Codex - Angry Custodes

WHY THE FUCK DO WE STILL WEAR SKIRTS?!!! AT LEAST I CAN DICK SLAP THE BASTARD WHILE WEARING A FUCKING KILT!!!

This article is awesome. Do not fuck it up.

VeryIntelligentShadeOfTheColourBlue (talk): Good morning/midday/afternoon to everyone, and this is the page the codex page for the Angry Custodes. Now before anyone points this out, yes this is based/inspired heavily/mostly by the work of How Is The Doc and his Angry Marines codex for 8th edition, and by the whole idea of the Angry Marines created/regurgitated by /tg/.

All the rules on this page are the result of some mathshammering in my notebooks, and are therefore likely to be under powered/overpowered/unplayable/HERESY, and any lore I may add for these models/the Angry Custodes as a whole is also likely to be equally under cooked. Any feedback, as such, would be appreciated. I'm also only just learning how to edit wiki pages so my formatting may be a little shit.

Stuff that needs finishing: The Great Fuckening fluff, the Angry custodes squad, the sister of RAEG, the mind fucked, another HQ based on the upcoming new hq for the custodes, the fast attack, elite, heavy support and flyers options, and the lords of war

The Great Fuckening

Fluff:

Custodes are not, by their design, disposed to being angry, having being designed and built by the emperor (from his own dna) to be the greatest soldiers and bodyguards in existence, beaten only by the emperors own offspring, the Primarchs. And for the past 10,000 years (apart from going a bit insane) the Custodes have been silently training, guarding, watching, and oiling up their naked forms and being generally fabulous.

This however, finally changed with the return of Roboute Guilliman, and the forming of his Indominous crusade to retake the galaxy. With his new position as ruler of the galaxy (with all his brothers being dead, missing or demons, and daddy being mostly dead as well) Guilliman recruited the Custodes into his crusade across the galaxy, a galaxy which was not prepared for the golden might of the emperors finest. The state of the galaxy and the rise of chaos did not make the custodes angry however, this is what they had been made for, even if they were being ordered around by Roboute.

No, what began their descent into complete and utter, balls kicking, skittle RGAE, was when they met the Angry Marines. At first things went smoothly, the custodes admired the Angry marines for their righteous fury and their ability to kick anything in the balls even if it didn’t have genitalia, while the Angry Marines (although seeing the Custodes as a little stuck up having not done anything for the past 10,000 years) loved the fact that the custodes guns were actually swords and spears, allowing them to “FUCK THOSE CHAOS FAGGOTS UP FROM A DISTANCE WITHOUT BECOMING A BUNCH OF PANSY FUCKING BLUEBERRIES!!!”

The Custodes even grew to admire and respect the Angry Marines so much that they bestowed the greatest honour the Custodes possess, which was to invite the Angry Marines chapter Master, Temperus Maximus, to Terra to the inner sanctum of the imperial palace, an honour Maximimus replied to with “ABOUT FUCKING TIME!!!” Once inside the imperial palace (after the Angry Marines had completely depleted Terra’s supply of skittles and training servitors) Maximus was led past the two titans which guarded the entrance to the throne room, to see the emperor. “Chapter Master Temperus Maximus,” said the leader of the ten custodes who had escorted Temperus “before you sits the guardian of our species and the greatest of us all, the Emperor of Mankind,” and in unison, the custodes bowed towards the skeletal figure on the golden throne.

“WHERE THE FUCK IS HE?!!!” Asked the chapter master in a polite, reverential tone which was still loud enough to shatter glass at thirty paces. The ten custodes gave each other uncharacteristic nervous glances. “He’s sitting right before you chapter Master on the golden throne,” another replied. “BUT HE’S A FUCKING SKELETON?!!!” Maximus replied in a slightly louder, conversational tone which blew the circuits of two nearby servitors. “Well you see,” started one custodian, his ears still ringing “the Emperor was gravely wounded during his fight against Horus ten thousand years ago, and ever since he has been kept alive by the golden throne guiding us through his might and the astronomicon.”

Stunned, Maximus looked up at the emaciated and skeletal figure on the throne, and back to the ten custodes, then back to the emperor. For a minute, silence reigned in the throne room, broken only by the sound of the two broken servitors being dragged from the room. Then, a slow, steady wheezing began to emanate from Maximus, a sound which the custodes, even with their genetically enhanced hearing, couldn’t initially place, until Maximus fell to his knees and grasped his face in his hands.

He was crying.

The sight of one of the angriest men in existence, a man who could shout a mountain into rubble and had ridden a crash landing battle barge into a great unclean one, crying on his knees before the man he had spent his life fighting and cursing in the name of, only to find out that that man couldn’t even swear, let alone fight, was the large adamantium, baseball bat, which obliterated the camels back.

In unison, the ten custodians took in a deep breath and began to scream “FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...”. The scream was then channeled through the golden throne into the entire galaxy and immaterium, allowing it to be felt by all life forms and some rocks. In the eye of terror, Abbadon’s arms fell off, to which he remarked “ow no not again.” On Macrag, Guilliman and his favoured generals simultaneously pissed themselves in fear, while in his brass citadel, Khorne got an uncomfortable boner, which surprised even him as he didn’t even have a penis.

The continued battle cry revived Maximus from his tears and despair, and he too stood up and took up the cry, followed by every custodian and angry marine in the galaxy, until, in the deepest, darkest depths of the webway, onto a pyramid of dead pointy eared faggots, the Angry Marines Primarch, Rachnus Rageous, raised his adamantium cigar high above his head, and added his voice to the call, shaking the very fabric of reality itself with its fury.

This continued for several minutes, until even the lungs of the Custodes were spent, upon which the ten custodians and Maximus Rageous simultaneously turned to the golden throne, raised their middle fingers high in the air and after a deep, collective breath screamed:

“ALWAYS ANGRY!!! ALL THE TIME!!!”

Later, one of the few surviving psykers in the imperial palace (found cowering in a cupboard with a bucket on their head) said that the psychic light of the golden throne had, but for a brief moment, responded in kind, by forming itself into a gigantic, golden middle finger, and then a thumbs up.

Maximus and the ten Custodes then kicked down the towering, adamantium doors to the throne room and charged back the way they had come, followed by the two titans which had been flanking the door, their machine spirits forever corrupted by the custodes righteous fury, while fellow custodian who had decided “FUCK IT!!!” flooded in from side passages to join the Angry procession from the palace. Deep within the palaces armouries, ancient dreadnoughts violently ripped into consciousness by the war cry, broke loose from their bays and began to claw their way to the surface, erupting through the palaces once pristine walls with the once silent Sisters of Silence, now boiling with a galaxys worth of hate, following close on their colossal heels.

The screaming, red, yellow and gold mob swarmed out of the palace proper, commencing the largest fight Terra had seen since its all to recent demonic invasion. Aghast at the damage that was being done, the high lords of terra called upon the imperial fists and the rest of the adeptus custodes to bring the riot to a halt, but when a messenger was sent to the imperial fists barracks it was found to be ransacked, and it’s marines stuck to the walls and ceiling with adamantium duct tape. The rest of the custodes, those who had not gone berserk, simply refused to fight their brethren, for they had felt their anguish, sorrow and rage, and could not honestly stand before the now Angry Custodes.

And so, the army of Angry Custodians, Sisters of REAG and Angry Marines ran rampant, fighting anything that could put up a decent fight, raiding the planets skittles stockpiles and dawbing every surface with the unmistake red, angry face. This continued for almost an entire week until the mob finally managed to find their ways onto ships in orbit, opening their abuse up to an entire galaxy.

Why play Angry Custodes?

The Angry Custodes exist as the single biggest point sink per model outside of HQ's, Lords of War, certain elites, I'm looking at you assassins (really, well I shot you last week BLAM) or super heavies, destroying their enemies no matter what phase it is, even upon death each model will still be trying to FUCK EVERYTHING UP!!! Alternatively your enemy picks them off at range while the Custodians beat the living daylights out of each other like orks in previous editions.

That being said, the Angry Custodes, flavour wise, exist as a strange mix of Adeptus Custodes (no shit Sherlock), the Angry Marines (OUR FUCKING RAGE IS EVERYWHERE DICKHEAD!!!) and the Orks (those emprahs boyz is wel choppy ladz), with the Custodes part providing the actual models and the immense tankiness, the Angry Marines providing the rage (although fluff wise the Angry Custodes are even angrier), and the Orks providing the reality bending powers and weird warp related shit (which if not almost certainly heretical, is definitely bending the laws to the point that they cry uncle.)

Pros:

• You like the adeptus custodes, but are annoyed that they have one named character.
• You like your namesake troops being the bane of all toughness 3 units, but also have the ability to mess everything else up.
• You like being able to dish out mortal wounds to everything, even your own guys, and being able to save against mortal wounds, to the point that daemons start getting jealous.
• You like an army which can explode when killed to RAEG QUIT!!!
• You like angry marines, but want something that's also dakkery.
• The existence of gold makes all other colours inferior, but you like that a red angry face makes it even more awesome.
• You like having access to Knights and Titans, and being able to use a keyword that isn't imperium or adeptus mechanicus.
  • Not such a big deal now that the Imperial Knights codex is out and you can now use Knights in an Angry Marine army.
• You like the Sisters of Silence but want them to have special rules which have more application to fighting factions which aren't Grey Knights or Thousand Sons.
• You like having access to insta-kill psychic powers (no big D though).

Cons:

• The rules are (as they stand) just redos of already existing units.
• Poor modelling options, as the kits for e.g. Sisters of silence, provide little wiggle room. Even when it comes to painting, these models were designed for a more orthodox paint scheme.
  • This contributes to the lack of model diversity from the original rules as at least armies like the Angry Marines can chop off parts from eg. space marines tanks.
• The codex is not yet finished, or anything remotely close to balanced.
• Your units will cost a fortune per head, a basic Angry Custodian costs the same as a fully kitted out Adeptus Custodian (also an advantage as it makes your army cost less dolla unless you're using a titan).
• Your army might kill itself before it reaches the enemy.
• If you win, you end up being classed as that guy.
  • Especially if you win by just using a conga line of Sisters of RAEG.

Angry Custodes Rules

General Rules

• Dual Melee Weapons: if a model with this ability is Equipped with two of the same Melee weapon, you can add 1 to its Attacks characteristic.

• Big E is Watching: The Angry Custodes can be found fighting any number of battles at any given time, but when large numbers of them get together for a fight the Emperor pays attention, as there’s guaranteed to be a good fight.

• If your army is battle forged, all Angry Custodes, INFANTRY and BIKER units in the Codex - Angry Custodes Detachment add 1 to their invulnerability saves (to a maximum of 3+). In addition to this, these units also add 1 to their attack characteristic in a turn in which it charged, or performed a heroic intervention.

• COCKSHOT YOU FUCKING CUNT!: Angry Custodes just know where to find a targets dick, even if that target doesn't have a dick the Custodes will find it, and kick it, very hard, and only then will they start killing their target by more conventional means.

• Hit rolls of 6+ made by a model with this ability is a "COCKSHOT", and inflicts a mortal wound instead of resolving normal damage.

• Designed to FUCKING KICK THE GALAXY’S ASS!!!: Being the creation of the most powerful living being in existence allows custodians to dominate whatever theatre of war they are put into.

• If your army is Battle-forged, all Angry Custodes, INFANTRY and BIKER units in the Codex - Angry Custodes Detachments gain this ability. such a unit that is within range of an objective marker (as specified in the mission) controls the objective marker even if there are more enemy models within range of that objective marker. if an enemy unit within range of the same objective marker has a similar ability, then the objective marker is controlled by the player who has the most models within range of it as normal.

• Don't you even FUCKING DARE!!!: The Sisters of RAEG have a way of making people not shoot at them, some say that it's the psychic maelstrom that surrounds them, others say that it's the way that they silently scream how much they despise your existence, while others profess that shooting at a Sister of RAEG is an excellent way to find you balls being pulled off your body via your throat. Whatever reason, the enemy always finds an excuse to shoot straight up into the air instead of at the gold and red psychopaths running towards them at top speed.

• A unit/model which wishes to target a unit with this rule (within 24") must roll a d6 and add its units highest leadership and the targeted unit must do the same. If the targeted unit equals or has a higher value than the targeting units value then that targeting unit suffers a -1 to all dice rolls until the next turn (this doesn't not stack with multiple copies of this effect). If the targeting unit has a higher result then nothing happens.

• ECHO IN THE FUCKING WARP COCKSUCKER!!!: Every sentient creature in the galaxy can feel the echo of the Great Fuckening oozing off an Angry Custodian, and an Adeptus Custodian was scary enough before he was chasing you across a field with a volcano cannon to undertake some laser surgery on your ballsack. In groups, Angry Custodes can combine this psychic rage, by violently arguing with each other until they agree that they "SHOULD FUCK THAT DIPSHIT OVER THERE!!!". Although Angry Custodes are very good at fucking people up with their combined thoughts and abuse, if they do happen to miss their intended target then they will argue even more violently and loudly than before, often dealing more damage to each other than the poor sod they were shooting at.
  • All non ANGRY CUSTODES models within 12" subtract 1 from their leadership and psychic tests (friend and foe).

• EMPRAH PROTECT!!!: The Emperor's seal of approval, like a purity seal except that it actually protects against stuff instead of just looking fancy.

• Models with this ability have a 5+ invulnerability save, unless otherwise stated (eg a 3+ with a storm shield). In addition, Roll a D6 each time this unit suffers a mortal wound (except those caused by MIND DAKKA!!! and perils in the warp); on a 6+ that mortal wound is ignored.

• JUST FUCKING HIT THE BASTARDS!!!: The Angry Custodes are, as you may have guessed, are rather angry and impatient creatures. They've spent god emperor knows how long travelling through the warp and real space looking for the next target to kick. So when it actually comes down to fighting, the Angry Custodes can't be bothered to wait around and slowly make their way to the enemy. Most of all, they hate that their weapons come in varieties which aren't assault, as for some reason they can't run and fire those weapons. So they just ignored the pansy, ultramarine rules, and ran, screaming and shooting, at their enemies anyway.

• If a model with this ability advanced in the movement phase it's weapons become assault x (pistol 2 becomes assault 2) until the next turn.

• Ka FUUUUUUU!!!: There's only so much hate, anger and belligerence you can fit into a given space, but The Great Fuckening managed it. While it has the advantage that every member of the Angry Custodes fights as if he's on every known enhancement drug (and some unknown ones, slaanesh would very much like to know what these are), it has the rather hilarious side effect that when an Angry Custodian dies, they explode, rather violently, it is thought that this isn't actually the Custodian being slain, but is in fact a very extreme form of rage quitting.

• When a model with this rule is slain, it deals 1 mortal wound to its own unit and 1 mortal wound to each other units (friend and foe) within D6” where the slain model was. If this effect would be activated twice simultaneously, resolve them simultaneously. If the last model in a unit with this rule is slain however, each unit (friend or foe) within 6” suffers D3 mortal wounds.

• My eyes are up here DIPSHIT!!!: Despite how intimidating and angry a Sister of RAEG is you still can't help but look into their eyes, eyes which show a clear contempt for your existence. Such an allure makes it, as you can imagine, very difficult to shoot at anything other than the Sister of RAEG, an act which is scientifically proven to dramatically increase the number of anuses you have.

• If a unit with this rule is the closest unit to an enemy unit, that enemy unit must target the unit with this rule in the shooting, fight and psychic phases.

• WHO'S THIS KHARN CUNT ANYWAY?!!!: Angry Custodes never “miss” their target, they simply indented to hit that other target, even if that other target was a friendly Custodian.

• Every time a model with this ability fails a hit roll, roll a D6; on a 5+ is a "COCKSHOT", the nearest model in that models unit (or If there are no other models in the model's unit remaining then that attack is assigned to the nearest model (friend or foe).) suffers a mortal wound.

