Racial Holy War

This article is about something that is considered by the overpowering majority of /tg/ to be fail. Expect huge amounts of derp and rage, punctuated by /tg/ extracting humor from it.

For those whose Klansman's Hoods are on Backwards.

Veterans of 1d4chan and /tg/ in general will notice that when we tend to review and, more commonly, openly make fun of shitty RPGs, we still tend to discuss what positive features they have, if any. For example, Ironclaw may be sort of fail, but it works fine once the furries are removed from the setting. Conversely, you have settings which have few directly appreciable features, but are so eminently mockable that one can't help but get a chuckle out of it. Poison'd and references to Esophagus-fucking may be a great example of this phenomenon, though the ur-example remains FATAL, which for all of its hideously broken design, is a fucking singularity of humor that allows for borderline-infinite mockery. Anal Circumference alone has led to countless lulz on /tg/ and beyond.

And then you have Racial Holy War, also known as RaHoWa, which has none of these redeeming features.

It is below contempt: It is not an RPG you can really make fun of for laughs because it stems from a place of utter disgust. It somehow manages to out-do FATAL as being the worst RPG made, because whilst FATAL may be completely defunct mechanically, FATAL at least can get a laugh out of someone for being that broken and having ideas that stupid. Out-doing FATAL in badness is an achievement in and of itself, but RaHoWa takes it to the nth degree.

Putting it simply: RaHoWa is a White Supremacist RPG, an RPG that is made by - and for - the sort of people who thought Hitler had some pretty good ideas. It is a ridiculous attempt to lionize this belief as a form of propaganda - in RPG format, of course, and its concept and setting are beyond /tg/'s ability to make obstenibly humorous via mockery. It is broken ruleset-wise - because of course it is - however, the fact that it adds a dimension of glorifying a mindset that is all too happy to grab progress by its proverbial ankles and drag it, screaming, to the Lovecraftian depths is what pushes it over the pale, as the mindset it espouses has led to countless atrocities and horrors.

WARNING: It is perfectly acceptable if you have read the above paragraphs, that you feel like getting the fuck out now.

Seriously. FATAL is arguably less disturbing than this shit.

Premise

The synopsis of RaHoWa is that in the not-so-distant future, the world is on the edge of collapse, and it's all the doing of the evil non-white races and their insidious Jewish masterminds who secretly run everything, having reduced the "superior" white race to a downtrodden minority. Fortunately for the world (but not for our sanity) a team of brave White Warriors (read: The Players) emerges in the hopes of "cleansing the world of all the vermin" (yes, this is an actual quote from the game).

When you open with a premise like that, the only direction you have to go is straight down. Throw in the fact that the campaign setting examples include acts of open racism and such great missions as "destroying a drug cartel run by awful latrinos," and you have a strong case for this being the only RPG in history that makes FATAL look better by comparison. Yes, folks, the bar has once again been lowered

Mechanics

Character creation is a relatively boring affair, with a similar points-based attribute system to most RPGS- the problem is that what these attributes actually do is only mentioned in passing, if at all. From there, you choose a class and the skills of your choice, which include Clothesmaking (suggested uses for it include making swastika shirts), Video games, and Holy Books of Creativity (the latter of which involves "the study and enlightenment of the greatest books ever written- Nature’s Eternal Religion and The White Man’s Bible", which somehow manage to heal the White Warriors by "soothing and inspiring them"). But all this is nothing compared to the biggest problem of all- there's nothing in the rules that explains how to calculate the White Warrior's base accuracy. Given that the whole game revolves around fighting people, this makes it essentially unplayable as there is no way to tell whether or not your attacks hit an enemy. Although the mental image of the last hope of the "White Empire" being completely incapable of fighting even the weakest enemies is certainly hilarious, it also makes it abundantly clear that the writers simply didn't care enough to even check if their game was complete before printing it out.

Enemies

As one last bit of flaming stupidity, the game takes unnecessary pleasure in categorizing enemy NPCs into ethnic stereotypes, each with their own special attack.

• Niggers: "Smelly, stupid creatures" which can reduce PCs' accuracy via their body odor.
• Latrinos: "Lazy and criminal vermin" with the ability to strike first in combat. (Because they sneak across the border so much, get it? So funny I forgot to laugh.) (Hey, I thought they were lazy. Shouldn't they attack last? Nazi fucks can't keep their own propaganda straight for a full sentence.)
• Sand Niggers: "Scumbags" that have "have declared the White Race as one of their many enemies in their "Jihad" or holy war" (ironic given that "holy war" is in the fucking title) which can try to blow themselves up to attack.
• Gooks: "Timid, annoying, slanty-eyed pieces of excrement that so desperately wish they were White" which can gain extra attacks in hand-to-hand combat from watching "fake martial arts movies". (Which makes you wonder how they would gain extra attacks if the movies are fake.)
• Kikes: "The worst and most evil parasites that the world has ever seen" who can bribe the PCs with jewgold to skip their turn, courtesy of the power of "brain pollution". (Which says more about the "white warriors" than it does about them.)

So in Conclusion...

Racial Holy War is a perfect example of something so terribly awful it can't even be used an example of how not to do something. If you desperately want to lose friends, there is no sure faster way then presenting this to them and going on what a great idea you think it is. About the only good thing to come out of it is some horrible jokes that it's about as close as one can get to a Pen-and-Paper version of /pol/, and even that's debatable.

External Links

• [1] A review of RaHoWa.
• PDF of Racial Holy War. Approved by the Ku Klux Klan!