Squig
A Squig, short for squiggly beast, is any one of a variety of bizarre organisms that exist semi-symbiotically with Orcs & Goblins and Orks alike. Fungus-based animals, their most iconic form resembles a large round ball that opens up a huge maw full of teeth, propelled by two strong legs that let it run, scramble and jump all over the place.
Night Goblins in particular like to herd huge swarms of these things onto the battlefield, as they are violently unpredictable and surprisingly dangerous.
In the 41st millenium, on the other hand, they play a much less important role. Some ork Warbosses will keep such squigs as personal attack animals, slavers always have trusty squig-hounds to help tame grots, and Tankbustas favor a breed that they cram full of bombs and coax to charge towards (hopefully) the enemy before blowing up.
According to the Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay splat, "Old World Bestiary", squig-meat is perfectly edible by humans and actually very tasty. Spit-roasted squig is described as resembling smoked ham with the consistency of young chicken.
Squigs can be bred into a vast variety of forms and functions. The most famous of these is arguably the monstrous Squiggoth which provide a similar sort of heavy infantry to a war elephant. Other, more obscure types include (but by no means limited to) Bag Squigs, Bomb Squigs, Eating Squig, Gas Squigs, Hair Squigs, Oily Squigs, Paint Squigs, Squig Sharks, Squig Hawks, and Squigeons all of which can be further explained below. Squigs are basically the apps of Ork society, if you can think of a function, there's a squig for that.
Squig Varieties
As mentioned. Squigs come in all size and flavors. Here are the documented species of Squigs officially recognized by the Imperium.
Attack Squig
The most common and identifiable type of Squig. Whenever someone says Squig, this is the one that pops in everyone's head. The Attack Squig, also known as the Cave Squig, looks like it's trying to compete with the Tyranids for sheer 'OMNOMNOMNOMNOM' ability, consisting of nothing more than a bouncing ball of claws and razor-sharp teeth. These Squigs, as their name implies, are often used as attack animals, weapons, or pets. They can be given to the Grots as a food source (if the Squig doesn't eat them first) or even war mounts if said Grot is feeling particularly brave that day.
Sometimes an Attack Squig is transformed into a Bomb Squig via jamming as much explosive materials into the Squigs mouth as possible before setting it loose to fuck up some tanks. These specialized Attack Squigs are often utilized by either Ork Flashgitz or Tankbustas.
Bag Squig
This type of Squig has a large, gaping mouth and a bag-like body that is almost entirely composed of stomach and nothing else. The stomach coincidently functions secondarily as a pouch that allows the Squig to survive by slowly digesting food it stores up inside its body similar to that of modern Earth animals that hibernate by eating a lot of food during the summer. If the Squig is dried out, it can be made into a flask for drinks. If it is tanned like leather, it makes a useful bag or belt pouch.
By far one of the most practical form of Squigs used by the Orks.
Burna' Squig
The Burna' Squig is similiar to the 'Sploding Squig. However while the 'Sploding Squig is a biological grenade the Burna' Squig is a biological molotov cocktail. Inside a Burna' Squig consists of multiple chemicals that when mixed, burst into flames rather than exploding. Orks sometime shake their Burna' Squigs to further enhance their fiery potential after being thrown if it doesn't explode in their face of course.
Buzzer Squig
Buzzer Squigs are an insect-like like variation of the Squig typically used by Orks and Gretchins in a Squig Katapult, as they are very vicious and a swarm can strip the flesh off a man-sized creature within seconds. They are essentially flying piranhas but without the cowardly aspects of a piranha.
Buzzer Squigs are found among Ork fungus groves and are trapped in pots by Gretchin. The special pots are made from sun-baked mud, drilled with tiny holes to allow the Squigs inside to breath. The top of the vessel is corked shut and sealed with more mud once a good number of Squigs has been put inside. Normally the Squigs feed by burrowing into other larger Squigs or small animals such as rats, so when they are captured they soon begin to get very hungry. They can be kept without food in the pot for many weeks, getting angrier and more savage all the time. If the Gretchin is unfortunate in capturing these flying Mosquitoes of doom or accidentally breaks a pot full of these things, then he may end up as their lunch.
