Chris Orksen

Chriz Ham-Smash, or better known as Chris Orksen is best known for his work on a segment on Date-Linez NBC.

Segment 1

"Oi ya git, dey's callz me Chriz Ham-Smash wid' Date-Linez NBCs and we'z doin' a story bout wut' panzy girlie doin' in meh camp" "I...I was doing reconissance before an eldar...raid, yes thats right" "Nice try ya gretchin' git, but we'z gotz da chat-logz frum yah wittle gubbins wid ourz decoy, playz by our staff squig" TightMachasBum types: so how do you feel about....older women HumanBoyLoli replies: de'z all rightz, why'z doz you gotz any candies for meh? TMB replies: Oh, I've got plenty of it back in my craftworld, I could probably bring some to your place...maybe kiss you good night <3 "An' den youze go offz and sayz some despicables tings abouze "human gene juices" and playin' wid his "banana". Da humie git is only 12 'ears old but you'ze at least 3 thousands, wut in Gork n' Morkz namez you tryin' ta pull 'ere? "Uh...uh I need to consult the legal soulstones and pursue the correct fate!" "Eh waitz a minute, I'd wouldn't go outzidez 'f I waz youze" The screen then cuts down to show Farseer Macha trying to run out the front door, before a bunch a Nobs in police gear tackle her. They then search her Vyper and discover 5 terabytes of /ss/ CP, 30 condoms, lotion, 2 bottles of Eldar wine, and a recording of a human traditional singer called "Barry Man-ilow".

We then see Macha go through booking. While scanning with an UV light, police find traces of human sperm on the corner of her mouth and anus, indicating that she has most probably a seasoned pedophile. However, during questioning she most denies the charges, saying she was saving herself for the most pure of humans and that "oral doesn't count".

Segment 2

"Aight boyz, we'z gotz a good treat fer da lads tonightz as we'z takes you behindz da scenez and showz you lotz all dem foot-agez too improper fer da growing grot" Camera pans to a nice suburban neighborhood except staffed with poorly disquised orks Suddenly a wave serpent cruises through the air and lands near the target home in da con'trol towah, teams of geeky mekboys be watchin' da survailence footage Suddenly a shady character pops out of her vehicle wearing a trenchcoat with eldar runes, and a Top Gun hat covering her crimson hair. "Wait a squig, zog me if I'm right, but dat lassie lookz familiarz" Chris Orksen becomes suspicious and positions himself behind the wall divider between the human decoy they hired and himself. The human boy starts to wave at the incoming eldar redhead while wearing a shirt that says "Beefcake Factory" The clearly suspicious redhead pedo stops right in front of the open door, and tries to motion the boy to come out "Hey mon-keign, are your human guardians nearby? Why don't you come outside so we may observe this world's beautiful night together..." She flips a remote control, and the back of her wave serpant starts to open with moody lights and a giant lovebed is inside, and along the side of the troop bay the words "Free candy inside" glow via a chain of soulstones. Chris Orkson at this point has had enough, and at this point, pulls out his custom choppa named "Un'der-Rage Kock-Blokk" and yells at the top of his lungs: "Its that sneaky git, Molestin' Macha again. You got zome real ballz to try dat zog again, GET 'ER BOYZ" The Nob squad then start to rush at her and blue and white Ork Battlewagons with Waargh sirens surround the scene Macha's face becomes desperate as shit, and conflicted by crippling fear yet supreme pedolust after being locked up in 3 days of prison and 100 hours of community service at a Ordo Hospitaller food kitchen, she does what no one expects.

She charges past the Police Orkicers and fleet of foots at full speed right at the stunned decoy who was too busy observing the whole scene As Macha runs, the wind of her movement reveals that she was completely nude underneath and her hawt virgin body sets off the decoy's "deathstrike launcher" to the ready position Chris Orkson tries to stop her before its too late, but is telekinetically thrown away of the Descartes-deprived farseer who is screaming at the top of her lungs "Forbidden Love" with an open mouth As she jumps through the doorway, she misjudges the distance slightly, so her head is roughly moving at the human decoy's crotch at full speed A loud psychic moan is heard, stunning the law enforkment while the human's face is in complete bliss while messily Macha orally plays with his joystick like Thor Aackerlund (Nintendo World Champion 1990) at Tetris.

The decoy was forced to go to a marine veterinarian who specialized in suction wounds from octopus or squids for removal of the suspect. After the operation, he was taken to a psychiatric hospital for PTSD, or Penis Tramatic Sexual Deliverance. A representative of the High Lords of Terra visited the young boy, giving him a purity medal with the word "Nice" gilded on.

After the removal of Macha from the suspect, the copious amounts of "evidence" was gathered from her face and body in order for the trial facing her. However, in a fluke of fate, the judge and jury were made up totally of young radical Ordo Xenos inquisitors who unnaminously aquitted Macha of all charges and in fact she was also handed a "Nicee" Medal and a pardon from all previous pedo-felonies mysteriously signed by "Big G. E." Her case set a precedent that legalized /ss/ all throughout the milky way, to which Slaanesh deemed a weeklong holiday for, causing much embarrasment with Macha's father Eldrad.