
>Always made fun of | >Goes around blowing up other sleeping Tomb Worlds out of spite<br> | ||
>Goes around blowing up other sleeping Tomb Worlds out of spite | |||
>Whispers "Faggots" under his breath every time | >Whispers "Faggots" under his breath every time | ||
-------------------- | -------------------- | ||
>Assholehotep meets with some Admech<br> | |||
>Assholehotep meets with some Admech | >They compliment him on his wonderful Particle Whip<br> | ||
>They compliment him on his wonderful Particle Whip | |||
>Entire Admech presence in five sectors destroyed since they confused his Staff of Light for a Particle Whip | >Entire Admech presence in five sectors destroyed since they confused his Staff of Light for a Particle Whip | ||
-------------------- | -------------------- | ||
>all hot women in a one light year radius suddenly absent from their homes<br> | |||
>all hot women in a one light year radius suddenly absent from their homes | >sweet millions-strong rave party on Assholetep's tomb world<br> | ||
>sweet millions-strong rave party on Assholetep's tomb world | >Assholetep tries to score with the hottest chick at the party<br> | ||
>Assholetep tries to score with the hottest chick at the party | >she points out he doesn't have a penis<br> | ||
>she points out he doesn't have a penis | |||
>thus did the Great Raveocaust begin | >thus did the Great Raveocaust begin | ||
-------------------- | -------------------- | ||
>Assholetep meets [[Angron]] sometime during the 30,000s<br> | |||
>Assholetep meets [[Angron]] sometime during the 30,000s | >Both end up severely pissing the other off<br> | ||
>Both end up severely pissing the other off | >[[Angron]] goes on to fuck up Armageddon's shit and thus starting a game of one upsmanship<br> | ||
>[[Angron]] goes on to fuck up Armageddon's shit and thus starting a game of one upsmanship | >[[Angron]] returns from the warp after one hundred years of being trapped in it, only to find Assholetep waiting for him<br> | ||
>[[Angron]] returns from the warp after one hundred years of being trapped in it, only to find Assholetep waiting for him | >[[Angron]] is still unable to return from the warp. | ||
>[[Angron]] is still unable to return from the warp. | |||
-------------------- | -------------------- | ||
>Cegorachian Eldar pull a prank on Assholetep and cause him to sit on a whoopie cushion<br> | |||
>Cegorachian Eldar pull a prank on Assholetep and cause him to sit on a whoopie cushion | >Ten days later the population of [[Cegorach]]'s worshippers drops by 90% due to Necron related causes | ||
>Ten days later the population of [[Cegorach]]'s worshippers drops by 90% due to Necron related causes | |||
-------------------- | -------------------- | ||
>Dark Eldar try to settle outside of Commoragh and bump into Assholetep<br> | |||
>Dark Eldar try to settle outside of Commoragh and bump into Assholetep | >Assholetep wants them to compliment his new set of spikes<br> | ||
>Assholetep wants them to compliment his new set of spikes | >Dark Eldar call him not spiky enough<br> | ||
>Dark Eldar call him not spiky enough | >Ever since then the Dark Eldar have never tried to settle outside of Comorragh again | ||
>Ever since then the Dark Eldar have never tried to settle outside of Comorragh again | |||
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]] [[Category:Necrons]] | [[Category:Warhammer 40,000]] [[Category:Necrons]] | ||
Revision as of 13:42, 4 November 2011
"An aeons old automaton king... with the petulant impatience and obnoxious tantrums of a 7 year old child."
+++ Imperial Star Charts name this world the Tomb World of the Necron Lord, Assholetep the Insufferable.
RECOMMENDATION: Avoid at all costs. Assholetep is easier to insult than a catty gay hipster at a costume party on Halloween where like 3 other gay men dressed as the same obscure superhero that you never heard of.
Below are a collection of anecdotes pertaining to the many misdeeds and tantrums of Assholetep the Insufferable.
