Slaanesh

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This article or section is about something involving/related to /d/.
Expect PROMOTIONS and possible mental scarring. Also rape.

PORN FOR THE PORN GOD! SMUT FOR THE SMUT THRONE! RAPE FOR THE RAPE TRAIN!
- The Motto that Slaanesh wants YOU to believe in

"Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it."

– Dr. Frank-N-Furter, Rocky Horror Picture Show

"To be loved, feelings must be rationed. To love, the doors of hysteria, fantasy, and madness may be flung open."

– Anton LaVey

"An oasis of horror in a desert of boredom."

– Charles Baudelaire

"Everything is good when it is excessive."

– Donatien-Alphonse-François, AKA Marquis de Sade

"Blood does more than turn me on, it makes me cum. And more than the sight of it, I love the taste of it. The taste of hot, freshly killed blood... Kill everyone now! Condone first degree murder! Advocate cannibalism! Eat shit! Filth are my politics! Filth is my life! Take whatever you like."

– Divine, Pink Flamingoes

"OO! KINKY!"

– Anyone who ever set eyes on a daemon of slaanesh

Introduction: The Slaanesh Inquisition

Behold Slaanesh, also known as Shaarnor (to Elves and some humans), Shornaal (to humans and some Elves), The Dark Prince, the Lord of Excess, Leviathan, Lord of the Labyrinth, Dr. Frank-N-Furter, The Sweet Transvestite, The Lusty Argonian Maid, the Colossal Pervert, the Ultimate Trap, Never Went to Rehab, Slut4Evar, the one who ruins everything, the new thing, and multiple other names. Slaanesh is the Chaos God of perversion, Hentai, shamelessness, excess, the most disgusting Pop Music in the history of ever, sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Heretical Fa/tg/uys cannot resist the most disgusting heresy of masturbating furiously to Slaanesh and their daemonettes.

Slaanesh was 'born' (in this case semi literally, from aspects other chaos gods had.) at the fall of the Eldar, when all their torture, rape, S&M, bondage, decadence, eventually tore the fabric of reality a new one and gave birth to Slaanesh along with the Eye of Terror, killing the majority of their race. Thus, the final chaos god is known as the one that was literally murderfucked into existence. As a result, Slaanesh owns almost every last Eldar soul in the entire galaxy. In the event of an Eldar dying without a spirit stone, he or she becomes Slaanesh's sex toy for all of eternity day and night forever and ever (excluding Exodites, whose soul will automatically go to their planet's world spirit and Harlequins, who are scooped up by the great clown himself, and the faithful of Ynnead). This is why Eldar are willing to manipulate entire worlds into exterminating each other just to save one of their own. The Dark Eldar take this up to eleven; because they do not use spirit stones nor are they protected like the Harlequins, Slaanesh is constantly sanding their souls down around the edges. In order to circumvent this they resort to huffing the souls of those in agony or of those who have recently died. However this isn't done just for survival; the Dark Eldar revel in sadism for its own sake too. In the end every Eldar in the galaxy, even the Drukhari and the Harlequins, are inextricably linked to Slaanesh in some way.

Of course, the descriptions above apply primarily to Slaanesh's WH40K history. In WHFB, Slaanesh has no real backstory and sort of just came out of nowhere like the other Chaos gods.

Among other things, Slaanesh is the god of sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. Slaanesh is fueled by excess and pleasure, which means gratuitous amounts of anything generally fall under its influence. This actually becomes a big problem for Khorne, the God-Emperor of Mankind and the other Chaos Gods, whose worshipers have to constantly try not to enjoy themselves too much lest they end up feeding the Warp's whipping bitch. Especially when the Inquisition is all too enthusiastic about whipping heretics.It is for this reason ironically enough that she is hated by every single entity in the warp, Yes even Nurgle. More on that below.

Many horny juveniles who have just found Warhammer seem to be obsessed with Slaanesh being a God(ess) of sexual pleasure. While fluff claims this is not true, in practical terms Slaanesh is the deity of pleasure, which can be broad. Pleasure can be derived from various sources, as such this can be anything from sex, eating, companionship, and so on and so forth. However, because Chaos is Chaos, Slaanesh is mostly associated with the extremes of pleasure including lechery, gluttony, extreme masochism, extreme sadism, perverse sexual deviance, and so on. These are just some of the pleasures Slaaneshi followers partake in because Slaanesh's credo is to experience everything to the fullest. As a practitioner falls ever deeper into the embrace of their dark god, they are consumed with a need to drive these sensations first to the limit of human experience, and then beyond into madness. This basically means: why settle for one loving wife to have sex with you when you can have a hive world of insatiable concubines to fulfill your every desire? Or why eat one disgustingly expensive luxury meal when you could eat a Paradise world's supply of the stuff? Why just resort to cutting yourself to feel the pleasure of pain when you could be chopping off lumps of your flesh to heighten the sensation of pain? Numerous examples of 40k lore have made it apparent that while those who fall to Slaanesh might start off with a desire to fulfill their rather run-of-the-mill baser instincts, it always spirals into insanity. For example, in the novel Shadowsword, a young nobleman makes a deal with a devilish creature so that he can possess and sleep with his lady love, who is also his first cousin. By the time all is said and done, a grand party to welcome the forces of Chaos to their world turns into a charnel scene where the guests imagine themselves to be dancing and enjoying fine food and drink, but in reality they are tearing each other apart with their bare hands and engaging in cannibalism; others believe that they are embracing when their bodies and flesh are literally melding together. These are the types of scenes that truly resonate in the Warp, and thus grant Slaanesh power.