Stratagems

Name	Description	CP	explanation
FUCK IT I'M TIRED OF THIS FUCKING FIGHT	-	1	Use at the start of any phase, choose an ANGRY CUSTODES INFANTRY model with less than it's starting number of wounds with the Ka FUUUUUUU! rule, that model is immediately slain and it's Ka FUUUUUUU! ability activates, but it instead deals D6 mortal wounds to all other units within 6” instead of D3.
FROM GOLDEN RAGE THEY COME	-	1/3	Use this Stratagem during deployment. Instead of placing them on the battlefield, you can set up one ANGRY CUSTODES INFANTRY, BIKER or DREADNOUGHT unit from your army in a Furystrike-pattern teleportarium array for 1 CP, or two such units for 3 CPs. At the end of any of your Movement phases these units can teleport into battle - set them up anywhere on the battlefield that is more than 9" away from any enemy models. This Stratagem can only be used once per battle.
HIT THE COWERING CUNT HARDER	Angry Custodes are big fans of the carrot and stick method, but instead of a carrot they use an additional stick.	1	Use at the start of your turn when a Please don't hurt me...ability would activate, the MIND FUCKED PSYKER instead takes D3 mortal wounds, but it adds 3 to its psychic tests and does not suffer perils in the warp for rolling greater than 12. Finally, it may also manifest an additional power until your next turn.
FUCK IT JUST LAND US CLOSER	Teleporaiums are capable of landing troops using it closer to their target, but there are risks involved. Of course, when the Angry Custodes heard of this “untapped” potential they said “FUCK THE SAFETY MEASURES!!! THERE ARE CUNTS DOWN THERE IN NEED OF A GOOD FISTING!!!” Said custodian was later wounded by being teleported inside a wall, but he says that “IT WAS FUCKING WORTH IT!!!”	2	Use when you deploy one ANGRY CUSTODES unit from reserve that unit may be deployed 3" closer than normal (9" becomes 6") but roll a D6 for each model in the unit, on a 4+ on each dice that unit suffers a mortal wound.
Wrath of the Sisters	You thought that killing the sisters with a more powerful melee unit would get rid of the bitches? Think again!	1	Use this stratagem at the end of the fight phase where a SISTERS OF RAEG unit took more damage than the unit they were fighting. That SISTERS OF RAEG unit then regains the difference between the damage they took and the damage they dealt in lost models to a maximum of 5 previously lost models (eg. The unit took 3 damage and dealt 2 damage, so they regain 1 model). These lost then regained models are not counted as being slain in the following morale phase.
Scary as FUCK!!!	-	1	At the beginning of the fight phase, choose a friendly ANGRY CUSTODES unit which engaged in melee with an enemy unit, enemy units within 6" of the ANGRY CUSTODES unit roll 4D3 dice when determining morale casualties and discard the lowest two dice, instead of rolling a single D6.
Charge of the FUCK YOU!!! brigade	ONCE MORE UNTO THE FUCKING BREACH YOU FUCKING CUNTS!!! WE SHALL CLOSE THE GAP WITH THEIR DEAD XENOS CORPSES!!!	2	At the beginning of your charge phase choose an ANGRY CUSTODES unit within 12" of an enemy unit. That ANGRY CUSTODES unit charges 6" + D6" instead of 2D6" when it charges for the duration of the current charge phase.
Channeled Fury	The power of the great fuckening can be channeled by groups of Angry Custodes to a fine edge which (although intangible) can slice through the enemy as well as any psychic power, and just like a psychic power has a chance to violently backfire.	1	At the beginning of your turn, select a friendly ANGRY CUSTODES unit with the ECHO IN THE FUCKING WARP COCKSUCKER!!! ability, this ability is deactivated until your next turn, instead, roll a D6, on a 1 the ANGRY CUSTODES unit suffers D3 mortal wounds, on a 2-5 an enemy unit within 18" suffers D3 mortal wounds, on a 6 an enemy unit within 24" suffers D6 mortal wounds instead.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR COMMAND POINTS!!!	Just because you say that that unit of Angry Custodians should suffer -1 to their hit rolls doesn't mean that said unit of Angry Custodians give a shit about what you think.	2	Choose an ANGRY CUSTODES unit at the start of your turn, that unit cannot be targeted by enemy abilities or strategems until your next turn.
HE'S FUCKING ANGRY ENOUGH!!!	The Angry Custodes have a rather fluid and good relationship with the Angry Marines, with it not being uncommon to find Angry Marines fighting alongside custodians, because, afterall, a good fight is a good fight.	1	Use when you are mustering your army, you may add a CODEX - ANGRY MARINES charecter to your army, it loses the ANGRY MARINES keyword and gains the ANGRY CUSTODES keyword. Any instances in its rules which include the ANGRY MARINE keyword are also replaced with ANGRY CUSTODES.
Death knows not the Iron Lady	-	1+	Yse this strategem whenever the IRON FUCKING LADY is slain. If you do so the IRON FUCKING LADY is not slain and is instead reduced to D2 remaining wounds. You may use this stratagem as many times as you like during a battle, but the cost of the stratagem is increased by 1 for each previous time you have used it.

Warlord Traits

• You’re the best, around, nothing’s ever going to keep you down: Not all custodes are made equal, and this general is so cool that main battle cannon shots just glide off them.
  • This model halves all damage received (rounding down, to a minimum of 1).

• FUCK YOU AND ALL YOUR HERETICAL, PSYCHIC SHIT!!!: FUCK I’M SO MOTHER FUCKING TIRED OF THIS MOTHER FUCKING SMITE!!!
  • This model may deny 2 psychic powers each turn as if it was a psyker and adds 1 to its deny rolls.

• FUCK YOU I'M ADDING ONE TO ROLLS AS WELL!!!: ONCE I’M DONE WITH PAPA SMURF HE’LL WISH HE HAD AN EYE OF TERROR FOR AN ANUS!!!
  • ANGRY CUSTODES units within 2" add 1 to all their wound rolls in the fight phase.

• SURPRISE BITCHES!!!: OW, YOU THOUGHT YOU WEREFUCLING SAFE FROM 9” DEEP STRIKES?!!!
  • This model may be set up 9" or further away from enemy units at the end of any of your movement phases. If this model already has a similar ability then it is instead set up 6" or further away from enemy units at the end of any of your movement phases.

• Embodiment of the Great Fuckening:
  • This model adds 1 to its Movement, Strength, Attack and Wound characteristics.

• Great Orator of Insults and Profanity: Some warlords spend their time they could spend fighting instead reading the Angry Marine texts (if you can call graffiti “texts”) on insults.
  • This unit adds 3 to its attack characteristic when attacking the enemy CHARACTERs, and the enemy warlord/s subtract 1 from their hit rolls that target this unit.

Psychic Powers

The Screams of the Mind Fucked Discipline

Number	Name	Warp Charge Value	Description	Explanation
1	Alight it's MY FUCKING TURN!!!	9	The psyker channels the power of The Great Fuckening to become an embodiment of its RAEG.	If manifested the psyker gains the statline of WS2+ BS2+ S6 T5 W5 A5 Ld10 Sv - until the start of your next psychic phase and reqains D3 previously lost wounds. It is still a psyker and a character so may still deny powers, be targeted by psyker specific abilities etc.
2	Healing RAEG!!!	8	Angry Custodes find the powers which birthed their new existence fathering soothing, in the same way that orks consider blasted wastelands home or Slaanesh considers downtown Amsterdam a relaxing vacation.	If manifested select an “ANGRY CUSTODES” unit with 12”, that unit regains D6 previously lost wounds or you may regain a single model from that unit which was previously slain with D3 wounds.
3	THE Middle Finger	11/12	The psyker manifests the holy approval of the god/man emperor of mankind, the sanctified middle finger, and shoves it up his targets arse so far that the glowing light of the fingertip glows out of the targets mouth.	If manifested choose a target within 18”, if that target has an initial wound count of 10 or less it is immediately slain, no saves allowed. If it has a starting wound count of greater than ten then it suffers 10 mortal wounds instead. If you roll an 11 when manifesting this power then you may (you have a choice) attempt to cast it again, if you keep rolling 11’s then you may keep attempting to cast the power.
4	Metaphorical Mind Fucking	7	The psyker channels the Angry Custodes collective knowledge of swear words and insults into his targets mind. Most mortal minds are incapable of comprehending the vast scope of curses and slights the universe can offer, resulting in said mind simply collapsing in on itself and then exploding outwards in an explosion of blood, bone and one giant cry of “FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKK!!!”	If manifested, choose a unit within 24” comprised entirely of models within a maximium wound characteristic of 1. A model of your choice from that unit is then immediately slain, and the unit it was in then suffers D3 mortal wounds.
5	I WOULDN’T FUCKING DO THAT IF I WAS YOU!!!	7	The psyker whispers into his targets mind, telling them that shooting at him would be a very bad idea, at it would make the very angry, tall and golden men around him very violent indeed. This is enough to give the enemy pause, pause enough for the Angry Custodes to charge them and butcher them wholesale.	If manifested, choose an enemy unit within 24", every time that enemy unit rolls a hit roll of 1 with a ranged weapon until your next turn and that unit suffers a mortal wound.
6	HE'S BEHIND YOU!!! (OW NO HE ISN'T!!!)	9/12	One of the many pastimes the Adeptus Custodes had while guarding the Imperial Palace for the past ten thousand years (other than stripping naked etc) was watching old Terrian Holo Vids of something called "Pantomine", in particular, they enjoyed the audience participation of shouting at the performers on stage. The Angry Custodes took this one step further, by using psychic powers to appear directly behind their enemies, but instead of throwing a pie at their enemies faces they will instead savagely kick them in the balls while screaming "SURPRISE ATTACK MOTHERFUCKER!!!"	If manifested, choose a friendly unit within 6" of the psyker, you may redeploy that unit and the psyker 9" or further away from enemy units, if you rolled a 12+ however you may redeploy these two unit 6" or further away instead.

Titanicus Fuckious Discipline

Although not psykers directly, Angry Titans are usually fielded with one or more Mind Fucked Psykers inside them. This psyker/s are then abused/shouted at/shaken/generally traumatised until they perform the task the titan wants them to do, such as reattaching one of its arms which some douchebag had just chopped off. In some cases, the titanic doesn't even need the psyker on board, simply shouting at its enemies through its onboard loudspeakers can be enough to have the desired effects.

Angry Titans with a Mind Fucked Psyker onboard do not cast/deny spells in a normal manner, instead any spell they cast is automatically cast, but the titan takes 2D6 mortal wounds. In addition, any spells cast within 6" of the titan automatically fail, unless cast by an ANGRY CUSTODES unit.

Name	Description
MOVE FAGGOTS!!!	Pick a unit (friend or foe) within 24", and move it 6" in any direction, as long as this move doesn't put it inside another unit, terrain or off the board. This move does not count as a move, so does not affect heavy weapons, charging etc, but can move units out of combat with other units, or put them into combat with other units.
I CAST FIST!!!	Cast on any friendly unit (including the titan, but only if it is engaged in melee) within 3". That unit immediately makes a round of melee attacks with whatever unit it is engaged with but at a -1 to hit.
THERE ARE NO BREAKS ON THE RAPE TRAIN!!!	Cast only on a Angry titan within 12". That titan must advance in a straight line, and cannot shoot or make melee attacks until the next turn. However, ever unit the titan advances over/through suffers d6 mortals wounds. If the titans base would finish on top of a unit, move it so that it is in base contact of the titan and that unit suffers an additional D3 mortal wounds. If there is a model with the TITANIC keyword in the way then the titan collides with this model and they both suffer2 D6 mortal wounds and become engaged in melee.
GET UP YOU LAZY CUNTS!!!	Choose an ANGRY CUSTODES INFANTRY or BIKER unit within 6" of the titan, that unit heals 3D3 previously lost wounds or D3 slain models may be returned to the unit each with D3 wounds.

Wargear

Weapons

Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities	Points Per Weapon
Blastistus Grenade Launcher	12”	Assualt D3	4	-3	1	-	0
Castellan Axe	-	-	-	-	-	-	6
-Shooting	24”	Rapid Fire 1	4	-1	2	-
-Melee	Melee	Melee	+3	-2	D3	-
Combi Bolter	24”	Rapid Fire 2	4	0	1	-	2
Dreadnought Combat Weapon	Melee	Melee	x2	-3	3	-	40
Guardian Spear	-	-	-	-	-	-	12
-Shooting	24”	Rapid Fire 1	4	-1	2	-
-Melee	Melee	Melee	+1	-3	D3	-
Hunter-killer Missile	48”	Heavy 1	8	-2	D6	A model can only fire each of its Hunter-killer Missiles once per battle.	6
Hurricane Bolter	24”	Rapid Fire 6	4	0	1	-	10
Interceptor Lance	Melee	Melee	+1	-3	D3	You can re-roll failed wound rolls for this weapon on a turn in which it’s bearer made a successful charge.	0
Kheres-pattern Assault Cannon	24”	Heavy 6	7	-1	1	-	25
Misericordia	Melee	Melee	User	-1	1	Each time the bearer fights, it can make 1 additional attack with this weapon unless it is also equipped with a storm shield.	4
Multi-melta	24”	Heavy 1	8	-4	D6	If the target is within half range of this weapon, roll two dice when inflicting damage with it and discard the lowest result.	27
Salvo Launcher	-	-	-	-	-	When shooting with this weapon, choose one of the following profiles below.	25
-Melta Missile	24”	Heavy 1	8	-4	D6	You can re-roll failed wound rolls for this weapon if the target is a VEHICLE.
-Flakkburst missile	24”	Heavy D3	7	-1	D3	Add 1 to all hit rolls made for this weapon against targets that can FLY. Subtract 1 from hit rolls made for this weapon against all other targets.
Sentinel Blade	-	-	-	-	-	-	9
-Shooting	12”	Pistol 2	4	0	1	-
-Melee	Melee	Melee	User	-3	D3	-
Storm Bolter	24”	Rapid Fire 2	4	0	1	-	2
Twin Heavy Bolter	36”	Heavy 6	5	-1	1	-	17
Twin Lascannon	48”	Heavy 2	9	-3	D6	-	50
Watchers Axe	-	-	-	-	-	-	12
-Shooting	24”	Rapid Fire 1	5	-1	2	-
-Melee	Melee	Melee	x2	-3	D3	-

Other Wargear

Weapon	Points Per model
Storm Shield (CHARACTERS)	15
Storm Shield (other models)	10
Vexilla Defensor	20
Vexilla Imperius	50
Vexilla Magnifica	30

Armoury

(1):can only be taken be Angry Spirit Sergeant.

Angry Spirits Melee Weapons

• Chain-Axe
• Power sword
• Power wrench
• Power bat
• Power Chair
• Power fist (1)
• Lightning claw (1)
• Thunder hammer (1)

Angry Spirits Ranged Weapons

• Storm bolter
• Combi-Flamer
• Combi-Plasma
• Combi-Melta
• Plasma Pistol
• Infernus Pistol

Angry Spirits Special Weapons and Heavy weapons

• Storm bolter
• Flamer
• Meltagun
• Plasma gun
• Rocket-fister
• Heavy Flamer
• Heavy bolter
• Assault cannon
• Multi-Melta
• Lascannon
• Missile launcher
• Plasma cannon

Relics of the Great Fuckening

If your army is led by an Codex - Angry Custodes Warlord, you may give one of the following Angry Custodes Relics to an Codex - Angry Custodes Character in your army. Special Characters already have relic like items, so they cannot be given any of the following Relics.

Note that some weapons replace one of the Character's existing weapons. When this is the case, you must, if you are playing a matched play game or are otherwise using points values, still pay the cost of the weapon that is being replaced. Write down any Angry Custodes Relics your Characters may have on your army roster.

A piece of the Golden Throne

Fluff:

A chunk of gold which was found by a custodian which had fallen off the golden throne. Nobody knows whether it is a vital component or just a bit of ponsy decoration, before the custodian in question could get it examined the events of the great fuckening occured and the chunk of gold (and the custodian) was wisked away in the ensuing brawl. From then on it was possessed by whoever managed to punch its previous owner unconscious, a difficult task as whoever holds the flashy chunk of metal is imbued with a fraction of the golden thrones power, making them incredibly difficult to knock out, even with the force the Angry custodes wield.

The piece of additional bling also provides a number of other benefits other than increased physical resistance, which includes:

• Fabulous hair (enough to make Fulgrim jealous).
• Improved appeal to all genders and species (also makes Fulgrim jealous).
• Sparkly anime eyes (see above).
• A golden glow (even goldier than normal for a custodian).
• And a girth and length large enough to satisfy a keeper of secrets (by this point Fulgrim is so jealous that he finds it embarrassing, and thereby arrousing).

This does have the unfortunate side effect that whoever holds the chunk of gold becomes the... centre of attention to all nearby life forms, and at least one holder of this relic was “knocked out” by a very enthusiastic group of sisters of RAEG and lubed up custodians who took their “admiration” a little too far (much enjoyment was had by slaanesh that day).

This relic replaces a models Misericordia.

The bearer of this relic has a 2++ invulnerability save (which cannot be made better than a 2++) and ignores wounds on a 5+, but all attacks against the bearer of this relic add 2 to all their hit rolls (including overwatch). In addition, Fulgrim (if he ever gets a model) rerolls all failed hit and wound rolls against this model.

Golden cock shield

Fluff:

An idea the Angry custodians got from an old terrian pastime called Crick-et. Described in the records (these records being written by the great orditor Douglas Adams) as being an incomprehensibly dull and pointless game. Where people would stand around in a field for a day hitting a red ball with wooden bats. What caught the custodians attention was the players use of a curved shield they would put over their genitals to protect them from being hit by the red ball, who proceeded to make one of their own (out of gold, of course) which not only protects against damage to the genitals dealt to their bearer, but also to nearby Angry Custodians (perhaps they huddle all their genitals behind it, something slaanesh would very much like to see).

This relic replaces a models Misericordia.

The bearer of this relic and a single ANGRY CUSTODES unit within 9” are immune to mortal wounds brought on by: ECHO IN THE FUCKING WARP COCKSUCKER!!! Ka FUUUUUUU!!! COCKSHOT YOU FUCKING CUNT!!! JUST FUCKING HIT THE BASTARDS!!! Perils of the warp (and similar effects of failed psychic powers). COCKSHOT FOR YOU!!!COCKSHOT FOR YOU!!! COCKSHOT FOR EVERY MOTHER FUCKER IN THIS FUCKING ROOM!!! And Smite.

The Spear of (Almost) Ultimate Dakka

Fluff:

A spear where the bolter has been replaced by drastically miniturised and dialled back Saturnyne Lascutter, but even dialled back it is capable of slicing its way through hordes of guardsmen (heretic ones of course), orks, tyranids etc. It is such an effective horde destroyer that the orks have requested (on numerous occasions, with their best diplomatic clothes and manners on) to be allowed to worship the gun as "tis well and truly dakka incarnat, da weird boyz are avin ision of itz glory." Such requests are of course denied, although the ork "diplomat" may be shown the weapon, just to keep the orks keep keen and enthusiastic as there's nothing more disappointing and depressing than an ork who feels so down that they don't want to fight, where would the fun in that be?

