Old Man Henderson
Crazy-ass tale about someone who figured out how to win at Call of Cthulhu.
Proof that great times can be had, even if bad GMs want to run stupidly brutal grimdark horror campaigns.
The Origin of Old Man Henderson
Waffle House Millionaire 07/06/10(Tue)06:26 No 10966503
- I hate de-railing a thread on accident. Who wants to hear the Tale of Old Man Henderson, the character who 'won' Call of Cthulhu?
Anonymous 07/06/10(Tue)06 27 No.10966512
- I do
Alright then, I'd like to start by saying that the GM was a bastard that had it coming. Bullshit tactics to make everyone go crazy like a d6 with only 5 sides. No story, no reason; lose 10 sanity. The others continued to allow this faggotry. We were playing a modem day setting, with the other players being a college professor who found a couple of stray pages of a copy of the Necronomicon and wanted to find out just what the hell it was, a detective who was investigating a missing persons case connected to the local cult and a local athlete (I think it was football) trying to find out why some of his friends seemed so distant lately. And then... there was Old Man Henderson, who was never given a first name.
Old Man Henderson was already a little crazy, and blamed his life's misfortunes on Vietnam.
He never went to Vietnam, he was 12 in 74. (And I will be fucking amazed if anyone gets that reference.)[Herro Block Samson, we meet again.]
Old Man Henderson wore combat boots, cargo shorts, and an open-front Hawaiian shirt with a wife-beater underneath.
He was dyslexic, and had a lesser case of Schizophrenia. allowing him to assume that the reason he saw crazy shit was because he WAS a little bit crazy.
He had a grizzly adams beard and wore his hair in a mohawk.
He never took off his aviator shades, for any reason.
He had a stuffed parrot on his shoulder named Rupert that he constantly asked for advice, while ignoring the other party members as convenient, assuming they were hallucinations.
He had a Automatic combat shot-gun he knew how to use.
He also had MEMORIZED the anarchist's cookbook. He started the game with a pre-existing hatred of religion, cutlery, and books.
His motivation was that he thought that the cult had stole his lawngnomes; while he had actually donated them to a charity auction, got high, and forgot about it.
Most importantly, he had a 320 page backstory that justified EVERYTHING, from his casual knowledge of physics to his ability to speak Portuguese flawlessly.
You can just imagine the sort of Shenanigans that character was involved in.
The point to having such a long backstory was three-fold.
- to ensure the GM would never actually read it and
- Since he would never read it except for in excerpts I pointed out to justify things, I could re-write and change things around completely at random without anyone noticing and MOST IMPORTANTLY
- Convince everyone that I was serious about this character, and that it wasn't simply the game wrecking bullshit that it was.
Dickish yes, but he really did have it coming.
First outing of the group. The Detective was spying on the building of the cultists with a camera. The Jock was parked nearby, waiting for the group to let out so he could snoop it out The Professor had joined the cult to try and gain information.
Old Man Henderson very calmly parked his car, got out holding the shotgun in clear view of anyone who happened to be looking (in this case, the detective and the Jock), strolled up to the front door and kicked it in.
While everyone just kind of stopped in shocked silence for a moment, he leveled his shotgun on the lead priest/cultist guy and yelled "MUCKLE DAMRED CULTI 'AIR EH NAMBLIES BE KEEPIN' ME WEE MEN!?!?"
Did I mention that he had a nigh-incomprehensible Scottish accent that came and went as he drank and/or as amused me?
The leader couldn't understand my simple request to return my lawn gnomes (literally, you think what I typed is hard to understand? imagine it being slurred at you by a drunken Scotsman), he assumed I was trying to cast a spell at him in an elder tongue and summoned a shoggoth by murdering one of his fellows.
One Molotov And about 20 rounds later, the Shoggoth is dead, as is the cult leader, the Professor (he made the mistake of trying to make peace-maker mid murderous rampage) and about 10 assorted cultists.
Old Man Henderson then pissed on the Shoggoth's corpse, got back in his battered '92 Buick Century, and went home. The whole event was over in about ten minutes game time and nobody thought to get the Buick's plates.
The building burned down shortly, along with about half the written plot, and every lead either of the other surviving players had. The GM called a break then to figure out how to fix and/or work around what I just did.
It only got crazier from there.
Anonymous 07/06/10(Tue)07.36 No.10967215
- I must have more, good sir!
