Assholetep
"An aeons old automaton king... with the petulant impatience and obnoxious tantrums of a 7 year old child."
+++ Imperial Star Charts name this world the Tomb World of the Necron Lord, Assholetep the Insufferable.
RECOMMENDATION: Avoid at all costs. Assholetep is easier to insult than a catty gay hipster at a costume party on Halloween where like 3 other gay men dressed as the same obscure superhero that you never heard of.
Below are a collection of anecdotes pertaining to the many misdeeds and tantrums of Assholetep the Insufferable.
>Wake up
>Orks looted his favorite Staff of Light
>Teleport entire Tombworld's forces to fight massive Waaagh three sectors over
>IG happen to be fighting the Orks
>Help them
>At victory party
>Planetary-Governor doesn't compliment his new cloak
>Entire sub-sector devoid of all life the next week
>Fighting Tyranids
>Rippers won't let him keep them as pets
>To this day, nobody knows what has been cutting a bloody path through Hive Fleet Kraken
>It's his birthday
>The Feudal World that hasn't had contact from space in thousands of years forgot
>Entire population butchered
>Flayed Ones dance around in rotting flesh and party hats
>At victory Banquet after fending off Hive Fleet Gorgon at Ka'mais
>Nobody lets him ride in a Crisis Suit
>MFW we know the real reason for the Harvest of Ka'mais
>Helps IG fight Chaos for rule over a planet
>Weeks into the campaign
>Lord Commissar mispronounces his name
>The Deamon Prince Valshar now rules over Ciruck IV
>Gives Arch-Magos new shiny Necrodermis body
>Becomes most trusted advisor
>Years later
>Forgets to polish his Res Orb for him
>Magos is melted down and turned into Scarabs. The forgeworld where he grew up is obliterated
>Admech find Assholehotep in stasis
>Praise him and write legends about him
>Thousands of years later they forget
>He finds records when he wakes up
>They haven't edited his page on Admechpedia in 12000 years
>All forgeworlds in the next five sectors melted to a molten goo
>hive world is under attack by nids
>he sees the world being demolished and decides to help
>after a month of hard combat the nids are all eradicated
>the citizens thank the lord and ask what he would like in return
>he asks for a solid gold statue of himself errected in the center of the major city
>they comply
>he inspects the work and finds a 5% impurity of silver in the statue
>the hive world is now a dead world.
>Assholehotep helping a Forgeworld
>One of their Titans steps on a single Scarab
>"What do mean an entire Titan Legion was eaten by bugs"?
>His Tomb Ships assist a fleet based Chapter fight of some Eldar Pirates
>Battle Barge cuts in front of them by accident
>The Space Hawk Chapter no longer exists
>Harvesting residents of a local Feral World
>Hears Feral Child has insulted him
>Entire human population besides the child is killed
>The last image of a sentient creature the child sees is Assholehotep mooning him
>angry marines and asholehotept's destroyers get into an arguing match over who killed the most tau
>it was a tie
>they proceeded to go to the next world to try to break the tie
>the whole sector was fucked
>Assholehotep is one of the few remaining Lords wearing the original attire
>Always made fun of
>Goes around blowing up other sleeping Tomb Worlds out of spite
>Whispers "Faggots" under his breath every time
>Assholehotep meets with some Admech
>They compliment him on his wonderful Particle Whip
>Entire Admech presence in five sectors destroyed since they confused his Staff of Light for a Particle Whip
>all hot women in a one light year radius suddenly absent from their homes
>sweet millions-strong rave party on Assholetep's tomb world
>Assholetep tries to score with the hottest chick at the party
>she points out he doesn't have a penis
>thus did the Great Raveocaust begin
>Assholetep meets Angron sometime during the 30,000s
>Both end up severely pissing the other off
>Angron goes on to fuck up Armageddon's shit and thus starting a game of one upsmanship
>Angron returns from the warp after one hundred years of being trapped in it, only to find Assholetep waiting for him
>Angron is still unable to return from the warp.
>Cegorachian Eldar pull a prank on Assholetep and cause him to sit on a whoopie cushion
>Ten days later the population of Cegorach's worshippers drops by 90% due to Necron related causes
>Dark Eldar try to settle outside of Commoragh and bump into Assholetep
>Assholetep wants them to compliment his new set of spikes
>Dark Eldar call him not spiky enough
>Ever since then the Dark Eldar have never tried to settle outside of Comorragh again