There was infact, an attempt by a group pf Ork Kommandos to steal the The Spear of (almost) Ultimate Dakka after observing the tactics used by Angry Reivers, aka, they slammed a "boarding torpedo" into the side of the battle barge the spear was currently on and then proceeded to tip toe around the ship while shouting "weez ar zoggin sneekin ere'! Ladz oi fink itz workin, da humies are just lookin roight at us!" The angry custodes were stunned by a such a tactic, partially because of the orks brazzen brass balls needed to steal an idea from the Angry Marines, but also because the Angry Custodes psychic maelstrom had become tainted by the orks firm belief that they were currently invisible. In the end, the angry custodes had to call upon the assistence of Sergeant Asshole McCuntsface, who was able to immediately spot the "sneaking" orks and proceded to sodomise them with his fists for infringment on his intellectual property.

This weapon replaces a models Guardian Spear with the following profile:

Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities
The Spear of (almost) Ultimate Dakka	28"	Assault 1	4	-1	1	Each successful hit with this weapon generates an additional shot which you immediately roll for, this hit may generate additional hits and so on until a total of 10 hits have been made or you miss a hit.
The Spear of (almost) Ultimate Dakka	Melee	Melee	+1	-3	D3

In addition, if the bearer of this weapon is slain, you may make a single melee or shooting attack (this attack cannot generate other attacks) before it is removed from the battlefield.

Tin of Golden Paint

Fluff:

A tin of "Emperor's Approval" (complete with a picture of a smiling emperor with his thumbs up on the front), a golden paint which the custodes use to ensure that any surface they encounter and approve of is suitably golden, whether it be chairs, guns, light fittings, food, guardsmen, bananas, if a custodian approves of it, then it gets a lick of golden paint. And because the warp is a thing, and everyone believes that being painted gold or being gold makes you superior (as we all know, the presence of gold makes all other colours inferior), then it will make things painted gold superior. The shade of gold used by the custodes is currently unavailbe in the 42nd millenium's equivilent of dulux, as the water base of the paint is actually made using the emperor's tears which his corpse produces every time a loyal member of the imperium dies in battle, which the custodes have been diligently collecting for the past millennium.

This relic does not replace any models items.

At the beginning of your turn, choose a friendly unit (this includes fortifications) within 3" of the bearer of this relic, until your next turn, that unit adds 1 to their invulnerability save (if they didn't have one then they gain a 6++ invulnerability save, this +1 can increase a save beyond 3++) and adds 1 to that units attack characteristic.

The Eraser of History

Fluff:

An Executioners Greatblade which was once used by the Sisters of Silence to execute the most powerful of heretical psykers, whos will was so powerful that even the presence of nulls wasn't enough to put a halt to their powers. The blade was forged using melted down fragments of broken armour used by sisters who fell in battle, and after smelting its heat was quenches in a vat of blood taken from the same dead sisters, suffice it to say that the blade even creeps out Sisters of RAEG, and is only ever handled by the angriest of their order who are not put off by the fact that they are weilding a weapon which is quite literally ,made from their fallen bretheren. Infact, the blade has been so drenched in the blood of psykers over the centuries that it actually weeps blood when not in use, and this blood is often drank by initiates into the Sisters of RAEG who then recieve visions of all the lives that the blade has claimed, and all of those who fell for it to be forged.

This weapon replaces a models Executioners Greatblade with the following profile:

Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities
The Eraser of History	Melee	Melee	+2	-4	2D3	Attacks with this weapon can target any model within base contact of your choice instead of your opponent assigning damage. In addition to this, whenever the bearer of the weapon kills a model with this weapon roll a D6, on a 6 the bearer heals a single, previously lost, wound.

The bearer of the Blade may also deny one additional enemy psychic power a turn, if a an enemy psychic power is denied this way then the model which casted it suffers D3 mortal wounds.

The Maelstrom Earthing Rod A golden staff used by Mindfucked Psykers to simultaneously anchor their soul to reality and the Angry Maelstrom, as opposed to bouncing between the two at the whims of the warp.

This relic replaces a models Force Stave.

Melee Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities
The Maelstrom Earthing Rod	Melee	Melee	+2	-2	D3	A model equipped with this weapon suffers mortal wounds from Please don't hurt me... on a 6+ instead on a 4+ and may adds an additional 1 to all its psychic tests.

In addition, if the bearer of this relic dies and its Wait NOOOOOOOOGLARBABLAHBALHABHHBLBL... rule activates then you don't need to pay points or power points to then deploy the resulting Chaos Spawn.

Banner of the Anathema

A banner which had carried by one of the ten Custodians who began the Great Fuckening. Initially it had been adorned with a picture of the imperial aquila in all of its golden, majestic glory

This relic replaces a models Misericordia.

At the beginning of your turn, choose one of the following abilities to activate: All psychic tests made within 12” of the bearer of this relic automatically fail and powers manifested against ANGRY CUSTODES units within 6” of the bearer of this relic cost 1 more power to manifest. Choose a unit with an ability within 24” of the bearer of this relic, that ability made not be activated until the start of your next turn.

Angry Custodes Units

HQ

The Mind Fucked

Fluff:

The Imperial Palace on Terra requires a lot of Psykers to function, whether it be watching and maintaining the Astronomicon, transmitting messages across the imperium, or maintain the psychic defences which prevent the world around them from being assaulted by the demons who are constantly trying to gain entry and destroy the Emperor. These Psykers, having spent decades if not centuries performing their duties, had no defence on the day of the Great Fuckening, as a gigantic psychic scream filled their minds with the hate and profanity of the Angry Marines and the Custodians, pulping the consciousness of many of the men and women who were sensitive to the warp, with many more being left raving mad by the ordeal. A small handful of Psykers survived the ordeal "relatively" intact however, not by the fact that they were of stronger will and mind, but because their souls had been washed away and absorbed into the psychic torrent, saving them from being battered by the currents, but as a consequence their souls became forever bound to this psychic storm, and (by extension) the Angry Custodes that produced it.

Should a fate is considered by those afflicted with it to be a fate worse than death, as the Psykers’ existence is one of pain, suffering… and deafening profanity, and that is before you take into account that they spend their daily lives surrounded by Angry Custodians, being of such rage of righteous fury that the heat they give off can be used to cook marshmellows. And there is no way out for these Mind Fucked psykers either, as their soul bound state makes them very difficult to kill, making killing themselves as a means of escape impossible, as their soul will simply be dragged back into its original (dead) body upon death, leaving them broken, suffering, and still alive. Even worse, the psyker could be warped upon "death", turning them into a chaos spawn, but with their mind still intact, leaving them sentient, and crazed with their new form.

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Points
Mind Fucked Psyker	6"	3+	3+	3	3	5	3	8	3+	40

This unit consists of one Mind Fucked Psyker, and is armed with a laspistol and a force stave.

Wargear:

Melee Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities	Points Per Weapon
Laspistol	12”	Pistol 1	3	0	1	-	0
Force stave	Melee	Melee	+2	-1	D3	-	0

Abilities:

• EMPRAH PROTECT!!!

• Mortal is a Relative Term: Mind Fucked Psykers don't entirely fulfill the definition of mortal, advantages of having your souls bound to the largest source of RAEG outside the areas of the immaterium owned by khorne (BLAM!! HERESEY!!!).
  • A model with this rule does not take damage from mortal wounds (except from perils in the warp and Please don't hurt me...), this includes mortal wounds from "It's for your own good/BLAM!!!".

• Wait NOOOOOOOOGLARBABLAHBALHABHHBLBL...: The downside of being bound to the Angry Custodes (apart from the nightmares, the beatings, the insults, the screaming...) is that when a Mind Fucked Psyker dies, their body receives the unadulterated disapproval/abuse/RAEG of psychic mass they were bound to, with messy results.
  • When this model is slain/dies from perils in the warp, it deals d3 mortal wounds to all units within 12". You may then set up a CHAOS SPAWN (except that it has the ANGRY CUSTODES keyword) model in its place (this model costs points in matches play).

• Please don't Hurt Me...: A mind Fucked Psyker is only a figure head general for an Angry Custodes army, and such are looked down on and beaten by Angry Custodes and Sisters of RAEG. This abuse can also be seen as character building, as the psykers of the Angey Custodes always perform better after a smack round the back of the head.
  • A model with this rule, when within 6" of an INFANTRY unit with the ANGRY CUSTODES keyword and 6 or more models must add 2 to its manifestation and deny tests. However at the start of your turn roll a D6, on a 4+ this model suffers a mortal wound.

This model is a psyker, it knows smite and one power from the Great Fuuuuuuu... discipline, and can attempt to cast one power in your psychic phase, and deny two in your enemies psychic phase.

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, Codex - Angry Custodes

Keywords: INFANTRY, CHARACTER, PSYKER, Angry Custodes, Mind Fucked

Head Arse Kickers

Fluff:

A Shield-Captain ... I mean a Head Arse Kicker, is the very angry fuck who is expected to hold the bag of horny, angry, hungry bag of flaming honey badgers that is an Angry Custodes army together, a being with literally tens of thousands of years experience in fighting and leading, while also being angry enough to keep his subordinates in line and pointed in the right direction. As such, he is not only a fearsome tactician (YOU FUCKS GO AROUND THE BACK WHILE I CHARGE FROM THE FRONT WHILE YOU BASTARDS DROP OUT OF THE SKY ONTOP OF THEM!!! THE FUCKING CUNTS WON’T KNOW WHAT’S HIT THEM!!!) but also a champion in combat who out fights/cockshots normal shield captains. While even a custodian might be a little nervous under the pressure of such expectations, a head arse kicker is quite literally, too angry to give a flying bag of fucking weaboos about what anyone else might think (or shout) of him, making him an ideal leader to lead the galaxies angriest bastards.

Head Arse Kicker

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Points
Head Arse Kicker	6"	2+	2+	6	5	6	5	9	2+	120

Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities
Misericordia	Melee	Melee	User	-2	1	Each time the bearer fights, it can make 1 additional attack with this weapon unless it is also equipped with a Storm Shield.
Guardian Spear (Shooting)	24”	Rapid Fire 1	4	-1	2	-
Castellan Axe (Shooting)	24”	Rapid Fire 1	4	-1	2	-
Sentinel Blade (Shooting)	12”	Pistol 2	4	0	1	-
Guardian Spear (Melee)	Melee	Melee	+1	-3	D3	-
Castellan Axe (Melee)	Melee	Melee	+3	-3	D3	-
Sentinel Blade (Melee)	Melee	Melee	User	-3	D3	-

Composition: This unit contains a single Head Arse Kicker armed with a guardian spear. (Power Rating 7)

Wargear Options:

• This model may replace its guardian spear with a Sentinel Blade or Castellan Axe
• This model may take a Misericordia.
• If this model is armed with a Sentinel Blade, it may take a Storm Shield

Abilities:

• COCKSHOT YOU FUCKING CUNT!!!
• EMPRAH PROTECT!!!
• JUST FUCKING HIT THE BASTARDS!!!
• Ka FUUUUUUU!!!
• WHO'S THIS KHARN CUNT ANYWAY?!!!

• NO YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!!: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HIT THE CUNTS LIKE THIS!!! (insert punching and screaming noises).
  • You can re-roll all hit rolls of 1 made for Friendly Codex - Angry Custodes units that are within 6" of this model.

• Storm Shield: TRY AND GET ME THROUGH THIS!!!
  • A model equipped with a Storm Shield has a 3+ invulnerable save.

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, Codex - Angry Custodes

Keywords: Infantry, Character, Angry Custodes, Head Arse Kicker

Head Arse Kicker in Allarus Terminator Armour

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Points
Head Arse Kicker in Allarus Terminator Armour	6"	2+	2+	6	5	7	5	9	2+	140

Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities
Balistus grenade laucher	12”	Assault D3	4	-3	1	-
Misericordia	Melee	Melee	User	-2	1	Each time the bearer fights, it can make 1 additional attack with this weapon.
Guardian Spear (Shooting)	24”	Rapid Fire 1	4	-1	2	-
Castellan Axe (Shooting)	24”	Rapid Fire 1	4	-1	2	-
Guardian Spear (Melee)	Melee	Melee	+1	-3	D3	-
Castellan Axe (Melee)	Melee	Melee	+3	-3	D3	-

Composition: This unit contains a single Head Arse Kicker in Allarus Terminator Armour armed with a guardian spear and Balistus grenade laucher. (Power Rating 8)

Wargear Options:

• This model may replace its guardian spear with a Castellan Axe
• This model may take a Misericordia.

Abilities:

• COCKSHOT YOU FUCKING CUNT!!!
• EMPRAH PROTECT!!!
• JUST FUCKING HIT THE BASTARDS!!!
• Ka FUUUUUUU!!!
• WHO'S THIS KHARN CUNT ANYWAY?!!!

• NO YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!!: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HIT THE CUNTS LIKE THIS!!! (insert punching and screaming noises).
  • You can re-roll all hit rolls of 1 made for Friendly Codex - Angry Custodes units that are within 6" of this model.

• From the Golden Light of HIS Middle Finger:
  • During deployment, you can set up this model in a Godstrike-pattern teleportarium array instead of placing it on the battlefield. At the end of any of your Movement Phases this model can teleport into battle - set it up anywhere on the battlefield that is more than 9" away from any enemy models.

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, Codex - Angry Custodes

Keywords: Infantry, Character, Angry Custodes, Head Arse Kicker, Terminator

Head Arse Kicker on Dawneagle JetBike

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Points
Head Arse Kicker on Dawneagle JetBike	14"	2+	2+	6	6	7	5	9	2+	160

Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities
Misericordia	Melee	Melee	User	-2	1	Each time the bearer fights, it can make 1 additional attack with this weapon.
Hurricane Bolter	24”	Rapid Fire 6	4	0	1	-
Interceptor Lance	Melee	Melee	+1	-3	D3	You can re-roll failed wound rolls for this weapon on a turn in which it’s bearer made a successful charge.
Salvo Launcher	-	-	-	-	-	When shooting with this weapon, choose one of the following profiles below.
-Melta Missile	24”	Heavy 1	8	-4	D6	You can re-roll failed wound rolls for this weaponif the target is a VEHICLE.
-Flakkburst missile	24”	Heavy D3	7	-1	D3	Add 1 to all hit rolls made for this weapon against targets that can FLY. Subtract 1 from hit rolls made for this weapon against all other targets.

Composition: This unit contains a single Head Arse Kicker on Dawneagle JetBike armed with a Interceptor Lance. His JetBike is equipped with a Hurricane Bolter. (Power Rating 9)

Wargear Options:

• This model may replace its Hurricane Bolter with a Salvo Launcher.
• This model may take a Misericordia.

Abilities:

• Ka FUUUUUUU!
• EMPRAH PROTECT!
• COCKSHOT YOU FUCKING CUNT!
• JUST FUCKING HIT THE BASTARDS!
• WHO'S THIS KHARN CUNT ANYWAY?!
• NO YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!!: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HIT THE CUNTS LIKE THIS!!! (insert punching and screaming noises).
  • You can re-roll all hit rolls of 1 made for Friendly Codex - Angry Custodes units that are within 6" of this model.

• MAXIMIUM POWER!!!: When this model Advances, add 6" to its Move characteristic for that Movement Phase instead of rolling a dice.

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, Codex - Angry Custodes

Keywords: Biker, Fly, Character, Angry Custodes, Head Arse Kicker

Sister superior (AND YOU'D BETTER REMEMBER THAT BITCHES!!!)

A sister superior is a single model. She is armed with an executioners greatblade, a storm bolter and MIND FUCK grenades.

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Points (including wargear)
Sister superior (AND YOU'D BETTER REMEMBER THAT BITCHES!!!)	7"	2+	3+	4	3	3	4	10	3+	60

Melee Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities
MIND FUCK Grenades	6”	Grenade D3	2	0	1	Units which are hit by this weapon suffer a -1 to their leadership characteristic and suffer a -1 to their psychic tests until your next turn (this ability does not stack with multiple copies of itself).
Storm Bolter	24”	Rapid fire 2	4	0	1	-
Executioners Greatblade	Melee	Melee	+1	-3	D3	Attacks with this weapon can target any model within base contact of your choice instead of your opponent assigning damage.

Abilities:

• COCKSHOT YOU FUCKING CUNT!!!
• Don't you even FUCKING DARE!!!
• EMPRAH PROTECT!!!
• Ka FUUUUUUU!!!

• YOU BITCHES CAN DIE WHEN I SAY YOU CAN!!!: Warriors as viscous as Sisters of RAEG need someone to ensure that they stay in line, not that such warriors would ever flee, she's more there to ensure that they butt fuck the correct target.
  • SISTERS OF RAEG units within 3” of this model may re-roll failed morale tests and ignore damage on a 6+ on a D6.

• Veil of RAEG: Whereas enemies are both drawn to and terrified of normal Sisters of RAEG this is not the case with the Sister Superior, whos fury is so vast that it wipes her presence from the mind of all she gazes upon.
  • This model may not be targeted by shooting attacks unless it is the only model which the targeting unit can shoot at.