Waffle House Millionaire 07/06/10(Tue)07 37 No 10967237
- Typing up the full exploits of Old Man Henderson would take too long, can I just give you the highlights reel?
Anonymous 07/06/10(Tue)07.38 No.10967240
- I will settle for that
Waffle House Millionaire 07/06/10(Tue)07 47 No 10967295
- All Right-ey then
- Some of his finer moments include:
- Dropping a Yacht onto a penthouse suite owned by Cthulhu Cultists.
- The stealing of said Yacht from cultists of Hastur, thereby starting a cultist gang-war.
- The Tanker truck incident,
- and my personal favorite: Hell on Ice.
Which one do you want to hear about first?
dashingbastard 07/06/10(Tue)07.48 No.10967307
- Dropping the Yacht.
- Lets take it from the top.
Dropping The Yacht
Old Man Henderson, with his erstwhile companion Jimmy (the Jock) and his Friends William Brocklaw, a once humble bartender (The now dead Detective's player. Old Man Henderson burned down his bar on accident and blamed it on the cultists. One bluff check later and he in the Posse.), and Simon Breckenridge, British Spy (the Professor's player, now six characters in. And yes, they were more or less all killed by Old Man Henderson).
Old Man Henderson had discovered that there was not one cult to the Elder Gods, but several. This complicated his search for his gnomes/crusade. He decided to enlist help in making the problem solve itself.
Using his contacts, Simon discovered that a Influential Cultist of Hastur was coming to town to try and figure out how an Avatar of his god was killed. (More on this in the tanker truck incident.) He also located the exact dock on which he would be landing his boat.
Jimmy, meanwhile discovered the home of the head of the local Cthulhu cults was at a penthouse suite downtown. A plan was hatched.
Old Man Henderson used all of his cunning to steal a Military Cargo Helicopter (read: Shoruyken'd the pilot and flew off), and hid it in an abandoned warehouse.
Jimmy, and Will set up a VERY EXPENSIVE surround sound speaker system at the docks, while Simon made and planted a lot of smoke bombs.
That night, the Yacht pulled in, and we made our move.
Right as Simon maneuvered the Helicopter over the docks, we set off the Smoke bombs and activated the Speakers.
On one side: A fifty piece marching band playing 'God Save the Queen' at max volume, and on the other the audio from the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan.
Imagine, for a moment what being on the dock would have been like.
Utter. Fucking. CHAOS.
I jumped down from the Helicopter onto the boat, and rigged it to lift out of there. During the course of which I ran into the cultist guy and Ninja Kicked him in the head, knocking him tail-over-teakettle and off the boat. I later learned that he broke his neck in the fall.
Damned convenient, otherwise he might have have been able to ID me. We then lilted the boat out of there, switched to out secondary audio on all sides (My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion. I was in a vengeful mood, gnome stealing bastards.) So when the cultists finally got the smoke to clear their Yacht was gone, their leader dead. And Celine Dion was stuck in their heads. Not the best of days.
Then we went across tow, in a stolen Military Cargo chopper, carrying a 40 foot yacht, and 'parked' the helicopter above the penthouse, with the yacht about 80 feet above it. Then we cut the line, jumped out with our parachutes, and watched the yacht ruin a dinner party while placing bets on whether the military would save the chopper, blow it up, or if it would just hover there until it ran out of fuel.
The Tanker Truck Incident
Now, time for what will forever be known as 'The tanker truck incident'. Notice 'The' is capitalized. This is because no matter what incidents in the future may involve tanker trucks, this is the definitive one.
It started out innocently enough, Old Man Henderson left the stakeout in a van outside the evil cult's meeting place to go get some hooch. The only people now there are the Detective, and James Fink (the professor's second character). Jimmy was gone because it was a school night (Old Man Henderson was a bad influence, but damned if he didn't have the kid's best interests at heart.)
The cultists see me leaving had a very distinct appearance, after all. (VERY USEFUL in scoring TPKs.), and discover my friends spying on them. The detective gets a pretty GAR death, and James dies like a bitch. But not yet.
I'm on my way back, walking along. The Detective and James had been brought inside as part of a ritual to give Hastur an avatar in our world (he had been banished, and the only way he could come here is via a loophole). He could only use people who knew he existed and had thwarted him thrice as a host, and then he had to make them drink the life-blood of their closest friend to make the binding permanent. In case you're wondering, permanent binding = GAME OVER.
The first part of the ritual was completed, but before Hastur could take control, the detective broke James' shackles and he tried to run.
