Chaos BBQ Cook-Off
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
On the 12th of July of every year, the forces of Chaos are undivided long enough to participate in a yearly cook-off.
Its a day of "games", concerts, orgies, and some damn good food.
Each year the event takes place at the residence of a different Chaos God, although every time Tzeentch hosts it everyone tends to get lost and so only he gets the food... Just as planned.
Facts[edit]
- The most popular 'game' at the event is "Toss the Guardsman". Kharn is still by far the crowd favorite. What a great guy.
- Khorne makes a mean BBQ chicken... No, seriously, that's the most pissed off chicken ever, you wouldn't blame him.
- There is a popular "Adopt a Nurgling" booth set up every year.
- There is also a just-as-popular "'Adopt' a Daemonette" booth.
- Slaanesh was quite pissed that his/her/its daemonettes lost in the beauty pageant to one of Khorne's Khornettes. The Blood God laughed his ass off with Nurgle, whose Nurgette actually got second. Tzeentch quietly giggled Just as Planned, when his Tzeenchite was exposed as a Trap (look, we just thought it was one of them tentacles, I mean, have you seen them?) after getting third.
- Never let one of the Thousand Sons near a cotton-candy machine, it isn't pretty.
- Unless you're a worshiper of Nurgle, never try out ANY of their cuisines. Results aren't pretty and VERY messy.
- Even if you are a worshiper of Slaanesh, never try out ANY of Doomrider's cooking. Whatever he cooks up has impossible amounts of Cocaine.
- If you're Kaldor Draigo, you know what to do.
- If you're even here, run fast, because Slaanesh will be after you quickly. Or don't run, if that's what you're into, you
sick fucksexy and very lucky newcomer... now come here and spend some time with me, why don't you...?.
- Sly Marbo has been known to participate in a few games and events as well. But no one ever recalls his presence. He has won every time he has participated
- There is a talent show, although the 'talents' on display are basically the same year to year: Khorne tries to behead a greater number of people in one swing every time, Nurgle tries to make the best soup possible (not to be eaten, for the Emperor's sake), Tzeentch tries to impress everyone with magic tricks, and Slaanesh tries for most orgasms at the same time.
- A guest singer is always 'invited' to the BBQ so the Gods can have some entertainment while they chow down on Imperial Guard burgers. Alas, the singer never leaves the event alive, either being eaten/killed/tortured/made ill and dying/molested or any one of a dozen of things by one of the guests of the party. This year's choice of singer is currently being contested; Slaanesh wants boy-toy Justin Bieber while Tzeentch is wanting the changing tones of Rebecca Black. Naturally neither choice has gone down well with Khorne or Nurgle.
- By common consent, Malal and the Sons of Malice are barred from the event, although they always try to gatecrash.
- The Horned Rat is also rejected from entry, as so does his followers.
- Almost every single Gods of Law with the exception of the Emperor is banned from the event, consensus is due to the fact that Solkan always ruins the party with his no-nonsense attitude of the law which must not be broken and thus limits the freedoms of everyone, Alluminas consistently blinds everyone with his ambiguous shape of light and dazzle (Seriously where is the fun when you can't see what you're doing?) and Arianka is too busy dozing off like fucking sleeping beauty to even come to the event in the first place due to a prank on Tzeentch's part.
- A booth featuring extra-dimensional paradox poker with the Emperor, the Deceiver, and Cegorach as guests is also open. A curtain of anti-matter covers the booth so casual onlookers won't have their brains melted.
- Rasputin is occasionally there.