Love Can Honk

This article contains PROMOTIONS! Don't say we didn't warn you.

Mime Lieutenant Shirley Eve let out a sharp cry of pain as her head snapped back, the blow delivered by the Clown Menace striking her on the chin. She failed to recover as she then slammed onto her back in the mud, reaching for her crossbow, which had landed just out of her reach to her right. She slowly rolled onto her side, groaning in dull pain as she extended an arm to paw for the weapon, eyes locked shut as the pain in her abdomen sprang tears to her eyes. Colonel Clunwe breathed heavily. The fight with the Mime was exhausting. The invisible wall the Mime had put up to protect herself had made him run straight into it. Colonel Clunwe saw the mime reaching for her Baguette Crossbow, but still too tired to try and stop her. He crouched down, trying to catch his breath for a lunge at the weapon, or at least to get it out of the mime’s reach. Colonel Clunwe looked back up, and saw the Mime with their hand already gripped around the weapon’s handle. Even though he didn’t have the energy to do it, Colonel Clunwe exerted all his strength into pushing himself forward. He reached out as he took two stumbling steps, grunting as he fell with a slap! onto the snow. He crawled forward in a feeble attempt to get to the weapon, and avast! Honk mother granted him strength! He surged forward at the weapon, managing to knock it out of the mime’s hold with a fiery kick, away nearly a mile into the horizon. Colonel Clunwe screamed as he fell on top of the mime, with a huge punch ready. He leaned back, and fell forward with his fist, slamming it right into the bridge of the mime’s nose. Colonel Clunwe grunted as he smashed his fists into the Mime’s steadily bleeding face, slowing down as weariness grew over him.

The Lieutenant let out a silent gasp of denial as the weapon was kicked from her grip and thrown into the air, as her hands lingered and desperately attempted to grab at it as the crossbow tumbled through the air. She quickly turned on her back to deliver fiery vengeance upon the vile commander of the Clown armies, but was unable to stop the Colonel as his fists smacked her face from left to right, the mime, screaming silently in pain as she curled her hands around his sides, attempted to dig her nails into him as he pummeled her delicate face. However, his tunic and cape quickly brought her fingers still, locked within the chinks of his armor, as she wriggled back and forth, caught in her own grip, pulled against him, as consciousness slowly betrayed her and she slid into a painful, blurry sleep.

Colonel Clunwe slid off from the mime, breathing heavily. He slumped backwards, and whispered a prayer to his Honk mother, forever thankful. He fell to the left, and noticed an odd rigidness in his midsection. Colonel Clunwe snarled as he pried the fingernails off of his bananium armor plates and banana-peel cape. He stood caught his breath, standing up, looking back at the limp corpse of the mime. It didn’t seem to be breathing, but he felt something strange. He felt guilty for killing a woman unfairly. He frowned, and then felt relief as the mime’s chest rose and fell. He looked backwards, to the Clown Sanctuary, and sighed. He leaned down, grunting as he gripped the mime’s foot and started to drag them backwards. The mime was nearly weightless, it was just that the colonel’s body was losing adrenaline, and muscle pains were slowly returning. Colonel reached the door, as he sighed once again. He gazed at the battlefield, littered with corpses. Mime and Clown alike, H.O.N.K and Reticence mechas. A tear was brought to his eye, as he re-lived watching his troop being shot down cowardly by Baguette bolts. He opened the door, dragging the body into the warm interior. Colonel Clunwe looked for a crate always behind the door, and opened it. Inside were bruise packs and ointments for emergencies. Colonel Clunwe took some and started to apply some of it to the mime, taking care not to create further damage.

