Grimdark Songwriting
Observing some striking correlations between the songs found in children's movies and the 40K universe, people on /tg/ sometimes adapt these songs to bring out their true grimdark potential.
Disney Adaptations
The most popular segment to be subjected to grimdarkification, Disney songs seem to lend themselves well to the total despair of the 41st millenium.
Pocahontas: Savages
-Part 1-
[Inquisitor Ratcliffe]
What can you expect
From filthy little xenos?
Their whole disgusting race is like a curse
For them no tears are shed
They're only good when dead
They're vermin, as I said
And worse
[Grey Knights]
They're aliens! Aliens!
[Inquisitor Ratcliffe]
They're not even human
[Grey Knights]
Aliens! Aliens!
[Inquisitor Ratcliffe]
Astartes to the fore!
They're not like you and me
Which means they must be purged
We must sound the drums of war!
[Inquisitor Ratcliffe+Grey Knights]
They're aliens! Aliens!
Filthy xenos rabble!
Now we sound the drums of war!
[Eldrad]
This is what we feared
With their absurd ambition
The Mon-Keigh only seek to conquer and destroy
[Caerys]
Beneath that armour plate
They only harbour hate
[Aspect Warriors]
Killing them shall be a joy
[Aspect Warriors]
They're savages! Savages!
Zeal and fervor blinds them
Savages! Savages!
[Caerys]
Killers at the core
[Exarch]
They're a lesser race than us
Which means they can't be trusted
[Eldrad]
We must sound the drums of war
[Aspect Warriors]
They're savages! Savages!
First we deal with this one
Then we sound the drums of war
[Grey Knights]
Aliens! Aliens!
[Brother-Captain]
Let's go kill a few, men!
[Aspect Warriors]
Savages! Savages!
[Inquisitor Ratcliffe]
Now it's up to you, men!
[All]
(Aliens) Savages! (Aliens) Savages!
They are lesser creatures!
Now we sound the drums of war!
-Intermission-
[Taldeer]
They're going to kill him at sunrise, Grandmother Wraithbone.
[Grandmother Wraithbone]
You have to stop them!
[Taldeer]
I can't...
[Grandmother Wraithbone]
Child, remember your vision-
[Taldeer]
I was wrong, Grandmother Wraithbone, I followed the wrong path! I feel so lost...
[Taldeer]
The auspex... The spinning arrow...
[Grandmother Wraithbone]
It's the arrow from your vision!
[Taldeer]
I was right, it was pointing to him! Sunrise...
[Grandmother Wraithbone]
It's not too late, child! Let the spirits of the webway guide you! You know your path, child, now follow it!
-Part 2-
[Inquisitor Ratcliffe]
This will be the day ...
(Let's go men!)
[Eldrad]
This will be the morning ...
(Bring out the prisoner!)
[Grey Knights and Aspect Warriors]
We will see them dying in the dust
[Taldeer]
I don't know what I can do
Still, I know that I must try
[Grey Knights]
Now we make them pay
[Taldeer]
Isha, help my feet to fly
[Rangers]
Now without a warning ...
[Taldeer]
Kurnous, help my heart be great
[Grey Knights and Aspect Warriors]
Now we leave them blood and bone and rust
[Taldeer]
Spirits of the wraithbone cry ...
[Grey Knights and Aspect Warriors]
It's them or us
[Taldeer]
Please don't let it be to late ...
[Grey Knights and Aspect Warriors]
They're just a bunch of
Filthy, stinking
[Grey Knights]
Aliens!
[Aspect Warriors]
Savages!
[Grey Knights]
Daemons!
[Aspect Warriors]
Primates!
[Inquisitor Ratcliffe]
Kill them!
[Aspect Warriors]
Savages!
[Grey Knights]
Aliens!
[Inquisitor Ratcliffe+Grey Knights]
What are we waiting for?
[All]
Destroy their evil race
Until there's not a trace left
[Taldeer]
How loud are the drums of war
[Grey Knights and Aspect Warriors]
We will sound the drums of war
(Savages! Savages!)
Now, we sound the drums of war
(Aliens! Aliens!)
[Inquisitor Ratcliffe]
They shall all succumb
The rotten xenos scum
[Aspect Warriors]
Now we sound the drums ... of ... war!
[Grey Knights]
Of course it means the drums ... of ... war!
[Taldeer]
Is the death of all I love
Carried in the drumming of war?
[Taldeer]
No! If you kill him, you'll have to kill me too.
[Eldrad]
Daughter, stand back.
[Taldeer]
I won't! I love him...
