Khorne

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Khornate Berzerkers eat Khorne flakes for breakfast to give them the energy to kill, maim, burn everything in front of them.
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE! - The Chant of Khorne

Khorne is the Chaos God of violence, war, battle, strength, honor, bravery, hate and rage. He is also the world's biggest corn flake producer and likes to have BLOOD with them. He used to be about war in all its aspects, including martial honor (which still holds some relevance, he doesn't give two shits whether you kill a defenseless bitch, but if you try and make that into a sacrifice, Khorne will feel insulted and send his Bloodhounds after you. This is because Khorne only desires the skulls of worthy foes to add to his Skull Throne.), back when power was gained by hacking off people's heads with an axe and/or blasting them with a massive gun, this is usually done with the fine work a tactical genius. Then Gav Thorpe went and assraped the Chaos codex. Now Khorne's just a loony who likes killing everything, though it has been said that he sends his bloodhounds after anyone who harms the innocent. Kharn is one of Khorne's champions, and despite everything he's pretty fun to be around. Khorne's followers are often characterized by a two dimensional love of tearing shit up and being overcome with blood lust.

Khorne was said to have originated during the Crusades. However, since hyoomanz aren't the only things that are sentient, there is some speculation as to the truth of this (the war in heaven makes more sense).

Khorne loathes Slaanesh, as Slaanesh is about living it up, while Khorne is about TEARING IT THE FUCK DOWN. Evidence supports Khorne being tsundere for Slaanesh, as once the Lord of Excess gave the Blood God a cup, and ever since he has EXPLODED IT WITH HATE only to pick it back up and try and put it back together. WHEN I HAVE REMOVED THE WRITER'S EMPTY HEAD FROM HIS SHOULDERS, KHORNE WILL SUBJECT HIM TO UNPARALLELED SUFFERING FOR HIS BLASPHEMY!!!

In Warhammer Fantasy, Khorne has a personal sex slave called Valkia the Bloody. Valkia and Khorne's sickfuckery begins when the aforementioned ugly bitch somehow managed to "defeat" a greater daemon and tried to deliver it's head to Khorne. Because whatever steroids she used to cheat during that fight wore off, she died in the Realm of Chaos. Khorne, needing some evidence to prove that he wasn't gay (given his preference for massive, hairy, muscular old men in heavy armor as his champions and his brief yet lustful affair with Billy Mays), took the bitch as his personal BDSM sex slave. The rest, as they say, is history.

