High Elves (Warhammer Fantasy)

In Warhammer Fantasy, the High Elves are the original elves and lived on their home circle island/continent/atoll Ulthuan where they sang, built statues and temples, rode monsters into the sunset and out of the sunrise again, and all other things one would do in a perfect paradise made just for them. Then it all went to shit. This is because the Old Ones didn't close their goddamned warp gate thingy-majigers, or lost a war against Chaos, or it's all according to plan, or whatever. Chaos flooded out like a pierced beer can into the world and were going to destroy it without a problem. The first Phoenix King, Aenarion, got his shit together and closed the gate thereby saving the world. Then a bunch of shit happened Eventually his son Malekith got butthurt over not being picked the next king over some guy named Bel Shanaar and started the Dark Elves. Because the Dark Elves actually knew how to fucking fight they pushed really far into Ulthuan, but then Caledor the first came and Cosgrove'd Malekith back to the northern reaches of the New World (which apparently means Americans are Cenobites). Caledor the second pissed off the Dwarfs, ensuring things happen they way they should in fantasy settings, with Caledor II dying in the process. Then Malekith came back and fucked shit up good so the High Elves elected Caradryel who realized that keeping colonies and making war on Dwarfs when you're about to be wiped out is stupid and ordered all non-Dark Elves to come home and defend the motherland, but the colonists who discovered pot and treefucking said 'Fuck It'and retreated into the woods, becoming Wood Elves. At this point the High Elves are a dying race where every citizen is a soldier because there's so few left they can't support a standing army. They're still the strongest force in the world, and if they get wiped out then grim and dark Warhammer Fantasy becomes grimdarkness of Warhammer 40k. So yeah, they're kind of important if you aren't playing Daemons or Warriors of Chaos. Of course, most High Elves are douchebags and most of the rest of the world is too, so don't worry: everyone has a reason to fight each other.

New army book

8th edition High Elf book is out, and the summary is that while some notoriously overpowered things (Teclis, Book of Hoeth) were nerfed, they weren't nerfed into the ground. Better yet, with the light and medium cavalry being core again and the points and powers adjusted, the only thing that's still (relatively) useless is Shadow Warriors (although even they can be made viable at times) and possibly Eltharion. Matt Ward wrote the new book, but has unexpectedly not had the fluff raped or had characters made rapists. Females were even (re)added, the Everqueen and her servants! Overall, we got off very well and are possibly a bit stronger than before. But what did you expect from the only Fantasy army with Marines?

Fluff

The Golden Time

Golden Time was before the Phoenix Kings. There isn't much fluff on it, as it is supposed to be the lost age of myth. Only that Ulthuan's kingdoms were run by the Everqueen alone who lead out a positive if hippy-driven jive. Then the warp gates at the world poles collapsed and chaos came, which immediately came after the Elves and fucked their shit up. The Everqueen's magic was mostly for peaceful shit and her soldiers had never faced anything worth mentioning before. The High Elves prayed to their head god, Asuryan, to help them.