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, Codex - Angry Custodes

Keywords: Character, Angry Custodes, Sister superior , SISTERS OF RAEG

Special Charecters

Commander General, The First FFFFFFFFFFF

One of the first Custodians to take up the war cry of “FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF” and the first one out of the throne room besides Temperus Maximus. Amoungst an army of “FURIOUS, RIGHTEOUS FUCKING OUTRAGAGED CUNTING BASTARDS!!!” He stands apart as a being capable of maintaining his composure and focus despite being filled with the psychic energies of the great fuckening. As such he was able to quickly establish himself as, perhaps not the leader, then at least the coordinator of the Angry Custodes, as while another custodian (or Angry Marine) would direct his men to simply “FUCKING CHARGE AT THE CUNTS AND KICK THE FIRST ONE YOU MEET IN THE FUCKING BALLS!!!”, which while undeniably am effective tactic, does result in a few injured men and women (mostly men as very few creatures have the brazen brass ovaries/balls to shoot at a sister of RAEG). FFFFFFFFFF on the other hand while order his troops along the lines of “YOU FUCKERS CHARGE THEM FROM THE FRONT WHILE YOU CUNTS CHARGE AROUND THE BACK!!! THE CUNTS WHO GO AROUND CAN THEN HOLD THE FUCKS WE’RE FIGHTINGS ARMS BEHIND THEIR BACKS SO OUR FRONT FUCKERS CAN KICK THEM IN THE FUCKING BALLS!!!”, a tactic that results in far fewer injured ANGRY bastards, and as long as FFFFFFFFFF remembers to alternate around the ones who hold the enemies arms behind their backs so that they can have a go kicking the enemy in the balls then everyone is happy/ANGRY.

Commander General, The First FFFFFFFFFFF is a single model. He is armed with the Standard of being in Charge and a Misericordia.

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Points
Commander General, The First FFFFFFFFFFF	6"	2+	2+	6	5	6	6	9	2+	200

Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities
Misericordia	Melee	Melee	User	-2	1	Each time the bearer fights, it can make 1 additional attack with this weapon unless it is also equipped with a Storm Shield.
Standard of being in Charge (Shooting)	24”	Rapid Fire 2	4	-1	2	-
Standard of being in Charge (Melee)	Melee	Melee	+2	-3	D3	-

Abilities:

• ECHO IN THE FUCKING WARP COCKSUCKER!!!
• Ka FUUUUUUU!
• COCKSHOT YOU FUCKING CUNT!
• JUST FUCKING HIT THE BASTARDS!!
• WHO'S THIS KHARN CUNT ANYWAY?!
• EMPRAH PROTECT!

• THE USUAL CHAPTER MASTER SHIT!!!:
  • ANGRY CUSTODES units within 6” May re-roll hit and wound rolls of 1.

• YOU FUCKS GO AROUND THE BACK!!!:
  • You may use the FROM GOLDEN GOLDEN RAGE THEY COME stratagem up to three times for a total cost of 4 cp (1 for 1 use, 3 for 2 uses and 4 for 3 uses) if this model is your warlord. In addition, you may use the FUCK IT JUST LAND US CLOSER strategem once for 1 cp instead of 2 cp.

• Leader of the Vortex:
  • Roll a D6 at the beginning of each turn. On a 5+ this model regains a previously lost wound, on a 6+ it instead regains D3 previously lost wounds.

Chief Mind Fucked, Elminster the not Entirely Present

Elminster was (and still is) the Angry Custodes equivilent of Head Librarian or Chief Mindfucker (to use the Angry Marine rank), but whereas in other chapters, such a rank would provide a certain amount of protection, in the Angry Custodes this simply makes you a larger target for violence. And it was during one of the galaxies many battles that Elminster was subjected to a spot of violence from an Angry Custodian, and said slap to the back of Elminster’s Head was enough to crack open his skull and splatter his brains across the surrounding ground and onto the faces of whatever enemy the Angry Custodes happened to be fighting at the time. However, Elminster being a very powerful psyker and his soul being bound to the Angry Custodes phychic maelstrom (that and being incredibly pissed off by having his brains smashed out by one of his own men), Elminster was able to claw/fling his soul out of the immaterium and into the body of the very same Custodian who’d just killed him.

After effectively hijacking and hot wiring his way into a new body Elminster began to unleash his remaining fury on all those nearby

The Chief Mind Fucked is a single model, and is equipped with two Castellan Axe's.

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Points
Chief Mind Fucked, Elminster the not Entirely Present	6"	2+	2+	6	5	6	D6+2	9	4+	180

Abilities:

• EMPRAH PROTECT!

• Mortal is a relative term: Mind Fucked Psykers don't entirely fulfill the definition of mortal, advantages of having your souls bound to the largest source of RAEG outside the areas of the immaterium owned by khorne (BLAM!! HERESEY!!!).
  • A model with this rule does not take damage from mortal wounds (except from perils in the warp and Please don't hurt me...), this includes mortal wounds from "It's for your own good/BLAM!!!".
• Back to the Maelstrom: Elminster’s existence sits on a knife edge, as his soul is occasionally dragged back into the Angry Custodes psychic vortex, and one day his soul may never return from said vortex.
  • At the beginning of your turn roll a D6, on a 1 Elminster’s soul is temporarily dragged back into the Angry Custodes psychic maelstrom, and is inactive until your next turn, on a 2+ he behaves normally. If you rolled a 1 then roll another D6, on a 2+ nothing happens but on a 1 Elminster’s soul is dragged deeper into the vortex, and is either slain or must be retrieved after the battle and returned to his vehicle. In this case, Elminster is slain, remove his model from the battlefield.

• Wielder of incredible power:
  • This model adds 3 to its psychic tests, and adds an additional 1 to these tests if he is within 6” of s friendly ANGRY CUSTODES unit, but takes 2 mortal wounds at the beginning of each of your turns for each friendly ANGRY CUSTODES unit within 6” of this model. In addition, friendly ANGRY CUSTODES units within 3” of this model may re-roll failed invulnerability saves of 1.

• I'M BACK BITCHES!!!:
  • When Elminster is slain (except by Back to the Maelstrom) roll a D6 if another friendly model was slain in the same phase, on a 3+ remove Elminster's model and the friendly model but Elminster's soul then takes root in the slain friendly model. That slain friendly model is then returned to the battlefield as close to its original position as possible and loses all of its abilities, but gains all the abilities, psychic powers and keywords of Elminster. This friendly model is then under your control and behaves normally until it is also slain and this ability activates again.

1st Company Captain Raserei, the Angry Custodes only Angry Marine Captain

The genius who came up with the tactic of (quoting his words): YOU FIND THE ENEMY, KICK THEM IN THE BALLS, MOVE ON TO KICK THE NEXT FUCKER IN THE BALLS, AND BY THE TIME YOU'RE DONE THE ENTIRE FUCKING ARMY'S BEEN KICKED IN THE BALLS! SO, BY KICKING EVERY MAN'S BALLS, YOU KICKED THE BALLS OF AN ENTIRE PLANET! Such tactical and poetic genius does not go unnoticed by the Angry Custodes, who (after hearing of this brilliant tactic) found and kidnapped/recruited Raserei into the Angry Custodes. After a bit of confusion (and lots of fighting) Raserei agreed to join the Angry Custodes as a captain, although originally he was only offered the rank of the custodians equivalent of battle brother, but Raserei’s rank was increased in attempt to stop him from kicking the backs of every person he met, as for some reason even an Angry Custodian is incapable of halting Raserei’s brutal (and highly accurate) cock shots.

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Points
Company Captain Raserei	6"	2+	3+	5	4	7	5	9	2+	220

Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities
Crotch Kicker (Melee)	Melee	Melee	+3	-2	D3	This weapon inflicts mortal wounds instead of normal damage.
Crotch Kicker (Ranged)	24"	Assault 4	4	-1	2	This weapon inflicts mortal wounds instead of normal damage.
	Melee	Melee	+3	-2	2	Each fight phase, you make D6 additional attacks with this weapon. This weapon deals mortal wounds instead of normal damage, and failed hit rolls of 1 with this weapon inflict 1 mortal wound to the bearer. You may not re-roll failed hit rolls for this weapon.

Abilities:

• COCKSHOT FOR YOU!!!COCKSHOT FOR YOU!!! COCKSHOT FOR EVERY MOTHER FUCKER IN THIS FUCKING ROOM!!!: AND ONCE I’M DONE WITH YOU THEN I’M KICKING THE BALLS OF EVERYONE ON THIS PLANET!!!
  • At the beginning of each fight phase count the number of models in each unit within 1” of this model and divide the number by 5 (rounding up), that unit then takes that many mortal wounds.

• Inspirational genital kicker: There’s just something about Raserei that makes people better better at perform “cockshots”, those who hang around him for even short periods of time will find themselves just casually swing a leg forward, and it will somehow connect with someone’s crotch, said person could be on the opposite side of the room, or even in an entirely separate room, but Raserei’s inspiration can make anything possible (as long as it’s related to kicking genitals).
  • ANGRY CUSTODES models within 6” of this model inflict 2 mortal wounds instead of 1 on a hit roll of 6+. In addition ANGRY CUSTODES units within 6” of this model may re-roll failed hit rolls of 1.

The Iron Fucking Lady

The Iron Fucking Lady (before the great fuckening) was the head of the sisters of silence detatchment posted to the imperial palace, to defend it from psychic threats when the need arose. Despite being many hundreds of years old, she was a truly heroic and feared fighter, battling on against any odds, but paying the price of a lost limb here, a nasty gash there, a disembowellment etc. But every time she should have died, she kept fighting on, and after all her foes were slain the mechanicus would build her a new, until (as of the 42nd millennia) she is more machine than woman, hence her original nickname, the Iron Lady.

Like the rest of her order, the Iron Lady never spoke, even dispensing with the sign language used by the rest of her sisters, instead using subtle movements of her head to convey meaning and directions from behind her adamantium death mask, which is made from the melted down remains of a necron overlord she slew in single combat. Even when the great fuckening happened the Iron Lady did not utter a sound, simply striding out of the imperial palace, her mind set on showing the galaxy that you do not need to scream and swear to lay waste to the emperors foes.

Since then she has still maintained her vow of silence, annihilating her enemies without even the sound of her blade parting the air, an act which is enough to see the angry custodes’ enemies flee before her, an act she considers most annoying as it means that she most chase down those who flee.

The Iron Fucking Kady is a single model. She is armed with World Widower, a reality tearing stare and MIND FUCK grenades.

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Points
The Iron Fucking Lady	7"	2+	3+	4	4	5	5	10	2+	150

Melee Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities
MIND FUCK Grenades	6”	Grenade D3	2	0	1	Units which are hit by this weapon suffer a -1 to their leadership characteristic and suffer a -1 to their psychic tests until your next turn (this ability does not stack with multiple copies of itself).
Reality Tearing Stare	18”	Pistol 2	8	-4	D6	This weapon may target characters, even if they’re not the closest unit.
World Widower	Melee	Melee	+2	-4	3	Attacks with this weapon can target any model within base contact of your choice instead of your opponent assigning damage.

Abilities:

• Ain’t going nowhere: Death once came for the Iron Lady, holding an empty hourglass and proclaiming YOUR TIME HAS COME MY DEAR, COME WITH ME SO THAT YOU MAY STAND BESIDES THE GOD EMPEROR FOR ALL ETERNITY. The Iron Lady simply stared death in his skull face with her own death mask, reached out, and flipped the hour glass over. Death took the hint.
  • SISTERS OF RAEG units within 3” of this model may re-roll failed morale tests, re-roll failed hit rolls of 1 and ignore damage on a 6+ on a D6. In addition to this, this model ignores damage taken on a 4+ on a D6 and if your army is battleforged then you start the battle with an additional command point.

• Veil of RAEG: Whereas enemies are both drawn to and terrified of normal Sisters of RAEG this is not the case with the Sister Superior, whos fury is so vast that it wipes her presence from the mind of all she gazes upon.
  • This model may not be targeted by shooting attacks unless it is the only model which the targeting unit can shoot at.

• Ka FUUUUUUU!
• COCKSHOT YOU FUCKING CUNT!
• EMPRAH PROTECT!
• Don't you even FUCKING DARE!!!

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, Codex - Angry Custodes

Keywords: Character, Angry Custodes, Sister superior , SISTERS OF RAEG

Troops

Angry Allarus Terminators

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Points
Angry Allarus Terminator	6"	2+	2+	6	5	4	4	9	2+	80

Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities
Balistus grenade laucher	12”	Assault D3	4	-3	1	-
Misericordia	Melee	Melee	User	-2	1	Each time the bearer fights, it can make 1 additional attack with this weapon.
Guardian Spear (Shooting)	24”	Rapid Fire 1	4	-1	2	-
Castellan Axe (Shooting)	24”	Rapid Fire 1	4	-1	2	-
Guardian Spear (Melee)	Melee	Melee	+1	-3	D3	-
Castellan Axe (Melee)	Melee	Melee	+3	-3	D3	-

Composition: This unit consists of at least 3 Angry Allarus Terminators (Power Rating 14). You may add up to 7 more Angry Allarus Terminators (Power Rating +6 per model). Each model is armed with a Castellan Axe and a Balistus grenade laucher.

Wargear:

• Any model may replace its Castellan Axe with a Guardian Spear.
• Any model may take a Misericordia.

Abilities:

• ECHO IN THE FUCKING WARP COCKSUCKER!!!
• Ka FUUUUUUU!
• COCKSHOT YOU FUCKING CUNT!
• JUST FUCKING HIT THE BASTARDS!!
• WHO'S THIS KHARN CUNT ANYWAY?!
• EMPRAH PROTECT!

• Slayers of CUNTS!!!: when models in this unit pile in and consolidate, they can move up to 3" towards the nearest enemy Character even if it is not the nearest enemy model, so long as they finishthis move within 1" of an enemy unit.

• From the Golden Light of HIS middle finger: During deployment, you can set up this unit in a Godstrike-pattern teleportarium array instead of placing it on the battlefield. At the end of any of your Movement Phases this unit can teleport into battle - set it up anywhere on the battlefield that is more than 9" away from any enemy models.

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, Codex - Angry Custodes

Keywords: Infantry, Angry Custodes, Terminator, Angry Allarus Terminators

Angry Custodian Guard

An Imperial Stormtrooper is the pinnacle of what brute training, equipment and determination can achieve, while Space Marines are (or were) the pinnacle of what the greatest mind can achieve with genetic enhancemen, combined with extreme training and equipmentt. Custodians on the otherhand, are the direct creations of the God Emperor, using his very own DNA to forge them as he did with his primarchs, they exist as the greatest soldiers hummanity, and the galaxy as a whole, has to offer, with the rank and file custodian being more than a match for hordes of whatever enemy the fickle whims of fate may throw against him.

An Angry Custodian however, exists as a violent step above this (or down depending on your perspective), while a normal unit of custodians will advance in line formation, picking off their foes from afar until they impact without mercy into their enemy, Angry Custodians will forgo this regimented advance and calm, being driven by an internal furnace of fury which drives them through whatever is put before them, ripping and tearing their way to their goal, only to decide that their goal is fairly dull and instead turn back around to do some more ripping and tearing.

This unit consists of at least 3 Angry Custodians (Power Rating 11). You may add up to 7 more Angry Custodians (Power Rating +5 per model). Each model is armed with a Guardian Spear.

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Points
Angry Custodian	6"	2+	2+	6	5	3	3	8	2+	50

Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities
Misericordia	Melee	Melee	User	-2	1	Each time the bearer fights, it can make 1 additional attack with this weapon unless it is also equipped with a Storm Shield.
Guardian Spear (Shooting)	24”	Rapid Fire 1	4	-1	2	-
Sentinel Blade (Shooting)	12”	Pistol 2	4	0	1	-
Guardian Spear (Melee)	Melee	Melee	+1	-3	D3	-
Sentinel Blade (Melee)	Melee	Melee	User	-3	D3	-

Wargear:

• Any model may replace its Guardian Spear with a Sentinel Blade and Storm Shield.
• Any model may take a Misericordia.

Abilities:

• ECHO IN THE FUCKING WARP COCKSUCKER!!!
• Ka FUUUUUUU!
• COCKSHOT YOU FUCKING CUNT!
• JUST FUCKING HIT THE BASTARDS!!
• WHO'S THIS KHARN CUNT ANYWAY?!
• EMPRAH PROTECT!

• Storm Shield: A model equipped with a Storm Shield has a 3+ invulnerability save.

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, Codex - Angry Custodes

Keywords: Infantry, Angry Custodes, Angry Custodian Guard

Sisters of RAEG squad

The enemy thought their day was bad enough, first that had been the initial artillery bombardment, then the solid wall of Angry Custodes had smashed their way through their line like a red and gold wrecking ball, leaving the decimated foes huddled in their trenches or bunkers as the custodians keep charging on. They thought that they had been spared. They thought that they might survive this way. They were, of course, very wrong, because out of the fog and dust left in the wake of the Angry Custodians charge comes a solid wall of Sisters of RAEG, their eyes pinning their foes to the spot as they advance. A very stupid or strong willed foe may get off a hail of shots, felling a single sister who (after being starred at in disapproval by her squad mates) will then simply drag herself back to her feet and make a mental note of the pitiful fool who dared to fire at her.

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Points
Sister of RAEG	7"	3+	3+	4	3	1	2	8	3+	16

This unit consists of 5 Sisters of RAEG. It may include up to 5 additional Sisters of RAEG. Each model is equipped with a boltgun and MIND FUCK grenades.

Wargear:

• Any model may replace its Boltgun with an Executioners Greatblade.
• For every 5 models in a unit you may replace one models Boltgun with a Flamer.
• For every 5 models in a unit you may replace one models Boltgun with a Storm Bolter.

