Abaddon

He has no arms.

Or does he?

Ezekyle Abaddon (A.K.A: Failbaddon) the Despoiler is Horus' successor as leader of the Black Legion and Warmaster of Chaos. He is renowned as the single greatest threat to the Imperium in the galaxy. This says more about the Imperium than Abaddon as his raging incompetence is now well known. He has launched thirteen consecutive Black Crusades against the Imperium, every one of which has failed miserably (by all we mean an overwhelming majority of 13/13).

Overview

Failabaddon failed his crusade for change

Abaddon somewhat fulfills the role of your typical, Saturday-morning cartoon villain, like Dr. Robotnick from Sonic or Dr. Wily from Megaman: He comes up with some extremely diabolical plan to take over the galaxy/planet, but ends up getting foiled by the hero EVERY fucking time, the only difference is that this is has an obscene amount of grimdark to make his defeat somewhat awesome. Despite this however, the High-lords of Terra still does fear Abaddon as he might unite all of the traitor legions in a single attack that would destroy all of the Imperium......but with his inability to get shit done correctly, Angron, Cypher, Ahriman, and a half-a-dozen-or-so nameless Chaos Lords are more likely to get this done than Failbaddon.

A fan of Zoomjap it seems. And look where it got him, armless and failures galore!

He also has a model in the tabletop game. It eats everything in front of it in close combat faster than an obese guy would eat his McDonald's supersized meal. Though after you watch this model go down in a single round to a couple of trigger-happy Tau Broadsides, it won't be fun anymore. Fucking railguns. Even more embarrassing is when he somehow manages to get murdered by a Crisis Suit in close combat. Seriously. Or loses all of his wounds to an unlucky series of Invulnerable saves when facing down any competently-done Tzeentchian Chaos Lord, who kills Abaddon for about half his points cost, just as planned.

His 7th Black Crusade was technically a "success" because he set his goal very very low this time, he basically freaked out Cadia with the threat of a massive invasion but was actually no more than a couple of skirmish runs on certain cities. Ohh yeah and he massacred an unknown number of marines from the Blood Angels, but mostly it was to do with the fact he got an army of Khornate Berzerkers to fuck the Blood Angels over. Success is in quotes because even sending a whole crusade to target a single chapter is sad, especially when the chapter's still around at the end so yeah, it's still a failure by long-term accounts. The closest thing he can come to success is really just like those evil guys in cartoons who just laugh evilly and say "I have won!" even though all they've managed to do is take over Wyoming or become the mayor of CWCVille or something.

His 5th Black Crusade was also technically a success since it managed to wipe out 2 Space Marine chapters, but only with the help of Doombreed, the second angriest daemon entity in the universe. However all he managed to do was burn a city down, which isn't really that much of a feat since there isn't a Chaos Champion who hasn't burned some kind of major populace down either. However, the greatest victory he has even achieved, and the most competent action of his life was basically pointing Kharn in a direction and letting kill everything in his path.

He also enjoys calling Horus a weakling and a fool, which is ironic, because Horus actually came close to killing the Emprah and caused the biggest heresy in Imperial history, whereas Abaddon has barely managed to take Cadia(but Cadia is only attacked because Creed is a dick and he could go around it if he wanted) and do anything other than fail, badly.

He has a cool sword though. It's basically a rip off of Archaon's much more awesome and manlier sword; The Slayer of Kings. Failaddon's sword is some strip of chaos blessed metal with an even sissier name called; 'Drach'yen' or some such sissy shit.

Not that he can use it, given his lack of arms.

His full name is Ezekiel Abaddon. Oh, nice GW. Ezekiel, as in the Prophet Ezekyle, Abaddon as in that demon in the Bible. Ha. Ha.

There's an ongoing betting pool on which Chaos Lord or Sorcerer is finally going to have enough of Abaddon's shit and Sindri Abaddon so someone more-competent can take command. Given Abaddon's progress and number of failures, it's entirely possible he'll be turned into a Chaos Spawn and save every single stripe of Chaos the trouble of putting a few dozen Daemon weapon strikes into the douche. Most bets are on Eliphas the Inheritor, a revived Araghast the Pillager, or Huron Blackheart.

Also, Doombreed > Abaddon. Mostly because he actually succeeded during a Black Crusade and wiped out 2 chapters completely, unlike Abaddon who couldn't even do one. Fitting, considering that Doombreed, being the most ancient Daemon Prince of Khorne, is stronger than all the Daemon Primarchs combined, and perhaps stronger than the Empra himself!! This would be true if the Emprah didn't banish Doombreed by simply telling him to fuck off and go back to the warp.