Aenarion, the Defender

Aenarion was a world traveler, back in the days when that meant something. He heard some crazy shit was happening at home so he went back, and shit was way more crazy than he heard. Everyone figured the world was ending, and everything that had ever been was pretty much being turned to Swiss cheese by Slaaneshi Daemon cocks while the Bloodthirsters/letters stood back and called them faggots. So Aenarion went to the Shrine of Asuryan to pray. But, as typical of gods, they didn't do a god damned thing (primarily since every god who wants to do good also has an opposite who will fuck things up, so there's a permaban on screwing with mortals apparently which gives Asuryan more time to sit on his ass and contemplate his naval). Aenarion said fuck it and jumped into Asuryan's sacrificing fire, thinking that if he jumped in his god has to do fucking SOMETHING or else it'd be a way to an hero and not be around for the heresy that was to come. However, Asuryan actually DID get off his ass for once (kind of) as Aenarion was imbued with the power of Asuryan. He went outside the shrine, saw some Daemons, and fucked their shit up good by one hitting the biggest Daemon he saw and taking it's weapon to kill the rest before Slaanesh could even jizz in his pants. Elves all over suddenly saw someone with balls and promptly started cosplaying him, and because all elves look alike Daemons started taking psychology checks every time they saw pointy ears. Caledor the Dragontamer, who was like the first Teclis (but not anemic) swore fealty to Aenarion and gave him the death star plans to fucking over Chaos by making a black hole of magic somewhere so Daemons couldn't menifest in the world. Soon everyone else asked to be on team Aenarion and gave him whatever shit they had that wasn't full of cockholes until the elves decided there'd be two rulers of their race from that point on, the elected king and the hereditary queen (one of the perks to being king is he bangs the Everqueen for a year until she gets a daughter to inherit the throne after her, but after that point they go back to their spouses and pretend it wasn't the best year of their life). However, Chaos attacked Avelorn where the Everqueen lived, and killed her in a way that is apparently beyond description, and her children were lost. Aenarion was pissed. So he went to a far off island and drew the sword from the stone. Except this sword was the Widowmaker a sword of Khaine. Khaine is kind of like Rule 63 Khorne but with a penis, and unlike in 40k where he's a giant robot the Eldar use to fuck shit up, he's pure douchebag unleaded and likes fucking with elves more than Daemons do. So the sword, which apparently shapeshifts to whatever kind of weapon you'd like to use the most (Aenarion gets points for the damn thing not turning into a katana or something else stupid) curses you to a really bad fucking end which follows your entire line. Fun, huh? So Aenarion sets off to get it, and along the way everyone from his butler to all the elf gods, INCLUDING Khaine, and even the ghost of the Everqueen tell him he's about to go full retard. He nabs it anyway, and promptly goes apeshit by transforming into a trap version of Kratos. The most fucking crazy of the elves follow him to the westernmost part of Ulthuan where he forms a new kingdom built on bloodletters and severed Slaaneshi cocks. Along the way he rescues a witch named Morathi from some Slaaneshi fighters and promptly marries the chick (whether or not she was pregnant beforehand isn't known, but she gives birth to a son he names Malekith). The Nagarythe court becomes all kinds of fucked up, to a degree nobody knows about fully. Caledor, sick of waiting for the torture orgies to end, packed up and went to actually finish beating Chaos. Aenarion was about to go full retard and start a civil war in revenge for not participating in said orgies, but then the biggest Chaos invasion ever seen set up on the other side of the map and everyone knew everything was fucked 40k style. Caledor and his bros turned an island in the middle of Ulthuan into a magic drain, but it put them outside time forever in an I Have No Mouth and Must Scream kind of way (although Caledor exists outside it immortally making sure nobody buttfucks the mages while they're standing there in magical amber). However, Aenerion got a mortal wound during a faceroll against the four Avatars of the Chaos Gods themselves. So he ran back to where he got The Sword of Khaine and puts it back in the rock. From there, his body is never found. He's presumed dead, unlike everyone else that kind of thing happens to. For three days Ulthuan gets the New Orleans treatment from the weather, and most of the elf race dies. But then it turns out the children of Aenarion and the Everqueen lived! Her last act was to make some unknown deal with nature, which resulted in Dryads being bros with elves and carrying the kids away where they'd be safe. Her daughter Yvraine succeeded her as the Everqueen, and her son Morelion played it smart and chilled in his sister's court where he married one of her maids. Thanks to Aenarion's dick move with the sword however, every one of his kids has had to roll a WILL save every decade to not go full retard and go get the sword again.