He made it as far as the street, when the detective (now Hastur) caught up with him, part demon-form.
Now where this church (for lack of a better term) was located, was at the end of the road on a T shaped intersection. There was a gas-station about three blocks away, which is where Old Man Henderson was while this was going down.
Old Man Henderson sees the shit hit the fan, and steals a half-full tanker truck that WAS refilling the station's holding tank.
While I bring the truck up to ramming speed, I toss a 12 lb block of C4 in the passenger seat and rig the detonator to the airbags.
Old Man Henderson then took a bracing shot of whiskey, jammed a knife through the gas pedal, then jumped of of the truck onto his heelies. Yes, he modified his combat boots to have heelies. I swear to god I had not planned this to happen, the heelies just sounded like something fucking ridiculous and in character.
He watched the truck ram the detective into the church, the blew him and all the cultists to Kingdom Come. The truck also killed James by running him over.
That's when the back-trail ignited, fire going all the way back to the gas-station and destroying it; continuing my streak of accidentally destroying anything that might lead people back to Old Man Henderson.
I took a moment to call Jimmy.
"Henderson here. Figured out what the nasties are weak against."
"What's that, Mr. Henderson?"
"Point blank annihilation."
'click'
Hell on Ice
Waffle House Millionaire 07/06/10(Tue)09:04 No.10968068
- Does anyone care If I throw up Hell on ice? It's my favorite of the bunch, but if nobody cares I'll save it for later.
- Almost forgot to mention, there was a bar right next to the gas station called 'the Homble Revelation', which was the one that Will had owned.
Anonymous 07/06/10(Tue)09 08 No.109681 18
- fuckin' do it you crazy son of a bitch
Anonymous 07/06/10(Tue)09 09 No.10968126
- For the love of god MORE.
Okie-doke. We were in the endgame, with zombies and shoggoths chasing us I managed to get Jimmy disappeared, so it was Old Man Henderson, Simon and Will going to the final strong-point we had an abandoned hockey stadium.
On the way there, we had rammed through a small home-and-garden store in our truck. And when we arrived, we started barring the doors and windows, when I noticed something. Our trip through the store had netted us a passenger- a single lawn gnome.
Somehow, I knew right then that this was it. No lucky turn of fate, no Deus Ex Machina... Old Man Henderson was going to die. But I'd be damned if it wouldn't be the best fucking last stand ever.
I then revealed to the GM that Henderson was a world champion figure skater, hockey player, and golfer.
The Backstory of Doom got one final use.
We had got almost all of the doors barricaded, but the zombie/shoggoth army kicked in the last door and got Simon, Will was pulled off the Zamboni after he manage to throw the Crate onto the ice.
The crate full of exploding hockey pucks.
Lasted a couple of minutes while blasting Bust A Move (Young MC) before the situation resolved into totally fucked I switched to the next track as I yelled "HASTUR HASTUR HASTUR!"
The next track came on, it was the Canadian national anthem, which Old Man Henderson began to sing proudly, at the top of his lungs.
I then threw out the three pieces of knowledge that marked Old Man Henderson's Blaze Of Glory.
- Calling Hastur's name 3 times will summon him, but only if the one who is truest foe at the time calls it. (Guess who.)
- When an elder god is summoned from beyond, they suffer a sort of summoning sickness. They're still unbelievably strong, but can be killed FOREVER if you hit them hard enough.
- The building had enough explosives wired to make Michal Bay blush.
And that my friends, is the tale of how Old Man Henderson won Call of Cthulhu.
Anonymous 07/07/10(Wed)20:26 No.10998795
- I hereby suggest the use of "Henderson magnitude scale of plot derailment quake" to be used from hereon. One full Henderson rates as "total derailment".
Director's Cut Part 1
Anonymous 07/29/12(Sun)02:09 No.20082449
- Just want to say, WHM actually posted a continuation to Old Man Henderson.
- Shit's whack.
- Search for Eli Burning (I believe) on foolz.
A Self Called 'Nowhere' 07/29/12(Sun)02:52 No.20082857
- He never actually posted more than a quick summary of it actually.
- Also, for those of you curious as to whether or not Old Man Henderson was 'real'.... Yes, yes it was. I was there, I was the Professor and like 15 other fucking people.
- Because Henderson had no concept of 'collateral damage' or 'inside voice'.