One would think that if, as claimed, Slaanesh was the lord of all pleasure then Slaanesh would be omnipotent because, in the end, biological and psychological fact tells us that every living thing with a fucking Neuron acts in order to feel pleasure and escape pain (the "pleasure principle"). However, here is the most important thing worth emphasizing, just in case you haven't picked it up already: the point of Slaanesh is not to revel in any pain or pleasure. Rather, the point is to gain power from exposing mortals to the types of experiences that a sane person could not and would not ever be able to imagine in the first place. For all but the very strongest and most devout, this pollutes and twists their very souls to such an extent that they remain in thrall to Slaanesh forever. Such horizons of experience and sensation are far, far beyond the predictable inclinations and fetishes of your typical 4chan fa/tg/uy.

Even Khorne, Slaanesh's primary rival, feels pleasure in killing, and Tzeentch feels pleasure in Just as Planned. That is why 40k lore tends to focus on Slaanesh as a God of the most disgusting pleasures ever, not as a God of all pleasure. Additionally, in the fluff, it does state that most pleasures (like regular love or the desire to eat) that might be covered under the "pleasure principle" are too "weak" to sustain Slaanesh. Considering that it's damn hard for most humans to get more than a piece of stale toast and a dry handjob before collapsing from exhaustion after a grueling 80-hour week working in some hive-world factory for the Emprah, the only way to get enough sex, drugs, and partying in to impress Slaanesh is to be a ruthless, controlling, evil bastard. (It is worth noting that GW seems to have picked up somewhat on this fact. As of the latest daemon codex it does mention that Slaanesh has a particular way of influencing the other chaos gods and that they are all weary of them given that they draw some strength from the extreme behaviours they promote in their followers and are subject to themselves.)

Slaanesh is also associated with the arts and creativity, as creativity means pursuing one's own personal desires. Self-indulgence and personal expression are the bedrock of the arts, after all. Those attracted to Slaanesh could theoretically be more than just aristocratic ravers, but also particularly eccentric artists, writers, etc. Slaanesh is Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll in the purest sense of the word. It is not just the depraved orgy after the concert, but the scintillatingly brilliant concert that caused the orgy to begin with. One could assume that, in order to prevent Slaanesh's influence from spreading, the Imperium of Man would censor not just content but style. A radically structured poem, a painting with hints of debased content, even a deviation from traditional chord structures would presumably bring the Inquisition to your doorstep.

If Slaanesh had a voice actor, it would be Tim Curry and/or Tilda Swinton.

What? Warhammer?

In the new Age of Sigmar setting, Slaanesh has gone missing. Tyrion and Malerion worked together to capture Slaanesh, unknowningly helped along by the machinations of Tzeentch. Thus Slaanesh has been removed from the Pantheon of Chaos and replaced by the Horned Rat. Derp. While it was thought Slaanesh is being kept in a hidden warehouse while Tyrion works him/her over to make Slaanesh give back Aliathra's soul, this is revealed to be mostly true. due to reasons discussed on GW's page here.

Slaanesh imprisoned: Unable to decide which dildo to use first, Slaanesh is effectively neutralized! Ingenious! (Also, to answer the question you never asked, Slaanesh is not circumcised. Seriously, take a close look at where those chains pierce)

Yet hope for Slaanesh faction lovers still remains. With Slaanesh missing, his forces have split between those trying to find and free Slaanesh (the refer to themselves as Seekers), those who are trying to claim their former master's position (they are referred to as Pretenders and consists of every Chaos Lord and Keeper of Secrets that wants to claim their former masters position as the new god of depravity) and those who have continued to be allied to Archaon in his wars against the Mortal Realms (who are referred to as Invaders). This last faction is currently the biggest and is the main Slaanesh force fighting Order; it is mostly being led by Slaanesh's greater daemons who lead Slaanesh's demonic and mortal followers but some have actually looked to venerating Archaon as their replacement deity.

With the release of the Daughter of Khaine battletome it's revealed that Slaanesh has been trapped in the void space between Ulgu (Realm of Shadows) and Hysh (Realm of Light) by the collective work of Tyrion and Teclis, now gods of the Hysh, Malerion, god of Shadow, and Morathi. There the elf gods are slowly taking back the elf souls the Chaos god had devoured after the End Times, reforging them to their liking, while Slaanesh is trapped in a position that will make it impossible for him to escape. That is, unless Morathi cast a spell to get more souls than it was initially planned for her to receive, a spell that would weaken the chains that are keeping Slaanesh trapped, which of course she did. Now Slaanesh is ever so slowly getting further from Hysh and closer to Ulgu, which enabled Slaanesh's followers to learn where he was. The only things standing in their way are the fact that they can't reach Slaanesh's prison, the elf gods and their forces. Even then, Slaanesh might eventually be able to free itself.

