Editing Codex - Angry Custodes (section)

====Commander of the Knights Apoplectic, Lady DAKKADAKKADAKKA====
The Angry Custodes most powerful knight, piloted by the originally named Artemis Farber, and was given her... title by the Angry Custodes because of the knight she pilots, a Acastus Knight Porphyrion, the most powerful knight ever made, packing guns which give Warhound titans penis envy. Artemis did not start her life as a knight pilot however, she used to be an Adeptus Mechanicus adept who was employed by the knights original owner along with many other such adepts to maintain the knight Porphyrion, until one day (while she providing ground support in the form of shooting stuff) the Porphyrion's pilot was ripped out of their pilot compartment (along with the armoured door) by a Keeper of Secrets while fighting a Slaanesh incursion. Being Mechanicus, Ingrid and her fellow adepts were made furious by such abuse of a knight (the pilot could go fuck himself though) and as one they advanced on the pilot-less knight and the encroaching demons, fighting a bitter battle around the monstrous machines legs, being almost a match for the demonic horde if it wasn't for the Keeper of Secrets who kept picking them off one by one.

As the adepts fell from hundreds strong to a handful the survivors and Artemis made their way up the knights body for higher ground only to be dragged back down into the horde to be abused in a suitably Slaanesh like fashion, until the only one left, standing atop the knight, was Artemis, weaponless, and starring into the eyes of the Keeper of Secrets, as it began to climb up to finish her off. In fear (although she would never admit it now) Artemis stumbled back and away from the towering demon, and fell into the Knights pilot compartment, landing butt first on the pilots seat. A normal human would have still been fucked at this point, as piloting even a knight requires considerable cybernetic augmentation, but Artemis was a Mechanicus adept, most of her body was already machine, and she had the implants she needed to interact with the Knights mind impulse link. And so, gritting her teeth and starring down the Keeper of Secrets as it reached for her, Artemis connected herself, for the first time, to the knights machine spirit.

When Mechanicus and PDF reinforcements arrived on the scene, they were greeted by a charred and blasted landscape, and by the sight of the Keeper of Secrets lying dismembered on the ground as the Knight Porphyrion repeatedly tea bagged/smashed its crotch region into the demons face while Artemis screaming "EAT NUTSACK YOU FUCKING FAGGOT!!!" For a while the Mechanicus grudgingly accepted her for her valorous act/prevented the knight from falling into enemy hands, but after a few hundred years it became apparent that Artemis's mind had been warped by suddenly connecting to the knight (a process which normally requires decades of training and preparation) and the Mechanicus would have tried to replace her if she hadn't met the Angry Custodes first, or more specifically, the Knights Apoplectic, who recognised her fury and tactical genius and invited her into their ranks. Any Mechanicus priests who tried to interject into the matter were found moments latter to have been kicked very hard in the genitals, and before the masters of mars could be informed of what was happening, Artemis and her Knight had already joined the Angry Custodes.

Although she is the latest knight to join the Angry Custodes ranks she has quickly established herself as their leader, on part because she is the most knowledgeable among them on tactics and mechanics, but mostly because she has the largest knight fitted with the largest guns.

