Kobold: Difference between revisions
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Kobolds are a monstrous species that suffers from the severe deficiency of being inferior to humans in every way that matters. Small, weak, arbitrarily evil, and primitive, they are essentially the 1st level adventurer's "Other other white meat" after [[Goblins]] and [[Orcs]]. Supposedly they are exceedingly clever and craft cunning traps to kill off their larger adversaries like some sort of reptilian doglizard vietcong, but it never seems to turn out that way unless the DM decides he violently despises his players. The most legendary instance of this were Tucker's Kobolds, the creation of a feverish madman of a DM who wanted to teach his players a lesson. Through a combination of cunning tunnel design, | Kobolds are a monstrous species that suffers from the severe deficiency of being inferior to humans in every way that matters. Small, weak, arbitrarily evil, and primitive, they are essentially the 1st level adventurer's "Other other white meat" after [[Goblins]] and [[Orcs]]. Supposedly they are exceedingly clever and craft cunning traps to kill off their larger adversaries like some sort of reptilian doglizard vietcong, but it never seems to turn out that way unless the DM decides he violently despises his players. The most legendary instance of this were Tucker's Kobolds, the creation of a feverish madman of a DM who wanted to teach his players a lesson. Through a combination of cunning tunnel design, Molotov cocktails and phalanx formation fighting, a simple tribe of kobolds violently decimated an adventuring party that should have walked over them. As the proper [[Martini]] drinking DM is one who despises his players and desires above all to see them suffer, you are well advised to learn from this brave tribe of vietcong kobolds. | ||
The other exception to this rule is the hilariously broken assortment of rules that is [[Pun-Pun]]. Nobody fucks with Pun-Pun. | The other exception to this rule is the hilariously broken assortment of rules that is [[Pun-Pun]]. Nobody fucks with Pun-Pun. | ||
It is worth | It is worth noting that if played with the intention of being dangerous, kobolds are far and away the hardest throwaway monsters to fight. It could be likened to a sort of sick, hardcore version of Home Alone, with the kobolds taking the part of a severely deranged and sadistic Kevin McCallister and the PCs taking the part of hopelessly underprepared thugs walking into a situation they cannot have possibly foreseen. If treated like cannon fodder, they are the absolute hands-down easiest things in any edition to kill, including housecats and electric iguanas. | ||
==Cutebolds== | ==Cutebolds== | ||
Revision as of 13:19, 30 June 2009
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Kobolds are a monstrous species that suffers from the severe deficiency of being inferior to humans in every way that matters. Small, weak, arbitrarily evil, and primitive, they are essentially the 1st level adventurer's "Other other white meat" after Goblins and Orcs. Supposedly they are exceedingly clever and craft cunning traps to kill off their larger adversaries like some sort of reptilian doglizard vietcong, but it never seems to turn out that way unless the DM decides he violently despises his players. The most legendary instance of this were Tucker's Kobolds, the creation of a feverish madman of a DM who wanted to teach his players a lesson. Through a combination of cunning tunnel design, Molotov cocktails and phalanx formation fighting, a simple tribe of kobolds violently decimated an adventuring party that should have walked over them. As the proper Martini drinking DM is one who despises his players and desires above all to see them suffer, you are well advised to learn from this brave tribe of vietcong kobolds.
The other exception to this rule is the hilariously broken assortment of rules that is Pun-Pun. Nobody fucks with Pun-Pun.
It is worth noting that if played with the intention of being dangerous, kobolds are far and away the hardest throwaway monsters to fight. It could be likened to a sort of sick, hardcore version of Home Alone, with the kobolds taking the part of a severely deranged and sadistic Kevin McCallister and the PCs taking the part of hopelessly underprepared thugs walking into a situation they cannot have possibly foreseen. If treated like cannon fodder, they are the absolute hands-down easiest things in any edition to kill, including housecats and electric iguanas.
Cutebolds
Cutebolds are like Kobolds only incredibly cute.
They are pitiful and childish in everything they do, and are innocent enough to not know how to procreate. All they know is that rubbing their noses gives them a guilty pleasure.