With the announcement of Realm of Chaos: Wrath and Rapture, it appears GW is ready to bring Slaanesh back to the 40k and AoS universes, along with a (daemonic) host of new models. And this did come to pass... Though it isn't as grand as many would have hoped. It has been revealed that the 66 chains holding Slaanesh (real subtle, GW) can be broken by certain depraved or powerful acts, ie, an excess of anger from Khorne, or a Stormhost turning on the people they protect (which did happen and was engineered by Slaanesh taking a leaf from Tzeentch's book). Having broken a handful of the chains Slaanesh cast illusions to prevent the elves from discovering this, and if the majority of chains get shattered Slaanesh will be strong enough to break the rest. If Slaanesh ever did escape, he would immediately try and engulf all of Ulgu and Hysh, securing two whole realms and thereby winning the great game though Khorne would object violently, as would Archaon. However, Archaon still needed Slaanesh and was actively tracking down the trapped god. Archaon eventually succeeded at finding Slaanesh and started working to free him, though Slaanesh's sass vexed Archaon. It would've worked eventually, but Archaon had a vision of the Nighthaunt and Bonereapers taking the Shyish realmgate and attacking the Varanspire. Though Archaon was pissed, since he knew the aelf gods would move Slaanesh's prison and tighten security after this, he abandoned Slaanesh and went back to the Allpoints.

But now Slaanesh is a mommy/daddy! During Morathi's ritual for godhood, Slaanesh's spasms caused a stream of saliva that interacted with Morathi's ritual and gained sentience. The entity burst from Slaanesh's prison, and flew through the skies across Ulgu, mutating everything with its presence before crashing to the ground. The Godseekers followed it to the point of impact, and over time thousands of Hedonites gathered. There the entity, known only as The Newborn, took on a form so beautiful and terrible that many who looked upon it died and it spoke to Hedonites, and they may have found a new path to worship Slaanesh.

Followers

Slaanesh attracts mortal followers from those seeking to become charismatic and popular, but instead corrupts them to become colossal perverts; alternatively, she may attract followers from those who are already colossal perverts, and corrupt them to become more charismatic and popular. Just as planned.

Alternatively, Slaanesh sometimes finds those in the mortal realm with far more looks than brains to approach and give them everything they could ever want because she tells them that they simply deserve it, with nothing expected in return...other than them turning into a collossal egotistical hedonist with no sense of responsibility, right and wrong, or empathy as they fuck over creation on whim or for the lulz due to the ultimate entitlement complex possible.

Slaanesh and Khorne actually compete for the same pool of followers more often than you'd think, which is part of his hatred for it. A good rule of thumb is this: if a warrior wants to be the best, gets his thrills from making that perfect shot, that perfect move, that perfect 360 noscope, to hone his or her skills the sharpest they can ever be, or debasing their foes, they're Slaaneshi...even if they don’t want to be. If the thrill lies in just killing people-- the pure joy of murder-- and the skill is just a way of facilitating that, they're Khornate. Slaaneshi types also get off on the sensory overload rather than actual killing or even pain, like the Emperor's Children who get carved up by Raven Guard and won't fight back because the feeling of lightning claws dicing them up is too damn blissful. They also get off on the reactions they get from others-- for example, the loyalist who Lucius tricks into slaughtering his own men. These are things that Khorne can’t stand, because Khorne has standards. Slaanesh takes those standards, throws them out the window, follows them out the window and murderfucks them with its arms pumping wildly.

When it come to more "social" followers, Slaanesh competes with Tzeentch, as followers of both are known for being silver-tongued manipulative dicks with a huge hard-on for power. Here the difference lies in that Slaaneshi followers seek power for their own gain, usually through charismatic speeches and the like, while Tzeenchians often have more altruistic goals or are more interested in the process of gaining power than actually getting it, intentionally raising the challenge to impossible level just to feed their ambitions. Tzeentch followers are quite notable for being dicks, not evil monsters (...usually, also barring daemons). Other than being egotistical trolls they're pretty normal people. The 'huge hard-on' part is also much more literal in Slaanesh's case. However Tzeentch has realized that since personal gain is inevitable when scheming, Slaanesh still wins, so Tzeentch hates them too.

Apart from the obvious, Slaanesh and Nurgle rarely have any interaction. There was the matter of the qt Eldar waifu Slaanesh wanted to keep for some after-party entertainment, but since Nurgle is a fa/tg/uy at heart he couldn't resist claiming her for himself. ~~But they're mostly over that~~ Slaanesh is over it, Nurgle is not. Otherwise, their domains are just too different that they don't overlap all that much. Those who are ambitious and feel they deserve better choose Slaanesh, while those who give up or accept their lot fall into Nurgle's open, sweaty arms. Conflict occurs, but love of the self and love of others aren't as mutually exclusive as the desire to destroy and the desire to create, or a demand for the spotlight against careful orchestration. That being said Nurgle is still not fond of them-- mainly due to the aforementioned Eldar waifu.