Fun Khorne facts

  • Khorne is the most powerful being in the canon, except for Games Worskhop's unwillingness to move the plot forward, not even Khorne can overcome that.
  • His tongues of Chaos name is Kharneth, and I suppose it still is. Khorne really hates it when people use that name and kills anyone who utters it in his presence.
  • Khorne is gay for Billy Mays (He needs the OxyClean to clean up all the blood!)
  • In truth, the Angry Marines are about as Khornate as Khorne flakes. LIEZ! They eat it every day! Which is why they were Exterminatus'd for being heretics.*BLAM* HERES....*GWAK* FUCK YOU I'M A GOD! *CHOP, REND, TEAR, PAINFUL SCREAMING*
  • Khorne wears rings made from the skulls of usurper war gods on his hands.
  • Khorne is the strongest Chaos God, and also the first to become sentient (although Nurgle is the oldest). He became self-aware during that orgy of violence that was the Mongol Invasions, and he probably turned Genghis Khan into Doombreed.
  • Khorne's right hand man is Doombreed (who is Genghis Khan in Daemon Prince form), mightiest and oldest of all his servants. Angron, strongest of the Daemon Primarchs can't hold a candle to Doombreed. Doombreed launched the 5th Black Crusade which to date is the only somewhat successful one, Doombreed essentially declared war on the Adeptus Astartes and wiped out two chapters, though this still falls well short of it's goal of wiping out all one thousand chapters and every faction in the game has wiped out at least one chapter. Still, it's infinitely more than that armless failure has accomplished.
  • Khorne's left hand man is An'ggrath, who is the mightiest of the Greater Daemons and will remain so until Forge World finally makes Tzeentch's 999 point Greater Daemon Well with the discovery of Aetaos Rau'Keres, greatest of the lords of change, it seems that An'ggrath has lost his title. An'ggrath has only been in the materium twice but each time he entered it he did a shit load of damage. An'ggrath and Angron are tied for the second generally angriest beings in the universe after Commissar Fuklaw. (Khorne can experience things other than rage and can experience things like being pleased or satisfied so he's not the generally angriest, but when he gets angry, he gets really angry.)
  • Khorne does it for the lulz.
  • His sacred number is eight.
  • KHORNE ORDERS YE TO SLAY!!!
  • It is a well known fact that the two Bush people worshiped Khorne, as did JFK.
  • Liberal hippy-dippy peaceniks want you to believe all conservatives are cultists of Khorne.
  • He farted 500 miles under Haiti. I think we all know what happened next.
  • Khorne's favorite music is CLASSIC METAL!!!
  • Khorne is best buddies with Nurgle KHARN
  • Khorne did WTC, and is, therefore, a jew. A giant red, muscular, armored, angry jew. FUCK YOU! I HATE JEWS AS MUCH AS I HATE SLAANESH!!! *CHOP! REND! TEAR!* FUCK JEWS!
  • Khorne likes Nurgle because of his cooking and they are often seen working together at the annual Warp Cook-off. This is because Nurgle is the only Chaos God that cooks nice shit... Even if what he cooks has bits of his own intestine mixed in.
  • Khorne beat the Empra in an arm wrestling match.*SCREAMS OF CENSOR MARINES HEARD* FUCK YOU ASSHOLES! I'M A GOD!!
  • Khaela Mensha Khaine is Khorne's bitch and Khaine owes Khorne big time because Khorne saved Khaine's ass from being violated by Slaanesh. But Khorne is still trying to figure out how to get Khaine to pay the money he owes him since Khaine is kind of...broken.
  • The Nightbringer is Khorne's bitch. ...We'll seeee about thattt one. Youu'rrre just violence, I'M MOTHERFUCKING DEATH INCARNATE FUCK YOU!!!!!!! YOU HOMOSEXUAL EGYPTIAN EMO GOTH COCKSUCKING PANSY!! I ACTUALLY AM A GOD!! UNLIKE YOU, YOU MOPEY PIECE OF DICK!! AND YOU GOT YOUR FAGGOT ASS HANDED TO YOU BY THE WIMP KHAINE, WHO IN TURN WAS BUTTFUCKED BY THAT SINGLE-TESTICLED TWAT SLAANESH! GGGGRRRRRAAAAAAAGGH!!!!!!!! *TEARS THE NIGHTBRINGER A NEW ASS*
  • The Empra too is Khorne's bitch.
  • Gork is Khorne's bitch.
  • Warhammer Fantasy Battle Khorne is Warhammer 40k Khorne's bitch.
  • Warhammer 40,000 Khorne punched his Warhammer Fantasy Battle counterpart in the face for befriending Slaanesh in Matt Ward's Daemons of Chaos Codex. He then kicked his doppelganger in the face and told him YOU THINK YOU'RE ME IN THIS ALTERNATE UNIVERSE!!?!?!?!!! WHAT'S THAT?!?!?! YOU'RE SAYING THAT THIS IS ACTUALLY IN THE SAME UNIVERSE THAT I LIVE IN AND THAT YOU'RE ME!?!!!! FUCK NO!!! YOU'RE A LITTLE PUSSY WHO HAS TZEENTCH AND SLAANESH AS TWO OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!!!! YOU'RE A FUCKING FAGGOT WHO USES MAGIC!!!!! FUCK YOU!!! FUCK YOU FOREVER!!!!!! *CHOP! REND! TEAR!* GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
  • Khorne wants to punch GW in the face for fucking up both 4th edition Chaos Codexes.
  • Slaanesh is Khorne's favorite punching bag, because Khorne hates that nympho bisexual pussy.
  • KHORNE CARES NOT FROM WHENCE THE BLOOD FLOWS, ONLY THAT IT FLOWS!
  • Khorne killed Gork with His thumb and forced Mork to watch, and subsequently ripped out Gork's skull and beat Mork to death with it.
  • Commissar Yarick is Khorne's favorite punching bag. Khorne already got one of his Champions of kill off Ghazgkhull, but Yarrick wont call Khorne out on it because Yarrick's scared shitless of Khorne.