Melee Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities	Points Per Weapon
Boltgun	24”	Rapid fire 1	4	0	1	-	0
MIND FUCK Grenades	6”	Grenade D3	2	0	1	Units which are hit by this weapon suffer a -1 to their leadership characteristic and suffer a -1 to their psychic tests until your next turn (this ability does not stack with multiple copies of itself.	0
Storm Bolter	24”	Rapid fire 2	4	0	1	-	3
Flamer	8”	Assault D6	4	0	1	This weapon automatically hits its target.	9
Executioners Greatblade	Melee	Melee	+1	-3	D3	Attacks with this weapon can target any model within base contact of your choice instead of your opponent assigning damage.	8

Abilities:

• Ka FUUUUUUU!
• COCKSHOT YOU FUCKING CUNT!
• EMPRAH PROTECT!
• Don't you even FUCKING DARE!!!
• My eyes are up here DIPSHIT!!!

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, (Angry Custodes)

Keywords: Infantry, Sister of RAEG, Angry Custodes

Heavy Support

Golden Land Ship

A Golden Land Ship is a single model equipped with a Twin Heavy Bolter and two Twin Lascannons.

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Pts
Golden Land Ship	*	5+	*	8	8	16	*	9	2+	320

Remaining W	M	BS	A
9-16+	10”	2+	7
5-8	5”	3+	D6+1
1-4	3”	4+	2

Wargear:

• This model may take a Hunter Killer Missile.
• This model may take a Storm Bolter.

Abilities:

• EMPRAH PROTECT!
• Power of the Angry Machine Spirit: This model does not suffer the penalty to hit rolls for moving and firing Heavy weapons.
• Frag Assault Launchers: Roll a D6 each time this model finishes a charge move within 1" of an enemy unit; on a 4+ that unit suffers D3 mortal wounds.
• Unyielding AS FUCK!!!: Roll a D6 each time this model loses a wound; on a 6 the damage is ignored and that wound is not lost.
• Explodes: If this model is reduced to 0 wounds, roll a D6 before removing it from the battlefield and before any embarked models disembark. on a 6 it explodes, and each unit within 6" suffers D6 mortal wounds.

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, (Angry Custodes)

Keywords: Vehicle, Golden Land Ship, Angry Custodes

Angry Bomb

An idea originally used by the Angry Marines, take an angry marine, get him drunk, drugged and knock him over the head (you don’t want him to wake up early), chain him to an adamantium pole with adamantium chains (and duct tape) onto the top of a Metal Box, drive it towards the enemy and then run in the opposite direction. With any luck, the Angry marine on top of the tank will awaken, then get rapidly FURIOUS, until finally they explode out of their chains with the strength of a custodian powering them through his enemy. The custodian version works in the same way, except that the bound custodian’s fury gives him the strength of a Primarch. Suffice it to say, little remains of anything once the custodian calms down.

An Angry Bomb is a single model. It is armed only with

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Pts
Angry Bomb	*	5+	*	8	8	16	*	9	2+	420

Remaining W	M	BS	A
9-16+	10”	2+	7
5-8	5”	3+	D6+1
1-4	3”	4+	2

Abilities:

• CUSTODES SMASH (temporary title)
  • At the beginning of each of your turns roll a D6 and add the current turn number. Add an additional 1 if this model is within 12” of an enemy, add an additional 1 if it is currently in melee, and a permanent 1 for every unit it has engaged in melee during the battle. If this value is 6+ then this model instantly explodes, remove this model from the battlefield and then place an Angry Custodian model as close to its original position as possible, except that it is armed with the following profile:

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv
Apoplectic Custodian	8”	2+	2+	7	6	8	5+D3	10	2+

This Apoplectic Custodian is armed with two Chunks of Golden Landship:

Melee Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities
Chunk of Golden Landship	Melee	Melee	+4	-3	D3	Enemy units targeted by this weapon suffer -1 to their invulnerability saves for the duration of the fight phase.

And has the following abilities:

• Dual Melee Weapons: if a model with this ability is Equipped with two of the same Melee weapon, you can add 1 to its Attacks characteristic.
• TIS BUT A FUCKING FLESHWOUND!!!: "Your arm has fallen off!" "NO IT FUCKING HASN'T!!!"
  • When this model drops to below 5 wounds it loses one of its Chunk of Golden Landraider melee weapons.
• EMPRAH PROTECT!

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, (Angry Custodes)

Keywords: Infantry (Apoplectic Custodian only), Vehicle (Angry Bomb only), Apoolectic (Apoplectic Custodian only), Angry Bomb (Angry Bomb only), Angry Custodes

Fast Attack

The Emperor's "Angels"

They say that bad news travels the fastest, well the person who said that has never been kicked in the balls by an Angry Custodian travelling faster than the speed of sound, travelling so fast that the bad news hasn't even had a chance to tell the first guy he has been kicked in the balls before the guy behind him has also been kicked in the balls.

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Pts
The Emperor's "Angel"	14"	2+	3+	6	6	4	4	9	2+	90

Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities
Misericordia	Melee	Melee	User	-2	1	Each time the bearer fights, it can make 1 additional attack with this weapon.
Hurricane Bolter	24”	Rapid Fire 6	4	0	1	-
Interceptor Lance	Melee	Melee	+1	-3	D3	You can re-roll failed wound rolls for this weapon on a turn in which it’s bearer made a successful charge.
Salvo Launcher	-	-	-	-	-	When shooting with this weapon, choose one of the following profiles below.
-Melta Missile	24”	Heavy 1	8	-4	D6	You can re-roll failed wound rolls for this weapon if the target is a VEHICLE.
-Flakkburst missile	24”	Heavy D3	7	-1	D3	Add 1 to all hit rolls made for this weapon against targets that can FLY. Subtract 1 from hit rolls made for this weapon against all other targets.

Composition: A unit of Emperor's "Angels" consists of at least 3 Emperor's "Angels" (Power Rating 16). it may include up to 7 additional Emperor's "Angels" (Power Rating +6 per model). Each model is armed with an Interceptor Lance, and each of their Dawneagle Jetbikes is equipped with a Hurricane Bolter.

Wargear:

• Any model may replace its Hurricane Bolter with a Salvo Launcher.
• Any model may take a Misericordia.

Abilities:

• Ka FUUUUUUU!
• EMPRAH PROTECT!
• COCKSHOT YOU FUCKING CUNT!
• JUST FUCKING HIT THE BASTARDS!
• WHO'S THIS KHARN CUNT ANYWAY?!

• (Turbo-Boost): When this model Advances, add 6" to its Move characteristic for that Movement Phase instead of rolling a dice.

• FUCK YOU!!! (insert doppler effect):

• If this unit has in the same turn not moved or advanced in the movement phase and has not fired in the Shooting phase; it may in the following Charge phase Charge an enemy unit within 42" (instead of within 12") and may roll 3D6+24 when making its Charge move (instead of 2D6), but it must make its Charge move in a straight line. If this unit end its Charge move within 1" of the enemy unit, the Charged unit suffers D3 mortal wounds.

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, Codex - Angry Custodes

Keywords: Biker, Fly, Angry Custodes, The Emperor's "Angels"

Elites

“Armourless” Angry Custodes Squad

Somewhat famously, some of the custodians went a bit... crazy, after the entombment in the golden throne. Some simply retreated to their tasks, day in day out being vigilant but no longer aware. Others went more obviously mad, famously removing their armour in shame and going around nude and covered in oil, an image of such eroticism that demonettes can use their dicks as ap1 destroyer weapons upon seeing them.

An “Armourless” Angry Custodian Squad is made up of 3 models. Each model is armed with two sentinel blades.

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Points
“Armourless” Angry Custodian	9"	2+	3+	6	5	2	4	10	5+	70

Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities
Misericordia	Melee	Melee	User	-2	1	Each time the bearer fights, it can make 1 additional attack with this weapon.
Guardian Spear (Shooting)	24”	Rapid Fire 1	4	-1	2	-
Castellan Axe (Shooting)	24”	Rapid Fire 1	4	-1	2	-
Sentinel Blade (Shooting)	12”	Pistol 2	4	0	1	-
Guardian Spear (Melee)	Melee	Melee	+1	-3	D3	-
Castellan Axe (Melee)	Melee	Melee	+3	-3	D3	-
Sentinel Blade (Melee)	Melee	Melee	User	-3	D3	-

Wargear:

• Any model may replace either of its Sentinel Blades with a Guardian Spear or Castellan Axe.
• Any model may take a Misericordia.

Abilities:

• Oiled up for high speed: Like a rubber tarp covered with fairy liquid and water. Only with knives.

• A model with this rule adds 1” to its advance and charge distances.

• Slippery: Its hard to to kill something when bullets just glide off that somethings oiled up, naked flesh.
  • Roll a D6 each time a model in this unit loses a wound; on a 6+ the damage is ignored, and that wound is not lost

• The Feeling of Friction is ALL BUT LOST TO MEEEEE!!!:(Non-Heretical Sounds)
  • This unit has a ++3 invulnerable Save while in the first assault phase after charging.

• Dual melee weapons
• ECHO IN THE FUCKING WARP COCKSUCKER!!!
• Ka FUUUUUUU!
• COCKSHOT YOU FUCKING CUNT!
• JUST FUCKING HIT THE BASTARDS!!
• WHO'S THIS KHARN CUNT ANYWAY?!
• EMPRAH PROTECT!

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, Codex - Angry Custodes

Keywords: Infantry, Angry Custodes, “Armourless” Angry Custodian

Daemons of Rage

The daemons of the warp reflect the real world, regions of disease and filth creates nurglings, while a red light district creates deamonettes (never try and sleep with a demonette, you’ll likely loose a few body parts). But what demons would the Angry Marines produce? Nobody knows, as nobody has survived hanging around in Angry marine influenced warp space and the Angry Marines are not ones for summoning demons. We do have the next best thing, and that is the demons produced by the Angry Custodes, demons which are simultaneously dragged from the warp into reality and sustained by the Angry Custodes’ psychic maelstrom. These demons resemble the cherubs used in imperial and church services, except that they are gold and give off a brilliant light... that and they swear like drunken sailors.

These demons are always present around the Angry Custodes fighting and cursing at each other lacking anything better to do as (unlike other demons) they do need to perform acts to maintain their source of psychic energy, the mere existence of the Angry Custodes is enough of an energy source. In battle however (as if sensing that there’s something to do) more of these demons will materialise and charge headlong towards the enemy, acting as a very violent, immaterial meat shield for the ever so slightly slower Custodes charging right behind them. The inquisition takes a very dim (and by dim I mean HEEEEERRRRRREEEEESSSSSEEEEYYYYY BLAM BLAM BLAM!!!) view to the appearance of these demons but are rather stuck on what to do as:

• The Angry Custodes don’t have a planetary base which they can exterminartus.
• The demons cannot be removed by simply killing them as long as the custodes still live.
• And killing an Angry Custodian is no easy task, with the only beings other than assassins capable of the task are Adeptus Custodes, and they are all conveniently busy with other tasks when the inquisition tries to strong arm them into doing the task.

The Angry Custodians don’t seem to mind the demons, perhaps not registering them amoungst all the other psychic energy which surrounds them or simply viewing them as manifestations of their own fury (which is true to an extent) and therefore not demons at all.

A unit of Daemons of Rage contains at least 1 model, and can contain up to 4 additional models. They are armed with Tiny Fists of Fury and Projectiles of Profanity.

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Points
Daemon of Rage	9"	4+	6+	3	2	4	D6	7	6+	18

Weapon name	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities	Points Per Weapon
Projectiles of Profanity	8”	Pistol D3	User	0	1	This weapon automatically hits its target.	0
Tiny fists of Fury	Melee	Melee	User	0	1	On a to wound roll of 6+ this weapon inflicts a mortal wound in addition to its normal damage.	0

Abilities:

• EMPRAH PROTECT!:

• Except that this unit instead has a 6+ invulnerability save instead of the usual 5+.

• Eternal energy source: As long as the Angry Custodes exist the daemons of rage will continue to spawn, and with existence comes eternal conflict and profanity.

• As long as your warlord is still alive and has the Codex - Angry Custodes keyword then one model from this unit may regain D3 previously lost wounds at the beginning of your turn. If no models are wounded, a slain model in this unit may return with D3 wounds.

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, Codex - Angry Custodes

Keywords: Swarm, Fly, Daemon, Cherubs, Demons of Rage

Angry Spirits

It is a relatively known fact that the Legion of the Damned are imperial demons, whether they are the souls of dead marines or just straight forward demons is unknown however, as there is no way to test whether the spirital marines are actual marines (mostly because they never talk). We do know however that the Angry Marines no longer (they may have used to) become members of the Legion of the damned, as their souls are now attracted to the psychic beacon of the Angry Custodes, where most of them will simply hang around, get into immaterial and swear a lot. Some of these souls are Angry enough however to rip their way back into reality, where they manifest themselves like the legion of the damned, except that their armour is bright gold and adorned with burning, angry faces. Such spirits will also not dematerialise once a fight is over, and will hang around with the Angry custodes, who will treat their immaterial comrade as a lost brother, unless there are inquisitors around, in which case the spiritual marine is just a very small Custodian until someone can find a way to get rid of the inquisitor.

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Points
Angry Spirit	6"	3+	4+	5	4	1	2	9	3+	24
Angry Spirit Sergeant	6"	3+	4+	5	4	1	3	10	3+	24

Composition: This unit contains 1 Angry Spirit Sergeant and 4 Angry Spirits (Power Rating 8). It can include up to 5 additional Angry Spirits (Power Rating +7). Each model is armed with a Boltgun, a Chainsword and Frag and Krak Grenades.

Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities	Points
Boltgun	24"	Rapid Fire 1	4	0	1	-	0
Chainsword	Melee	Melee	User	0	1	Each time the bearer fights, it can make 1 additional attack with this weapon.	(single/pair) 0/2
Frag grenade	6"	Grenade D6	3	0	1	-	0
Krag grenade	6"	Grenade 1	6	-1	D3	-	0
Imperial Demon-Weapon of Burning RAGE!	-	-	-	-	-	-	9
(Ranged)	6"	Pistol D6	4	0	1	This weapon automatically hits its target.
(Melee)	Melee	Melee	+1	-2	D3	-

Wargear Options:

• Any model may replace his Boltgun with a Chainsword.

• The Angry Spirit Sergeant may replace both his Chainsword and Boltgun with an Imperial Demon-Weapon of Burning RAGE!.
• The Angry Spirit Sergeant may replace his Boltgun with an item from the Angry Spirits Ranged Weapons or Angry Spirits Melee Weapons lists, and may also replace his Chainsword with an item from the Angry Spirits Melee Weapons list. .

• one Angry Spirit may replace his Boltgun and/or Chainsword with items from the Angry Spirits Melee Weapons list.
• one Angry Spirit may replace his Boltgun with an item from the Angry Spirits Special Weapons and Heavy weapons list.

Abilities:

• And They Shall Know No Fear: this unit can re-roll failed Morale tests.
• Aure of Burning Profanity -

• this unit has a 3+ invulnerability save.

• Dual Melee Weapons

• FUCK THAT HEAVY PIECE OF SHIT!: This unit does not suffer the penalty to hit rolls for moving and firing Heavy weapons.

• ALWAYS ANGRY! ALL THE TIME!: If your army is Battle-forged, you can add 1 to all models in this units Attacks and Strength characteristics for the duration of the Fight phase if it charged in the preceding Charge phase.

• NO DEMONS HERE, THERE'S NOTHING TO FUCKING SEE!!!: If you shout something loudly enough and often enough people will start to believe it despite all golden, swearing, immaterial evidence to the contrary.

• Even though this unit has the Daemon keyword, enemy units Abilities (This also applies to the Abilities of their weapons) may not affect this unit because of its Daemon keyword or treated it as a Daemon unit.

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, Codex - Angry Custodes

Keywords: Infantry, Adeptus Astartes, Daemon, Angry Marine, Angry Spirits

The Golden Axe Murderers

This unit contains 3 Golden Axe Murderers. It can include up to 7 additional Golden Axe Murderers. Each model is armed with a Castellan Axe and a Balistus Grenade Launcher.

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Points
Golden Axe Murderers	6"	2+	2+	6	5	4	4	9	2+	80

Abilities:

• FROM GOLDEN RAGE THEY COME:
  • During deployment, instead of placing this unit on the battlefield, you can set the unit up in a Furystrike-pattern teleportarium array. At the end of any of your Movement phases these units can teleport into battle - set them up anywhere on the battlefield that is more than 9" away from any enemy models.

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, Codex - Angry Custodes

Keywords: Infantry, Angry Custodes, Terminator, Golden Axe Murderer

The Emperor's Eye’s

Custodians who deem themselves unworthy or unfit to hold the watch on terra will hand in their armour and weapons, and then disappear out into the galaxy to be the eyes and ears for the Adeptus Custodes (and by extention, the emperor), becoming hooded figures who watch from the shadows and intervene when the imperium is in dire need of saving.

An Eye of the Emperor is a single model, armed with a Master-Crafted Bolt Pisto, a Master-Crafted Infernous Pisto and a Relic Chainsword. As of writing the best way to represent this model is to use one of Cypher’s models (albeit the backpack), or a suitably robed and bulky mechanicus Priest.

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Points
Eye of the Emperor	5"	2+	3+	5	5	5	3	10	4+	130

Wargear:

Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities
Master-Crafted Bolt Pistol	12"	Pistol 2	4	-1	2	-
Relic Infernous Pistol	6"	Pistol 2	8	-3	D6	If the target is within half range then roll two dice and discard the lowest when assigning damage.
Master-Crafted Chainsword	Melee	Melee	+1	-1	2	You may make an additional attack with this weapon each time the bearer attacks.