Slaanesh units are:

Daemonettes, hideous crab-clawed hermaphrodites or seductive scythe-clawed elf-girls depending on which fluff you choose to believe, fa/tg/uys love Daemonettes and spend much time eagerly awaiting the drawfags to provide them with moar heresy. Some fluff seems to suggest that they're hot elf girls until they decide it's time to rip your face off, at which point they become something more akin to the BDSM glam-rock black-eyed lobster women seen in the current models. Moreover, they're supposedly attractive to the beholder (though these are often xenophobic assholes and thus only consider themselves beautiful) - this means that it is very likely that their appearance is entirely subject to the individual desires of whomever is perceiving them. This is represented by their hermaphroditic/androgynous appearance, supposedly rendering them attractive regardless of preference or sexuality. Their monstrous nature is a juxtaposition of slender sensuality and horrible, flesh-tearing daemonic claws. Like many Daemons, their appearance is supposed to be highly varied, which is never represented in the models unless you combine all the old and new, modify heavily, and use proxies randomly. Daemonettes are created by Slaanesh's waking thoughts, popping into existence as she contemplates trolling Khorne, destroying a civilization from within, or getting off.
Seekers of Slaanesh, Daemonettes mounted upon Steeds of Slaanesh which are the mix of an aardvark and a raptor dinosaur; fast and lots of attacks for not much points, prone to dying in a hail of arrow/bolter fire.
Fiends of Slaanesh, large creatures that look like a bizarre cross between an aardvark and a scorpion with rows of breasts, these are created when Slaanesh dreams (because apparently Chaos Gods sleep). They're basically if a Daemonette and a Seeker had a child.
Seeker Chariots of Slaanesh, hard hitting unit/squad-wipe models, this is whom you call for when you need that pesky tarpit removed. Right now. From other end of the board. Be cautious though, these things need protection like grimoire and preferrably invisibility,or at least target mitigation to live long enough to do their job since they are big targets with juicy 10 armor all round. Also never ever position yourself so that the enemy could have even remote chance of charging these things: even squad of retarded fire warriors or some Spearmen can take these chariots down in melee if they get the charge. These things live and die by the hammer of wrath attacks, use them accordingly. Also comes in the "Exalted Seeker Chariot" variant, which is literally just a larger Seeker Chariot crewed by higher ranked Daemonettes.
Hellflayer Chariots of Slaanesh, what happens when you combine enough Chariots to make Daemonettes literally dripping with excitement at being in battle.
Warriors of Chaos, not-Vikings/Mongols who live in the desolate north of Warhammer Fantasy and fight against each other when not raiding the rest of the world. The closer to the Warp Gates they are, the more like living Daemons while the furthest south are generally only concerned with survival and not offending gods.
Beastmen, the rapist omnivorous (in every sense of the word) animal-mutants that infest the world. Beastmen serve all of Chaos, some serve specific gods more than others but few serve one entirely. Live to literally and canonically shit on civilization and order. Ironically treated like shit by all of the rest of Chaos. Slaanesh, in keeping with the trend, allows his followers to fuck their women and drink their wine.
Keepers Of Secrets, Slaanesh's Greater Daemons, like a Daemonette on steroids, ecstasy and Viagra. Created intentionally from Slaanesh's own darkest thoughts and desires, rather than the Daemonettes/Seekers/Fiends which are created passively, each is radically different (even though there's only been three different models, one of which is long out of production). Geniuses capable of turning entire armies to their side, or destroying civilizations. The default leaders of almost any Slaaneshi army, unless lead by a...
Daemon Prince, a human (with one Elf as the exception) so devout to Slaanesh that they managed to become a Daemon. In Fantasy this is usually, but not always, a Warriors of Chaos Champion who made the perilous journey of getting not to little or too much attention while in her service.

40k

Chaos Space Marines, the traitor marines of the third legion worship Slaanesh exclusively, as do warbands such as the Angels of Ecstasy and the Flawless Host. They also make up a large chunk of the Black Legion, as the Children of Torment.
- Noise Marines, the specialist traitors dedicated to Slaanesh, akin to Khorne's Berserkers, Nurgle's Plague Marines or Tzeentch's Thousand Sons. Aural-focused traitors who specialise in using Sonic Weaponry because the cacophony is the only thing that can register on their jaded senses anymore. Can be found IRL also.

Fantasy

Druchii, the Warhamer Fantasy evil Elves who are the highest ranking worshipers of Slaanesh, who they call Shornaal, in the Cult Of Pleasure. In most of the games history (4 editions out of 8 total, the first two having virtually no story whatsoever), Dark Elves had their origin in their Queen Morathi being the high priestess of Slaanesh, who corrupted her son and about half the Elf race. While most Dark Elves torture and kill in the name of Khaine, Morathi lead a cult of Chaos Elves and regularly allied with other Slaaneshi factions (other than Beastmen, because Morathi kept her own as pets and shits on all others like a good Chaos character should). In later editions, Chaos Elves were retconned away into worshipers of Atharti, Hekarti, and Ereth Khial, three Elven Slaanesh-expy gods, in order to redo the Dark Elf faction as evil Elves who ally with other Elves in the interest of mutual survival instead of evil Elves who just want to watch the world burn while a slave who's skin has been torn off gives them oral. This choice split many fans, some asking why Elves should worship Slaanesh when they have Khaine instead of Khorne, others asking why they worship Khaine when Khorne is better.

Potential semi-retcon of Slaanesh in 40k

With the release of "Rise of the Ynnari: Wild Rider" we now have daemons of Slaanesh making an appearance during the War in Heaven? Now this could be just a case of timey wimey Warp shenanigans but it could also be an indication of something else! What if Slaanesh's "birth" was actually more akin to a rebirth of something far older; the original sin if you were.

It is known that even before the Fall agents of Slaanesh were already at large in the galaxy and actively seeking to bring it into being. If Slaanesh did indeed have a presence all the way back in the War in Heaven then perhaps it has always been there, seeking a way to return, as opposed to beginning to gestate within the Empyrean during the conflict itself.

