Farsqueaker
A new device that has enabled the bitterly backstabbing race of Skaven in Warhammer Fantasy and Age of Sigmar to communicate across long distances. The Farsqueaker is a creation of Clan Skryre which is, rather than a self-destructing Gatling gun or flamethrower, an invasive device that functions as a telephone.
The Pitch[edit | edit source]
"Do you want to order pestilens' new Tilean-flavoured pizza without getting killed by Rat-hounds on the way?" "With the FARSQUEAKER you can!*"
"Want to know who your traitorous spies are spying on without getting too close to the spies that are obviously after your tail-tail?" "Get a FARSQUEAKER!*"
"Want to reserve a place at the beautiful ass-ass of your local Breeder without waiting in line like a slave while Blackrats laugh-laugh at you?" "Do it with the FARSQUEAKER!*"
"Are you a rich-rich Skaven? Of course you aren't, and that's why we of the greatest clan, Clan Skryre of course, made this portent of technology refined for our customers different needs-needs. You don't have two whole ears after all, remember? You're poor! So why pay for both when we can offer at 1.5 slave tokens more-more our special 1 1/2 device for your whole and half-chewed ears? You'll be the most spiffy-spiffy Clanrat in your tunnel!"
"Remember to scratch a line on our tunnel-channel: skryrules.dig."
- Results may vary. If your remaining ear gets big and rots away while using this device, blame Clan Moulder! It's totally those guys' fault-fault!
Controversy[edit | edit source]
>"hey, tokens' stealer-thief! This squeaker doesn't work!"
>"of course it doesn't, silly-customer, you forgot to buy the batteries"
>puts two green-coloured rocks inside the squeaker (actually a rat with a helmet on its head and a broken antenna on its tail) and wakes(turn on) the device
>"see it works now! Listen"
>fake a call and gives the squeaker back
>"it's 2 tokens for tech support"
>"t-thanks skryre"
>clan skryre: we don't know how it works but we'll always* work it for you
Equivalents[edit | edit source]
For some reason the Lizardmen had one, which was stolen by the Skaven and then they contacted the Eldar with it. They were of course absolutely terrified by it, and decided to blow the whole city up to get rid of it.