The "No Arms" meme

His plan from the very beginning

While the exact origin of why /tg/ continues to depict Abaddon without his arms is unclear, this is partly the story. It all started when some drawfag made a picture of Abaddon painting, being the failure that he is he depicted him without arms and so now he fails in the ability to paint.

The other explanation is that Creed stole them during his invasion of Cadia, probably while doing doughnuts around him in a Baneblade, or it was Just as planned.

Another explanation points to a certain dick, who actually fought Abaddon and defeated him (in a White Dwarf issue where Abaddon was trying to wipe out the Ulthwe Seer Council but was driven off, actually defeated/killed alongside his retinue by Eldrad and his council, but 'teleported to safety'), cutting off both of his arms in the process, which further points to Abaddon's incompetency and lack of arms.

But actually, his model's arms are fragile and tend to BREAK ALL THE TIME, FUCK.

Appearance in Chaos Rising

Abaddon makes a brief cameo during any of the endings, who's about to torture Eliphas for his failure to kill the Blood Ravens. For a second, it would appear that he ACTUALLY had arms, but it was later revealed by the camera crew that another Chaos Terminator with a lightning claw was behind Abaddon to act as his arms.

Appearance in Retribution

Abaddon finally gets his big break in Dawn of War II: Retribution. He appears in the Chaos Campaign and serves no purpose than to screech about killing Kyras. The camera is conveniently positioned and several filters are employed in his portrait to avoid showcasing his lack of arms. This would explain why all he ever does is screech. At one point after Eliphas fails to dispatch of Kyras, Abaddon declares how he will make him suffer. Eliphas, no doubt unaware of his armlessness, begs for mercy. Realizing that he can't do anything to him because he has no arms, he quickly lets Eliphas go under the guise that he wants to see him suffer.

Nurgle, Khorne, Slaanesh and Tzeentch all collectively went; 'Son, I am disappoint."

...But we all know better than that. And this is because, even with his retinues, Abaddon still could not kill off the Ulthwe Seer Council and a certain dick. Eliphas has, by this point, brutally murdered the entire Biel-Tan Seer Council with their Farseer by himself. Thus, we come to the obvious conclusion that Eliphas is the one who should be running the Black Legion.

Abaddon's 14th Black Crusade

This piece of writefaggatory is basically, a third-person adaptation of the archived thread.

Abaddon the Despoiler, the Warmaster of Chaos and the current leader of the Black Legion. As the head of countless fanatical servants of the ruinous powers, you would think that he would be the most feared mortal being in the universe right? No, even Abaddon himself is starting to realize how much of a joke his title is. Tzeentch mocks him for being so predictable, Khorne constantly tells him how Kharn has more kills than him and how Angron has gotten more things done than him in a single millenia, the rest of the Chaos primarchs laughs at him for his incompetence as the supposed "Warmaster of Chaos and blessed of the Chaos Gods". He would want to hold his head in his armored hands right about now in shame.......if only he had his arms back.

He did manage to stop Kyras sacrificing the Blood Ravens from ascending into daemonhood by having Eliphas kill him and getting the favor of the Chaos Gods with the sacrifice of an entire sector, but the rest of the Chaos champions still say that "despoiling" a crippled chapter isn't really a feat for an entire Chaos Legion, especially when said chapter managed to kick their initial attack force back with nothing more than 3 Space Marine squads and a single Captain.

Abaddon now sits on his throne in his flagship: the Vengeful Spirit, currently in the Eye of Terror. He ponders for a moment what he has become today, is he really still a feared being and the despoiler of the universe? Or is he just another generic Chaos Lord with a fancy title? He then closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and opens his eyes with determination that he is still the feared warmaster of Chaos as he was always been, he might have experienced plenty of crushing failures, but he is confident that whatever he does, he does it for the glory of the Chaos Gods and that thought is enough to push him onward, besides, plenty of sacrifices are to be had during his crusades with either the blood of loyalists or servants of the true powers. He shouts on his vox: "Servants of Chaos, hear me now! The corpse-worshiping fools of the Imperium shall fall today under the relentless will of Chaos, for today we MARCH FOR OUR 14th BLACK CRUSADE"! The Chaos Gods assures me that this blackened crusade will be triumphant! The ship's crew is stunned for a few seconds after hearing that, they just know in the back of their minds that this crusade won't be different from the rest, and pray to the Chaos Gods for deliverance. Abaddon, now empowered by the prospect of a possible major victory over the Imperium of man, exits his throne room, where he is greeted by his Justaerin Terminator bodyguards.

