Messages for Dad

This article or section is EXTRA heretical. Prepare to be purged.

Summary

In the grimdarkness of the uhh... 31st Millennium... what? Somebody is fucking with timelines again.

After the triumph of Ullanor, the Emperor was walking aboard his over-decorated golden toilet of a flagship *BLAM* the Mighty Bucephalus. When a random aid stopped him, telling him that his brohad sent him allot of holovids containing "important information" about the future. The Emperor then decided to call some of his sons, the Primarchs to join him aboard the Bucephalus in a very lovely, totally not gold-plated viewing room. This resulted in the longest netflix binge in the history of binging as all of the Primarchs along with the Emperor watched and reacted to the entirety of If the Emperor had a Text-to-Speech Device along with a plethora of other 40k fanfic and canon material. Until eventually they stumbled upon the abomination that is Messages for Dad.

This sent the entire family down the massive gaping hellhole of parenthood by beginning to follow a hybrid Primarch-Eldar of a certain Rowboat Girlyman until it leads Angron (rightfully) down the path of RAGE against his brother Lion El'Jonson for being the king of dicks to his own son and wife, destroying a big chunk of the Bucephalus' internal structure and forcing the family to actually act on all of the events they saw happen or were going to happen.

This leads to the fanfic actually getting complex and having a Humanity Fuck Yeah future in the current M31 even as the old M42 gets continually more and more grimdark.

The Threads A.K.A The massive fuck off leadup to this fanfic

Alright fuckers, strap in and listen to this shit. It all started when Alfabusa (blessed be his name) made TTS and some autists on SpaceBattles decided to have the canon Emperor and family react to it. This was done by the mad lad, Praetor98, who did this exact idea. "If the Emperor watched Text-to-Speech device". That's when all hell broke loose.

The Emperor and family got to watch all of Text-to-Speech device before any of us did. Or technically, way after all of us? Get the Ordo Chronos on this, because the timelines are fucked beyond all recognition. It all started right after Ullanor happened and Fucking Horus threw a Warboss out of a window and the Emperor saved the day with his massive army of golden people, daddy tried to leave and do Emperor things when he was sent some files. All of them being TTS. So he decided, "fuck it" and sat down to watch them and on a whim asked the Ullanor Primarchs to come on to his ship and watch them with him.

As you can imagine, this all went SWIMMINGLY. They only tried to kill each other... twice? And so, after a few episodes, the others began to trickle in and now we have all Primarchs and Emperor under one roof and watching youtube vids together. Yes, this is basically what happened. The family slowly shifted from their stoic, war hardened canon selves where no fun is allowed, to... Actual human fucking beings. They start unwittingly doing group family therapy and actually talking with each other. They know about Chaos, they know about the future and basically the heresy can't happen now because of this. Sure yeah, Lorgar was supposed to already be corrupted at this point, but posters and thread canon said no and we changed it to Lorgar not going on his pilgrimage and getting roofied yet.

Posters not satisfied with just this, decided that they must all react to other canon parts of their future, and some wanted them to react to... other things as well. So after many derails, and mods getting pissed, someone decided to just make the second thread for extras. If the Emperor watched Text-to-Speech EXTRAS, the thread, was now available from Guestlurker. This thread devolved into madness as well. What do you get when you have a mixture of 4channers, redditors plebbitors and 40k fans with some autists mixed in? These threads.

So people just had the family react to canon side stories of the future, scarring them for life with some certain posts about certain terrible things. During the viewing sessions, Lorgar fully awakened to his psychic powers, Magnus admitted he was wrong, Leman admitted he was really wrong, everyone admitted they fucked up a lot. Especially the Emperor. It took literal teeth pulling, but it happened.

And you would think it'd end there but nope.

Then someone wanted to do the same thing, but have them react to separate realities. Yes, they now have TRANSDIMENSIONAL VHS TAPES. No, this actually happened. So the family got to see the Roboutian Heresy, the Dornian Heresy, the Cyclopian Heresy, the Lion Heresy, the Sanguinary Heresy, the Emperor Heresy (Renegades), If Isha ran to the Emperor, EVEN REALITIES WHERE THE CHAOS GODS WERE FRIENDS WITH EMPEROR and so on. Now no one was safe and everyone realized that all of them had the potential to be just as fucked up as the enemy. And yet they still watched the tapes. JUST AS PLANNED!

Yeah no, this ain't JUST AS PLANNED, Tzeentch has been screaming for days and it's fucking hilarious.

At this point, you'd think they'd stop and get back to their jobs but no]. They have been sitting in the Bucephalus for weeks just watching youtube vids, reading 4chan posts and drinking their woes away. They even took a break from vids watching to play video games. Yes, we made them play video games. Angron has an Animal Crossing town and he loves it very much. He gardens.

THEN WE FINALLY GET TO MESSAGES FOR DAD.