Bel Shanaar, the Explorer

A picture of Malekith after Bel Shanaar was named Phoenix King

So a year after Aenarion died, the Princes of Ulthuan started deliberating over who to elect to be the new king. Malekith, who had become a badass Fighter/Wizard and knew how to cheat at chess, was the top candidate from an outside perspective. But since Nagarythe torture orgies weren't exactly socially acceptable, nobody was too keen on the idea. Also Yvraine, one of the kids that the Dryads saved was the new Everqueen and was Malekith's half sister. The Council thought it would be a bit fucked up since by law they had to produce a daughter (despite the fact that law was passed like five minutes ago in elf-years) who would be the next Everqueen and they didn't want an Everqueen who had two left hands, extra toes, and no chin. Now he was a known as a whiny little fuck head who had the emotional stability of a sack of rats in a burning meth lab, but pinkie swore that he just wanted to be king because it'd make his pappy proud, but he'd be alright with not being picked. So naturally when they elected a war hero who was known for not wanting to slap his dick on everything for his own glory. Morathi went ballistic about her son (who she may or may not have been fucking at this point) not becoming king, but Malekith tried his hardest not to cry and went as far away from Ulthuan as he could by becoming an explorer like his father. He took all his whining over to the New World and set up a bunch of colonies, went Orc hunting on safari, and discovered Dwarfs. Bel Shanaar visited the Dwarfs too, and signed a peace treaty that was supposed to last for the entirety of the history of the two races. Yeah, we know how well that went, especially since Malekith was appointed ambassador. The elves reconstruct Ulthuan and repopulate it (in other words, an enormous amount of time passes). It's about this time that the Cult of Pleasure begins to appear. It was a Slaaneshi cult that was into crazy Slaaneshi things like sacrifice, torture, and wearing fursuits. Malekith came home to stamp that shit out since it was supposedly based in his home kingdom of Nagarythe. He found out his mother, Morathi, was a member and when he confronted her about it she revealed she was the founder and high priestess. Which overall wasn't much of a surprise to anyone. He turned them all in to everyone's surprise but then had the message spread that a meeting was needed at the shrine of Asuryan immediately to discuss how awesome he was for turning them in, so survival of the smartest went into effect as the Princes who didn't have much going on upstairs went, as well as Bel Shanaar since he had no choice. Malekith had the doors sealed, then told everyone Bel Shanaar was a furfag and poisoned him before he could say "wut?" then turned around expecting to be made Phoenix King on the spot. The Princes immediately moved to hold a vote on whether or not Malekith should investigate himself for being a cultust, so Malekith assured them everything was cool and walked into the sacrifice pyre like his father did. Asuryan was disappoint. So after coming back as a piece of elf-shaped bacon his followers killed everyone, and took off running back to Nagarythe where they sealed him in some body armor to keep his dumbass alive, complete with removable codpiece at his mother's request. That's when Malekith becomes the Witch King. What a douche.

Caledor I, the Conqueror

Prince Imrik never liked Malekith. As a result he was one of the only Princes not at the Shrine when Malekith killed everybody, and since he was Caledor's son he took on that name in honor of his ancestor. However, despite how much he and a bunch of other High Elves didn't like Malekith lots of elves loved him. So a super fantastical fun Civil War started. It went back and forth, but lots of important folks turn to Malekith's side. Hotek, a priest to the elf god Vaul, stole the super awesome Hammer of Vaul and runs off to join Malekith. This is probably around the time the Ring of Hotek is made, which took a lot of Douchebaggery to form. The elves of Nagarythe went so evil, they started worshipping Daemons and renamed themselves Druchi (or as the Mon'keigh call them, the Dark Elves) to distinguish themselves from the Asur (High elves). Caledor fought really hard, and chased a lot of Dark Elves back to Nagarythe itself. That's when Malekith pulled a 'Just as Planned' and started to mess with the Vortex in the middle of Ulthuan, which caused a lot of the Nagarythe to panic and rejoin the High Elves. What Malekith's wizards planned to do is tear a hole directly to the realm of Chaos, where the Daemons would for some reason not rape them and eat their souls and instead help them and salute Malekith as God Emperor of Elfkind (kids, don't do meth. You make decisions like this). What it really did is sink most of Nagarythe, and lots of the kingdom to the south Tiranoc (where Bel Shanaar was from). The world was rocked so hard, the Dwarfs felt it and decided to make a bone and cat leather mural of it. Laughing, the majority of the Dark Elves load up in their ships made out of mountains (don't ask how that works) and head west. Some Dark Elves remain, and continue to mess up the High Elves like the Viet Cong. Due to this, the High Elves stopped talking with their colonies in the new world due to having more important shit to do. Malekith suddenly got a boner for the Widowmaker (and he's had one ever since) and the High Elves skirmish with the Dark Elves on the high seas and on the island itself. Caledor has a series of unbreachable fortress gates erected in Ulthuan to ensure that it's a fucking BITCH to try to invade, each named after one of the possible High Elves can be seen on (Griffon, Eagle, Phoenix, Dragon, and Unicorn). Caledor fights back against those bastards, pushes the last of the Dark Elves off Ulthuan, finally coming to the Blighted Island himself to give Malekith the middle finger. He stood in the Altar of Khaine for awhile staring at the Widowmaker, then went "Naaaaah" and walked away wondering what kind of faggot would actually take it. On the way back though, a freak storm hits and some punkass Dark Elf pirates ambush him and light his ship on fire. But instead of being captured, the magnificent bastard decides to jump into the ocean fully dressed in his armor. He dies, of course. But the Emo Elves didn't get him.