Abilities:

• Master of observation: The aged custodian has spent hundreds of years watching battles play out and how generals deploy their troops, and has learnt how to anticipate every move an opponent will make before the battle has even started.
  • Once both yours and your opponents units have all been deployed, you may redeploy this model and one other INFANTRY unit within your deployment zone or within 3" of the edge of your deployment zone. If your opponent has a similar ability then the person who is going first redeploys their unit/s first.

• My planet needs meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...: When one of the Emperor’s Eye’s realises that he will fall to the enemy if he stays then he will abandon his fight in order to warn the imperium at large, as any threat capable of felling him is a grave threat to the galaxy as a whole.
  • Your opponent can never earn victory points by slaying this model and this models death cannot contribute towards your opponent earning victory points.

• EMPRAH PROTECT!

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, Codex - Angry Custodes

Keywords: Infantry, Character, Angry Custodes, The Emperor's Eye's

Angry Venerable Contemptor Dreadnought

Charging into battle screaming profanity and fury from vox speakers mounted about its body, swinging fists that resemble wrecking balls more then dextrous appendages, an Angry Condemptor Dreadnought is truly a terrifying sight to behold, the wounded Angry Custodians inside them becoming as close to gods of battle or lords of war as it is possible to be without being a Primarch or a Greater Deamon. But this near invulnerability to damage and super human strength comes at a steep price, for (like with their Angry Marine cousins) a dreadnought prevents the custodian inside it from truly sensing the outside world. Never again can they enjoy the feeling of a tyranids skull cracking beneath their boots, or revel in the sensation of hearing the word "FUCK!!!" with their own ears, to never again feel the warm rays of a sun, or to feel another custodian rub oil into their glistening, naked forms. Despite this however, some Angry Custodians will willingly pilot these walking, golden coffins willingly, to the point that the tech adepts of the Angry Custodes have been "convinced" to build extra Contemptor Dreadnoughts with access hatches and pilot seats so that still living Angry Custodians can enjoy weilding such super human powers.

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Points
Angry Venerable Contemptor Dreadnought	*	*	*	8	7	10	4	8	2+	140

Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities
Combi-bolter	24"	Rapid Fire 2	4	0	1	-
Wrecking ball like Fist	Melee	Melee	x2	-3	3	If you roll a wound roll of 6+ made for this weapon, it inflicts 1 mortal wound in addition to its normal Damage. If this model is equipped with two of these weapons then it may re-roll wound rolls of 1 against VEHICLES, MONSTERS, BUILDING and TITANIC units.
Multi-melta	24"	Heavy 1	8	-4	D6	If the target is within half range of this weapon, roll two dice when inflicting damage with it and discard the lowest result.
Kheres-pattern assault cannon	24"	Heavy 6	7	-1	1	-

Remaining W	M	WS	BS	Charge move
6-10+	9"	2+	3+	2D6
3-5	6"	3+	4+	2D3
1-2	4"	4+	5+	D3

Composition: This unit contains a single Angry Venerable Contemptor Dreadnought (Power Rating 11). it is equipped with a Wrecking ball like Fist, a Combi-bolter and a Multi-melta.

Wargear Options:

• This model may replace its Wrecking ball like Fist and Combi-bolter with a Multi-melta or a Kheres-pattern assault cannon.
• This model may replace its Multi-melta with a Kheres-pattern assault cannon or a Wrecking ball like Fist and Combi-bolter.

Abilities:

• Dual Melee Weapons
• JUST FUCKING HIT THE BASTARDS!
• WHO'S THIS KHARN CUNT ANYWAY?!

• Shielding of pure profanity -

• This model has a 5+ invulnerable save.

• UNYIELDING RAGE!: Considering that these dreadnoughts can survive virus bombings did you really think that you could hurt it? THOUGHT NOT DIPSHIT!!!
  • Roll a D6 each time this model loses a wound; on a 6 the damage is ignored, and that wound is not lost.

• Explodes: If this model is reduced to 0 wounds, roll a D6 before removing it from the battlefield; on a 6 it explodes, and each unit within 6" suffers D3 mortal wounds.

• KILL EVERYTHING!: In the Charge Phase, this model must try to charge the closest enemy unit if possible.

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, Codex - Angry Custodes

Keywords: VEHICLE, Angry Custodes, Angry Venerable Contemptor Dreadnought

Banner Hoarders

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Points
Banner Hoarder	6"	2+	3+	6	5	5	4	9	2+	100

Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities
Misericordia	Melee	Melee	User	-2	1	Each time the bearer fights, it can make 1 additional attack with this weapon.
Guardian Spear (Shooting)	24”	Rapid Fire 1	4	-1	2	-
Castellan Axe (Shooting)	24”	Rapid Fire 1	4	-1	2	-
Guardian Spear (Melee)	Melee	Melee	+1	-3	D3	-
Castellan Axe (Melee)	Melee	Melee	+3	-3	D3	-

Composition: This unit contains a single Banner Hoarder armed with a guardian spear. (Power Rating 7)

Wargear Options:

• This model may replace its guardian spear with a Castellan Axe or Misericordia
• This model may take a Misericordia.

Abilities:

• Ka FUUUUUUU!
• EMPRAH PROTECT!
• COCKSHOT YOU FUCKING CUNT!
• JUST FUCKING HIT THE BASTARDS!
• WHO'S THIS KHARN CUNT ANYWAY?!

• ANOTHER FLASHY BANNER!!!:

• If a model with a “banner” (for rule purposes, a “banner” is Abilities like the Custode's Vexilas, Space Marine's Banners and Standards, Ork's Waaagh! Banners, Genestealer Cult's Cult Banners and Cult Icons) is slain within 3” of this model, then this model may add that banners effect to his current effects, replacing the enemy banner's keywords to Codex - Angry Custodes (unless that keyword is Infantry, Character, VEHICLE, Swarm, Fly, Daemon or Biker in which case, keep these keywords).

• Which banner to use today?:

• you can re-roll failed Morale tests for Friendly Codex - Angry Custodes units that are within 6" of this model. In addition, When you add this model to your army, choose one of the following banners for this model to carry:

• Banner of Fury: Angry Custodes models (other then Vehicles) within 6” of this model, adds 1 to their attack characteristic.

• Banner of Profanity: Enemy units within 3” of Codex - Angry Custodes units within 9” of this model add 1 to to their morale tests.

• Banner of “FUCK YOUR AP!”: Friendly Angry units have a 5+ invulnerable save against ranged weapons whilst they are wholly within 9" of this model.

• Banner of body Oil: Your opponent must must subtract 1 from hit rolls in the Shooting phase for attacks that target Angry Custodes units within 6" of this model.

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, Codex - Angry Custodes

Keywords: Infantry, Character, Angry Custodes, Banner Hoarder

Lords of war

Knights Apoplectic rules

• Knights of the FLIPPED OVER TABLE!!!: BECAUSE THAT PRICK STOLE MY FUCKING SKITTLES!!!
  • A model with this rule deals D3 extra damage against models with the TITANIC keyword with each attack (except for damage dealt by titanic feet). In addition, if your army is Battle-forged, all KNIGHTS APOPLECTIC units gain this ability. Roll a D6 each time it loses his final wound; on a 4+ the damage is ignored, and that wound is not lost.

• Really Fucking Huge and Fucking Scary: A knight apoplectic’s size makes them relatively easy to hit for even the most incompetent of ork gunners, but said gunners will not be hanging around for very long once the knight gets close enough to show its annoyance over being shot at.
  • All KNIGHTS APOPLECTIC units in your army gain this ability. Enemy units will always hit a KNIGHTS APOPLECTIC unit on a 5+ or better with ranged weapons. But, in addition, Enemy units that are within 1" of a KNIGHTS APOPLECTIC must roll 2d6 instead of a 1d6 and discard the lowest result when determining morale casualties.

• Self healing Fury: Some knights can use their incredible fury (and ancient and advanced tech) to repair themselves mid battle.
  • At the beginning of each your turns, roll a D6; on a result of a 5+ the model heals one wound.

Titan rules

• SUPERHEAVY AS FUCK BITCHES: You know that you're heavy when your arrival on a planet results in a change in the planets orbital trajectory.
  • A model with this rule can Fall Back in the Movement phase and still shoot/orcharge during its turn. A model with this rule may fall back over INFANTRY or SWARM models though at the end of its move it must be more than 1” away from all enemy units. A model with this rule may fire its weapons even if there are enemy models within 1” of it unless those models have the TITANIC keyword. In this case it can shoot at the enemy unit within 1” of it or at an other enemy unit within range which is not within 1” of a friendly unit. In addition, a model with this rule can move and fire its heavy weapons without any penalty to its hit rolls. Finally, a model with this rule only gains a bonus to its save in cover if at least half of the model is obscured from the bearer.

• NA NA NA NA NA THIS OBJECTIVE IS MINE YOU PUNY GUARDSMEN!!!: If being denied an objective by swarms of guants is infuriating to a normal Angry Marine you have no idea what it is like to be a titan in the same situation. The solution is to just say “FUCK YOU!!!” And take the objective for yourself, by simply sitting the Titans gigantic feet either side of the objective and daring anyone to try and take it “FUCKING TRY IT, I DARE YOU!!!”.
  • Models with this rule gain objective secured if your army is battle forged, but do not have the ability to control it if the enemy has numerical superiority on the same objective.

• LOOK, I’M DRIVING WITHOUT A PILOT!!!: Nobody in their right or wrong mind would ever dare to tell an Angry Titan what to do unless they wanted an anus full of titanic feet, so Angry Marine high command will put on their best diplomatic face and behaviour and ask the Titan to engage the enemy. Most of the time the Titan will go along with these requests as it means it has someone to shoot at and punch repeatedly, but sometimes the Titan will decide that it would much rather cause the nearest target to suffer total existence failure, whether that be friend, foe or a random rock which happened to offend it.
  • Roll a dice at the beginning of each of your turns for each of the models with this rule, on a 4+ the Titan behaves normally, on a 1, 2 or 3 the Titan can only target the nearest unit to itself (friend or foe) and must move towards that unit and charge it if possible, and may re-roll hit and wound rolls of 1 in the Shooting and Fight phase it makes against that unit until the next turn. Units with the ANGRY keyword are ignored for this rule unless the next nearest unit is also a unit with the ANGRY keyword.

• Titan Void shields: The thing which truly makes a titan a titan, the ability to shrug off even the most powerful of eldritch attacks and come out of it smiling maniacally and you continue to charge towards your enemy.
  • Void shields are a special kind of save, like an invulnerability save it is unaffected by the ap of a weapon but cannot defend against melee attacks, but unlike invulnerability saves they can be used to block mortal wounds. Roll a dice for each mortal wound inflicted on the Titan, with the mortal wound being ignored if you pass the save roll. Consult the Titan damage table to view its current void shield save.

• Cataclysmic Explosion: The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
  • If this model is reduced to 0 wounds, roll a D6 before removing the model from the battlefield. On a 5+, it suffers a cataclysmic explosion, and each unit within 3D6” suffers 2D6 mortal wounds.

Titan Warlord Traits

Knights and titans are already too powerful to use the standard Angry Custodes warlord traits, so if your warlord is an ANGRY KNIGHT, KNIGHTS APOPLECTIC or ANGRY TITAN then they generate their warlord trait from this list instead.

• Well lubricated pistons powered by RAGE:
  • Add 1” to this models Movement, Advance and Charge distances.

• Always First to a Fight:
  • If your Warlord has this trait, then you always have the choice to go first in battles unless your opponent seizes the initiative. In addition to this you start the game with 1 additional command point.

• Engineering Maniac:
• May not be given to an ANGRY WARHOUND, REAVER or WARLORD model, this model may (at the start of your turn) activate this ability, this model adds 6” to its Movement distances, may reroll failed charge rolls and gains the FLY keyword until the start of your next turn, whereupon this model takes D6 mortal wounds and may not use this ability again for the rest of the battle.

• Skittle Mad and Deranged:
  • This model adds 3 to its attack charecteristic but suffers a -1 to its hit rolls in the fight phase.

• Sharp Mind and Mathematic Genius:
  • Add 6” to the range of all this models ranged weapons and this models ranged weapons do not require line of sight to fire if their target is within half the weapons range.

• Worshipper of the Toaster God:
  • At the start of your turn your warlord heals D2 previously lost wounds in addition to any other wounds this model may heal.

Titan Stratagems

If your army is Battle-forged and includes any (KEYWORDS INCOMPLETE) Detachments (excluding Auxiliary Support Detachments), you have access to the Stratagems shown here. These reflect the unique "strategies" used by the Angry Titans on the battlefield.

Name	Description	CP	explanation
HOW DOES ROTATING ION SHIELDS FUCKING HELP?!!!	THEY’RE ALREADY SPHERES WITH EQUAL STRENGTH ON ALL SIDES, HOW DOES ROTATING THEM FUCKING HELP?!!!	1	Use this Stratagem when an enemy unit targets a ANGRY KNIGHT unit from your army. you can add 1 to it any invulnerable saving throws made for that unit until the end of this phase.
THINK YOU SMART FUCKER!?!	FUCK YOU I’M STILL PISSED OFF ABOUT THE ROTATING THE ION SHIELDS!!! MAYBE THE TOASTER FUCKERS TURN THE ION SHIELD INTO A FUCKING CYCLONIC MISSILE OR SOME OTHER SHITE!!!	1	You can use this Stratagem just before a friendly (Angry Titans) unit must roll to see if it explodes. it explodes on a 2+ instead of on roll of 6 (or instead of on roll of 5+ if it has the Cataclysmic Explosion instead of Explodes).
BENEVOLENCE OF THE TOASTER GOD	Although not your normal Mechanicus adept, some of the Angry Tech Priests do worship the omnisiah (or the “TOTALLY NOT VOID DRAGON CUNT WHO MAKES OUR FUCKING FLESHLIGHTS (COUGH) I MEAN TOASTERS WORK!!!), and as in the grim darkness of the 41st millennia the warp is a thing their prayers and holy insults may occasionally be answered. If such a Priest is ever caught doing this they’ll be given a non-negotiable invitation to play a game of kick the flaming horror to death while naked and covered in promethium, a threat which ensures that “THE TOASTER FUCKERS REMEMBER TO BE ANGRY ALL THE TIME!!! NOT PROSTRATING TO THE MECHANICUS FUCKS!!!”	1	You can use this Stratagem when an (Angry Titans) unit from your army suffers a mortal wound. Roll a D6 for that mortal wound, and each other wound inflicted on this unit for the rest of this phase: on a 5+ that mortal wound is ignored.
CREEEEEEEEEDDDDDD!!!	Although creed now sits in the collection of trashy the incontinent (he actually escaped ages ago and his body double is actually a bane blade smoking a cigar), his tactical genius still surrounds and imbues every single war hound Titan (it’s fine because they’re SCOUT titans), allowing even the Angry Marines to occasional pull off creed level stunts with their own titans.	3	Use this Stratagem before deployment. you can set aside an ANGRY WARHOUND TITAN (do not set it up on the board during deployment). Then, once all other units have been set up, write down a piece of Terrain on the battlefield which has no enemy units inside of it or within 12” of it (NOTE that you do not need to tell your enemy what a piece of Terrain it before turn 2). At the start of your second turn, you must reveal that that sunflower was in fact THE BARREL OF A VULCAN MEGA BOLTER; set up the ANGRY WARHOUND TITAN on and/or entirely within 12" the piece of Terrain that was written down, and more than 1" away from any enemy models. the Titan will then behave normally in the following phases. Your opponent is contractually required the shout “CREEEEEEDDDDDD!” At this point.
FUCK IT THEY'LL DO FOR NOW		1	Use before the battle has begun, choose an ANGRY KNIGHT model in your army, that model gains the KNIGHTS APOPLECTIC keyword (and associated rules) along with the ANGRY KNIGHT keyword.
ONCE MORE UNTO THE FUCKING BREACH		3	Use on a (KNIGHTS APOPLECTIC or whatever keyword will be given to the titans) at the start of your turn, that model adds 6" to its movement charecteristic and adds 1 t its hit rolls in melee until the start of your next turn.

Titan Relics

These relics may not be taken by the CHARECTER knights or titans, as they have their own special war gear and abilities, but (where applicable) these relics may be taken by any other ANGRY TITAN, ANGRY KNIGHT or KNIGHTS APOPLECTIC model.

Turbo Death Laser

The custodes answer for when other titans start turning up for a fight, as even Lady DAKKADAKKADAKKA's knights cannons are not true titan killer weapons. The weapon was "designed" (smashed together over the course of a quiet weekend) by the Angry Marines Master of the Armoury, Enginseer Mightilypissedoff the third after the Angry Custodes suffered a crushing defeat at the hands (or paws) of a pack of heretic Warhound Titans, with the custodes only narrowly escaping through the power of their psychic maelstrom, which the Mind Fucked psykers used to ferry the army away. With a Titan grade laser to hand, three Knights Apoplectic went into battle against the pack of heretic Titans, and reduced half of them to slag using the lasers burning fury, while the other half were simply beaten to a pulp. The laser would have been mass produced and outfitted to all Angry Knights, if the knight carrying the laser hadn't suffered a catastrophic, existence failure caused by the laser overheating in a violent (and awesome) explosion. Even the usually safety adverse Angry Marines didn't wish to use (watching it was still awesome though) such a dangerously unstable weapon, and the Angry Custodes only bring this most unstable of cannons to battle in situations where risking the loss of a knight due to weapon malfunctions is a calculated risk.