Abaddon then realizes one crucial flaw that would greatly undermine his efforts: he still has no arms. He grins for a moment in anger, then one of Abaddon's Justaerin bodyguards asks: What troubles you, my lord? Abaddon then throws the weight of his Terminator armor at the interrogating bodyguard, knocking him down, and screams: "I REQUIRE A NEW SET OF ARMS! GET ME A PAIR RIGHT NOW YOU MISERABLE WRETCH!" R..right away, my liege, p...please forgive me, says the stunned terminator. The terminator leads Abaddon to the ship's armory, where a contingent of Iron Warriors marines and numerous servitors can be seen maintaining the legion's hardware in preparation for the newest Black Crusade. Abaddon enters the main armory, seeing an Iron Warriors marine polishing a melta gun on his lap, seemingly in some weird form of Slaaneshi-like pleasure as his rag runs across the now shining metal on the weapon. Upon seeing Abaddon, the Warrior is broken from his trance, frantically puts the weapon away, faces Lord Abaddon and says: "Y-yes, Lord Abaddon? What is it you wish?"

Abaddon, slightly disturbed over the marine's weapon fetish, thuds the Iron Warrior with his Terminator armor and demands a new set of arms. The marine scrambles to the room next to the armory, where hundreds of dark servitors are making weapons. After a few hours, the marine returns back with a new pair of bionic arms, hard enough to withstand a krak missile and large enough to fit the bulk of the Terminator armor. A retinue of servitors led by a Dark Mechanicus techpriest rush to their lord's location, where they fit the newly made arms on their liege. Abaddon takes a moment and flexes his new arms, they feel like his old ones, he then smashes a servitor to test the hardness of his new appendages, the lobotomized contraption is left a twisted ruin after Abaddon gives it a clothesline, and then he leaves the armory with great joy.

Abaddon then returns to his throne room and enter the inner sanctum located behind it, where his trophies, weapons, and other icons can be located. He goes to a chest in the middle of the room, filled with some of his prized trophies and mementos, he takes particular interest in the skull of his first kill, an Ork with the right side of it's skull blown off after his bolt rounds pierced through the greenskin's head, another is a a collection of images of the entire Mournival in a group-shot before their first combat action as a group, their faces look on high and proud. He then reminisces about a few more things, such as a ceramite shard of Horus' armor, an peculiar cylindrical and somewhat phallic Slaaneshi instrument gifted to him by Lucius the Eternal of which he never learned the purpose of, and a recorded transmission of Kharn saying how exhilarating Tallaran was while holding the severed head of a trooper. "Enough nostalgia" he said to himself and he drew out the Talon of Horus and Drach'nyen from their dark altars.

Abaddon then plots out how he is going to convince the rest of the Chaos legions to lend him aid, his past failures are sure to be a discouraging fact to the rest of them. However, after meditating and psychicly conversing with Tzeentch about his next plans, he is then given the knowledge on how to gather another legion of chaotic zealots. He contacts one of his favored servants: Eliphas the Inheritor and charges him with the propaganda operations, as a Word Bearer Dark Apostle, he is bound to be well versed on how to spread the word and will of Chaos. Abaddon however, still feels a little uneasy with his new arms, while powerful, decades of being limbless have taken it's toll on him and he fears his martial prowess is not as good as they use to be. As a test, he orders a group of Slaaneshi cultists to summon a host of daemonettes to his throneroom, which they promptly did and they appeared in the center of his throne room, he then proceeds to take a seat on his throne.

The seductive forms of the servants of Slaanesh entice Abaddon, his blood rushing as they lay themselves on his armor, even with the thick layers of ceramite covering his body, he could feel the sensual form of the daemons as if his armor were his own flesh, then they whisper to his ear: "You may do whatever you wish to us, great and mighty champion". Abaddon is drowned in an ocean of pleasure for a few moments as the daemonettes rub themselves around him, moving their fingers around his body, and arousing him with an elegant and seductive dance, he then snaps out of the moment and remembers what he was suppose to do in the first place. He proceeds to grab the first daemonette by the head with his right armored fist and crush the hapless daemon's skull through brute force. Then second one, still shocked at the situation, is flayed and killed after a flurry of attacks from Abaddon's Talon of Horus. The third one is now circling Abaddon and poised to strike, he deflects a quick succession of attacks from the daemon using Drach'nyen and raises up his Talon to fire a burst from his storm bolter, which the daemon avoids with her incredibly fast moves, she jumps up into the air and attempts to behead Abaddon with it's claw, but is cut short after the Despoiler charges up into the air and knocks the daemonette down with his shoulder, the daemon pleads for mercy but Abaddon had none of it, he then raises her over his head and forcefully rips her in two and discards her now broken corpse aside. Abaddon then spreads out his arms and howls in victory and glee that his combat prowess is as potent as they were decades ago.