Caledor II, the Warrior

Caledor II was the kid of Caledor I and totally forgetting what the last son of a Phoenix King turned out like, the Princes elected him. However, as all kids are, he was a jackass. The Dark Elves shut themselves up in their home land while Malekith plotted a scheme for epic lols. About this time, contact with the Old World and the Dwarfs was reestablished. They heard there was some crazy civil war going on, but they didn't really understand why something like that would happen since Dwarf logic is "all Dwarfs do everything their fathers and the guy with the whitest beard, and all fathers and white beards follow the king" so as far as they're concerned, the king is the voice of the hivemind. What Malekith decided to do was fuck with the Dwarfs. But not only did they attack the dwarfs, they dressed up like High Elves and stole everything that the Dwarfs would miss (so the anvil/female Dwarfs, and booze). This left the Dwarf King, Gotrek Starbreaker, sending envoys back to the High Elves asking, "What the fuck, dude?" Caledor II, though, ignored them. Completely. Finally the Dwarfs began to demand stuff, which got their diplomats shaved. Gotrek swore if the Dwarfs didn't get the money equal to what had been stolen or it's price in elfblood, he'd shave himself which caused the entirety of the Dwarf race to more or less make the same oath. The largest force of Dwarfs ever seen before or since gathered and began their assaults on the Elven colonies in the Old World. This starts what is called "The War of the Beard (The War of Vengeance)". Its during this war that the item "Cloak of Beards" is created. Caledor II sends the entirety of the High Elf armies to kill Dwarfs. Both sides underestimated each other, and it was a complete loss on both sides. Dwarfs decide that all trees are evil and start clear cutting to piss of the elves, which gives some a sad but not to the extent the Dwarfs thought it would. When the Princes of Ulthuan vote to tell Caledor II he's a gigantic fuckhead, Caledor II screams like a 3 year old and tells everyone to fuck off. High Elves start using Dark Elf tactics like poisoning Dwarf water sources and desecrating shrines. After awhile Caledor II crosses the sea and tries to push the Dwarfs away from the colonies. He kills Gotrek's son and thinks he's a badass all of a sudden. At this point it's all downhill for the High Elves. Caledor II's bro gets killed by a Dwarf whose last name is changed to "Elfbane" after the feat, and the colony of Athel Maraya is wiped off the map. The Elves try and attack a few Dorf Fortresses, but are obliterated and sent scurrying back to their colonies, pursued by a single souped-up Dwarven miner. Few hundred years later Caledor II comes back and launches an attack that's supposed to kill off the dwarfs. That didn't really go according to plan. In a battle with King Gotrek himself, Caledor II is obliterated. They take the Phoenix Crown forged by all the Princes and Nobles of Ulthuan for Aenarion himself for his coronation, and heads back to their mountains. The Elves try to draw them out of the mountains but the Dwarfs refuse. Just as they're lining up to kamikaze Karaz-a-Karak, the Dorf capital, they hear Malekith is trying to rape Ulthuan. The High Elves in the Old World are ordered to get their ass back to their island, but some refuse, becoming Wood Elves (who continue to get consistently slaughtered by Beastmen and Dwarfs while fucking with Bretonnians).