This weapon replaces all the arm mounted weapons of a model:

Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities	Pts
Turbo Death Laser	72"	Macro D3	16	-	-	You may re-roll failed hit and wound rolls for this weapon against models with the TITANIC keyword. A successful wound roll by this weapon inflicts D6 mortal wounds on the target, or 2D6 mortal wounds against models with the TITANIC keyword. If this weapon targets a unit with the INFANTRY keyword then do not roll to wound, a successful hit inflicts D6 mortal wounds instead. Failed hit rolls with this weapon deal 1 mortal wound to the wielder, while failed hit rolls of 1 with this weapon deal D6 mortal wounds to the wielder, and failed re-rolls of 1 inflict 2D6 mortal wounds instead. After this weapon has been fired, move the bearer of this weapon 6" backwards in a direct line from whatever it was shooting at.	200

• The Truly Imovable Rod: An old Custodes banner which once represented the stubbornness and immovability of the Adeptus Custodes, it’s planting on a battlefield representing the custodes will to not sway from that position and to hold it until the warrior falls. During the great fuckening it was one of the many relics which the angry custodes took with them and at first it was just another banner, a banner of significance and value to even the angry custodes, but a banner none the less. Over time however...
  • At the start of the battle, determine which way the earth/planet is rotating (simplest way is to find east and west and put an arrow on the battlefield to show this). Then, at the end of any of your movement phases other than your first movement phase, you may choose to place down The Truly Imovable Rod, if so, draw a line from the rod in parallel to the earths rotation, that is the direction in which the rod will fly off at at high speed (this line goes from the rod to infinity/the edge of the battlefield). Once placed, every unit on this line suffers D3 mortal wounds, with MONSTERS and VEHICLES suffer D6 mortal wounds and TITANIC models suffering 2D6 mortal wounds. Fliers are only effected on a 4+ on a D6 while supersonic and airborne units are unaffected. The model which was carrying The Truly Immovable Rod is then placed in reserve as he too flies off at great speed until he manages too unanchor the rod from metaphorical space. During your next turn you may redeploy this model again at the end of your movement phase more than 9” away from any enemy units but may not use The Truly Immovable Rod ability for the rest of the battle.

• Repurposed Void Shield:
  • • This model gains a 5+ void shield save (see Titan void shields for me information) which decreases by 1 for every damage level (this does not replace a models invulnerability save). If a model already has a void shield then it adds 1 to its void shield saving rolls. In addition, friendly models within 3” of the bearer of this relic may use this models void shield save.

• Black Brothers “makeover”
  • • Units shooting at this model suffer a -1 to all hit rolls with shooting weapons against this model, this model also gains the BLACK BROTHERS keyword.

Knights Apoplectic

Strangely enough, the Angry Custodes didn't start out with any knights, as there weren't any near enough to the Imperial Palace to become corrupted by their RAEG. But over the years the Angry Marines have employed the services of Questing Knights (some of whom even survived fighting alongside the Angry Custodes), who the Custodes valued highly for their ability to bring large amounts of Dakka and Choppy, all on a chassis that can also kick its enemies in the balls (although the kick in question just kicks the whole target out of existence, but it's the thought that counts). A very small number of these knights ended up working with the Angry Custodes for so long, that the souls of their pilot and machine spirit became forever corrupted and bound to the psychic bag of insane honey badgers which is the hallmark of the Angry Custodes.

This means that the Angry Custodes not only have access to normal knights, but also a few more... unusual varieties which the Adeptus Mechanicus consider abhorrent (if somewhat erotic, like a deamonette, but even more likely to cut your balls off).

You may use the Angry Knights found in the Angry Marines codex, except that those models gain the “ANGRY CUSTODES” keyword and lose the “ANGRY MARINE” keyword.

Knights Apoplectic are different, each type comes with a set weapon loadout and unique rules, you may field both Angry Knights and Knights Apoplectic in the same army. In addition, if you are fighting a campaign with three of more battles, and have one or more “ANGRY KNIGHT” units (not knights apoplectic) in your army, for the third battle and beyond those knights gain the “KNIGHTS APOPLECTIC” keyword free of charge.

The Truci Siblings

The Truci Siblings is made up of three models Emelia, Friedrich and Bertrand Truci, each is armed with a Thermal Spear and a Reaper Chain Cleaver. In addition, Emelia Truci is armed with a Twin Heavy Flamer, Friedrich Truci is armed with a a Massive Speaker System, while Bertrand Truci is armed with an additional Thermal Spear.

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Pts
Emilia Truci	*	*	*	7	7	13	5	8	3+	240
Friedrich Truci	*	*	*	7	7	13	5	8	3+	250
Bertrand Truci	*	*	3+	7	7	13	5	8	3+	240

Remaining W	M	WS	BS
7-13+	14”	2+	3+
4-6	10”	3+	4+
1-3	7”	4+	5+

Melee Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities	Points Per Weapon
Twin Heavy Heavy Flamer	9”	Heavy 2D6	5	-1	1	This weapon automatically hits its target.	4
Meltagun	12”	Assault 1	8	-4	D6	If the target is within half range of this weapon, roll two dice when inflicting damage with it and discard the lowest result.	17
Thermal Spear	30”	Assault D3	8	-4	D6	If the target is within half range of this weapon, roll two dice when inflicting damage with it and discard the lowest result.	0
Reaper Chain Cleaver	Melee	Melee	x2	-3	3	-	0

Abilities:

• Act as one:
  • Once deployed as a unit onto the battlefield each model is treated as a separate unit, however, if each model in the unit is within 6” of each other then you may add 1” to each models movement distances.

• Ion Shields: WHAT THE FUCK EVEN ARE ION'S DOING BLOCKING BULLETS?!!! THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!!!
  • This model has a 5+ invulnerability save against shooting attacks.

• Massive Speaker System:
  • Enemy units within 6” of this model suffer -1 to their leadership characteristic.

• First Blood:
  • Whenever a model from this unit inflicts a wound against an enemy unit the rest of that models unit may re-roll hit and wound rolls against that unit for the rest of the current phase. In addition, if a model from this unit slays the last model from an enemy unit then this unit may re-roll hit and wound rolls of 1 for the rest of the battle, regardless of the phase.

The Despoiler of Plot Lines

A knight who is capable of sensing inbalences in the warp caused by a beings plot armour, whether it be abbadon failing to destroy cadia 13 times in a row, or Caldor Drago surviving for millennia in the warp, the knight senses these slips and denial of common sense in reality, and they hate them all. It is unknown whether the pilot is male, female or even a xeno, what is known is that if a being who is defying the laws of reality and physics gets too close, the Despoiler of Plot Lines will stir in its hanger and scream “FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF....” and charge off in its enemies direction. In the knights spare time (while not taking part in the Angry Custodes usual activities of fighting etc) it writes stories based on improved versions of the characters it has slain as if to try and soothe the universe by showing it that things can get better. Needless to say, the Despoiler is bat shit insane and more violent than a bag full of honey badgers.

The Despoiler of plot lines is an Angry Knight. He/she/it/they are armed with a single “FUCK OFF HUGE CHAINSWORD!!!”, Spike Shodden Titanic Feet and nothing else.

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Pts
The Despoiler of Plot Lines	*	*	0	9	8	24	3	9	3+	445

Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities	Points Per Weapon
Spike Shodden Titanic Feet	Melee	Melee	User	-2	D3	Make 5 hit rolls for each attack made with this weapon, instead of 1.	0
FUCK OFF HUGE CHAINSWORD!!! (standard attack)	Melee	Melee	+6	-3	6	Make 2 hit rolls for each attack made with this weapon, instead of 1.	0
FUCK OFF HUGE CHAINSWORD!!! (FUCK YOUR PLOT ARMOUR ATTACK)	Melee	Melee	X2	0	0	Subtract 1 from the hit rolls for this weapon. Every time you make a successful wound with this weapon, it inflicts 6 mortal wounds instead of normal damage.	0

Remaining W	M	WS
13-24+	15”	2+
7-12	10”	3+
1-6	6”	4+

Abilities:

• Knights of the FLIPPED OVER TABLE!!!
• Really fucking huge and fucking scary

• Ion Shields: WHAT THE FUCK EVEN ARE ION'S DOING BLOCKING BULLETS?!!! THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!!!

• This model has a 5+ invulnerability save against shooting attacks.

• Charecter Hunter: The Despoiler of Plot Lines will abandon fighting all other targets if it senses a nearby character, instead choosing the charge headlong towards its preferred foe.

• You may add 3" to charge distances against models with the CHARACTER keyword. In addition to this, is model adds 1 to its attack characteristic in a turn in which it charged, was charged or performed a heroic intervention.

• Bringer of balence to the story: Despoiler has the skills to back up its ability to sense poor writing and badly formulated characters, with the knights weaponary being able to cut through the thickest of literal and metaphorical armour to slay it’s foe.

• if at least one enemy CHARACTER within 1" of The Despoiler of Plot Lines, it always fight first in the Fight phase even if it didn't charge; If the enemy has units that have charged, or that have a similar ability, then alternate choosing units to fight with, starting with the player whose turn is taking place. In addition, enemy CHARACTERS cannot use their invulnerability saves against Attacks made by this unit.

• FUCKING MARY SUES!!!: The despoiler of plot lines has a particular hatred of those who evade even its fury and editorial wrath, and tries even harder to annihilate these “FUCKING MARY SUE’S!!!”.

• The despoiler of Plot Lines may reroll failed to wound rolls against the following characters: Roboute Guilliman, Marneus Calgar, Captain Sicarius, Lord Kaldor Draigo, Belisarius Cawl and Abaddon The Despoiler. In addition before a battle if your opponent is using a model which you consider to be a Mary Sue then you, your opponent and one other person may discuss whether that model is a Mary Sue, if you all agree then the despoiler of plot lines may reroll failed wound rolls against that model as well (REMEMBER, DON’T BE A FUCKING DICK/THAT GUY ABOUT IT!!!).

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, Knight House Apoplectic

Keywords: Titanic, Vehicle, Knights Apoplectic, Character, The Despoiler of Plot Lines

Karl and Sigvald the Eternally Furious

Two brothers who manned two separate titans until (while fighting for the Angry Custodes) sigvald’s Titan was destroyed, leaving him without a knight. This let to a massive fight watched by several dozen Angry Custodes (THOSE KNIGHTLY FUCKS CAN’T FIGHT FOR SHIT WITHOUT THEIR GIANT WALKING PENIS COMPENSATIONS!!!) as Sigvald wanted Karl to hand over his knight as he was the older brother, while Karl was understandably a bit pissed off as “it’s your fucking fault that you fucked up your knight!” (This was before the two became properly Angry so they only spoke in lower case). In murderous rage, the two brothers both tried to simultaneously enter Karl’s knight to kill the other, but as they both squeezed inside the tiny cockpit an custodian slammed and sealed the door behind them because “IT’S FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!”

The two brothers are now forever trapped together inside a space too small for them to kill each other, and forever sustained by the knights life support and the psychic energies which surround the Angry Custodes, their rage very rapidly boiling and growing as the two brothers exchanged insults for centuries. Only the battlefield Karl and Sigvald the Eternally Furious are a whirlwind of bullets and blades, as the only true outlet they have for their hatred for each other is on the battlefield, but one day their fury will be too much to be contained by mere metal and plasteel, creating a psychic shockwave to make any Angry Custodian proud “THAT WAS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!!! THEY DIED STRANGLING EACH OTHERS THROATS!!!”

Karl and Sigvald the Eternally Furious are a single Knight Castellan. They are armed with a Plasma Decimator, a Volcano Lance, two twin Meltaguns and three Twin Siegebreaker Cannons. They may also SERIOUSLY FUCK UP their enemies with their Titanic Feet.

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Pts (including wargear)
Karl and Sigvald the Eternally Furious	*	*	*	9	8	24	6	9	3+	650

Ranged Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities
Plasma Decimator	-	-	-	-	-	Choose one of the following profiles when firing this weapon.
-Normal	48”	Heavy 2D6	7	-3	1	-
-Overcharged	48”	Heavy 2D6	8	-3	2	Each hit roll of 1 with this profile deals 1 mortal wound to this weapons bearer.
Titanic Feet	Melee	Melee	User	-2	D3	Make 3 hit rolls for each attack made with this weapon, instead of 1.
Twin Shieldbreaker Cannon	48”	Heavy 2D3	7	-1	D3	-
Volcano Lance	80”	Heavy D6	14	-5	3D3	You may reroll failed sound rolls when targeting TITANIC units.
Twin Meltagun	12”	Heavy 2	8	-4	D6	If the target is within half range of this weapon, roll two dice when inflicting damage with it and discard the lowest result.

Remaining W	M	WS	BS
13-24+	12”	3+	3+
7-12	9”	3+	3+
1-6	6”	5+	5+

Abilities:

• Knights of the FLIPPED OVER TABLE!!!
• Really fucking huge and fucking scary

• Ion Shields: WHAT THE FUCK EVEN ARE ION'S DOING BLOCKING BULLETS?!!! THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!!!

• This model has a 5+ invulnerability save against shooting attacks.

• Centuries of fury: The fury built up inside Karl and Sigvald sharpens their senses and skills to a razors edge, ensuring that they fight like no one else on the battlefield.

• This model can re-roll any failed hit rolls in the shooting and fight phases.

• HOW CAN YOU FUCKING MISS THAT YOU PRICK?!!!: Battle is the only outlet the two brothers have for their fury, but that fury increases every time they miss a shot or a hit, and there’s only so much fury mortal forms can take before they break.

• If this model fails a total of 10 hit rolls (after modifiers and re-rolls) in a single shooting phase or a single fight phase, it is immediately slain.

• Welded shut exits and entrances: The Angry Custodes ensured that the two brothers could never leave their knight by welding shut or covering over all holes on the Titan other than its guns and air intakes.

• Attacks made against This model with AP -1 or -2 is treated as being AP 0.

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, Knight House Apoplectic

Keywords: Titanic, Vehicle, Knights Apoplectic, Character, Karl and Sigvald the Eternally Furious

Ingrid, the Infinitely Prolonged and Infinitely Insane

The most insane being in the galaxy, the only being crazier than her is Kairos Fateweaver, but even he can’t predict Ingrid’s actions as she’s just so insane. Nothing is known about Ingrid and her knight other than that the Angry Custodes found her at the bottom of a hole dug by two fighting Belligerent Redemptor Dreadnoughts. It is not known why her knight was so far underground, but her knights markings and its advanced technology suggested that she was a knight from before the heresy, making her over 10,000 years old, surviving by virtue of most of her body being already replaced by mechanical parts. When retrieved from inside her knight she simply laughed continuously, intermittently adding “you look like giant golden mushrooms!” And “did you know that kitten is the funniest colour!” The Angry custodes tried to sedate her for examination but no amount of sedatives would work, and any needles they tried to put into her would bend away from her flesh, or turn into flowers, or start talking to the doctor saying “I never asked to be a needle you know, I wanted to be a vague feeling of unease, but no one asked my opinion on the matter.”

Eventually the Angry Custodes stopped trying to lock her up or get rid of her, and now she just wanders around with the custodes (sometimes in her Titan, which is now a strange blue colour with slashes of purple paint), commenting on how nice the gravity was today, or how rabbits make the best chess players and bed fellows. Occasionally she will stumble out onto the battlefield, where she is still crazy but her muscle/circuit memory kicks in and she violently cuts her way through any foe before the custodes, but once the battle is over she starts making blood angles (like snow angels, but bloodier) with her knight. The Angry Custodes now sort of accept her, and have set aside a small bedroom for her next to her knights hangar, although most nights she sleeps in her knight (no pun intended), cuddled up with a Ming dynasty vase which the custodes swear they have never seen before and have no idea where she materialised such a priceless artefact from.

Ingrid, the Infinitely Prolonged and Infinitely Insane is a single model. She is armed with a Volkite Chieorovile, a Graviton Crusher and a Reaper Chainsword. She may also crush her foes beneath her Titanic Feet until they make funny squishy noises.

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Pts
Ingrid, the Infinitely Prolonged and Infinitely Insane	*	*	*	9	8	24	4	9	3+	500

Ranged Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities	Points Per Weapon
Graviton Crusher	30"	Heavy 6	6	-3	1	If the target has a save characteristic of 3+ or better, this weapon has a Damage characteristic of 3.	40
Volkite Chieorovile	36"	Heavy 6	7	-1	1	Each time you make a wound roll of 5+ for this weapon, the target suffers a mortal wound in addition to any other damage.	40
Twin Rad-Cleanser	9"	Assualt 2D6	*	0	D3	This weapon hits automatically, and it always wounds on a 3+ except against Titanic and Vehicle units agaist which it always wounds on a 6+.	35
Hekaton Siege Claw	Melee	Melee	x2	-4	6	Subtrate 1 from the hit rolls made with this weapon.	30
Reaper Chainsword	Melee	Melee	+6	-3	6	-	30
Titanic Feet	Melee	Melee	User	-2	D3	Make 3 hit rolls for each attack made with this weapon, instead of 1.	0

Remaining W	M	WS	BS
13-24+	12”	2+	2+
7-12	9”	3+	3+
1-6	6”	4+	4+

Wargear Options:

• This model may replace its Reaper Chainsword with a Hekaton Siege Claw with an inbuilt twin rad cleanser

Abilities:

• Knights of the FLIPPED OVER TABLE!!!
• Really fucking huge and fucking scary
• FUCK THAT BITCH IS CRAZY!!!:

• This model charges 4D3 instead of 2D6, but, In the Charge Phase, she must try to charge the closest enemy unit if possible. In addition, Roll D6 each time she suffers 2 damage or more from a single attack; on a 4+, the damage she suffered is halved (rounding up).