Slaanesh isn't all about sex, drugs and more sex, but actually fits all of the seven deadly sins rather well: Lust, Wrath, Greed, Envy, Gluttony, Sloth and Pride all fall under Slaanesh's domain; each of which play key roles in the other God's spheres of influence also. Of course these are taken to their extremes, as is Slaanesh's trade mark, but even the other Chaos Gods are extremes in their own way, and though they are all placed above the Dark Prince in terms of power they all may "fear" the influence that Slaanesh has the potential to hold over them and are very wary that the Dark Prince may eventually eclipse them all in power.

The War in Heaven is essentially the event(s) that created "Hell" in 40k as many races with a presence in the warp fought and died in the conflict, so it makes sense that there must have been an "original Satan"-like figure as well. Of course, this could be looking too much into this and talking out of our collective arse, but what with Slaanesh in Age of Sigmar no longer being counted amongst the Four, it opens up a lot of possibilities for when the Dark Prince does eventually return.

The Wandering Knight in the Palace of Slaanesh

(AKA Kaldor Draigo becomes a sleeper agent. Probably. Other things are possible, but this would slap down the Mary Sue, so really, why argue?)

While the other Chaos Gods rarely welcome intruders to their lands within the immaterium, Slaanesh loves to tempt visitors to his unnatural domain, and those that dare enter the Lord of Pleasure's territory risk becoming trapped in its warped delights for eternity.

Slaanesh's realm is divided into six domains, arranged in concentric rings about the Palace of Pleasure. Each of these is a celebration of Slaanesh's desires, and while they might be mistaken for paradises, nothing in the lands of the Dark Prince is as it seems. An intruder can only reach the Palace of Pleasure, in the very heart of Slaanesh's territory, by passing through all six of the circles-- an act of will beyond most souls, both mortal and demonic. One amongst the mortal visitors to his realm still looms large in the memory of Slaanesh, however-- a wandering knight of the Adeptus Astartes whose resolve was as strong as silvered adamantium.

The first circle the knight pushed through was richly appointed beyond the dreams of kings. Mountains of stacked gold reached towards rainbow mosaics of gemstones in the marble vaults high above; glittering ingots and diamonds beyond count littered the ground. The knight marched past many a starving wretch attempting to count the innumerable gold coins, their sallow faces twisted with mounting greed until their piles toppled, and, weeping, they had to start over again. At every corner of the crossroads stood gilded statues, some of beautiful Slaanesh, others of Daemons and mortals trapped in blissful ecstasy. The trails in the diamond dust underfoot betrayed the fact that the statues were once flesh and blood. The knight had left notions of material wealth long behind, and he strode on without touching a single coin.

Crunching his way across a beach of golden teeth, the knight came to the shores of a vast lake of dark wine. The lake was dotted with pallid islands formed from the backs of giants, each linked by criss-crossing bridges. The backward hands of each giant held up a table that groaned under the weight of a lavish feast. There, he saw mortal men gorging themselves on the banquet, wide-eyed and desperate in their hunger as others frantically tried to gulp down the lake itself. The bloated and the obese moaned in pain as they crammed ever more food into their wine-stained mouths. The knight pressed on, distaste twisting his features as he passed the grisly remains of those who had consumed so much that they had physically burst apart.

The wanderer made his way through fields of golden light and soft hay, where lissome maidens and beautiful youths frolicked near-naked in the hallucinogenic musk of the lithe beasts that cavorted with them. The faces and fertile forms of the dancers were impossibly sensual, moulded to the perfect desire of the heart. The knight held his breath and closed his eyes, for though mortal pleasures were forbidden to his order, part of him was still a man. The crooning nymphs gathered around the knight, stroking his silvered armour and whispering of the sweet carnal pleasures they would give him, but he yielded not. The severed limbs and heads that lay underfoot spoke of the truth behind the honeyed lies. Eyes shut, he cut down the daemonette seductresses around him one after another, letting revulsion guide his shining blade.

After fighting his way through the feminine contours of the foothills ahead, the knight emerged onto a balcony where he was greeted by roars of adulation and approval. An army of Space Marines so vast its number was beyond counting awaited before him on an endless plain, listening in fevered anticipation of his commands for conquest. Planetary governors nodded in obsequious anticipation, and the High Lords of Terra smiled up at him from smaller balconies of their own, motioning him to speak. The knight recognised one of the rulers from his own mortal life, and stood before him, looking deep into the Philosopher-King's eyes. Behind the mask of power and self-assurance, he saw eternal, nagging paranoia, gnawing suspicion and hidden doubts that were acid to the soul. The knight shook his head sadly and walked away.

Wearied by his ordeals, the wanderer strode on through a mesmerising woodland paradise, its maze of pathways thick with flowers and heavy with thorns. The gentle, fragrant breeze whispered to the knight of past glories, reminding him of the executions he had performed in the Emperor's name. Mirrored pools reflected the knight as a shining saint, his face serene but his sword bloodied as he artfully carved apart rank after rank of red-skinned Daemons. The warrior turned away, troubled. In the distance, he could make out tortured figures staring intently into mirror pools of their own, each held immobile by the undergrowth as whispering thorns insinuated themselves into their flesh. The wanderer turned his mind to the humility of the cell he once called home. As he did so, the path through the maze writhed and straightened out before him. So the knight trudged on.