>Wake up
>Orks looted his favorite Staff of Light
>Teleport entire Tombworld's forces to fight massive Waaagh three sectors over
>IG happen to be fighting the Orks
>Help them
>At victory party
>Planetary-Governor doesn't compliment his new cloak
>Entire sub-sector devoid of all life the next week
>Fighting Tyranids
>Rippers won't let him keep them as pets
>To this day, nobody knows what has been cutting a bloody path through Hive Fleet Kraken
>It's his birthday
>The Feudal World that hasn't had contact from space in thousands of years forgot
>Entire population butchered
>Flayed Ones dance around in rotting flesh and party hats
>At victory Banquet after fending off Hive Fleet Gorgon at Ka'mais
>Nobody lets him ride in a Crisis Suit
>MFW we know the real reason for the Harvest of Ka'mais
>Helps IG fight Chaos for rule over a planet
>Weeks into the campaign
>Lord Commissar mispronounces his name
>The Deamon Prince Valshar now rules over Ciruck IV
>Gives Arch-Magos new shiny Necrodermis body
>Becomes most trusted advisor
>Years later
>Forgets to polish his Res Orb for him
>Magos is melted down and turned into Scarabs. The forgeworld where he grew up is obliterated
>Admech find Assholehotep in stasis
>Praise him and write legends about him
>Thousands of years later they forget
>He finds records when he wakes up
>They haven't edited his page on Admechpedia in 12000 years
>All forgeworlds in the next five sectors melted to a molten goo
>hive world is under attack by nids
>he sees the world being demolished and decides to help
>after a month of hard combat the nids are all eradicated
>the citizens thank the lord and ask what he would like in return
>he asks for a solid gold statue of himself errected in the center of the major city
>they comply
>he inspects the work and finds a 5% impurity of silver in the statue
>the hive world is now a dead world.
>Assholehotep helping a Forgeworld
>One of their Titans steps on a single Scarab
>"What do mean an entire Titan Legion was eaten by bugs"?
>His Tomb Ships assist a fleet based Chapter fight of some Eldar Pirates
>Battle Barge cuts in front of them by accident
>The Space Hawk Chapter no longer exists
>Harvesting residents of a local Feral World
>Hears Feral Child has insulted him
>Entire human population besides the child is killed
>The last image of a sentient creature the child sees is Assholehotep mooning him
>angry marines and asholehotept's destroyers get into an arguing match over who killed the most tau
>it was a tie
>they proceeded to go to the next world to try to break the tie
>the whole sector was fucked
>Assholehotep is one of the few remaining Lords wearing the original attire
>Always made fun of
>Goes around blowing up other sleeping Tomb Worlds out of spite
>Whispers "Faggots" under his breath every time
>Assholehotep meets with some Admech
>They compliment him on his wonderful Particle Whip
>Entire Admech presence in five sectors destroyed since they confused his Staff of Light for a Particle Whip
>all hot women in a one light year radius suddenly absent from their homes
>sweet millions-strong rave party on Assholetep's tomb world
>Assholetep tries to score with the hottest chick at the party
>she points out he doesn't have a penis
>thus did the Great Raveocaust begin
>Assholetep meets Angron sometime during the 30,000s
>Both end up severely pissing the other off
>Angron goes on to fuck up Armageddon's shit and thus starting a game of one upsmanship
>Angron returns from the warp after one hundred years of being trapped in it, only to find Assholetep waiting for him
>Angron is still unable to return from the warp.
>Cegorachian Eldar pull a prank on Assholetep and cause him to sit on a whoopie cushion
>Ten days later the population of Cegorach's worshippers drops by 90% due to Necron related causes
>Dark Eldar try to settle outside of Commoragh and bump into Assholetep
>Assholetep wants them to compliment his new set of spikes
>Dark Eldar call him not spiky enough
>Ever since then the Dark Eldar have never tried to settle outside of Comorragh again