JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

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If there is one thing you should know about Jojo's Bizzare Adventure before you delve into it, it should be this one thing:

It's dumb. It's so fucking dumb... And yet it works.

While the the story varies wildly based on the arc, it has a basic synopsis. It covers the multi-generational (and eventually multiversial) heroism of the Joestar family, who are constantly getting involved in all sorts of weird shit that results in epic, crazy, surprisingly clever fights and super-manly scenes. The title comes because each generation's Joestar has a name starting with "JO", resulting in the familial nickname of "JoJo". Although technically you can just pick up any saga at random, it's slightly easier to follow along if you read from the beginning. Slightly.

Starting in 1987 by manga artist Hirohiko Araki, Jojo has had an influence on not only Japanese anime and manga but internet culture as a whole. List a common anime trope, chances are that Jojo is either the proginator or made that theme very famous. Cheering sidekicks, multiple chapter battles, attacks that defy every conventional belief you can dream of, flamboyant poses, you name it. Its relevance to /tg/ is strange, considering most of the things /tg/ likes are the polar opposites of Jojo. One could say it's because it's like a breath of fresh air how silly it is, or the end goal of each arc is ultimately pretty simple. Plus Araki puts scads of references to classic rock and metal into Jojo, so that helps too.

It's most well-known incarnation is probably Stardust Crusaders, mostly for how iconic Jotaro and Dio were as well as the popularity from the OVA and Dreamcast game.

Generation Sagas

Part 1: Phantom Blood

Here's where it all begins. A Victorian Aristocrat in the 1880s named George Joestar is the only survivor of a horrible carriage crash. Mistaking the depraved scavenger Dario Brando as a Good Samaritan who tried to help him, he offers the Cockney lowlife a favor, to be called in whenever Dario wishes. Eventually, Dario dies, but sends his son - the ruthlessly ambitious, amoral and driven Dio Brando - to live at the Joestars, calling in his favor to get George to adopt the lad. This leads to much suffering for George's actual son, the goodhearted - if rather dimwitted - Jonathan Joestar, as Dio wants JoJo's place and starts to bully him horribly. Even burning his fucking dog alive just to get back at him! This all comes to a boil when it turns out he's poisoning George, a confrontation that leads to him using a mysterious stone mask to become a vampire. So, with the aid of mysterious vampire-killing martial artist, Baron Zeppelli, Jonathon masters the art of Ripple/Hamon, a mystical breath-controlled martial art that wields energy anathema to vampires. Jonathon eventually decapitates Dio, and all is well, right? ...Wrong! Whilst Jonathon is on his honeymoon, Dio's head shows up with his last remaining zombie minion, leading to Jonathon dying as Dio cuts off Jonathon's head in hopes of merging with his enemy's body, before the ship they're on sinks. Luckily, Jonathon's pregnant wife escapes.

Part 2: Battle Tendency

In the late 1930s, Joseph Joestar, grandson of Jonathon Joestar, is the second Joestar to get into strife when the mysterious Pillar Men awaken. These ungodly ancient (and fabulous) abominations created the vampirising stone masks as part of a process to find a way around their own pesky weakness to sunlight. The fact vampires taste even nicer than humans was a nifty bonus. Notable events include a hammy Nazi cyborg as one of the good guys and a final battle that starts in an erupting volcano, then ends with them riding a chunk of rock into the atmosphere after the volcano blows its top. Everything from the aforementioned Pillar Men, the Nazis, this installment's trick-happy Jojo, and probably the dumbest poses in the series certainly makes this the most outright silly arc of Jojo, and that right there is an accomplishment.

Part 3: Stardust Crusaders

In the 1980s, half-Japanese Jotaro Kujo takes up the role of hero when Dio Brando comes back, having assimilated Jonathan Joestar's body as his own. In doing so, he forsakes his former vampire powers and unlocks a new kind of power, strange psionic abilities called Stands. This causes a chain reaction that unlocks Stands around the world, and leads to Stands replacing Hamon as the super-power of choice in all subsequent generations. Now Jotaro, alongside an aged Joseph and a motley crew of faggots manly men must fight Dio and his practical army of Stand users. This is by far the most well known and iconic part of Jojo, with the introduction of Stands being very well received and all the crazy shenanigans that come with them.