An endless beach stretched away from the knight, and heavenly choirs sung soothing lullabies as the perfumed sea lapped at the fortress walls of his mind. The wanderer's bones cried out for rest, even if only for a moment. The warmth of the golden sun above calmed his soul, and the tide began to erode his will. His tired eyes could barely stay open, but his vision was still clear enough to see the horrible truth: the bone-white sand was made from the remains of those who had rested here and fallen into a coma of blissful indolence. His resolve hardened, the knight strode on toward the shimmering palace in the distance.

It was there, beneath the elegant spires, that the wanderer came before almighty Slaanesh. Statuesque and divinely glamorous, the deity visited him in the form of a young man possessed of an androgynous beauty, clean-limbed and fresh with the vigour of youth. The knight unsheathed his rune-etched sword and made to strike him down. To his horror, he found that he could not, for the god-prince was disarming in his innocence and utterly beguiling in his manner.

Even the purest flame can be extinguished by the tide. In that single moment of doubt, the wanderer was lost. He knelt, bowing his head at last, and a single touch of the being's glowing sceptre on each shoulder sealed his fate for eternity.

Facts

Ynnead is secretly Slaanesh
Sanguinius is jealous of Slaanesh because they are the only one more fabulous than hi-*BLAM*
Slaanesh wants to fuck the Emperor, but every time they try, the Big E psychically bitch-slaps them, destroys all their sex toys and sex slaves and breaks their hands so they can't fap for a while.
Slaanesh knows that you can't spell happiness without penis.
- Slaanesh is dyslexic.
  - Slaanesh also knows that you can't spell dyslexic without sex
The title of Slaanesh's greatest mortal champion is owned by Shädman(ayyyyy)
Slaanesh is bitching over the fact how their only representation in the DoW series was the Emperor's Children paint scheme. And they aren't even Slaaneshi like, they're just a generic chaos army. Although, they did grant favor to Eliphas for smashing a ton of soulstones. (And their colours aren't even correct.)
- However, concerning stated above, the developers have added noise marines for Dawn of war 2: Retribution. This has made Slaanesh quite happy. However, he/she/it is still ~~pissed off of not getting enough representation~~ OFFENDED BY THIS SILENCE, considering Nurgle gets Plague Champion hero, the Plague Marine Tier 2 unit, and the Epic Great Unclean One daemon, Khorne then gets the Khornate Chaos Lord, Bloodletters and Bloodcrushers, while Tzeentch gets the Sorcerer hero, has the most effective upgrade for the basic CSM squad (Warpfire bolts make everything in front of them shit brix and was flat out broken in earlier versions of its introduction), and all of the Anti-armor upgrades, while they only get a single unit that frankly eclipsed by either Plague Marines or generic Havocs with an autocannon.
Charlie Sheen is their first true Daemon Prince (though he was recently diagnosed with HIV which resulted from his sexcapades, so looks like he could swing towards Nurgle. But just like Fulgrim his body probably needs to be destroyed first before he can ascend). It was nearly Malcolm Mcdowell, on account of Mcdowell's filmography including two of Slaanesh's favorite films (see below) and Mcdowell's hedonistic younger years; before Charlie had even reached puberty, Mcdowell was already far into sex and drugs both in his films and real-life. But as he got older, Mcdowell turned away from hedonism and cleaned himself up. Other contenders include Gene Simmons and Tila Tequila.
Slaanesh gets beaten up/off by all of the other Chaos Gods on a fairly regular basis, and gets off on it.
If it exists, Slaanesh faps/shlicks/shlaps to it.
Tzeentch likes to trick Slaanesh into fighting Khorne to get his daily dose of lulz. Slaanesh always loses these fights pretty badly; and each time, Slaanesh takes it pretty hard. And this pleases them.
Slaanesh is secretly depressed that have no friends. Khorne is a dick, and Tzeentch is the biggest dick there is. Nurgle is nice, but Slaanesh can't get over the fact that he cucked them. ("Can't get over it" in both a positive and negative sense.)
- Also, Nurgle has all the STDs, which would make him Slaanesh's natural enemy out in the wild. Isha's immunity to all diseases is better than any protection, which is a pretty substantial reason why Slaanesh liked her.
Slaanesh gets bullied by all the other Chaos Gods constantly because none of them like him/her/it. This does not upset the balance, though, because Slaanesh likes BDSM where they being bullied and tortured by the other Chaos Gods.
Slaanesh is Tzeentch's second favorite victim for his hijinks, because it's oh so easy to string them along with offers of porn, whores, BDSM and/or drugs.
Khorne regularly tears off Slaanesh's arms and beats them over the head with them (Again, this inadvertently makes Slaanesh orgasm).
Slaanesh was doping when they killed the Eldar Gods, they couldn't really beat them all without using performance enhancing drugs. (at least that what Khaine, a god of war and destruction, keeps insisting when ever someone asks him why he got both figuratively and possibly literally raped by a god(ess) of sex drugs and rock'n'roll)
- Slaanesh is always on drugs (Except psychiatric medication, they kill sex drive down to the very biology)
Slaanesh attempted to fight the Nightbringer in a desperate attempt to win back some street cred, they got their left boob cut off for their trouble. It hurt so bad/good that it retroactively cut off the left boobs of all of Slaanesh's greater daemons and that's why they all only have one boob (or six). Given the new backstory and their time of birth, this means that Slaanesh lost against a Necron Pokémon.
Slaanesh is a great patron of the arts. Their favourite films include:
- Hellraiser: Slaanesh's number one film. In fact, they took a lot of inspiration on many of the movie's aspects... ~~That is, of course, a lie. They actually ripped off Hellraiser.~~ Hellraiser ripped them off. Slaanesh had a cameo appearance in the sequel dressed as a lozenge.
- A Serbian Film: Slaanesh's second favorite movie. They already started putting NEWBORN PORN into her/his daily schedule.
- Pink Flamingos: Slaanesh's third favourite movie, which is actually a film adaptation of Slaanesh's journal. Slaanesh especially enjoyed the depictions of their hobbies (including bestiality, scat fetishes and vore), that the movie quotes them directly (see Divine's quote above).
- A Clockwork Orange: One of Slaanesh's favorite movies; not so much the book it was adapted from as it was less about sex and more a commentary on the nature of morality. (Although Slaanesh faps/shlicks to commentaries on morality too.) They like to jerk-off at many of the movie's aspects, but more notably Malcolm Mcdowell's sexy face. They also find the death of one of the characters totally hilarious, due to the fact that said character was killed by a giant rocking ceramic phallus straight to the face. BLOWJOB OF DEATH !!! LULZ !!! Unbelievable and improbable? Well here's evidence to prove it: Giant rocking ceramic phallus attack !!!.