Gretchin can tell which pots contain the angriest Squigs from the high pitch of the droning and the vibrations of the pot as the Squigs try to burrow out (the walls of the pot must be made thick and hard). These pots, each containing a small swarm of enraged Buzzer Squigs, are the missiles fired by the Squig Katapult. The pot cracks open on impact, releasing the swarm of enraged Buzzer Squigs, who attack anyone nearby. They are great against Imperial Guards, Tau, Kroots and low level Tyranid forces (Que irony of the Tyranids getting out-NOMMED in their own game). Unfortunately they are quite useless when it comes to MEQs as those claws and fangs aren't going to do much against Ceramite and reinforced Wraithbone.
Buzzing Squig
Not to be confused with Buzzer Squids, Buzzing Squids unlike Buzzer Squids have a tiny, propeller-like wings on its tail; miniature airscrews that allow it to fly like a biological helicopter. When it contacts flesh (which it can smell), it bores in and eats its way straight through the unfortunate target. Upon emerging from the victim, it immediately dives back and bores through again, or sets upon another victim. Orks have learned to use these deadly nuisances as weapons. Gretchin are set to work trapping them for dispersal as swarms around the battlefield. Buzzing Squigs may also be kept in pots and thrown from makeshift catapult like the Squig Katapult. When the pot containing the Buzzing Squigs cracks, it releases a swirling swarm of these flesh-eating monsters.
In all honesty though, by function there is very little difference between the Buzzer and Buzzing Squigs as they both fulfill the same niche. They only look different enough to warrant their own species.
Gob Squig
Gob Squigs are small enough to be put into an Ork's mouth and left there for the rest of the day (or the next few days, if the Ork forgets about it). The Squig cleans the Ork's mouth out by rooting round the teeth and eating the juicy bits of food that are stuck between them. They look like your typical fantasy Slime with a funny face although your local Commissar would suggest not petting one as they are known to bite. They are essentially an Ork's version of a toothbrush but more effective and cost-productive
Chewin' Squig
The Chewin' Squig is another variant of the Gob Squig. An Ork can pop this sort of Squig into his mouth and chew on it while he sits and thinks (or sits and enjoys not thinking). The Ork version of a chewing gum, how the Squig could survive being mulched by an Ork is a feat unknown by Imperial Xenologists.
Colossal Squig
Think an Attack Squig on steroids and having a mouth and stomach that could rival a Haruspex and the Mawloc in a eating competition. The Colossal Squigs are the largest variants of Squigs known to exist short of Squiggoths. These cyclopean or six-eyed monsters boast an insatiable appetite, and are in essence no more than an impossibly vast fleshy maw studded with row upon row of scimitar-bladed teeth. The only way they get into battle is by finding some Orks and just moving in with them.
They have the capability of eating entire Space Marines whole let alone normal Guardsmen.
Eating Squig
An Eating Squig is a limbless blob used as the primary Ork food source. It resembles an elongated, squarish slug with two eyes and a small pug mouth between its two eyes. Orks usually prefer them cooked, but they can be eaten raw as well. Gretchin are quite adept in cooking them and have a number of methods including kebabing, marinating in fungus wine, stuffed with fungus and herbs, roasted on a spit, deep fried with fungus chips, or griddled over a campfire. Who knew the Ork race have such a fine taste at culinary skills? Again Commissars would suggest not petting one no matter how pug-cute it looks, although suggesting to eat one for emergency rationing is fine for them.
With the fast reproduction on all Orkoid lifeforms, it is unknown why the IoM still haven't decide on capturing one of these Squigs and then mass producing them which would stop Galactic world hunger that plagues some of the Imperial Worlds (and no, not because of heresy). Maybe they are already looking into it, but with how slow the IoM usually is it may take decades to even centuries for it to be finalized and distributed in the entire Galaxy. Or it might have something to do with the fact that they're creature from the orkoid genus, so they release spores everywhere that can grow into the more dangerous parts of the genus.