- The whole and complete story was fucking crazy, because crazy shit was happening in and out of game, and he only gave you guys a 'highlights reel'. I might end up story-timing the whole thing. even though I'm not as eloquent as him. Seriously, I read the backstory of doom. What he told you about it does not do it justice.
WHM tends to get emotionally attached to a well made character. to him they're the means of exploring a story, and a good story is something he thinks is the very foundations of modern society is based on. He doesn't mind a 'bad end' so long as they're legitimate.
Botched a roll at a bad time? Shit happens. Bad choice, in character? Meant to be. Simply screwed by circumstance? Them's the shakes. 'LOL you're dead because you actually disagreed with my self insert fetish fuel character with two katanas!'? I actually had to stop him from choking the fat bastard.
Which might make him sound like a bad person, ruled by petty emotion, but the truth is he's like a bear: normally quite chill. Not that easy to piss off normally. So he doesn't move often, but when he does... things like Henderson happen.
It was the fifth session of the game with an 'experienced' GM, using 'Trail of Cthulhu' (a small distinction on the whole, but one worth mentioning in my eyes) and he'd already lost three characters. To the STUPIDEST shit.
Seriously, the last one some evil force put a curse on him, and he ended up being killed by a horse.
Falling out of an airplane.
Yeah.
So the GM goes to grab the pizza, since it was his turn to pay, and I could feel the room cooling slightly. WHM's expression never changed, he never looked at me or the other two guys. "I know you're thinking about leaving, but I want you to stay. I want you to watch what I'm going to do."
I knew this was bad, because while he can get frustrated mad (which is hilarious by the way, he makes a choking noise in the back of his throat like a murlock caught in a trash compactor), when he gets TRUELY pissed, he gets calm.
We continue for the evening, and about a week later, we come back. He's giving me a ride, and he looks like he hasn't slept in two days, and the stubble is almost, but not quite, into gangly half-beard territory.
"I've done something. I'm not sure it's a good thing yet." he says as he hands me the little binder thing he keeps his character sheets and notes in.
"You've done something?" I ask, as I take the folder from him.
"I.... created? No, created is the wrong term. I feel like it was already there, waiting for me to give it life. I put a thing on paper, and I'm bringing it down on that fat fuck like the wrath of god."
"Uh huh." I say, as I look at the sheet. "Is Henderson his first or last name?"
"I don't even fucking know."
So then I look at the stack of paper he called a backstory. I start reading it, and I'm immediately fascinated by what can only be called a tome of madness.
It switched perspectives and tone wildly, at one point it's written with stage directions in the form of a script. At one point it went to GERMAN.
I know for fact he only knows like two words in German, while I'm kinda fluent.
The German was in his hand, and it was grammatically flawless.
I find my voice.
"What?"
"Been asking that myself. All fucking day."
So we get to the game, and the GM asks what we're all doing. Detective Guy's drinking alone at his desk, waiting for one of his contacts to get back to him.
Jimmy, the jock type, is struggling with math homework.
My character, Professor Filkins, is grading mid-terms.
Then we get the introduction to Henderson. He's sitting in a lawn-chair in his house, smoking a bong, staring at a wall he painted to look like a Hawaiian beach. "You know Rupert?" He addresses the stuffed parrot currently resting on the arm of his chair. "You're a good friend. Most people would've asked for a hit, but you know how much I love this shit. Way better than what we had back in 'Nam." he chuckles, and then begins reminiscing "You know, I still remember the first time I got high. Back of my Older brother's van. Know it musta been some good shit too, because I'm an only child. Ain't that right Charles?" He looks over to an empty corner of the room.
".... Charlie?" He then gets up mildly concerned. "Man, what the hell?" He begins to search the house in earnest, before sitting down on a chair in his kitchen. "Where the fuck are my lawn gnomes? I mean, did somebody steal them? Who the fuck would steal them? Yeah, they're worth a lot, but come on." He then pulls out a sharpie and begins to scribble on the table. "Alright, 215 gnomes, total weight about 800 pounds, total value approaching 40k. Not a one man job. Need help to carry them, need help to sell them. I'm looking at a large and well organized group of assholes."
He looks into the middle distance. "Like those guys down the street? They're Mormans, right? Large religious group, come around in the early morning like those damned charlies.... Rupes, I think we've got a lead." And then he pored a bottle of jack daniels in a large go-cup, and went and got in his car.