- The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Mostly because of Tim Curry (who is actually Slaanesh).
- Legend: Also because of Tim Curry, who practically plays a daemon prince of Slaanesh.
- Caligula: The movie written by Gore Vidal for copious amounts of sex, incest and Malcolm Mcdowell as the title character. Slaanesh's favorite scenes are when Caligula engages in an incestuous threesome with his sister and his fiance, and the giant orgies on stage (don't watch the latter if you have a weak stomach - there's a real snake in one scene and you don't want to know what the woman does with it).
- Eyes Wide Shut. Slaanesh has heard the film described as "Just Artsy Porn", but doesn't get the criticism. It's Art and it's Porn. What's not to love?
- Event Horizon: A documentary of how he/she/it is directly responsible for fucking up humanity's first venture into the Warp.
- High Rise: Some say it holds the essence of the one time Slaaneshi and Khaine got jiggy with it.
- Salo or 120 days of Sodom: Slaanesh liked it better when they thought it was real and not just special effects.
- The Stuff: A movie about the time some railroad workers found lakes of Slaanesh's jizz at a quarry and marketed it as dessert food due to its properties, leading to numerous shenanigans and giving Slaanesh much lulz that they never learned where it came from.
Slaanesh enjoys the Song of Ice and Fire books due to the copious amounts of incest and midget sex and the TV adaption Game of Thrones because they added sex scenes and casting several porn stars on top of this.
Slaanesh's favorite band is GWAR, because everything with them is sex, drugs, and rock and roll in excess, even covering their audience in jizz, blood, random chemicals, and mixtures of all three, and inciting massive blood orgies constantly.
Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams is also suspected to be one of the early influences of Slaanesh in human music culture, the singer suspected to be one of his/her/its avatars.
Slaanesh gets ALL the pussy, as well as all the dick, cloca, ovipositor, stamen, pistil, and pilus.
Slaanesh tried to seduce all of the remaining C'tan at once. Slaanesh ended up getting the pleasure sensors in its brain lobotomized. S/he got off on this.
Slaanesh found Captain Flashheart so magnificent in Blackadder that they created a daemon prince in his image. Woof woof!
Despite psychic powers supposedly being Tzeentch's specialty, Slaanesh's tend to be the really cheesy ones. 3rd edition had a minor power called Siren, which forbids the caster from being shot at in the opponent's shooting phase (it's just as broken as it sounds). 4th edition has Lash of Submission, which the Chaos Marine tactics cover the usage of (in a nutshell, GW admitted they didn't realize how good it turned out to be and it was the most used on daemon princes even though the +1I from the required MoS wasn't very useful). And what about 6th edition? While Tzeentchian sorcerers focus on pwning the shit our of enemy with (mediocre) mind bullets and warp-beams, Slaaneshi ones pack a whole lot of cheesy buffs and debuffs, which makes them so much better. Similar deal in Fantasy, where Slaanesh, some of the time, offers a better selection of magic than Tzeentch.
Slaanesh is the only entity in existence who listens to the My Dad Wrote A Porno podcast purely for erotic purposes. He/she/it cannot understand for the life of him/her/it why no one else finds cervix-grabbing sexy.
- Still, ]they fap/shlick/???-PROFIT at this.
Mentioning the names of Vint Cerf and Bob Kahn gives Slaanesh a massive boner/lady-boner. Though Slaanesh didn't have a hand in inventing the internet, three guesses why Slaanesh loves the internet, and the first two don't count. Mentioning Hugh Hefner also has a similar effect.
As a patron of the arts, Slaanesh has many favorite authors, so can't pick one. Having said that, Marquis de Sade is a strong contender.
Considering that Slaanesh is about excess, there might be several other types of Marines besides Noise Marines we don't know about:
- Smell Marines, who use gasses to do whatever they wish through peoples noses, whether it be death, insanity, paralysis, suggestibility, 'seeing colors', and so on, always permanent brain damage. This is a way to get Nurgle followers to convert.
- Sight Marines, whose weapons create wondrously intricate bloom and color effects of equally detailed and aesthetically (only to a branch of masochists masochists can't stand) pleasing. This is a way to get Khorne followers to convert.
- Touch Marines, who know the nervous system better than a Bene Gesserit, able to bring the mightiest warriors down with the right jab in the right spot, consumed with uncontrollable orgasms.
- Taste Marines, think about the spiciest thing you've ever eaten, now imagine that a million times stronger, we are talking Exterminatus level of scovilles here, literally melt your god damn tongue off heat. It's like that only worse. They would use super pepper spray that can literally eat through armor.
Also, a former Tzeentch follower gone Slaaneshi would be incredibly dangerous: Tzeentch followers understand indeterminism (from a very distorted, cynical perspective) and also see knowledge as power per circumstance to win where force, charisma and economics cannot. A devout Slaaneshi seeks to experience everything. Thus a former Tzeentchian, already well read on enough to convince themselves they experienced it, or well read enough to steal peoples experiences, who became a hedonist addict as well would be left with one desire: to be omnipotent and thus be able to go beyond the limits of mortal imaginings in pursuit of understanding and experience for the sake of understanding and experience.
Slaanesh tried to get in Khorne's head by seeking to understand the appeal of skulls. Instead Slaanesh got bored and invented the idea of skullfucking.
DAMN IT SLAANESH WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY SKULL THRONE THIS IS DISGUSTING!! IT'S EVERYWHERE!! IT'S OOZING OUT OF EVERY EYE SOCKET!!! I'M NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO SIT ON THAT AGAIN AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!
- Khorne secretly loves it when Slaanesh does this, because now he has even more of an excuse to go out and collect enough skulls to replace it.
Slaanesh Patrols will skull fuck your family.
If you masturbate with barbed wire, a daemon of slaanesh will be summoned, and you will be exterminatus-ed
Slaanesh secretly wants Khorne. S/he's upset that the 'Special K' hates her/him/it.
- However, if Slaanesh ever did create a copy of him/her/their/itself, then the two would immediately try to murderfuck each other, in a kinky simulacrum of Highlander. This would apply to all of the main ruinous powers, ~~apart from~~ including Nurgle, ~~who would simply hug his~~ whose female double ~~and then get to work with said double on a particularly virulent strain of super aids/crotch rot.~~ would get jealous of Isha and conspire with Slaanesh to get rid of that home-wrecking skank.
Slaanesh is the patron ~~god~~ ~~goddess~~ deity of bonobos (look them up).
Slaanesh's only criticism of the Cats movie is that there are no visible genitals.
Slaanesh #fuckedPalpatine.