Commander of the Knights Apoplectic, Lady DAKKADAKKADAKKA is a single model. She is equipped with two twin Magna Lascannons, one Lascannon, one Autocannon and an Ironstorm Missile Pod. She may also crush any fool that thinks they have genitals large enough to think that they can fight her in melee with her Titanic Feet.
{| border=1 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=4 align=left
|- valign=top
! Name !! M !! WS !! BS !! S !! T !! W !! A !! Ld !! Sv !! Pts
|-
| Commander of the Knights Apoplectic, Lady DAKKADAKKADAKKA || * || * || * || 9 || 9 || 30 || 3 || 9 || 3+ || 900
|}
<br style="clear: both; height: 0px;" /><br>
{| border=1 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=4 align=right
|- valign=top
! Ranged Weapon !! Range !! Type !! S !! AP !! D !! Abilities !! Points 
Per Weapon
|-
| Autocannon || 48" || Heavy 2 || 7 || -1 || 2 || - || 20
|-
| Helios Defence Missiles || 60" || Heavy 2 || 8 || -2 || 3 || Add 1 to all hit rolls made for this weapon against targets that can Fly.
Subtract 1 from the hit rolls made for this weapon against all other targets. 
|| 40
|-
| Ironstorm Missile Pod || 72" || Heavy D6 || 5 || -1 || D3 || This weapon can target units that are not visible to the bearer. || 16
|-
| Lascannon || 48" || Heavy 1 || 9 || -3 || D6 || - || 25
|-
| Twin Magna Lascannon || 72" || Heavy 2D3 || 12 || -4 || 6 || This weapon may not be used to make Overwatch attacks. || 100
|-
| Titanic Feet || Melee || Melee || User || -2 || D3 || Make 3 hit rolls for each attack made with this weapon, instead of 1. || 0
|}
{| border=1 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=4 align=right
|- valign=top
! Remaining W !! M !! WS !! BS
|-
| 23-30+ || 10” || 2+ || 2+
|-
| 16-22 || 8” || 3+ || 3+
|-
| 9-15 || 6” || 4+ || 4+
|-
| 1-8 || 4” || 5+ || 5+
|} 

Wargear Options:
*This model may replace its Autocannon with a Lascannon.
*This model may replace its Lascannon with an Autocannon.
*This model may replace its Ironstorm Missile Pod with Helios Defence Missiles.

Abilities:
*Knights of the FLIPPED OVER TABLE!!!
*Really fucking huge and fucking scary

*Ion Shields: WHAT THE FUCK EVEN ARE ION'S DOING BLOCKING BULLETS?!!! THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!!!
:*This model has a 5+ invulnerability save against shooting attacks.

*DAKKADAKKADAKKA: It may be true that you can never achieve MAXIMIUM DAKKA!!! (Itz a zoggin tragedy, a real morking shame) lady dakka comes close, firing some many bullets that time and space begins to warp under the sheer, undiluted weight of so much dakka, and when reality begins to groan under such beautiful destruction, lady dakka’s guns finally give out, creating such perfect silence and peace that you almost forget the terror and awe which proceeded it.
:*in the shooting phase before this unit fires her weapons, if this model did not move this turn, then you may choose to activate this ability. If you do so, '''Lady DAKKADAKKADAKKA''' can fire all of her weapons twice, but you must Subtract 1 from the hit rolls this shooting phase.

*THREE SIXTY NO SCOPE HEAD SHOT BITCHES!!!: During her youth, lady dakka played a lot of counter strike, call of duty and last of us multiplayer. It was during this time she developed and honed her reflexes, and a lot of these skills transferred to the piloting of her knight (along with teabagging/muffling her defeated foes).
:*in the shooting phase before this unit fires her weapons, if this model did not move this turn, then you may choose to activate this ability instead of the ''DAKKADAKKADAKKA'' ability. If you do so, determine which three enemy units are the closest to this model, and randomly choose a unit. '''Lady DAKKADAKKADAKKA''' may the only target that unit, but can re-roll failed hit and wound rolls in this shooting phase.

*Commander of the Knights Apoplectic: WE CAN'T LET THE FUCKING BITCH SEE US DIE WITHOUT PUTTING UP A GOOD FIGHT!!! SHE'LL BRING US BACK TO LIFE JUST SO SHE CAN FUCKING KILL US!!!
:*Roll a dice each time an '''ANGRY KNIGHTS''' and '''KNIGHTS APOPLECTIC''' model is destroyed within 6" of '''Lady DAKKADAKKADAKKA''', before removing the model as a casualty. On a 4+ that model musters one last surge of anger before succumbing to its wounds; it can either shoot with one of its weapons as if it were the Shooting Phase, or make a single attack as if it were the Fight Phase. In addition, this model has a 5+ invulnerability save against shooting attacks, if your army is Battle-forged, you receive an additional D3 command points if '''Lady DAKKADAKKADAKKA''' is your warlord. 

Faction Keywords: Imperium, Angry, Knight House Apoplectic

Keywords: Titanic, Vehicle, Knights Apoplectic, Character, Commander of the Knights Apoplectic, Lady DAKKADAKKADAKKA