Shirley let out a silent gasp as she sat upright, kicking at the figure sitting over her as she pushed herself to the corner of the room. She then wrapped her arms around her chest and hugged herself gently as she stared with wide eyes at the shaded figure sitting across from her that had tried to do… Mime Father knows what. Shirley swallowed hard as her eyes adjusted and the Colonel revealed himself. Her eyes widened in both shock, and utter terror as she stood and bolted out the door, flailing wildly as her injured limbs failed her and she collapsed in the snow, no more than five feet out the door. She squirmed on the ground, pulling herself away with her arms as she prayed any Gods that may be for guidance as her limbs grew more and more exhausted with each contraction. Colonel Clunwe looked with pity at the form wriggling below himself. He put his hand on his hips, and cocked his head at the mime, still trying to crawl away. Colonel blinked as he stepped forward and placed his foot on the mime’s torso, leaning on it to pin them down.

The Mime groaned under his boot as she continued to pull herself away, her mime-skirt /ripping open/ down the middle of her back under his metallic cleats as she tore herself free, attempting to push herself to her knees as she laid in her striped underwear in the field of carnage. Colonel Clunwe crossed his arms, facepalming silently as the mime was making slow progress, and her legs being frozen over due to no skirt. “You know, you’re going to die of frostbite if you continue this, Mime.” Colonel Clunwe continued to walk towards the Mime, but at a slower pace. Colonel Clunwe sighed, as he once again stepped onto the mime once again, but on her bare left leg. The mime stopped, and looked back at Colonel Clunwe, as he leaned over and grabbed the mime by the collar of her neck, pulling back to stop her. Shirley merely continued to resist as he pulled at her neck, before she slipped backwards and succumbed to his grip, sliding to the ground under him, shivering, as she attempted to drive her fist into that stupid clown’s balls from under him.

Colonel Clunwe grunted as the hit from the fist made contact with his bananium armor plating over his groin. Colonel Clunwe sighed once again, and raised his fist to punch the mime, attempting to knock her out. The mime growled as his fist came down, and the blow connecting with a satisfying “whumf” as her daylights were knocked straight from her, before she collapsed onto the ground instantly, eyes locked shut. Colonel Clunwe grabbed a hold on the mime’s midsection, hoisting up her light body and draping her over his shoulder. He walked back to the sanctuary, annoyed by the efforts of the mime, trying to escape without success. He opened the door, and sat the mime back down, and healing even more wounds that when she was trying to escape. The mime kept her eyes closed as the savage clown tugged at her limbs, keeping perfectly silent as she slowly reached out with one arm, cracking her eyes open, as she pawed at a baguette crossbow that had fallen to the floor from one of her fallen warriors while the clown’s back was turned, before she leaned over, snatched the crossbow, and armed it as the clown turned around. She whispered a silent prayer to the Mime Father as she fired the crossbow for his head.

Luckily, Colonel Clunwe’s clown mask was lined with the strongest bananium there was to offer. The baguette bolt pierced the top of his mask, as he threw himself back and played dead on the floor, waiting for the perfect time to ambush his enemy, he was trying to help. The Lieutenant was familiar with the common traps that the vile clown menace had in store, as she loaded another baguette into her crossbow and trained it on his face again. She grimaced and pull the trigger mechanisms as another baguette launched across the room towards the Colonel’s head; the lieutenant’s aim being flawless. Colonel Clunwe twitched as the other baguette was launched at his face. He moved his head in time to have it stuck in another side area of his mask. He remained still, playing dead until the mime got close. He noticed a trickle of blood tickling his cheek, the baguette just barely missing his forehead, but it grazed his temple and got stuck in the wig. Colonel Clunwe breathed shallowly, as to make the illusion of him not breathing. The mime slowly approached the downed Clown, cautiously, as she planted her bare foot on his neck, squinting as she slowly pressed inward so as to choke him out, a tingling chill tickling up her bare back as her bare skin made contact with the great enemy.