Caradryel, The Peacemaker

Caradryel, wondering why the fuck everyone around him is such a fucking Double Mon'keigh.

See, while the High Elves were fighting the Dwarfs, Malekith took a bunch of his ships and invaded Nagarythe, and built a fortress there called Anlec made out of those mountain-ships. After the traditional one year mourning period ended, the High Elves decided to name Caradryel their leader since he was so unlike Caledor II. He was a shit soldier, but had a high WIS score so they figured he'd be good. Ulthuan fell under attack from Dark Elves, as well as beasties the Dark Elves brought and unleashed in the mountains that have never been wiped out (rumors that they are the inbred children of Malekith and Morathi are unfounded, but probably true). After his first proclamations came out from the Everqueen's bed, that the colonies were to be abandoned and the War of the Beard (as well as the Phoenix Crown) conceded to the Dwarfs, the Princes and Nobles started to complain. Caradryel promptly ignored them and went back to making a new Everqueen. Since he was smart enough to know he didn't know shit about war and was busy being knee deep in the best elf democracy can buy, he called on the greatest elves among the Princes to lead the armies of Ulthuan against the Dark Elves (among them the line of Morelion). Tethlis, Prince of Caledor (the kingdom, not the wizard or the two kings), became the greatest of these military minded men and put the hurt on the Dark Elves (but wasn't able to beat them fully). During this time, most of the modern High Elf military tactics were developed. Caradryel even contributed when he got the idea that maybe giving his troops shore leave instead of leaving them in place until they died at their posts was a good idea! High Elves built a giant navy and became the dominant naval power in the world, and Caradryel eventually died in his sleep, becoming the first Phoenix King to get a happy ending (y'know, not counting that first year they all get).

Other Kings

Lots of other kings come in here. Tethlis the Slayer, who came after Caradryel, managed to obliterate the Dark Elves from Ulthuan. He also started a system of formal military training for all High Elf Citizens. Other kings start the Swordmasters, build fortresses across the world, and even send guys to help the Empire. Overall its a very slow collapse that's still happening to this day.

Crunch

Alright, this is the fun part.

Special Rules

First and foremost, High Elves some very nice special rules. Almost all High Elf options have the Always Strikes First rule. What's even better, is that this isn't modified by the weapon speed so a High Elf with a Great Weapon STILL Always Strikes First (all you lesser races go after we've had our turns). Then, they also have "Valour of Ages" which means whenever they go against Dark Elves, they may reroll any failed psychology test, which is awesome. Many High Elf troops have the new rule "Martial Prowess" which allows models that have that rule to fight or shoot in one extra rank, which is cumulative with any other rule that lets them shoot in extra ranks (long story short, fuck you we're better and we're gonna stab and or shoot you until you believe it). Spellcasters get a rule called "Lileath's Blessing" which adds a +1 to casting attempts from the Lore of High Magic, the High Elf specific lore. Also, it used to be the case that you needed less core units and could take more rare and special units. This is no longer the case since the arrival of 8th edition, but errata from GWs website says you can have as many multiple units as you like (other armies are now limited to two identical special or rare units in games of less than 3000 points). High Elf horses can get the "Ithilmar Barding" option, which increases armor like regular barding but doesn't affect movement speed. Finally, if you wanted Flame Attacks you've picked the best army for them.

See Also

• Tactics/High Elves

References

• Warhammer Armies: High Elves; Adam Troke, Rick Priestly, Bill King; Games Workshop; 2007; ISBN - 978-1-84154-846-3