• SHIT’S GETTING WEIRD GUYS!!!:

• This model has a 3+ invulnerability save; except against attacks which would hit or wound it on a roll of 6+, in which case this model only has a 6+ invulnerability against these attacks. In addition to this at the beginning of each of your turns roll a D6 for the current turn number (eg. If it’s your second turn you roll two dice), for each roll of 4+ this model may add 1 to its casting a denying rolls until the start of your next turn.

• Radioactive wrath: Ingrid's ancient weaponry literally gives those hit by it cancer, even ethereal beings and electronics are effected by the gamma waves produced by her, and watching your comrades body swell before your eyes with cancerous growths and ooze puss is liable to make you advance in the opposite direction to the enemy.

• Units damaged by this model suffer a -1 to their leadership characteristic until the next turn.

Ingrid, the Infinitely Prolonged and Infinitely Insane is psyker and may cast and deny two powers a turn. She knows smite and Beckon Unreality.

• Beckon Unreality: Ingrid can channel her bizarre effect on real space, and channel it towards a single target, to the great discomfort of said target.
  • WC 8, if manifested select an enemy unit (including characters, even if they are not the closest unit) of the caster. Until the start of your next, that unit suffers minus 1 to its movement, advance and charge distances, minus 1 to all its hit rolls and minus 1 to its invulnerability saves.

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, Knight House Apoplectic

Keywords: Titanic, Vehicle, Knights Apoplectic, Character, Ingrid, the Infinitely Prolonged and Infinitely Insane

Commander of the Knights Apoplectic, Lady DAKKADAKKADAKKA

The Angry Custodes most powerful knight, piloted by the originally named Artemis Farber, and was given her... title by the Angry Custodes because of the knight she pilots, a Acastus Knight Porphyrion, the most powerful knight ever made, packing guns which give Warhound titans penis envy. Artemis did not start her life as a knight pilot however, she used to be an Adeptus Mechanicus adept who was employed by the knights original owner along with many other such adepts to maintain the knight Porphyrion, until one day (while she providing ground support in the form of shooting stuff) the Porphyrion's pilot was ripped out of their pilot compartment (along with the armoured door) by a Keeper of Secrets while fighting a Slaanesh incursion. Being Mechanicus, Ingrid and her fellow adepts were made furious by such abuse of a knight (the pilot could go fuck himself though) and as one they advanced on the pilot-less knight and the encroaching demons, fighting a bitter battle around the monstrous machines legs, being almost a match for the demonic horde if it wasn't for the Keeper of Secrets who kept picking them off one by one.

As the adepts fell from hundreds strong to a handful the survivors and Artemis made their way up the knights body for higher ground only to be dragged back down into the horde to be abused in a suitably Slaanesh like fashion, until the only one left, standing atop the knight, was Artemis, weaponless, and starring into the eyes of the Keeper of Secrets, as it began to climb up to finish her off. In fear (although she would never admit it now) Artemis stumbled back and away from the towering demon, and fell into the Knights pilot compartment, landing butt first on the pilots seat. A normal human would have still been fucked at this point, as piloting even a knight requires considerable cybernetic augmentation, but Artemis was a Mechanicus adept, most of her body was already machine, and she had the implants she needed to interact with the Knights mind impulse link. And so, gritting her teeth and starring down the Keeper of Secrets as it reached for her, Artemis connected herself, for the first time, to the knights machine spirit.

When Mechanicus and PDF reinforcements arrived on the scene, they were greeted by a charred and blasted landscape, and by the sight of the Keeper of Secrets lying dismembered on the ground as the Knight Porphyrion repeatedly tea bagged/smashed its crotch region into the demons face while Artemis screaming "EAT NUTSACK YOU FUCKING FAGGOT!!!" For a while the Mechanicus grudgingly accepted her for her valorous act/prevented the knight from falling into enemy hands, but after a few hundred years it became apparent that Artemis's mind had been warped by suddenly connecting to the knight (a process which normally requires decades of training and preparation) and the Mechanicus would have tried to replace her if she hadn't met the Angry Custodes first, or more specifically, the Knights Apoplectic, who recognised her fury and tactical genius and invited her into their ranks. Any Mechanicus priests who tried to interject into the matter were found moments latter to have been kicked very hard in the genitals, and before the masters of mars could be informed of what was happening, Artemis and her Knight had already joined the Angry Custodes.

Although she is the latest knight to join the Angry Custodes ranks she has quickly established herself as their leader, on part because she is the most knowledgeable among them on tactics and mechanics, but mostly because she has the largest knight fitted with the largest guns.

Commander of the Knights Apoplectic, Lady DAKKADAKKADAKKA is a single model. She is equipped with two twin Magna Lascannons, one Lascannon, one Autocannon and an Ironstorm Missile Pod. She may also crush any fool that thinks they have genitals large enough to think that they can fight her in melee with her Titanic Feet.

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Pts
Commander of the Knights Apoplectic, Lady DAKKADAKKADAKKA	*	*	*	9	9	30	3	9	3+	900

Ranged Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities	Points Per Weapon
Autocannon	48"	Heavy 2	7	-1	2	-	20
Helios Defence Missiles	60"	Heavy 2	8	-2	3	Add 1 to all hit rolls made for this weapon against targets that can Fly. Subtract 1 from the hit rolls made for this weapon against all other targets.	40
Ironstorm Missile Pod	72"	Heavy D6	5	-1	D3	This weapon can target units that are not visible to the bearer.	16
Lascannon	48"	Heavy 1	9	-3	D6	-	25
Twin Magna Lascannon	72"	Heavy 2D3	12	-4	6	This weapon may not be used to make Overwatch attacks.	100
Titanic Feet	Melee	Melee	User	-2	D3	Make 3 hit rolls for each attack made with this weapon, instead of 1.	0

Remaining W	M	WS	BS
23-30+	10”	2+	2+
16-22	8”	3+	3+
9-15	6”	4+	4+
1-8	4”	5+	5+

Wargear Options:

• This model may replace its Autocannon with a Lascannon.
• This model may replace its Lascannon with an Autocannon.
• This model may replace its Ironstorm Missile Pod with Helios Defence Missiles.

Abilities:

• Knights of the FLIPPED OVER TABLE!!!
• Really fucking huge and fucking scary

• Ion Shields: WHAT THE FUCK EVEN ARE ION'S DOING BLOCKING BULLETS?!!! THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!!!

• This model has a 5+ invulnerability save against shooting attacks.

• DAKKADAKKADAKKA: It may be true that you can never achieve MAXIMIUM DAKKA!!! (Itz a zoggin tragedy, a real morking shame) lady dakka comes close, firing some many bullets that time and space begins to warp under the sheer, undiluted weight of so much dakka, and when reality begins to groan under such beautiful destruction, lady dakka’s guns finally give out, creating such perfect silence and peace that you almost forget the terror and awe which proceeded it.

• in the shooting phase before this unit fires her weapons, if this model did not move this turn, then you may choose to activate this ability. If you do so, Lady DAKKADAKKADAKKA can fire all of her weapons twice, but you must Subtract 1 from the hit rolls this shooting phase.

• THREE SIXTY NO SCOPE HEAD SHOT BITCHES!!!: During her youth, lady dakka played a lot of counter strike, call of duty and last of us multiplayer. It was during this time she developed and honed her reflexes, and a lot of these skills transferred to the piloting of her knight (along with teabagging/muffling her defeated foes).

• in the shooting phase before this unit fires her weapons, if this model did not move this turn, then you may choose to activate this ability instead of the DAKKADAKKADAKKA ability. If you do so, determine which three enemy units are the closest to this model, and randomly choose a unit. Lady DAKKADAKKADAKKA may the only target that unit, but can re-roll failed hit and wound rolls in this shooting phase.

• Commander of the Knights Apoplectic: WE CAN'T LET THE FUCKING BITCH SEE US DIE WITHOUT PUTTING UP A GOOD FIGHT!!! SHE'LL BRING US BACK TO LIFE JUST SO SHE CAN FUCKING KILL US!!!

• Roll a dice each time an ANGRY KNIGHTS and KNIGHTS APOPLECTIC model is destroyed within 6" of Lady DAKKADAKKADAKKA, before removing the model as a casualty. On a 4+ that model musters one last surge of anger before succumbing to its wounds; it can either shoot with one of its weapons as if it were the Shooting Phase, or make a single attack as if it were the Fight Phase. In addition, this model has a 5+ invulnerability save against shooting attacks, if your army is Battle-forged, you receive an additional D3 command points if Lady DAKKADAKKADAKKA is your warlord.

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, Knight House Apoplectic

Keywords: Titanic, Vehicle, Knights Apoplectic, Character, Commander of the Knights Apoplectic, Lady DAKKADAKKADAKKA

Æthelred the Creeded

Once a normal knight stationed on Cadia, Æthelred had fought against many black crusades as a mercenary under the command of the Lord Castellan of Cadia, Ursarkar E. Creed (that’s CREEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDD!!! To you bitches), and during his employment he had been "Creeded" on numerous occasions into advantageous positions. Unfortunately for Æthelred, he was midway through being Creeded when Creed was kidnapped during the fall of Cadia, which resulted Æthelred and his knight being lost in the void where Creed transports unit too before he deploys them (apparently its full of Vance Mother Fucking Stub's lost Baneblades). It is unknown how long Æthelred was trapped in this realm for, just floating through space like a very fat man in a pool, but it was long enough for him to become extremely pissed off, until the day of the Great Fuckening occurred and the Angry Custodes became a psychic beacon of rage which Æthelred could see even in the Creed realm. It was this beacon of hate which Æthelred learnt to lock onto with his mind and drag himself back into reality, where he always appears during a battle, behind the enemies lines. Unfortunately for the Knight, as soon as he has finished going rampant through the enemies lines he is dragged (kicking and swearing) back to the realm between realities, but even though he is never around for very long he is deeply admired by the Angry Custodes whenever he turns up (LOOK!!! THE SURPRISED FUCKERS HERE AGAIN, THIS IS GOING TO BE A CUNTING GOOD FIGHT!!!)

Æthelred the Creeded is a single model. He is armed with a Reaper Chainsword, a Stormspear Rocket Pod, a Heavy Stubber, a Thermal Cannon and may crush his foes beneath his Titanic Feet.

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Pts
Æthelred the Creede	*	*	*	8	8	24	4	9	3+	405

Ranged Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities	Points Per Weapon
Reaper Chainsword	Melee	Melee	+6	-3	6	-	30
Titanic Feet	Melee	Melee	User	-2	D3	Make 3 hit rolls for each attack made with this weapon, instead of 1.	0
Thermal Cannon	36”	Heavy D6	9	-4	D6	If the target is within half range of this weapon, roll two dice when inflicting damage with it and discard the lowest result.	76
Heavy Stubber	36”	Heavy 3	4	0	1	-	4
Stormspear Rocket Pod	48”	Heavy 3	8	-2	D6	-	45

Remaining W	M	WS	BS
13-24+	12”	2+	2+
7-12	9”	3+	3+
1-6	6”	4+	4+

Abilities:

• Knights of the FLIPPED OVER TABLE!!!
• Really fucking huge and fucking scary

• Ion Shields: WHAT THE FUCK EVEN ARE ION'S DOING BLOCKING BULLETS?!!! THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!!!

• This model has a 5+ invulnerability save against shooting attacks.

• CREEEEEEEEEDDDDD!!!: Every so often Æthelred will manage to claw himself back to reality, only to find himself in another battle, not that he minds, but if he ever meets Creed again he's going to "RIP THE FUCKER SO MANY NEW SHIT HOLES THAT HE'LL TURN INTO HIS OWN FUCKING EYE OF TERROR THE CHEATING CUNT!!!"

• When you set up Æthelred the Creeded during deployment, you can set it aside instead of being placed on the battlefield. Then, once all other units have been set up, write down a piece of Terrain on the battlefield which has no enemy units inside of it or within 9” of it (NOTE that you do not need to tell your enemy what a piece of Terrain it before turn 2). At the start of your second turn, you must reveal your hidden model; set up this model on and/or entirely within 9" the piece of Terrain that was written down, and more than 1" away from any enemy models. the Titan will then behave normally in the following phases. Your opponent is contractually required the shout “CREEEEEEDDDDDD!” At this point.

• WHERE THE FUCK AM I NOW?!!!: Æthelred is always surprised and unready when he pops back into reality, but he makes up for this by being extremely pissed off.

• If you used the CREEEEEEEEEDDDDD!!! ability then this model suffers -1 to all its hit rolls until your next turn. In addition however, this model also adds 2 to its attack charecteristic until your next turn.

• FUCK YOU I’M NOT DONE YET!!!: Æthelred‘s time on the battlefield is fleeting, and he is liable to be dragged back to Creeds realm before he has finished his work, screaming “FUCK YOU CREED I WAS ABOUT TO FIST THE HERETICAL CUNT!!!”

• Once this model has been deployed at the beginning of each of your turns after this roll a D6 and add the number of turns this model has been on the battlefield for. If this value equals 5+ then this model is removed from the battlefield but not slain (if the game ends before this model returns however then it is counted as slain). After this has happened however, at the beginning of each of your turns roll a D6 and add the number of turns it has been absent for (this effect does not activate if the model is slain), on a 6+ this model may be redeployed onto the battlefield more than 9” away from enemy units, and suffers -1 to all its hit rolls and adds 2 to its attack charecteristic until your next turn.

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, Knight House Apoplectic

Keywords: Titanic, Vehicle, Knights Apoplectic, Character, Æthelred the Creeded

Angry Titans, Prophetic Profanity and Profanitically Prophetic

To date, the Angry Custodes only possess two titans, the two warhound class titans which were guarding the emperors throne room during The Great Fuckening. This violent, procession of profuse profanity not only made the titans beacons of psychic energy, but also gave them true sentience, if you can call wanting to crush all the heretics into pulp an intelligence (and ironic considering that artificial intelligence is one of the most heretical things according to the Imperium). The Angry Custodes don't mind this however, partly due to the the sheer amounts of butt hurt one of these titans could put out, but mostly because they only found out that the two titans were sentient once they'd been put aboard one of the Angry Marine ships and opened up to find that the titans crew were all dead from "first degree profanity burns".

Since then however, the two titans (who now go by the names of Prophetic Profanity and Profanitically Prophetic (although the orks see them as "da humies givin praise to da orkiest of da gods, Gork and Mork", to the point that the two titans will also accept being called Gork and Mork/Mork and Gork)) only occasionally kill their crew members, with the only people inside them they won't kill are Mind Fucked Psykers and Sisters of RAEG, the former because the titans really enjoy how the psykers just huddle up in a corner of their crew sections and cry, and the latter because Sisters of RAEG are the only people angrier than an Angry Titan. During transportation of an Angry Titan, the Sisters of RAEG actually take up residence inside it for the duration of the trip, as the two groups each find the sheer RAEG of the other rather calming, allowing the two to rest, catch up on some reading, maintain their weapons and preparing for the time when they must be ABSOLUTELY FUCKING LIVID WITH ALL OF YOU COCK SUCKING HERETICS AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! The added bonus of this is that the Sisters of RAEG are as far away from everyone else as possible, as even Angry Custodians find Sisters of RAEG unnerving.

Prophetic Profanity and Profanitically Prophetic are two separate models which can be fielded separately or together. Prophetic Profanity is equipped with two Archeotech Mega Bolters, while Profanitically Prophetic is equipped with two Archeotech Titan Chainfists. Both titans can also step on their puny foes with their Golden Titanic Feet.

Name	M	WS	BS	S	T	W	A	Ld	Sv	Points
Angry Titan	*	*	*	11	9	35	5	8	2+	2200

Remaining W	M	WS	BS	Void Shield
23-35+	24"	3+	2+	4+
16-22	18"	3+	3+	4+
9-15	12"	4+	4+	5+
1-8	2D6"	4+	4+	6+

Wargear:

• Prophetic Profanity and/or Profanitically Prophetic may carry a single Mind Fucked Psyker for 300 points. If it/they do so then they may manifest one power per turn from the Titanicus Fuckious discipline per turn (see Titanicus Fuckious for more details).

Melee Weapon	Range	Type	S	AP	D	Abilities	Points Per Weapon
Archeotech Mega Bolters	72”	Heavy 20	6	-3	2	Units targeted by this weapon suffer a -1 to their invulnerability saves A model armed with two of these weapons may re-roll failed hit rolls of 1 against TITANIC, VEHICLE and MONSTER units..	Pair 200
Archeotech Titan Chainfist	Melee	Melee	x2	-4	6	If a VEHICLE or Monster is slain by this weapon, pick an enemy unit within 9" of the bearer and roll a D6. On a 4+ that unit suffers D3 mortal wounds. A model armed with two of these weapons may add 1 to its attack characteristic and may make an additional attack with this weapon during the fight phase.	Pair 100
Golden Titanic Feet	Melee	Melee	User	-3	D3	Make 3 hit rolls for each attack made with this weapon, instead of 1.	0

Abilities:

• SUPERHEAVY AS FUCK BITCHES

• NA NA NA NA NA THIS OBJECTIVE IS MINE YOU PUNY GUARDSMEN!!!

• LOOK, I’M DRIVING WITHOUT A PILOT!!!

• Titan Void shields

• Cataclysmic Explosion

• The lure of pure fury:
  • All other units within 12” add 1 to their attack characteristic and subtract 2 from their leadership characteristic, unless they have the ANGRY CUSTODES keyword, in which case they only subtract 1.

• Hiding place for Sisters of RAEG:
  • This model may transport up to 20 SISTERS OF RAEG models and 1 SISTER SUPERIOR. 10 models being transported inside this model may fire their weapons while being transported during the shooting phase.