Before I get back to the rest of the party, it should be noted that Henderson looks a lot like Jeff Bridges of today. So imagine all of his lines in that voice. Because that's the voice we were treated to at the table.
Anyway, I've had the lead on a cult meeting for a while, and I managed to get an invite. I'm sitting in the front row, listening to a passionate arab man talking about how there's more to the world than we know. Despite myself, I'm intrigued.
Jimmy is sitting outside, thinking about his friends and trying to decide if he should go in and talk to them or what.
The detective's gotten his call-back, and is now watching the scene with interest.
A battered '92 Buick Century fails to get their attention until it suddenly executed a perfect handbrake turn and parked at the curb.
Back to Henderson's point of view, he's blasting Creedance Clearwater when suddenly he sniffs the air and says 'Mormons' before whipping around and parking out front and killing the car.
He then gets out of the car, and pops the trunk. In full view of the detective, he then shoves 'Lurid Lucy', an inflatable sex toy of exceptional quality, to one side and pulls out some for of Israeli made combat shotgun and started walking towards the house.
He then kicks open the door while our mouths are agap andt shout the words that let us know the game would never be the same.
"MUCKLE DARMED CULTISTS! 'AIR YOU NAMBLIES KEEPIN' ME WEE MEN?!?"
So at this point the GM has not yet realized what Henderson IS. In fact, I think I'm the only one who truly understood what was about to happen to existential horror, as at this point in time....
Here's another fun fact about WHM: When he's at a game table with a character sheet, you aren't at the table with him. You're at the table with whatever character he's playing until further notice. I don't think he could've meta-gamed if he tried.
So anyway, the GM has decided to regain control the only way he knows how: By killing Mike's latest character via bullshit, and summons a shoggoth.
Henderson, having passed the will check to not puke up his brains, and winning the initiative, comments on how it's the UGLIEST fucking poodle EVER oh god, and then shoots it in the fucking face until it dies. Then he shoots the cultist guy who summoned it. Then he shoots me, then a random guy, then he pisses on the shoggoth's corpse since everyone else is too busy losing their shit in a panic over the Creature That Should Not Be being summoned, and casually sets the tapestry on fire with his cigar as he walks out the door.
So then everyone still alive runs the fuck away from the burning building before the cops show up. Henderson makes it home (about three blocks away) when he realizes something horrible.
He totally fucking forgot about the lawn gnomes.
He RUNS back to the still burning building, only to see the fire department has already arrived. They inform him that no gnomes were in the building that they can tell.
On the one hand, he's relieved as fuck since he didn't lose the gnomes, and killing that many little people would probably constitute a hate crime.
Never mind that he totally just leveled a church with the speed and brutality of the fucking spetsnaz.
Anyway he goes to try and cook up where they could have gone at the local pub.
The Gmk at thins point looks up ast us from his notes. He's clearly been thrown so far off the fucking tracks by what just happened that he can't just improv his way out of it. "I... I think I need a minute. Or ten."
He amscrays, and I look over to the man I thought I knew. He has his cell-phone out, and is asking us if we're cool with Chinese food since we had pizza last week.
"What the fuck was that?" Asks one of our fellow players.
"Remember when I said I was getting revenge? I brought out the big guns. I don't even have the small guns anymore. I was given some once, and pormptly returned them. 'Won't be needin these' I said. Hello, (Chinese food place I forget the name of)? You still got that special on the shrimp fried rice?"
Director's Cut Part 2
So when I ended the last story, we had a dead shoggoth, a burning building, a bunch of lawn gnomes were MIA, and we totally just ordered some bitching Chinese food.
Anyway, at this point in the proceedings Henderson decided that if he couldn't get a proper brainstorming going at home as to the location of the gnomes, then he could always try Harry's bar.
Good ol' Harry was scared proper shitless of Henderson after an incident with a 'commie bastard pinball machine' prior to the games start, so he could drink in peace and nobody really bothered him about the mounting tab.
So he's sitting there working on a new plan of action with his two best friends: Mr. Daniels and Mr. Walker, when suddenly a news report comes on. Apparently some woman was commenting on how the quiet religious group a few blocks away from the bar just had their shit wrecked. Henderson was VERY interested in knowing that they were not in fact Mormons, but rather 'Disciples of the Yellow King' which apparently were a radical sect of Buddhism that had the details promptly ignored since there was a hockey game on.
Then Henderson had a really good idea., since somebody at the other table had the 'Dragnet' theme as their ringtone.
He knew fuck all about looking for people, but a Private Detective.....