He then looks around his throne room and stares at the mangled remains of the daemonettes, bloodied and utterly destroyed. Oddly, a powerful temptation then engulfs him. The thoughts of desires of Slaanesh and violence from Khorne possess his mind and body like a persistent daemon, he then precede to test his arms on the deceased daemonettes in a different way, it would appear that Slaanesh has blessed his mechanical arms as he could feel every bit of grotesque sensation from his debauched acts as if his arms were his own flesh. After five minutes of debased deeds that are best left untold, Abaddon gets in his vox and announces to the ship on how he sexually violated a dead trio of daemonettes. A large portion of the Black Legion's warriors could only listen in horror at this heresy, except for the Slaanesh-aligned marines who cheered him on and one Berzerker who commented: "SERVES THOSE EFFETE SCUM RIGHT! GLORY TO YOU LORD ABADDON!". Abaddon then conjures up a bolt of Empyrean warpfire to burn the corpses of the daemonettes and exits his throne room, his Justaerin Terminator bodyguards just giving him a puzzled and horrified look at his deeds that even they consider heresy. He walks through the ships halls, gaining the praise of the Slaaneshi cultists and marines. The warriors of excess then follows him, making offers of more debauched forms of pleasure with the warmaster, with some offering to have their "rear armor" penetrated by him.

After a few moments of indulgence, Abaddon the Despoiler decides to let these trivial pursuits slide and get on with his plan of a new Black Crusade. His next act was to enlist the other champions of Chaos to further fuel his goals, the chosen servants of the Dark Gods are sure not to fail him. Many champions go through his mind, perhaps he should summon the aid of Kharn the Betrayer first? Or maybe [[Doombreed], Khorne's most powerful champion? Or maybe the lost champion of Slaanesh: Doomrider? He considered Angron, however the two are not in good terms so he decides not to get him to fight under his wing. After much time to think on who to call on first, he finally decides to enlist the help of the Thousand Sons most powerful sorcerer: Ahzek Ahriman. Abaddon then gathers his cabal of sorcerers to establish a psychic link with the wandering champion of Tzeentch, Ahriman was quick to notice the link between them even before Abaddon had a chance to speak and says to him: "Ah great Abaddon the Despoiler. What is it you wish you speak to me about? Nothing important or of value, I assume. Do you need my consul? Did you loose your appendages again and require my aid to find them.....again?", Ahriman says with a sarcastic tone.

Abaddon then details his plan of another Black Crusade to Ahriman, the latter laughs at the prospect of another Crusade of failure and says: "Oh how innovative you are Abaddon. Truly, Chaos' greatest warmaster is a pinnacle of creativity......", he is interrupted when Abaddon mentions that his crusade may have them pass where the Black Library is located, Ahriman then resumes: "....Also, perhaps I do know where you arms are, but what was that you said about the Black Library? Let us discuss more about that, shall we...? Abaddon then says that what he said about the elusive crafworld was false, he only mentions the Black Library as a way to get the insolent sorcerer to listen for a moment. Angrily, Ahriman replies: "Then why in the name of Tzeentch should I bother to join you, you overrated fool of a warmaster? You will just lead your warriors into their pointless graves and your entire fleet will fall to a single Cadian General and his army of weak and fragile children brandishing flashlights! So predictable of you. Abaddon, holding his temper, then mentions that his crusade will not be as predictable now, for he considers the prospect of time travel, which again intrigues the sorcerer. Wading through trivial facts Abaddon asks if this is indeed possible, Ahriman tells him that it is indeed possible with enough sorcery mustered to rend the fabric of time itself. He asks when this will begin and Abaddon says that it will commence now. Ahriman then pledges his allegiance to the Despoiler and tells him that he will ready his cabal to twist the warp, he urges Abaddon not to disturb him as he prepares the ritual to do so as this is a very delicate and volatile spell that cannot afford any flaws, which Abaddon agrees to, and then breaks off the psychic link with Ahriman.

This section is still under construction.

See also

• Abbadon at the Therapist
• FAIL
• [1] In which, Abaddon becomes a god among men. And this is only the start!