Emperor's To-Do List
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Gathering Storm Special List
Holy shit, Games Workshop are actually doing some plot development for 40k. Okay, I'll make a special list just for anything that happens there.
- Get Ynnead to wake up fully so I have someone new to bitch-slap, but let him screw over Slaanesh first if I haven't already done it, as my time is to important to waste. Besides, the Eldar created Slaanesh, so let's give them a chance to sort it out.
- Actually make a deal with him, resurrect me or people I like if I need it (or can't be bothered to do it myself) and I won't bitchslap you.
- So Roboute Guilliman and some dude named Belisarius Cawl are creating some Neo-Space Marines. Okay, I'll see what they come up with, then make something even better.
- And definitely think of a better name than Primaris Marines.
- And tell Cawl to stop naming things after himself.
- And while I'm at it, make a super version of the Custodes, and give them even more bling.
- And definitely think of a better name than Primaris Marines.
- The Imperium has been cut in half by a massive warp storm. Okay, now I'm really pissed off. I am so going to close this.
- And the Eye of Terror has gotten bigger and enveloped Cadia. This both pisses me off and makes several points on the main list harder.
- So now Armageddon has been assaulted by a fuckton of Khorne daemons. I do hope the Orks and daemons kill each other, because it will be a pain in the ass for me to sort out.
- So Imotekh the Stormlord's empire just got a whole lot bigger, huh. Well at least the Tau has something new to fight. And the rest of them better not try anything with me, or I'll bitchslap them to death.
- And they won't be reanimating from that.
- Xenos are taking a back seat, and the focus is on the Imperium vs Chaos. Okay, I'm cool with that. Chaos really pisses me off.
- But I'm still gonna fuck over any xeno that pisses me off.
- Now that stats go above 10, I'm going to make a gun with Strength that's over 9000.
- My dick's Strength is over 9000. Just sayin.
- Set the Damocles Gulf back of fire. That was fucking awesome.
- Bitchslap the Tau's Fifth Sphere Expansion. I don't like those blue skinned motherfuckers.
- Four new Hive Fleets has appeared. But one of them is eating the others. Okay, see who wins, then stomp the survivors to death.
- Wait, is there really a chance the Sanguinius will return. Well if he does I'll make him tell me where he's been and what's he been up to for the past 10,000 years, on pain of bitchslapping.
- Same goes for any of the Primarchs that return.
- So Nurgle thinks he can take Ultramar for himself. Not cool. I'll going to punch the shit off him, the beat the crap out of him.
- Tzeentch messing thing up as well. I wonder, should I beat him intellectually or physically.
- How did Khorne attack Terra. He attacked my pad. As soon as I can, I'm going to find him, outrage him, then kick him in the balls so hard they explode.
- Also steal his throne.
- Tell the AdMech that it time to start using some innovation. And reveal what secrets they've been keeping.
One click to bottom of list
Scroll up a bit ^^^
List for the stupid ideas (and Bad grammar)
- Spheeesh marrines (Example)
- Lerpyeyeyeye
- NEED MORE METAL BAWKSES
- MUST NOT LET THEM TAKE AWAY OUR METAL BAWKSES
- METAL BAWKSES IS OUR PRECIOUS
- WAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
- WE HAVE FEHLED TEH EMPRAH
- MOAR DAKKA
- KHORN LOEV PONEH
- WHERE IS MY BABY
- FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Creed was here.No, I wasn't.Now I am!Not anymore. Just as planned.- SOMEHOW FIX MY ROTTEN CORPSE
0.1- lock Fulgrim in the Oval Office, tell him Trump hid
a bag of dicks in the corner.
0.2- Cut Mortarion off until he completes a 12 step program
0.3- Make Alpharius/Omegon wear GPS anklets, force
them to return the make-up kit and wig they stole
from Fulgrim.
0.4- Lock Magnus in a phone booth, don't let him out
until he figures out how to use it.
0.5- Make Perturabo get his construction license, don't
let him use it until he learns about artistic architecture.
0.6- Make Angron wear glitter gel, send him to
drama school.
0.7- Force Lorgar to attend an '80s catholic school.
He also has to be an altar boy.
0.8- Put Conrad on lithium and anti-psychotics.
Make sure he hides them from Mortarion.
0.9- Give Russ a comb and a razor. Make Fulgrim
teach him how to use them. House break him.
010- Take away Roboutes' pens. Cut his budget for
blue paint. Restrict access to Smurf cartoons.
011- Tell Ferrus to quit losing his head, make him take
all his piercings out.
012- Punch Sanguinias in the mouth, tell him he's too
pretty. If that doesn't work, put him in one of those
Custodes skirt things and plant him on a corner on
Plank Road.
013- Take away Crovax's lab coat and stethoscope.
Make him fill the gas tank in the car.
014- Give Khan a compass, some chalk, and tie a string
to his power armor.
015- Give Dorn Prozac, tell him there is a better way to
make decisions than shocking your balls.
016- Give Vulcan some sun block, tell him to quit hiding
The GODDAMN remote every time he leaves house.
No shit, the moment someone finds it, he pops up wanting
to watch his "stories". Need to inform him what a DVR is.
017- Tell Johnson to pick better friends and that nobody is
Perfect, don't expect everybody to change everything
that you don't like.
018- Tell Abbadon about his shitty life choices, not everybody
Can be good at something, and teach him how to
make a bad resume sound good.
019- Horus. Horus, Horus, Horus. Give that little bitch
a FUCKING hug!
020- Go bail out those two dipshits I sent for chile nearly
ten thousand years ago. They got
arrested in Brazil, and that's not even saddest part of
this story.
021- Give Norton antivirus to the mechanicus. Stupid fucks
praying to a machine every time pop-ups lag the processor.
Jesus, its like the shwami in that Steve Martin movie that
flushes the fucking toilet every time the goddamn
phone rang.
022- Go find M'lal, offer him a cookie to tommy knock
other 4 chaos gods.
023- Beat M'lals' ass and take the cookie back, rub it on my
balls and leave it in Khornes' mailbox.
024- Get Nurgle to whip up a batch of herpesyphlaids, stash
it in a pocket pussy and FedEx it to Slaneesh(C.O.D. of course)
025- Convince Nurgle his true calling is medicine, put him in
charge of galactic health care. (Hes gonna shit when he
sees what it cost for all those Custodes enhancements)
026- Introduce Tzeench to Barack Obama. Show him why his
Lords of Change and himself never really impressed us.
027- Sic Marilyn Manson on the Necrons. Show them why they
are going over ground covered already.
028- let McDonald's and Burger King handle the 'Nids. Just let them
See What their average clientele can do to a swarm of cattle in 24
hours, then tell the 'nids they're next.
029- Give Khorne free cable access to all MMA events, permanent
industry for televisions. Job crisis solved.
030- Educate the Eldar on the various rpg's and card collector games
we humans have. One, two years tops, they will all have
gained 70 pounds, grow neckbeards, and inhabited all
available basements. Then charge the shit out of them for
high speed internet and jogging pants.Slaneesh will lose
interest after that.
031- Take a shit in a cup