Steeds of Slaanesh

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When a normal person looks at an anteater, they think something between "Aww, how cute" and "So THAT'S what an anteater looks like". What happens when the Chaos God of pride, perfection, and...physical sensation looks at one? (And oddly enough, anteaters mate without..."intromission".)

Why, the same thing that happens when he/she/it/they/pan looks at a lobster. Magic happens.

Steeds of Slaanesh are the creatures that the Chaos God Slaanesh in the Warhammer Fantasy, Warhammer 40000, and Age of Sigmar (before "he" was kidnapped by Elves) universes grants to "his" highest ranked followers among the Mortal Chaos devotees (although only in the non-space settings, as Chaos Space Marines are too fatty in their armor to ride one) and Daemonettes. They are creatures resembling a Raptor Dinosaur with no arms, no feathers, skin that constantly shifts in color, bulging black eyes, and a VERY long tongue that extends from an elongated snout. Said tongue is covered in tiny razor barbs and secretes toxins that can induce mortals into a death caused by an intense seizure-inducing orgasmic bliss. The tongue is also a VERY sensitive sensory organ which allows the Seeker to taste thoughts and emotions on the air (not chemicals, they are literally tasting your feels and wants). Faster than the eye can see, possibly via time manipulation as suggested in the 8th edition Army Book, Steeds track the very souls of mortals by sensing them on the Winds of Magic that blow through all of reality and can find their desired quarry no matter where they hide.

Steeds roam and play in fields made of silver and gold where Slaanesh faps them into being, waiting for a master to claim them and bring them to exotic locations and exciting battles with plenty of tasty feelings and souls.

They can be found in four capacities in Slaanesh's forces: as the mounts for Daemonettes in Seekers of Slaanesh, and as the teams on Seeker Chariots of Slaanesh, Exalted Chariots of Slaanesh, and Hellflayer Chariots of Slaanesh.

The design of the Steeds, just as that of the Daemonettes, has been changed back and forth between model releases. V1 and V3 (current) Steeds have scaly skin, segmented undersides, more pronounced horns and claws, and an anatomy somewhere between an ostrich and a sea horse. V2's had smooth skin, fewer pointy protrusions, a sleeker outline and a more dinosaur-like posture.

When Games Workshop first released the Hordes of Chaos, the original "Steed of Slaanesh" was replaced by a new version, which essentially had the old one's head on the body of a many-tittied snake. The precise difference between the two was convoluted and never made clear, and ultimately it was discarded, being dismissed as "just" a Slaaneshi take on the generic daemonic steed.

Age of Sigmar introduces Exalted Steeds, which appear to be much larger and thicker Steeds of Slaanesh. So far they've only been seen used by mortals, as the mounts of the Slickblade and Blissbarb Seeker units.

Gallery

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  thbptttttttt...

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  On this episode of things that Slaanesh has that you do not want anywhere near your face...