Cult Attendant

Sure, you've got a rampaging horde of fanatics that are armed to the teeth and willing to raze the land of all that's good and holy... but what do you FEED this horde? and where are they going to sleep? How do you make sure they are still armed to the teeth when many of them are kleptomaniacs? And who issues the matching bloodstained robes and makes sure their tattoos represent the Chaos Gods and not Hello Kitty?

This is why you need the Cult Attendant. It's not a glamorous job, but somebody has to keep things organized, otherwise your army of the damned will just turn into a mob and no destruction will get done.

The Cult Attendant is essentially more ubiquitous in the Imperial cults; primarily those of Verena or Myrmidia. Ulric thinks bureaucracy is for faggots, which it is. Essentially, a Cult Attendant is an accountant, but is also a caretaker, a cleaner and is charged with ensuring the happenings of the Church progress as smoothly as possible. They are also charlatans who gallivant from one church to another with the jingle of coin, and few have any roots set firmly in a single place, as the Church of Ulric has found out, much to its annoyance.

Origin of the Cult Attendant

This is the story that Jason Little tells from working at Fantasy Flight Games:

I was struggling to come up with some good flavour text to help embellish the career description and content we had for a Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay career - the Cult Attendant. Essentially, the Cult Attendant is tasked with all the boring, mundane tasks at a temple: taking inventory of the larder, making sure the temple is kept clean, arranging services, paying for sundries, blah blah blah -- essentially, an Old World Accountant for their church. Hardly an exciting career for most players, especially considering it's an advanced career they would need to devote a considerable amount of experience and time to achieve.

Growing increasingly flustered, I sent out a call for help, which Dan Clark and Jeff Tidball quickly replied to... There were a lot of great, great ideas to add some real interest and zing to the career details, but some of the more humorous responses had my sides aching before too long...

At the end of Dan's long list of ideas was this line that caught me completely off-guard, and I still chuckle about when I read:

• Fun Fact: 9 out of 10 Chaos Cults fail in their first year due largely to the lack of a gifted Cult Attendant.

And Jeff's comment had me immediately thinking about TPS Cover Sheets and red staplers:

The doctrine requires that the doorway be festooned with red ribbons, but the priest hates ribbons and the worshipper who donated the money to have the ribbons bought is colorblind and thinks that you bought green ribbons, even though they're obviously red. The doctrine further requires self-flagellation for failure to please those who donate money, but the only appropriate place for self-flagellation is outside the priest's residence, and the priest hates noise. To make matters worse, the bishop has just sent riders to instruct that a choir be assembled, but the priest wasn't around when he came, and he doesn't want to talk to you now. Also, he hates singing, which is, after all, a form of noise. Also, the riders are hungry, and the doctrine requires that the cult pay for their food and lodging. But the priest keeps all of the money locked in his residence, where the doctrine requires the attendant not go, except after having flagellated himself (if required). Also, the riders are armed...