Juicy Squig
If the Eating Squig is the Duck/Chicken of an Ork culinary experience, than the Juicy Squig is the Foie Gras of Ork cuisine. The Juicy Squig is a very rare and delicious type of Eating Squig that may perhaps be the only known Ork delicacy. This Squig lives at the very bottom of an Ork fungal drop, and are not only rare, but difficult to find and bring up from the depths. Since these Squigs are seldom caught by the Gretchin and Snotlings, they often grow quite large and become even tastier as they get older.
Guard Squig
Ork Kaptins have been breeding a form of Squig known as a Guard Squig, or Squig Hound to some. Think of them as Guard Dogs. These creatures has all the ferocity of an Attack Squig, but is bred to be utterly loyal to its master and to stay by his side and protect him at all costs. When alone or not in battle, Squig Hounds are usually seen sleeping on their position or lying on their master's lap.
Targeting Squig
A unusual type of Squig, Targeting Squigs are weird creatures with a single targeting eye that serve as biological equivalents of Gitfindas used by Flash Gitz. Sometimes their pupils are even shaped into a cross-hair.
Face-Eater Squig
Like how Humans have binge eating contests, the Orks have their own variety. Of course in this case the food has the potential of eating your face off. Here is where the Face-Eater Squigs come into play. The Face-Eater Squig is a toothed variety of Squig used both as a weapon and in the infamous Ork face-eating contests.
These Squigs, which are also known as "Gnashers," or "Gnasher Squigs," are a vicious mass of sharp teeth and claws. In their active state they appear to be just a gnashing mouth and very little else, though they look much like any other Eatin' Squig when they are at rest. Because of their violent nature, Gnashers provide the Orks with endless entertainment, and Squig-eating is one of the Orks' favorite pastimes. The Ork and the Squig both open their mouths and bite, in a parody of a kiss. If the Ork eats the Squig, he wins. If he keels over backwards, he loses.
Flesheater Squig
In order to increase their wealth, some Orks breed large, ferocious beasts known as Flesheaters. The Flesheater has a great, gaping mouth like a crocodile, full of rows of sharp fangs that are similar to an Ork's canine teeth. They look like furry Orky crocodiles. Flesheaters continually shed and replace their teeth, and all the Orks have to do to collect this wealth is send a Gretchin to collect the teeth, who, of course, aren't overly keen on this duty.
Like Ork teeth, Flesheater teeth also deteriorate after a few years. Flesheaters are extremely long-lived, but rarely breed in captivity, making them even more valuable. Most Orks who own Flesheaters are either already Nobz, or become Nobz on account of the wealth derived from owning these Squigs. Not surprisingly, impoverished Orks sometimes attempt to steal a Flesheater, or even raid rival settlements to capture them.
They are literally a mobile money-making machine - who says money can't grow on trees animals?
Gas Squig
The Gas Squig produces a toxic gas so Orks with gas masks throw this Squig in combat, using the Squig itself as a chemical weapon. They're essentially living gas bombs. They are seen as one of the summoning Squigs in Warhammer Online.
According to the illustration of Warhammer Online, Gas Squigs look like normal Attack Squigs but with hole-like projections that constantly spew out the toxic materials like chimneys.
Hair Squig
Do you want to know how and where the Orks get their hairy ponytails from? Well the answer is obviously simple: they use Squigs to do the job, due to Orks being naturally hairless. Hair Squigs are a parasitic variety of Squig which possess small bodies, no legs, no eyes, and a pair of pincers in place of a mouth.
They have long hair running from their tiny bodies that Orks like to customize and dye after clamping the Squig's pincers onto their own hairless heads, though this customization has no effect on the Squig's health.
