C.S. Goto

Police sketch.

You are reading the 1d4chan article for Sex, and this pleases him.

Cassern Sebastian Goto is a Demon prince of Tzeentch Nurgle black, Irish leper, who is one of /tg/'s most "beloved" Black Library authors. His books contain plenty of Eldar torture scenes, and also completely disregard most Warhammer 40,000 canon. Most likely because they are actually recycled versions of his old movie scripts (rejected by all studios with at least as much sense of self-preservation as a retarded lemming – i.e., all of them) from fifteen years ago, with just some names changed (this pleases him).

• Multilasers, anyone?

• Oh yea. And Eldar. It's fucking CANON that the Aspect Warriors don't own their armor (except Exarchs, but theirs doesn't come off) and return it to the Aspect Shrine when they grow too much sense to play dress-up kung-fu ninjas anymore. Goto had several Eldar keeping the helmets they wore as Aspect Warriors like some sort of fucking souvenir. And they all worship Slaanesh, including the entire Ulthwe Seer Council and Eldrad himself.

• Or D-Cannons? The things teleport chunks out of the target (looks kind of like Looney Toons-style swiss cheese production, but messier). The retard had them fire bullets.

• Or Biel-Tan's Avatar? Apparently he hasn't had his Wailing Doom sword for the past 3,000 years. And is dead.

• Or Fire Dragons; Goto wrote that the meltaguns of Fire Dragons (expert tank-hunters) can't get through a hastily-constructed Imperial Guard barricade, even at point-blank range (any veteran Eldar player will call bullshit on this).

• It gets worse; according to this idiot, instead of using Wave Serpents, the Eldar steal tanks from Imperial forces and use them in battle. The Eldar do this because though they're landbound, slower and have more primitive guns than their own vehicles, the tanks have better armour. This is offset by the fact that the Eldar ride the tanks into battle by standing on the roof or hanging off the sides.

• Even language isn't safe. According to Goto, the Eldar can't fully grasp human languages or speak them properly (though the languages of the Eldar are much more complex than any human language, and Eldar are capable of having conversations with each other using nothing but body language; yet according to Goto they can't handle human languages!? Fuck off!)

• Everyone knows that Terminators, wearing the ridiculously heavy armour that they do, are perfectly capable of performing backflips, right? No, not right, fucking stupid.

• Adamantium is now Adamantite (or is it Ceramite that's become Adamantite? Fucking Goto).

• Land Raiders. They can transform into Razorbacks now. (They also change back in under a page and a half.)

• Apparently Tyranids bray like donkeys now. And apparently so do Space Marines and Necrons.

• You know that Dawn of War book he wrote? Apparently, during Winter Assault, Sturnn got to the titan first and met a company of blood ravens who claimed there was a webway gate buried underneath. Oh and the Ultramarines Sturnn escorted? They were the Alpha Legion in disguise. Fucking Stupid. And if you were wondering where Taldeer (who is suddenly a novice Farseer from Biel-Tan as opposed to a veteran from Ulthwe) was during all this, she was busy being murdered by Ahriman and his Prodigal Sons (who also happened to be on Lorn V for no apparent reason). Goto puts her through over 180 pages worth of graphically detailed torture before finally putting her out of her misery (and fortunately rendering the novels non-canon, given that she shows up alive and well in Dark Crusade).

• Khornate Sorcerer. (RRRRAAAAGGGGEEEE!!!!)

While similar accusations might be fairly leveled at almost any Black Library author, instead of the usual once-per-book or once-per-chapter, or even just once, against Goto you can count one for every page on average (sometimes more).

He is also the only Black Library writer to ever be so much of a pussy to try excusing himself with "having an artistic license" (which in his definition apparently means he's being free to screw the canon left, right and inside out however it fucking pleases him). He is apparently also a cigar-smoking midget, and rides a motorcycle that pleasures him simultaneously — much like Doomrider — which pleases him.

It is also a known fact that Matt Ward is another pen name for C.S. Goto. (What? You thought the books they wrote were similarly terrible by coincidence?)

From just a writer's viewpoint the books are awfully written, the plot and characters confusing at times, and it is clear the works were quickly knocked up on a bank holiday weekend by a writer in a half daze from an intense Slaanesh orgy of whips, chains and daemonette snuff (this indeed pleases him).

Fortunately, though GW demand that anything published through the Black Library be considered canon, they also state that canon doesn't necessarily mean true. The work (in universe) may be written as Imperial propaganda, for example. Or in this case, the real-world fan fiction of a disabled child living in the slums of a hive city. C.S. Goto is not Ben Counter, though he may wish he was.

Still, it could get worse, just pray to the Emperor that it doesn't.

We have recently obtained information on his background confirming that at some point in his life he was butt-hurt by a man in a red robe.

Which would explain his near-on obsessive need to fit the words red robe into nearly every paragraph and his desire to rape the established background of 40k.

Gallery

• 
  This is what C. S. Goto actually believes.
• 
  Typical Goto heresy - Superb Cover clamped around manure.

See Also

• His website: http://www.csgoto.com/csgotopositions.html
  • Read the interview. He KNOWS about the Multilasers, and all the stuff we said about him. He reads the pages and forums about him... and it pleases him. Yeah. He is almost an avatar of Tzeentch, trolling everything in his way. Well, he would be, except Nurgle just loves his utterly devastating fluff-corruptive powers.