So after a few minute in the phone book, he decides to literally call the first name he saw under the PI heading.
By sheer freakish coincidence, the phone in the Detective player's office starts to ring.
"Hello?"
"I need a man who's good at finding things, doesn't have any great love of religious loonies, and doesn't mind maybe shooting an ugly ass poodle or two."
"... I'm sorry, but WHO is this?"
"Name's Henderson. I need some help from a professional."
"No argument here. So, you're looking to hire a PI?"
"Yep. Had something precious stolen from me."
"And that was?"
"Roughly 40 thousand dollars of Lawn Gnomes."
There was a silence both in game and at the table. "What."
"I'm not saying it was cultists, but I'm pretty sure it was cultists. Or aliens, but that seems unlikely given the circumstances. If you're interested we can talk down at Harry's on the south side by the river." And then he hung up.
Since the detective was quickly getting nowhere with his missing persons case, he decided it'd be good for a laugh.
Henderson meanwhile had discovered that Harry had acquired a Pac-Man arcade machine, and decided to fill the score board with profanity.
So when the detective arrives, he asks for 'some guy named Henderson' and was promptly pointed to a man in.... unusual attire was teaching a girl how to shoot pool.
"Henderson?"
"Hold on, just a second. The important part of a shot in pool is to make sure it's smooth. Take all the time you need to line up the shot, don't let them rush you." He says, and then he sinks his last three balls and the '8' in one stroke. He then turns to the detective.
Who promptly recognizes him, and tries to leave. Too bad for him Henderson decided to follow. "So how do you think you're gonna go about this?"
"I'm gonna get the hell back in my car and leave the crazy ass arsonist/murderer behind."
"No shit?" He looks over his shoulder back at the bar "Which one?" He looks at the detective poking him in the chest. "What?"
"The church! You burned down a church!"
"They started it."
"Because you walked in with a shotgun?" He asked exasperated at the infuriatingly flawless logic of a complete asshole.
"No. Because they stole my goddamned lawn gnomes."
"Yeah, you mentioned that. How do you fucking steal 40 thousand dollars in decorative lawn fixtures? Where the hell did you even get that many gnomes?"
"I worked briefly as a prostitute in Thailand. The antique gnome collection was my retirement plan."
"What."
"Ended up riding some dude's Junk all the way back home. Hell of an uncomfortable ride, let me tell you. not meant for the ocean blue. And I would know."
"You... understand the logistics... of riding another man's junk.... across the ocean...."
"Well, in a general sense. I took a course on ship building back in collage. This was before we had these fancy navigational Gypsy Pathfinder Space-fairies."
".... I..... alight, you said you were looking for gnomes?"
"Actually, that was earlier. Just now I was explaining that how I knew so much about catching a ride on somebody's junk was due to vigorous study in my youth."
"Let's focus on the Gnomes. You think they were stolen by a cult?"
"Only thing that makes sense from what I know. I want you to look into this 'Disciples of the Yellow King'. See if they're doing anything suspicious."
"Actually, I was looking into them already for another reason: looks like they've got a hand in human marketing. Lawn Gnomes..... seems like an odd direction to go in, but I won't deny that they're up to no good. I'll let you know if I find anything worth talking about?"
"Sounds good. I'm usually at Harry's unless I'm not. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go see a man about a horse." Henderson then Walked across the street, stole a bicycle, and rode off into a plot-hole for a brief period of time.
Now here's the question: do you guys give a shit about non-WHM related things? because the rest of us were trying to play a somewhat serious game around him, and I wanted to know if you guys wanted the WHOLE story, or just shenanigans.
Alright, so at this point, the guy playing the detective decided to give my character an easy-in with the group, since poor Jimmy was still on his lonesome for the moment.
In rolls James Fink, one of two of SEVERAL characters who Henderson killed, and the only one besides Simon who's name ever got remembered by the rest of the group.
James is a long time friend of the Detective, who's name I just remembered was Albert Johanson (Pronounced 'Yo-Han-Son' for some fucking reason). Back when Al was still a cop, Jim was a thug for the local mob. They worked up the ladders of their respective organizations, gained the respect of their co-workers, and eventually ended up leaving their jobs on good terms with their bosses.