Colonel Clunwe instinctively raised up his arm, and punched the mime’s leg from his neck. The mime toppled and fell, gripping her leg. Colonel Clunwe stood up, and kicked at the fallen mime, attempting to make her pass out in pain, but trying not to hurt her too much, so he wouldn't need to waste too many medical resources on her. He dragged the mime back to where she was last time, making sure no weapon were in reach. Colonel Clunwe once again began applying bruise packs to the mime's face. Colonel Clunwe needed to see if the mine had any torso damage, so he took off the mime's remaining clothes, applying more bruise packs to areas that need medical necessity. He took of his mask to see better, and spotted an area in between the mime's legs, and started to reach for it. Shirley sat up with a scream as she raised her arms to cover herself, wincing in pain due to her injuries and near-frozen limbs. She forced herself to bite through the pain as she kicked herself away from the Clown, ass naked, shivering, as she tucked in her legs and hugged herself, staring at the clown in horror. Thoughts poured through her head of what the clown’s intentions were, enticing a gasp of fear, and, minor excitement, from her cold lips. Colonel Clunwe stared deep into the mime's soul, feeling a bit of lust wave over him. Colonel Clunwe held up the bruise pack, and pointed to it. The mime merely stared, and the Colonel Clunwe pointed in between the mime's legs to a spot that was purple, swollen, and slightly bleeding. The mime slowly nodded, swalloing hard, as she opened her legs slightly.

Colonel Clunwe couldn't stop but take a quick glance at the mime's nether regions, which were slightly wet - obviously just melted ice, right? ...The Colonel smiled, and began applying the bruise pack, dangerously close to the mime's natural ‘gash’. The mime responded to this with a slight hiss of pain as she clenched her teeth, inching her waist a bit closer toward the enemy, which Clunwe noted. He started to go in wider circles, brushing the mime's pussy slightly, looking up and staring at her eyes. The effect was immediate, as the mime’s eyes rolled back slightly, her mouth opening as she bit down on her lip, letting out the quietest gasp of pleasure as she gulped down air, inhaling sharply through her nostrils. Colonel Clunwe placed his fingertips on the clitorus, proudly displaying themselves as he gave a slight squeeze. Shirley immediately seized up as her legs extended and coiled around one another as she gasped quietly, biting her lip harder, squeezing her eyes shut tight. The Colonel parted her legs tenderly, and planted his face at the edge gently, before brushing the entrance with his tongue, enticing quick yelps of pleasure from the mime as she trembled lightly, a slight gush of clear, bread-tasting fluids came out. Before long she was reaching for the clown's head, to have him inside of her. Colonel Clunwe then started to slowly move his tongue deeper.

Shirley placed her hands on the back of The Colonel's head, moving her hips closer to his face, trying to get more length in. Colonel Clunwe pulled out, and started to play with the mime's clit with his tongue, the warmth giving more pleasure to her. Colonel Clunwe noticed Shirley was near orgasm, so he stopped and stood up. Shirley breathed heavily, bare chest rising and falling, as she cocked her head to the side, puckered her lips, and raised her eyebrows as her eyes rolled back blissfully into her head. She shyly raised one hand to her breast as she cupped it tenderly, squeezing and rolling them in circles as she tilted her head back and moaned, eyes fluttering closed as she did so. Clunwe could barely hold himself back as he marveled at her beautiful frame, and began removing his jumpsuit as the mime quickly shook her head, gulping, before reaching out with a trembling hand to an object behind a crate. Clunwe raised his eyebrows as he tugged his armor back on and stared at the mime, who retrieved… A baguette… From behind the crate, the mime running her black-nailed, milky white fingers down the long, warm, doughy length of it, moaning slightly, as she rolled the baguette across the floor to the clown, who in turn would pick it up and stare confusedly at the object, before grinning as he returned his gaze to the naked mime, who had done him the favor of laying onto her back and splaying her legs out, using one hand to part her folds as she cupped her breast with the other, biting her lips as she awaited the clown’s next move.