Hairy Squig
Again not to be confused with Hair Squigs much to the Xenobiologist's constant frustration. Hairy Squigs are used by Painboyz as over glorified stitches. The Painboy simply applies it to the open wound, which it holds closed with its tiny, needle-like teeth. The Painboy then twists its tail off, leaving the head embedded in the flesh, repeating the process until the wound is "riveted up." The Hairy Squig then feeds off blood oozing from the wound, thus keeping it clean and free from infection. By the time it shrivels and drops off, the wound has usually healed.
This form of medical technique is actually quite closer to reality than make believe. Some underdeveloped tribes or countries use a particularly large ant like Bull Ants of the soldier variety to act as simple and effective stitching. They just grab the ants and let the powerful jaws to snap shut on the wound and like the Hairy Squigs they then twist its body off, leaving only the head which is still in contact with the wound until it shrivels and falls off once fully healed.
Herd Squig
Herd Squigs have been specially bred and developed by Runtherds for the purpose of herding and controlling the herds of Runtz. They are related to the many varieties of pet Squigs, but have been selectively bred for their speed, intelligence, ferocity and endurance. Their long, sensitive snouts and keen ears enable them to track down errant Snotlings and Gretchin wherever they might hide. Herd Squigs are excellent tracking beasts, and can follow trails which are days old.
They are like pigs but more Orky.
Horned Squig
The Horned Squig is a Squig which is gifted with long, sharp horns stretching from its head that Orks often jam into barricades to serve as living obstacles or act as a moving and mobile battering ram for siege warfare. They act like bulls and if used against troops, often ram its horns into the poor unfortunate sod in a relentless, charging stampede.
Like the Gas Squigs they are seen as one of the summoning Squigs in Warhammer Online.
Mimic
CA-CAW! OI GITZ GET MOVIN UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO TELL DA BOSS ON WHO IS SLACKING OFF!
As you imagine, they are Ork Parrots. This Squig has a beak-like mouth and is vaguely parrot-like in appearance. Mimics can be seen perched on the shoulders of many an old and haggard Ork usually from the Freebooterz to keep the pirate theme, casting expletives and insults at Greenskin passersby.
Oily Squig
The Oily Squig is a variety of Squig bred by Ork Meks to create fuel for the Orks' ramshackle vehicles. They create the fuel, an organically-synthesized version of Promethium, in their rotund bellies, and it can be squeezed out of their anteater-like trunks. These Squigs have no mouths, other than their trunk, and are not combat-oriented like their far more aggressive counterparts.
There exist two varieties of Oily Squigs, one with arms and a distinct head, and one that resembles an Attack Squig with a trunk for dispensing their fuel oil.
Paint Squig
Orks can be creative artists too! This small, vividly colored Squig excretes powerful dyes that are used as warpaint. These paints are also used by Gretchin artists as pigments for wall paintings and decorative banners.
Many Paint Squigs have tufts of hair on their trails, which allows the artist to use the Squig as both a brush and tube of paint simultaneously. The shells of Edible Squigs are also used by Gretchin artists as paint pots and palettes.
Parasite-Hunting Squig
Parasite-Hunting Squigs are tiny but voracious feeders used to clear an Orks' body and clothes of parasites. An Ork simply drops a handful of these Squigs into his clothing and lets them crawl around. They look like Orkified spiders which can give arachnophobes nightmares but the Orks don't give a zod.
The Squigs prey on lice, ticks or leeches the Ork may have acquired in the course of his many unsavoury habits. When the engorged Parasite-Hunting squigs drop out of the Ork's clothing, the Ork simply gathers them up and pops them into his mouth for a juicy chomp.
Spiky Squig
Spiky Squigs look like a living ball covered with spines which it can shoot out at any threatening creature rather like a porcupine. These spines inflict a poisonous sting on anyone struck by them. Squigs of this kind are used in some bionik arms fitted with cages and a quick release system, so they can be used as a close combat weapon as a living, breathing Morning Star.
'Sploding Squig
A biological grenade used by the Orks if they run out of Stikkbombs. 'Sploding Squigs possess multiple stomachs, each containing a thick broth of unstable digestive chemicals.