In Jim's case it was because his wife had a baby on the way then, and asked him to find safer work. Al ended up in a shoot-out where his partner got killed fighting against a bunch of crazy meth addicts. Shortly after quitting they ran into each other by coincidence and discovered that the other one was 'the bastard who kept wrecking our job/getting away!' and ended up becoming fast friends. This continued on a fairly regular basis for several years until the Henderson situation, and Al decided he wanted back-up. And there was nobody in the world he trusted more.
"So," Jim said as he walked into the office. "Who's the client?"
"some crazy motherfucker named Henderson."
"That his first or his last name?"
"Man, I have no fucking clue."
"Alright, so what's he want?"
"Apparently he thinks a cult stole his antique lawn gnome collection."
".... So drop the nutter."
"Two good reasons not to: The cult he's accusing I honestly believe to be involved in both activity illegal and bizarre. The other is that any man who can afford to just have 40 grand in gnomes lie around can write a pay-check."
"...Why the hell would somebody have fourty-"
"Don't tug on this particular string Jim. Trust me, just.... don't."
"So what's our first lead?"
"Well I was gonna go kick around in the ashes of the church my new boss burned down, and then see if there was any witnesses."
"Wait, our BOSS caused that church-fire?"
"Yeah. So you're in?"
"You kiddin'? I NEED to see how deep this rabbit hole goes."
That evening they went to the site, and discovered the Shoggoth's corpse. There wasn't enough left of it to force san checks, but plenty to make them start asking some pointed questions.
The Professor ended up on the list of people to look into when his body was identified, and then they found the page of the Necronomicron. Recognizing the occult symbols on it, the Detective dropped it off at his office while he went to ask iof he could borrow a notebook out of the cold-case evidence lockers.
Henderson meanwhile discovered that during a recent bender, he had agreed to chaperone a dance at the local high-school. So he swings by the detective's office to let him know where he'll be.
so he's at the office, and he meets Jim, asks him to pass along the info to Al, and the snags the scrap of the Necronomicron on the way out the door saying he needed paper. Jim failed his spot to notice what sheet he took. The GM fudged it, probably assuming Henderson was going to read it and he could kill him off via San-damage.
Boy howdy, was he wrong.
So Henderson shows up to the dance in his usual attire, slightly less scruffy than usual, and volunteers to sit outside and make sure punks from the other schools didn't try and gate-crash the party. The more 'proper' people were glad to keep him out, since that meant he wouldn't be able to corrupt the youth.
Henderson was glad because there was no way they'd let him smoke the monster blunt he just rolled inside.
I then realized, as hit lit an 'atomica' as he called it (a blunt roughly the size of a cuban cigar) that there was currently only one piece of paper on his person.
As soon as I found out where he was IC, I went to the school to try and prevent the inevitable.
Meanwhile, Jimmy (The jock) was sitting outside sad because his girlfriend didn't come because she was too bust being a crazy cultist.
Henderson decides to introduce him to the wonderful world of substance abuse, and like a bro passes the blunt.
To be totally honest, I'm surprised this moment didn't make the original story, since smoking the giant book of Bad Juju was the best thing to ever happen on accident.
So Jimmy took a hit, and totally failed every check the GM sent his way.
He saw Jesus, and then Jesus turned into a giant squid thing. In the deep distance the Weed softened the blow by masking everything behind a cartoon-ey after-glow.
So imagine for a moment watching Elmer Fudd scream 'Cthulhu f'tagan' and shoot daffy in the face. Only instead of a fucked up beak and a muttering of 'this means war' he screams 'HE COMES!" and tenticles rip out of his form to molest wildlife.
This is the part where I had to go to the door and retrieve the precious shrimp fried rice, but I came back to "So wait, I ONLY lost 15 san?"
"Yeah. What now?"
"I pass it back."
Henderson of course manages to ace the tests, and then comments on how 'this is some really GOOD shit man' and how Jimmy is 'a lightweight'.
Jimmy then does a bit better and they get to swapping stories. Pretty soon the Cult comes up, and they agree to join forces for the sake of cute girls next door, and lawn gnomes everywhere.
Sadly that roach burned fast and hard, so when Me and Al got there all we saw was the crazy old fuck and some ginger teenager crashed together against the wall giggling at 'those silly squid things in people's heads'.
So we then discover the kid's connection to the madness, and promptly discover what he knows.
This leads to the three people who DIDN'T have school tomorrow (both in and out of game) to prepare a stakeout of some church.
So at this point, we all get into Jim's van, and park down the street from a church. The church happens to be on the ned of a road, at a T-shaped intersection, and we're parked a bit up the way from it.