Characters

The Dicks/Villians

Dio Brando (Part 1 and 3)

Part 3 Dio and his Stand "The World" ZA WARUDO

Technically the big bad of the overall series, although he's only actually on-stage in the first and third sagas. Arrogant, vain and frankly something of a coward, Dio was born the son of abusive, stupid, drunkard Dario Brando, but had a natural intelligence, ambition and drive that his father lacked. Poisoning his father, he was sent to live with George and Jonathan Joestar, as part of a debt the elder Joestar owed to Dario. Despising Jonathan for his attempts to befriend his new stepbrother, Dio bullied Jonathon throughout their childhood, and even after they seemingly made amends, was secretly plotting to steel Jonathon's birthright. He attempted to poison George, only for his scheme to be revealed, whereupon he used the Stone Mask the Joestars had unwittingly guarded to become a vampire. As mentioned above, this eventually left him a severed head trapped on the bottom of the ocean, until he managed to assimilate Jonathon's body and escape for the third saga. Although he was defeated at the end of that saga, agents and plots of his were the primary source of trouble for the next three sagas... until the sixth ended with Dio and his depredations literally being retconned out of existence. Ironically, for all his arrogance and power, Dio ultimately owed everything he had to the Joestars. His life of luxury in his teens was paid for by Joestar money. He became a vampire with a Stone Mask owned by the Joestar family. He needed Jonathon Joestar's body after his own was destroyed by Ripple energy. He needed Joseph Joestar's blood so he could better merge with Jonathon's body. He even makes extensive use of Hermit Purple #2, Jonathon Joestar's Stand, during the third saga.

He is well-loved by the fans for his over-the-top flamboyance (even by the series' standards), grandiloquent speaking style, and sheer dickishness such that Eldrad himself would be impressed. He is the source of ZA WARUDO, which is his Stand ("The World") freezing time around him. While he typically follows that up with an improbably numerous volley of knives, he is infamous for what comes after: Slamming a road roller from out of nowhere down on his opponent, punching it until the vehicle explodes, then screeching in triumph. WRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

He also has a slew of minions and henchmen in Part 3. The most notable ones are:

• Vanilla Ice:
• Hol Horse:
• Pet Shop:
• Darby:
• Mariah:
• Anubis:

Pillar Men (Part 2)

...no, they're straight. We swear.

The personal guardians of the Emperor of Mankind A pre-human tribe of supermen from the ancient past, these beings possess superhuman control over their bodies, allowing them to manipulate their own flesh and the flesh of other people as they see fit. This makes them virtually indestructible, capable of reassembling themselves from being blown to bloody scraps. They feed on the flesh of all other races, and their body manipulating traits allow them to literally absorb flesh with a touch. Each of the Pillar Men seen has an elemental "mode" which they theme their personal body modification around (for instance, the one with the Wind mode can form a lethal wind shear by spinning his arms like turbines) The tribe's only weakness is sunlight, and thus by extension Ripple energy. By the time of the series, only four members of this tribe survive, having slaughtered the rest of their kind (ostensibly in self-defense; they didn't like their leader's scheme) and sealed themselves into pillars to await the right moment to awaken again. They are thus technically the bigger bad of the series, although they only play a role in the second saga. Appearance-wse they are built like bodybuilders and dress in ancient Mesoamerican style. Their thought processes are typically cold and alien, though one of them has a sense of honor (and grows fond of Jojo).

Terms and Stuff You Need to Know

Ripple

The Ripple, or "Hamon" as its sometimes called, was a power introduced in Phantom Blood and used up until early Stardust Crusaders. Created by monks in fuckknowswhere, this martial art(?) was created to specifically destroy undead zombies and vampires. The user, quite literally, harnesses the power of the sun via breathing. This can let the user empower their attacks and attain superhuman feats. And for dramatic effect the Ripple can transfer to metal and hair, making it unstable and acting like a weapon in of itself. Joseph Joestar is the last Ripple user and the ability dies out soon after Stardust Crusaders.

Stands

Jotaro's Stand "Star Platinum"

Stands are... weird to say the least. Getting their start in Stardust Crusaders, they are literal spiritual manifestations on a user's willpower and strength. The capabilities of Stands can vary stupidly, among the know powers are: stopping time, shooting out crystal projectiles, tossing marbles that are practically mini virus bombs, and punches so powerful they can break diamond. Only Stand users can see other Stands, and only Stands can damage/interact with other Stands. The first few were introduced were based of the tarot cards (Star Platinum, Magician's Red, etc), but from mid-Part 3 and onward they were named after famous rock musicians and songs. Rolling Stones, Purple Haze, and fucking Metallica are Stands. This made later incarnations of Jojo to be an absolute copyright hell to deal with, since literally every Stand and maybe character can be traced to a band, person, or song. Many names had to be either adjusted or changed completely.

Stone Masks

These grotesque, fanged stone masks only appear in the first and second saga, but are vitally important to the story as a whole. Initially believed to come from the Aztecs, they are actually creations of the Pillar Men; intended to allow for the Pillar Men to overcome their weaknesses and become true gods. When placed on the face and smeared with blood, they drive spikes into a wearer's brain, transforming them into a vampire. Dio Brando became a vampire through the power of one of these masks.

Vampires

Human beings transformed by the Stone Masks, vampires are essentially watered-down versions of the Pillar Men. They have similar traits, such as super strength, horrific flesh-manipulating powers, the need to feed on human blood and a vulnerability to sunlight and Ripple, but just don't stack up to the Pillar Men in terms of power.