Jungle Book: I Wanna Be Like You
Now I'm of caste Ethereal
Oh, a Tau VIP
I've reached the top and had to stop
And that's what botherin' me
I wanna be a man, gue'la
And stroll right onto Terra
And be able to approach the Golden Throne
And end this warring era!
Oh, oobee doo
I wanna be like you
I wanna walk like you
Talk like you, too
You'll see it's true
A xenos like me
Can learn to be human too
Gee, mister Aun
You're doin' real good
Now here's your part of the deal, cuz
Lay the secret on me of man's psyker powers
But I'm not a psyker!
Now don't try to kid me, gue'la
I made a deal with you
What I desire is man's psychic power
To make my dream come true
Give me the secret, gue'la
Clue me what to do
Give me the power of man's warp flower
So I can be like you
The Great Mouse Detective: The World's Greatest Criminal Mind
[Ragitan]
My friends, we are about to embark on the most odious, the most evil, the most diabolical scheme of my illustrious career. A crime to top all crimes, a crime that will live in infamy!
Tomorrow evening, our beloved planetary governess celebrates her diamond jubilee. And, with the enthusiastic help of our good friend Magos Flaversham, it promises to be a night she will never forget. Her last night, and my first, as supreme ruler of all Londinium Prime!
From the brain that brought you the Black Bell Caper The head that made headlines on every dataslate And wondrous things like the Gunmetal Job That cunning display that made all hivers sob
Now comes the real tour de force Tricky and wicked, of course! My earlier crimes were fine for their times But now that I’m at it again An even grimmer plot has been simmering In my great criminal brain
[Chorus]
Even meaner? You mean it?
Worse than the widows and orphans you drowned?
You’re the best of the worst around
Oh Ratigan
Oh Ratigan
The rest fall behind
To Ratigan
To Ratigan
Lord Tzeentch’s greatest criminal mind!
[Ratigan]
Ratigan (speaking)
Thank you, thank you. But it hasn’t all been Amasec and Caviar. I’ve had my share of adversity, thanks to that miserable second-rate inquisitor, Basil of Baker Hive! For years, that insufferable pipsqueak has interfered with my plans. I haven’t had a moment’s peace of mind. But now, all that’s in the past! This time, nothing, not even Basil can stand in my way! All will bow before me!
[Chorus]
Oh Ratigan
Oh Ratigan
You’re tops and that’s that
To Ratigan
To Ratigan
[Bartimus]
To Ratigan, the sector's greatest khornate.
[Ratigan]
What was THAT?! WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!
[Mutant 1]
Oh, he didn't mean it my lord.
[Mutant 2]
I-it was just a slip of one of his tongues!
[Ratigan]
I am NOT A KHORNATE!
[Mutant 3]
'Course you're not, you're tzeentchian!
[Mutant 4]
Yeah, that's right, tzeentchian!
[Mutant 5]
A really angry tzeentchian!
[Ratigan]
SILENCE!!
Oh my dear bartimus, I'm afraid that you've gone and upset me...you know what happens when someone upsets me...
I trust there will be no further interruptions. And now, as you were singing...?
[Chorus]
Even louder!
We'll shout it!
No one can doubt what we know you can do
You’re more evil than even you
Oh Ratigan
Oh Ratigan
You’re one of a kind
To Ratigan
To Ratigan
Lord Tzeentch’s greatest criminal mind!
Dreamworks Adaptations
Although less prolific than Disney, some of Dreamworks' titles show great promise.
The Prince of Egypt: Playing with the Big Boys
[Cult Leaders]
By the power of Tzeentch...
Nurgle...Khorne...Slaanesh...Malal...
Magnus...Lorgar...Curze...Angron...
Fulgrim...Khârn...Lucius...Typhus...
Mortarion...Perturabo...
Abaddon...Alpharius...Erebus...Slyte...
Fabius...Ahriman...
Tzeentch...Nurgle...Khorne...Slaanesh...
Magnus...Lorgar...Curze...Angron...
Fulgrim...Khârn...Typhus...Lucius...
Malal...Slaanesh...Khorne...Nurgle...Tzeentch...
So you think you've got friends on High Terra
With the power to put us on the run
Well, forgive us if we give a chortle
You'll know what power is when we are done
Mortal...
You're playing with the daemons now
Playing with the daemons now (Oh, that's nice...)
Every spell and gesture
Tells you who's your master
You're playing with the daemons now
You're playing with the daemons now
You're playing with the daemons now
Stop this vain resistance
Embrace your true existence
Give in to temptation now
Pick up your powerfist, boy
You're playing with the daemons now!