When agitated, usually though violent shaking, the 'Sploding Squig's digestive juices combine into a combustible liquid, causing the Squig to explode in a shower of meat, teeth, and bone fragments. While typically thrown in combat, 'Sploding Squigs are also often buried and used as mines. Orks are known to force-feed 'Sploding Squigs a meal of scrap metal before battle in an effort to enhance their lethality.
Squigeon
Squigeons are the Squig counterparts of the Terran pigeon, often utilized for sending messages during battle amongst Ork tribes that lack more advanced methods of communication. Although they are sometimes hunted by the dreaded Squighawk or used as target practice by Stormboyz. This time the Commissar would be fine with you petting a Squigeon.
Squighawk
Think of a Orkified Pterodactyl. Squighawks are a wild, flying species of Squig that are large enough to eat Orks.
They are often too difficult to be trained and are rarely used by Ork Runtherdz which is saying something on how hard to tame these things when the Orks manage to successfully do it to the much larger Squiggoth.
Squighound
Squighounds, commonly known as "Growlers," are a variation of the Attack Squig, used by Ork Slaverz to help them keep the Gretchins and slaves from other races in line, some have four legs, although two-legged varieties certainly exist. "Growlers" are also often kept as a form of pet by other Orks, as they are roughly the size of a small dog, hairy, and particularly vicious.
A Pet Squig often scurries about behind its master, barely under his control, giving its owner no end of amusement especially when the Squig snaps at the ankles of another Ork.
Squigpipe
Just to further hone in the Scottish stereotype within the Orks (prejudice much, GeeDubs?). This special type of Squig is used by the Orks as a musical instrument. Several tube-like proboscises emanate from this Squig's bag-like body.
The Musical Squig can be tucked under one arm and inflated by blowing down the proboscis. Then, by squeezing the Squig, weird and terrifying sounds can be made through the creature's proboscis pipes. This turns the Squig into a musical instrument, much like the bagpipes, but a thousand times more cacophonous. Orks like to go into battle accompanied by this Squig much to the detriment of their enemies.
Squigshark
Orks as Jaws. Squigsharks are the Squig counterparts of Terran sharks that inhabit Ork-infested worlds. And no they are not huggable; your local Commissar definitely urges you to NOT pet one out of safety and preventing potential stupidity.
YOU. HAVE. BEEN. WARNED.
Swab Squig
The Swab Squig is a type of Hair Squig, but unlike the long trailing hair of its cousins, its round body is covered with short, fluffy fur. Orks use Swab Squigs to mop up during operations, and they come in handy for emergency handkerchiefs too. Despite looking like a giant fluffball they have a humongous mouth and are quite snappy, too.
Non-pettable by your local Commissar.
Syringe Squig
Syringe Squigs are primarily used for medicinal purposes. This medical Squig has natural properties which Painboyz find used in their craft of patching together battle-damaged Orks. Syringe Squigs have a long needle-sharp proboscis with which they inject venom into their prey. Syringe Squigs exude a soporific venom which makes a fine anesthetic for Orks when the traditional anesthetic (known to other races as a "concussion") is unavailable.
Vampire Squig
The Vampire Squig is a blood-sucking creature with long sharp fangs, used by Painboyz to bleed the patient and suck bad blood and pus from septic wounds. The Squig does not seem to mind what the blood is like or from what species it comes so long as it gets a regular and plentiful supply.
When times are hard (which for Orks is when there's not much fighting) the Painboyz are forced to find other ways to keep their pets alive, which they do by extolling the benefits of regular bleeding to otherwise healthy Orks. It is also a good way to earn tons of teef in a short amount of time.
Wyrdsquig
A Wyrdsquig is a little known psychic Squig subspecies, that has close genetic links to the Gnasher Squig. Despite their close relations, they are fucking hideous; looking more like an aborted love child between Yog-Sothoth and the Timeless One.
This subspecies is rarely encountered in the wild and possesses psychic abilities similar to those of Ork Weirdboyz. The Wyrdsquig is often employed in battle as a "psychic bomb," releasing a catastrophic telepathic shockwave at the moment of its death.