Mountain Dew
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“Can I have a Mountain Dew?”
“Yes, you can have a Mountain Dew, just go get it!”
— The Dead Alewives
Mountain Dew (or Mtn Dew if you're an obnoxious marketing executive or too lazy to write the full name) is a soda made from sugar, caffeine, sulphuric acid, and the liquid from glowsticks. Gamers of all types drink gallons of the stuff on a daily basis, whether it be war, roleplaying, or vidja. Equally popular are Cheetos. It's theorized that the reason Mountain Dew is so popular is that, with the decline of Jolt Cola, it had the highest levels of caffeine and sugar available in beverage form before the advent of energy drinks. In spite of its name, it isn’t sourced from a mountain, and doesn’t resemble any meaningful parallels to anything to do with dew. It was however originally made to be a drink mixer for bathtub moonshine, which should tell you everything you need to know about it.
Mountain Dew is said to be a "citrus" flavor, but anyone who's actually drank it knows that's a load. Its flavor is shit POWER mixed with drugs INSOMNIA. Other supposed flavors include Code Red, Voltage, Live Wire, Baja Blast, and GUN. Lately, it's been culturally tied to FPS games like Halo, for the same reason that tabletop gamers drink it - a cheap, no piss-shakes way to stay up all night gaming. Or you can drink coffee like a goddamn adult.
In Canada, Mt. Dew has no caffeine. Heretics!
Mountain Dew is also a well known holy water, bless by the head pope of the dorito ecclesiarchy: Geoff Keighley, who also happened to be a living saint, notable for his death gaze.
Litany Of Mountain Dew[edit | edit source]
By the Power of this Bottle, I pray to thee,
Oh great god above, empower me.
Give me the strength to kill the alien, the mutant, the heretic.
And when your holy liquids fuel my rage
Let my foot fly straight and true when I hit the enemies' bullock.
At the accepted cost of decreasing my estimated life age.
Oh god of the mountain, fuel me,
lest I commit heresy, and use coffee.