[Chanting Cultists]
By the power of Tzeentch
Nurgle, Khorne, Slaanesh, Malal
Magnus, Lorgar, Curze, Angron
Mortarion, Perturabo
Malal, Slaanesh, Khorne, Nurgle...
[Cult Leaders]
You're playing with the daemons now
You're playing with the daemons now
By the might of Horus
You will kneel before us
Kneel to our splendorous power...
You try to keep faith
But you know we're right
And just to show we feel no spite
You can be our acolyte
But first, boy, it's time to betray
(All the way!)
Or your soul will be consumed, boy
You're playing with the daemons now
Playing with the daemons
Now!
The Prince of Egypt: The Plagues
[Chorus]
Thus said the Gods:
Since you refuse to yield your reign
All through the Imperium of Man...
I send your soldiers on yourself
Into your space, throughout the void
Onto your worlds, into your streets
Into your habs, into your forts
Upon your ranks, on your troops
Upon your people in your hives
Into your minds, into your souls
Until you break, until you yield
I send the swarm, I send the horde
Thus said the Gods!
[Horus]
Once I called you father
Once I thought the chance
to make you proud
Was all I ever wanted...
[Chorus]
I send the thunder from the sky
I send the fire raining down
[Horus]
And even now I wish the Gods
had chose another
Serving as your foe on its behalf
Is the last thing that I wanted...
[Chorus]
I send a hail of burning ice
On every field, on every hive
[Horus]
This was my home
All this pain and devastation
It never had to be this way
All the warriors who suffer
From your stubbornness and pride...
[Chorus]
I send such fleets out through the void
The galaxy has never seen
On every globe, on every world
Until there's nothing left of green
I send my scourge, I send my sword
Thus said the Gods!
[Emperor]
You who I called my son
Why must you call down another blow?
[Chorus]
I send my scourge, I send my sword
[Horus]
Let my warriors rule
[Horus and Chorus]
Thus said the Gods
[Emperor]
You who I called my son
How could you have come to hate me so?
Is this what you wanted?
[Chorus]
I send the swarm, I send the horde...
[Emperor]
Then let my heart be hardened
And never mind how high the cost may grow
This will still be so:
I will never let my empire go...
[Chorus]
Thus said the Gods:
[Horus]
Thus said the Gods:
[Emperor]
I will not...
[Horus, Emperor, and Chorus]
Let your (my) empire go!
Other Sources
Through random circumstance or creative providence, some songs and poems lend themselves to grimdarking regardless of what media they are tied to.
Queen: Bohemian Rhapsody
Iz dis da real life?
Iz dis jus' fannasy?
Caught in a big push,
No 'scape from reality.
Open ya eyes, Look up at da skies and see,
I's jus' a poor boy, dun need no sympafy,
'Cause I'm big 'n mean, not a grot, chop and smash, shoot a lot,
Any way the waaagh goes doesn't really matter to me, to me.
Warboss, just killed an ork,
Put mah dakka 'gainst 'is 'ead, pulled my trigger, now 'e's dead.
Warboss, waaagh had just begun,
But now I's gone and shot up all ya nobs.
Warboss, ooh, Didn' mean ta make ya mad,
If I's not back again dis time tomorra,
Keep stompin', keep stompin' as if nuffin' really matters.
Too late, I gots shot up,
Sends hurtin' down me spine, body's aching all the time.
Goodbye, ev'rybody, I've got to go,
Gotta leave you all behind and face da troof.
Warboss, ooh, I dun' wanna die,
I sometimes wish I'd never waaaghed at all.
I see a little silhouetto of a beakie,
Zoggin' humies, Zoggin' humies, is it your turn to stomp now?
Thundabolts and Lightnins, very, very fright'ning me.
(Gorkamorka.) Gorkamorka. (Gorkamorka.) Gorkamorka, Gorkamorka Gork n' Mork
Waaaaagh! I's just a poor boy an' nobody loves me.
'E's just a poor boy from a poor goff tribe,
Spare 'im 'is loife from dis monstrosity.
Easy come, easy go, will yas lemme go?
Xenos! No, we will not let you go.
(Let him go!) Xenos! We will not let you go.
(Let him go!) Xenos! We will not let you go.
(Let me go.) Will not let you go.
(Let me go.) Will not let you go. (Let me go.) Ah.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
(Oh Brother Captain, Brother Captain.) Bruvva Kaptin, lemme go.
Da Commissar 'as a boltgun put aside for me, for me, for me.
