Boatmurdered

Yes, that dwarf IS on fire and he IS enraged.

"Welcome to fucking Boatmurdered! Hope you like miasma!"

Boatmurdered is the story of an infamous Dwarf Fortress succession game that originated on Something Awful. Highlights include elephantine genocidal warfare against incessantly moronic-greedy dwarfs and "Fuck the World" levers that drown everything outside of the fortress in an ocean of all-consuming magma. There really is no good way to convey the insanity beyond reading the story itself. This is THE gametale of all time and set the tone of 99% of them.

Basic Summary

Essentially, Boatmurdered is a mysteriously abandoned colony in the mountains resettled by a small group of dwarves and their rulers. For the first several years, Boatmurdered becomes a respectable fortress inhabited by nearly a hundred productive dwarf workers. At this point, the rulers are beset by increasingly hostile waves of elephants and goblins who seek to maim every dwarf who leaves the mountain. One ruler offsets this by constructing a massive device that releases a flood of lava surrounding the fortress, killing all animal and plant life and leaving the surroundings a desolate wasteland.

As time goes on, the increasingly liberal use of this device upsets many of surrounding civilisations, including elves and even the friendly humans. This cuts off the dwarfs from trade and the outside world, which goes as well as you can expect when a line of increasingly incompetent rulers (either unqualified, hilariously inept or stark raving mad, including one who’s named StarkRavingMad) are left unrestricted, and focus their entire efforts on selfishly building bigger and bigger burial tombs for themselves, while countless working dwarfs die in the process.

Eventually, Mariguana, The second ruler of the fortress having returned for a second term. Accidentally releases lava onto a merchant band of humans In an attempt to exterminate the local elephant population. This scours the land. Then during the construction of his personal monument a group of goblins attempts to siege the fortress. He responds to this, and what could only be described as a belt of madness, by releasing the lava again. The effect of this action is catastrophic, as the lava set a light a catapult, creating a smoke cloud that pillows throughout the entire fortress those slowly but surely rendering all of its occupants insane Or consumed with rage. This comes to ahead when the (Self-proclaimed) God-Emperor of Boatmurdered Sankis Gatinbromek, decides to go on a bloody rampage, culminating in him beating an elite marksdwarf to a bloody pulp…Did I mention he did this WHILE ON FUCKING FIRE. The fire he started spreads throughout the fortress, leading to already-insane dwarven warriors, criminals and lunatics becoming mad berserkers. Within days, the fortress becomes a bloodbath as omnicidal dwarfs kill each other without mercy or thought. The only two survivors of this madness are a young girl, and Guerillamedic the defacto and final ruler of Boatmurdered, and a grizzled veteran who, seeing first hand the evil that lies within the very spirit of Boatmurdered, abandons the settlement for good, leaving the girl to her fate and promising himself to never return.

Eventually the long abandoned fortress is discovered by archeologists...Who are then promptly killed by trolls.

See Also

• Journal of Kith

External Links

• Let's Play Dwarf Fortress: Boatmurdered

Gallery

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  Project: FUCK THE WORLD in operation.
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  All burn.
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  ALL BURN.