Gallery

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This article or section is about something involving/related to /d/.
Expect PROMOTIONS and possible mental scarring. Also rape.

A real-life worshipper of Slaanesh.
Slaanesh followers DO COCAINE!!!!!!!!
That's a real commissar, just look at the hat.
DDaemonette
It's not furry, you can totally fap to it.
Why it's good to be Slaanesh follower.
Slaanesh can be festive as well.
Evidence that it is possible that some pokémon are susceptible to Chaotic influence.
Oh god. ;_;
There is no excuse or explanation for this.
This image can be used to improve a bad thread.
Simply Irresistible
Mr Culexus' interpretation of Slaanesh. Notice the massive bulge in the crotch that's bigger than it's boobs.
Love can bloom in the galaxy of Transylvania
What a Slaaneshi raptor would look like by non-GW canon.
Who else did you think furries worshiped?
LAWL
Slaanesh Chaos Marines come with a little "extra"...
... which may not be so "little".
She "rides" it... if you know what I mean... no seriously, zoom in if you don't believe me. Although for your sake you really should take my word for it.
The more common and usual fate of Eldar.
Now 262.71% more real!
You might be mixing up love and lust.
Gimme some sugar
H. R. Geiger is pleased
Lashes of Torment!
She Who Thirsts indeed
Khorne is sooo tsundere...
And to think... I hesitated
From the old WFRP days
How can anyone not want to serve something so utterly ~~adorable~~ heretical?
Yes, that is a Santa outfit.
Anon heralds the Age of Strife.
We have the makings of a daemon prince here!
When you say "Go Fuck Yourself with a Chainsword," Slaanesh will take it literally.
Slaanesh has improved cultist chan
Slaanesh Demon corrupts children
Slaanesh makes the Cenobites from Hellraiser look good.

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it. Whoa ho ho!
Don't dream it, be it...
Don't dream it, be it...

The Chaos Gods of Warhammer 40,000 and Warhammer Fantasy
Four Main Chaos Gods:	Khorne - Nurgle - Slaanesh - Tzeentch
Other Gods of Chaos:	Archaon - Hashut - Horned Rat - Nuffle Malal - Morghur - Necoho - Zuvassin
Chaos Gods of Law:	Alluminas - Arianka - Solkan the Avenger

Slaanesh

Contents

Introduction: The Slaanesh Inquisition

What? Warhammer?

Followers

40k

Fantasy

Potential semi-retcon of Slaanesh in 40k

The Wandering Knight in the Palace of Slaanesh

Facts

Gallery

See Also

Navigation menu

Slaanesh

Introduction: The Slaanesh Inquisition

What? Warhammer?

Followers

40k

Fantasy

Potential semi-retcon of Slaanesh in 40k

The Wandering Knight in the Palace of Slaanesh

Facts

Gallery

See Also

Navigation menu

Search