So you fink you can shoot me and spit in my eye?
So you fink you can curse me and leave me to die?
Oh, baby, can't do dis to me, baby,
Jus' gonna get out, jus' gotta get stompin' again!
Nuffin' really matters, Anyone can see,
Nuffin' really matters,
Nuffin' really matters to me.
Any way the waaagh goes.
Robert Browning: My Last Duchess
That's my last adjutant painted on the wall,
Looking as if she were alive. I call
That piece a wonder, now: The Confessor
Worked busily that day, and there she stands.
Will't please you sit and look at her? I said
Confessor by design, for never read
Strangers like you that pictured countenance,
The depth and passion of its earnest glance,
But to myself they turned (since none puts by
The curtain I have drawn for you, but I)
And seemed as they would ask me, if they durst,
How such a glance came there; so not the first
Are you to turn and ask thus. Sir, 'twas not
My orders only, called that eager spot,
Of joy into her pallid cheek; perhaps
A Guardsman chanced to say "She wears her cap
Askew, as it please her," or "Prayer
Must never hope to match a lock of her hair
Taken from her head": such stuff
Was unacceptable, I thought, and cause enough
For flagellation (she did not). She had
An attitude - how shall I say - relaxed
Too easily beguiled; she listened to anything
She looked on, and her ears heard many things.
Sir, 'twas all one! Morning prayers, arrests,
The whispers of the Dark Gods in her breast,
The impious jibes some vulgar soldier
Would throw her way, unaware of her
Position and my power. All and each
would draw from her alike the approving speech,
Or an ear at least. She took confession - good - but prayed
Somehow - I know how now - as if her faith was any other jade.
A heretic. Who'd stoop to blame
This sort of crime? Even had you time
For a trial - which I had not - for heretic slime
And to say she burns, and to say "Just This
Is your fair fate, you lying bitch,
Traitor to the Emperor" - and if she let
Herself be lessoned so, nor plainly set
Her wits to yours, forsooth, and made excuse,
- E'en then would be some stooping, and I choose
Never to stoop. Oh sir, she prayed, no doubt,
On every feast, but which gods blessed without
Those same prayers? This became clear. I made commands.
Then prayers turned into screams. There she stands,
As if alive. Will't please you rise? We'll meet
The Governor below, then. I repeat,
The Inquisition's munificence
Is ample warrant that no just pretence
Of confession will be disallowed;
Though to find heresy, as I avowed,
At starting, is my object. Nay, we'll go
Together down, sir. Notice this seal, though,
The skull and I, together as you see,
Which gives certain... powers to me.
Charlie Daniels Band: The Devil Went Down to Georgia
The daemon went down to Terra,
He was looking for a soul to steal.
He was in a bind 'cos he was way behind: he was willin' to make a deal.
When he came across this young man chainswordin' on a fiddle and playin' it hot.
And the daemon jumped upon a hickory stump and said: "Boy, let me you what:"
"I bet you didn't know it, but I'm a fiddle player too."
"And if you'd care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you."
"Now you play a pretty good fiddle, boy, but give the daemon his due:"
"I bet a fiddle of gold against your soul, 'cos I think I'm better than you."
The boy said: "Mah nahme's Boreale ahnd it might be ah sin,"
"But Ah'll take yooouuur bet, yoouugghhrr gonna regrort, 'cos Ah'm the best thawt's ever beahn."
Boreale, rosin up your bow and play your fiddle hard,
'Cause hellwarp's broke loose in Georgia and Tzeentch deals the cards.
And if you win you get this shiny fiddle made of gold.
But if you lose, the daemon gets your soul.
The daemon opened up his case and he said, "I'll start this show."
And blue fire flew from his fingertips as he rosined up his bow.
And he pulled the bow across the strings and it made an evil hiss.
Then a band of demons joined in and it sounded somethin' like this:
When the daemon finished, Boreale said,
"Worl, you're prehtty guud, oorrld sawn,"
"But sit dorn in that cheer rigghht ther and let me show you whore it's dorne"
Fire on the monolith.
Run, boys, run
Slaanesh in the House of the Rising Sun.
Squiqs in the bread pan pickin' out dough.
Granny, does your cyberdog bite?
No, child, no.
The daemon bowed his head because he knew that he'd been beat.
And he laid that golden fiddle on the ground at Boreale's feet.
Boreale said, "Daemon, just cuhm on baahhck if you ever wahnt to trah agahin."
"'Cause Ah told you once, you son of a grot,"
"Ah'm the best that's evah bihn."