Humanity Fuck Yeah
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"We poison our air and water to weed out the weak! We set off fission bombs in our only biosphere! We nailed our God to a stick! Don't fuck with the human race!"
Out of all threads that appear at the /tg/, it is this kind of threads that hold that one special place in the hearts of fa/tg/uys. It shows humanity for what it really is: a savage but superior bunch of mighty and brilliant alphas with machines that rape any organism that dares stand in its path, then proceed to do the same to any aliens across which they come, as they are all pathetically inferior in every way. This can take many forms, including military, cultural, culinary, and sexual. The foremost is the most common in these stories.
Many glorious hours of dedicated hard work were given to these threads, the finest lines of which would make any xeno race run to the edge of the known universe, even if the humans were still in the stone age. Reasons why humans are such a threat to the rest of the galaxy are various, but a good deal can be summed up in the following list (itself phrased in the most jingoistic, self-serving manner possible; all statements made should be taken with a grain of salt. Keep in mind that none of these have been put to the test due to the lack of contact with real alien life):
- Our evolution - We evolved and THRIVED in the African savannah, a place where everything is trying to KILL YOU! ALL THE TIME! Aliens usually evolved on some herbivore world or become less "on their guard" due to centuries of living away from nature, not troubled by survival.
- Our history - Humans have been getting better at killing each other basically even before they made stone axes, and we got better over time. You think proud warrior races have shit on us? Spartan style training they undergo makes only a handful of survivors. No matter how good they are, we'll just drown them in conscripts. We also nearly went extinct once, BECAUSE A HUGE VOLCANO EXPLODED, making us only have about 5000 INDIVIDUALS left and of them ONLY 40 PAIRS were BREEDING ONES. Did that make us quit? NOPE. Only about 70000 years later we had 7,4 BILLION INDIVIDUALS, having 100 TIMES more biomass than any other large animal species in the history of our planet!!! That is a hell of a lot of breeding (which has also made us have a very low genetic variety almost making us inbred but not quite. BUT STILL)! The moral of the story is that do not fuck with us, xenos. No matter what you do WE WILL SURVIVE. And after a while: WE. WILL. THRIVE.
- Our bodies - Some of us can take an amount of drugs and booze, which is POISON, that would probably kill a decently sized buffalo herd. Not only that, but we are one of natures most persistent and longest endurance hunting predator to EXIST! Meaning that you sir, can pursue a horse (while you are on foot, and are both on flat even ground, assuming you are physically fit and able bodied) till it drops dead (or at the very least collapses allowing you to cave its skull in with a rock at your leisure).
- Our mind -The most terrifying aspect of us would probably be our brains and technology. Our aggressive instincts combined with our intelligence will never cease to come up with better and deadlier ways to torture and exterminate the enemy, and such would probably seem like incomprehensible Lovecraftian Magic to lower species. Our modern tech would scare the shit out of tribal communities. We have exterminated a lot of species like the Dodo simply by uncaring accident (which is probably why we are thriving during an extinction event). What we can come up with scares the shit out of ourselves even. Think Nuclear Weapons and M.A.D. for example. What reasonable mind would, on any other planet in the galaxy, EVEN THINK that having enough nuclear firepower to destroy your only planet twenty times over, would be a guarantee of peace?
As you can see there is a lot of material to roll around in these kind of threads, most of which is based on half-truths and whole lies. Humans may be completely weak and pathetic compared to literally everything else, just a serious player in the galaxy through the power of plot armor (since the writers are humans and do not wish to depict the destruction of our own species), but that's not the real "Humanity Fuck Yeah" ideal. The real deal is us having our way with the galaxy as we see fit. Murdering billions of xenos, or fucking them if they're hot enough, taking their delicious alien babies and eating them in front of their parents, mining their planets to the core and moving on, leaving nothing but dead rocks in our wake. We march on, our mantra singing through the stars:
GENOCIDE! MINING! GENOCIDE! MINING! GENOCIDE! MINING!
Because in reality, we all know that we'd be the victims of said genocide. Ain't denial of reality grand?
Xenos Pay Attention You're Next
"Do they not know who we are, my brethren? We are the chosen of the Emperor, the scions of Terra. We are dominion and we are numberless. We are war itself and the death of all who oppose us. We are Humanity and we shall educate our ignorant foes as to the true meaning of that word!" -- Lord Inquisitor Aedrick Mantel of the Ordo Xenos, from Imperial Armour Volume 12 "The Fall of Orpheus".
Now with a song!
Humanity Humanity
Humaniteh, fuck yeah! Coming again to kill some mother fucking xenos Humaniteh, fuck yeah! Genocide is the only way, yeah
Aliens your game is through 'cause now you have to answer too Humaniteh, fuck yeah! So lick my butt and suck on my balls Humaniteh, fuck yeah! What you gonna to do when we come for you now
It's the dream that we all share It's the hope for tomorrow Fuck yeah!
Burgers, fuck yeah! Space-mart, fuck yeah! The Earth, fuck yeah! Grifball, fuck yeah!
Orbital drop, fuck yeah! Run and gun, fuck yeah! The Internet, fuck yeah! Slavery, fuck yeah!
Fuck yeah!
Spacebucks, fuck yeah! Disneyverse, fuck yeah! Porno, fuck yeah! Petroleum, fuck yeah!
Assasination, fuck yeah! Killing, fuck yeah! Sushi, fuck yeah! Taco Bell, fuck yeah!
Rodeos, fuck yeah! Space ship and beyond Fuck yeah, fuck yeah
Democracy, fuck yeah! Space ships, fuck yeah! The Emperor, fuck yeah! Band-aids, fuck yeah!
Sly Marbo, fuck yeah! Christmas, fuck yeah! Premier Sanders, fuck yeah! Popeye, fuck yeah!
Capitalists, fuck yeah! Communists Fuck yeah, fuck yeah Simple deaths Ethics
Trivia
"Humanity Fuck Yeah" sometimes always refers exclusively to omnicidal maniac-level racism against everything that isn't non-powered and normal human beings (because, you know, a human with superpowers is not really a human, right?).
Readers may experience ocular bleeding due to excessive TVTropesisms escaping from humanity's natural habitats. This is a normal, if unpleasant side-effect.
Some great examples of "Humanity Fuck Yeah":
Gallery
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Start of earliest saved HFY threads. -
WE ARE COMING FOR YOU! -
The banner is from Star Trek, but it gives you the basic idea. -
Fine example of how we at HFY think. -
HFY's official spokesman. -
The Imperial Cult is basically built on HFY. -
Technology "saves" the day. -
Terra is a cruel matriarch. But her forge has made us strong. -
Humans are more hardcore than most sci-fi insect races. -
This is what we do to OUR home. Think your planet will fare any better? -
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Part 1 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY. -
Part 2 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY. -
Part 3 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY. -
Part 4 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY. -
Part 5 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY. -
Part 6 of /tg/'s longest non-ongoing HFY.