"Man, stakeouts are boring."
"No shit, Henderson. you have anything useful to contribute?"
"Not really. I should've brought a book or something."
"Would you be paying attention to the building if you had reading material?"
"Not really."
"Then I guess that would defeat the purpose of a stakeout, wouldn't it?"
"Not if you two were watching. Hell, we could have two of us watching the third man playing bait."
"You'd volunteer for that?"
"Beats the fuck out of sitting in a van with two dudes who won't even let me smoke."
"Didn't you smoke EVIDENCE last time you lit up?"
"I regret nothing. Fuck it, you guys hungry or something? I'm gonna go grab some munchies from the gas station."
"Bring coffee."
"And some cheese doodles."
"Aight. Back in.... fuck it, just leave the doors unlocked."
And he went in search of snacks. When he hopped out of the van, one of the cultists happened to see him on a lucky roll, and as he walked around the corner into the gas-station, they ran out and beat the shit out of the two of us left behind.
About the time We got dragged into the building, Henderson had FINALLY got out of the bathroom. About the time we got tied to the alter, Henderson had stopped to try on hats. About the time the ritual reached it's height, Henderson was debating which AC/DC album was the best with the cashier.
The end result of that argument was that while they couldn't decide if Back in Black or Dirty deeds was the best Album, Black Ice was pretty boss and heralded only good.
So then in some tense tests of willpower and resolve, Al managed to free Jim and hold off the cultists while an evil presence steadily took chunks off his San score until he was no longer able to resist.
Smiling in malicious glee, Hastur began to stalk his new prey. at this point in time, Henderson had JUST walked out of the store, just in time to see my character get murder-glomped by a monster wearing my friend's face. So he does the only 'logical' thing he could. He stole a fucking fuel truck.
So then we find out he was packing C4, and was making all sorts of tests while gunning it down the road towards us. He made it, and bailed, just in time for the truck to hit him off of me, and run my ass over. Hastur rode that truck to it's end, while Henderson placed a call to Jimmy.
"Hey kid, Henderson here. Found out what the nasties are weak against."
"What's that Mr. Henderson?"
"Point blank annihilation." he then hangs up the phone, and proceeds to walk off. I finished bleeding to death two turns later.
That's right, mother-fucker LEFT ME TO DIE.
Sure it wasn't like I was screaming for help, but he could have at least CHECKED.
Since I'm not sure how familure /tg/ is with certain Cthulhu based rule-books, I was basically in what D&D calls 'alive, with negative hit-points'. So helpless, dieing, but still there's hope.
Until the back trail ignited, and the tiny amount of fire damage ended me.
My one consolation was that the fire blew up the gas station, it took the bar he left me for with it. Then, the detective's player, after the fastest re-roll I've ever seen enter stage left and William Brocklaw runs in and yells about how his newly refurbished bar just got destroyed on the evening of it's grand reopening.
"Hey man, if it makes you feel any better, I can help you get back at the people who did this."
"Who are you?"
"Name's Henderson. This is my right hand man, Rupert."
"... and you know who did this?"
"I'm fairly certain I do. Ever hear of the 'Disciples of the Yellow King'?"
"Are you saying that this was done by cultists?"
"Look, I'm not saying it was cultists."
"Re-"
"But it was probably cultists. Come on, your bar might be gone, but it's not the only watering hole in town. Ever hear of a pub called Harry's? You look like you could use a drink."
At Harry's bar, he got filled in on what Henderson knew, while getting a couple of drinks 'on the house'.
(I probably would've been there too, was I not slightly pissy about losing two characters in as many sessions.)
So after a few minutes of back and forth, Will decides he'll get in on it IF Henderson could provide some proof as to the whole evil cultist thing.
"So why'd you decide to go after them?"
"Revenge mostly."
"Really? What happened?"
"Same bastard who blew up your bar killed two of my buddies. This is after they stole all my fucking lawn gnomes."
"Damn. Tell you what, when we catch the guy, I'll hold him still while you kill him."
"Mighty generous of you."
This was the point where we called it for the evening, and at the start of the next session Henderson headed up a 'daring plan' to kidnap one of the heads of the cult. I'll tell that one next time, but quick spoiler: I managed to get three of MY OWN characters killed in one session.
Yeah.
See Also
External links
Original thread The Page for The Story A Self Called 'Nowhere' begins his account of events A Self Called 'Nowhere' continues his account of events