  • Khorne is Tzeentch's favorite victim for hijinks because Khorne is very easy to string along. *SOUNDS OF HORRIFIC DISEMBOWELMENT OF THE WEAKLING, LIMP-WRIST TZEENTCH CULTIST* FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU!!!!!!!*
  • Khorne cares a lot for his armor and is pissed beyond chaotic recognition if it gets damaged. A bloodthirster named Skarbrand who was then the strongest Bloodthirster ever turned on him and put a chink on Khorne's armor as he Tzeentch told him that he was strong enough to take Khorne's place, ended up being beaten shitless which caused the Bloodthirster to go mad, thrown by Khorne himself out of his lair, flew for several days from the throw and eventually crashed down, ripping his wings off, ironically Skarbrand served Khorne better as an insane renegade than he ever did when he was loyal by killing way, way more people than he ever had before. Khorne made a bigger and even stronger bloodthirster named An'ggrath to take Skarbrand's place but never lets them meet because they both kill so much that Khorne simply can't bear to lose such great killing machines.
  • Khorne is rumored to listen to Elton John. *Let us simply say that we cannot fully describe in any fashion, even a fraction of the horror and brutality of what the Mighty Khorne deals out to this weakling dog* OH? WHAT'S THAT YOU COCKSUCKING FAGGOT?!!! YOU'RE SORRY, AYE?! YOU FUCKING THINK YOU CAN COME HERE, TO MY FUCKING PAGE ON THIS SHIT WEBSITE AND SAY THAT ABOUT ME?! HEY, CUNT, YOU SEE THE BLOODY MESS I MADE OF MY FANTASY BATTLE VERSION! THAT AIN'T A MOTHERFUCKING FIFTH OF WHAT I AM GONNA DO TO YOU. FUCK YOU, BITCH!!!
  • Khorne once visited the Forgotten Realms, when he left that place the result was bloody mess that is 4e's suck ass version of the forgotten realms. He really, really hated everyone in the setting after meeting one too many Drizz't clones. You don't want to know what he did to Drizzit himself, you just don't.
  • Khorne is pleased that the new voice acting for his Chaos Lord is now deeper and angrier instead of the comedically high-pitched angsty voice from chaos rising. The Wrath of Khorne hath been averted... for now.
  • Everyone who calls Khorne as "corn", or any other variation, will be raped with a chainsaw, eviscerated and made Khorne's slut in the afterlife even though Khorne thinks that Sex is for Slaaneshi pussies.. That includes you too, BITCH!!!
  • Khorne knows about timed hits.
  • To counter Tzeentch's games of paradox poker with the Emprah, the Deceiver, and Cegorach; Khorne now holds angry/drinking (or perhaps angry drinking) contests with Commissar Fuklaw, Gork, and Khaine every Saturday night. Like Paradox poker, each time these games are played, the pocket dimension in which they are held in collapse due to being unable to hold that much RAAAAEEEGGG! thus nobody ever wins.
  • It's comfirmed, Khorne does listen to Elton John. Tzeentch has the video evidence. *Tzeentch's cries of agony heard while Manowar blares in the background*
  • Aside from being a master of war and bloodshed, Khorne seems to have other less violent hobbies. He is well known through the realm of Chaos for his undefeated title in the yearly Chaos BBQ Cook-Off, he won the judges over this past year with a wonderful pulled guardsmen sandwich with a side of his patented Khorne-On-The-Cob. His secret is using Abaddon's arms for tenderizing.
  • Khorne once tried to beat up Cegorach for being too big of a dick; but when Khorne tried to find Cegorach in the webway, all he found was a small note that said "Y halo thar khorne, I gotz a surprise fer ya!" With that, the note exploded into an unending ocean of confetti, snake in a cans, and floppy clown shoes. After this incident, Khorne hates all surprises with a passion. He then subsequently found Cegorach and shoved that confetti up his ass. Since then, Khorne has discovered a tremendous love for confetti, whereas Ceg seems to avoiding it now.
  • Having killed his Warhammer Fantasy self, 40K Khorne has now taken care to govern his Fantasy followers. He has now come to prefer them over his Marines and generally holds Arbaal in higher esteem than Kharn. He also commanded them to kill their sorcerers in His name. Thus cleansing Warhammer Fantasy of C.S Goto's vile influence.

Gallery

  • Khorne's followers off the battlefield.

    Khorne's followers off the battlefield.

  • Waffels for the Blood God!

    Waffels for the Blood God!

  • Khorne's trainers prefer violent Pokémon.

    Khorne's trainers prefer violent Pokémon.

  • Khorne cultist.

    Khorne cultist.

  • Would have been a somewhat adequate picture, had they taken the right photographs of the actual Berzerkers. Lulz.

    Would have been a somewhat adequate picture, had they taken the right photographs of the actual Berzerkers. Lulz.

  • Mark of Khorne.

    Mark of Khorne.

  • Cultist-chan, being a Jew.

    Cultist-chan, being a Jew.

  • Khornette

    Khornette

See also

The Chaos Gods of Warhammer 40,000 and Warhammer Fantasy
Four Main Chaos Gods: Khorne - Nurgle - Slaanesh - Tzeentch
Other Gods of Chaos: Archaon - Hashut - Horned Rat - Nuffle
Malal - Morghur - Necoho - Zuvassin
Chaos Gods of Law: Alluminas - Arianka - Solkan the Avenger
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