Colonel Clunwe shrugged, as he moved towards Shirley. He bent down, giving her one last teasing lick, when he slowly started to rub the warm bread on the mime's vagina. He bit his lip as the mime was trying to push the baguette in. Finally, to the mime's pleasure, Colonel Clunwe started to slowly insert the 15-inch-long bread into her pussy, while at the same time massaging her clit. The bread quickly broke past her tight folds as Shirley moaned silently, riding the bread while it was being pushed up and down her insides. She clenched her wet walls, making the bread feel more pleasurable as it rubbed against the insides of her nether regions. Colonel Clunwe saw Shirley come near an orgasm, so he pulled out the baguette, before surging its length forward, lodging nearly the entire baguette into her as she gasped in shock and clamped her walls over the loaf, moaning and mouthing thanks over and over to the eternal Mime Father for the sensation. Clunwe slightly twisted the baguette inside of her as she twitched and spasmed in the wake of her orgasm, before he slowly slid it out, the baguette coming away sopping wet. He removed his armor, and then his jumpsuit. Shirley the Mime gasped in silent horror and excitement as Colonel Clunwe's 20-inch-long banana - literally - grow erect. Shirley smiled, spreading her legs farther. Colonel Clunwe slowly slid his yellow fruit deep into the mime.

Colonel Clunwe grunted as Shirley clenched, making her wet, tight vagina tighten even more around the colonel's banana as she moaned timidly. He fucked her slowly, then went faster, pleasure tingling through his augmented body part. Shirley was twisting her nipples in endless mirth, making silent groans, which made the colonel go faster, and oddly enjoy it more. Shirley pushed Clunwe in the ground, flat on his ass. She bent over, licking the tip of the banana, then proceeded to step over it, and slide slowly down it, opening her mouth. She went all the way down to the root, then began bouncing up and down slowly, fondling her breasts, leaning down and kissing Colonel Clunwe. Clunwe started to speed up things, by thudding up and down himself. Colonel Clunwe knew Shirley and himself were near orgasming, as he felt her clench, and go faster. Colonel Clunwe groaned as Shirley began riding his fruit, as it started to squeeze out banana juice. Shirley and Colonel Clunwe orgasmed right at the same time, fucking hard for the last few moments before stopping, exhausted. Shirley let out a scream of pleasure as she slumped forward onto his chest, heaving and gasping as she nipped at his neck, teeth clattering as she shivered back to warmth against him, wriggling her ass around his rod to milk his banana as it steadily flew liquid into her, the mime’s insides graciously absorbing every ounce of his gift.

Shirley laid there with him for multiple minutes as the two caught their breath, before Shirley lifted her pelvis off of his, the clown's organ coming loose with a wet noise as her juices stuck to it, before she slowly crawled down on him, on all fours, before her face was levelled with his banana. She quickly coiled her fingers around its length, moaning as she stroked it lovingly, her juices making his genitals slick and easy to work with. She still frowned at how dirty she had made the beautiful fruit, and decided to fix this with a little cleaning as she pressed her closed lips at the tip of the organ, rubbing it with her hand to keep it erect as she slowly lowered her mouth around it, the organ prodding against her cherry lips before breaking through as it sank into her mouth. As it tickled the back of her throat however, the mime only have taken less than half of the organ in, she began to pray to the Honkmother as a warm liquid squirted from the banana which instantly metabolized in her throat tissues as her mouth and throat numbed. She gladly accepted his offering and slowly brought her head down, working slowly, until her mouth encompassed the entire organ. Her tongue swished over the base of his rod as the tip of the fruit literally tickled the top of her stomach, the mime bobbing her head back and forward as the length ran through her entire throat. She gurgled and slurped lovingly as the secretion of the fruit was literally driving her mad with lust, her crotch on fire, breasts hot and tender as her folds ached with a painful pleasure. She could think of nothing but more as she slammed her head down over the base of the shaft until the clown finally orgasmed, splashing her inner throat with sticky fluid that she gulped down eagerly, marvelling at the sweet taste that drove her further and further to the edge. The banana was delightfully clean, and she thought it would be a waste to overuse the beautiful organ, so she laid forward and huddled up against the clown, the fire in her fading slowly as she drifted off to sleep in his embrace, purring quietly.