The Elder Scrolls

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During the Oblivion Crisis, the Dunmer of House Redoran revived a whole city, Ald'ruhn, which was made out of shell of the Great Skar to fight on their side, as a Giant Friendly Crab. This series is hardcore like that. They still lost.

The Elder Scrolls is a vidya series, and the setting of five main games and a number of spinoffs. Despite being a vidja, it is considered a type II game.

These games have a very extensive modding scene. Alas, half of it is sickening porn, and one quarter of it is just porn. The last quarter contains several different types of mods - for example, porn.

/tg/ also has a 40k/WHFB hack named Scrollhammer, and a number of pen and paper games (notably Morrowind PNP and the UESRPG) set in The Elder Scrolls universe.

On a sidenote, Michael Kirkbride (the guy whose responsible for writing the really fucking weird shit in this series) has declared all canon null and void, mainly because of how much he is still butthurt about Bethesda kicking his ass out the door before work on Oblivion began. Or would be, had he not willingly quit - this is just him being artsy fartsy, which he does a lot. How weird the setting is depends on whether you accept his statements on the series or not. If not, then the Elder Scrolls isn't too out there as far as fantasy settings go; if yes, then you better buckle up because things are about to get bizarre.

There's another level to this mess, and it's to do with the way in-game flavour books from previous games tend not to get phased out when the next game comes along - wouldn't be too much of a problem, were it not for the fact that most of the lore is pieced together by the fandom based on those very same in-game books. Long story short: imagine every canon clusterfuck 40K has ever experienced, only there are no editions to draw a neat line between lore changes. And on at least one occasion, time has been known to break in order to allow simultaneous mutually exclusive outcomes. You know how in 40K everything is canon, but not everything is necessarily true? Here, nothing is canon and everything is true, especially when it contradicts itself.

Setting

An approximation of the cosmology of the Elder Scrolls. Not shown: mindfucks.

The games mainly take place in Tamriel, a continent consisting of nine separate lands. After being buttfucked by the Ayleid for several centuries, humanity rises up and overthrow their elven overlords, and took control themselves. Then, a few thousand years later, a man named Tiber Septim steps up and leads his armies to conquer all of Tamriel to found the Third Empire of Cyrodiil. But instead of exterminating all the elves and beast races, they were allowed to co-exist with the other races and a time of prosperity began, ending with the deatth of Emperor Jean-Luc Picard the 7th, and Mehrunes Dagon then began to fuck his way from Oblivion into Tamriel, starting a chain of events that resulted in him being kicked back into hell by the Emperor's lost son, Sean Bean.

Being Sean Bean meant he died in the process, and without an Emperor the Empire began to crumble. The Aldmeri Dominion (think Ayleid 2.0) sensed their weakness and began a war to subjugate the lesser races. The Empire only barely managed to stop them, and a tense cease-fire is currently in effect. The fluff of this series, unfortunately, suffers greatly from dissonance between written background and shown foreground: in the background, we have a setting developing technologically and culturally practically from Stone Age to Renaissance with the added Chim-punk, to the point where the Empire have had a successful space program, while the forefront present in Vidiya is one of the worst offenders of the Medieval Stasis trope.

Gods, Deities and other important people

Most of the Gods in The Elder Scrolls are Et'Ada, the "original spirits" that came from the interplay of Anu and Padomay. These spirits later depending on their alignment with creation got categorized into Aedra and Daedra, if you took part in creation of Nirn you are Aedra, if you were egotistic dick and went to Oblivion to make your small shitty realm, you are Daedra. There are some beings of either indeterminable origin or that reached apotheosis so that they became of power comparable to the et'Ada. Most of the lesser Gods are usual spirits, Ada. Also all of Aedric and Daedric spawns are Ada, for example all of the lesser Daedra. It's also interesting that Daedra can infinitely spawn from Oblivion, when you kill them you actually banish them, their Daedric soul which is called all sorts of things like Visage returns to Oblivion and feeds on Azure plasm to create a new body for itself. Also generally Daedra don't reproduce because that drains them and they get born when they randomly poof into existence in their realm anyway, same goes for most Ada. While most races worship Aedra or Daedra, Argonians seem to exclusively worship Hist, and it is unclear exactly what the Redguard gods are.

Aedra

The Aedra (Our ancestors in Aldmeris) are Et'Ada of Anuic origin. Many of them took part in the creation of Nirn, during which they "died", their essences fused together into Mundus. As such they do not have "physical" forms like the Daedra have. Yet their spirits live on in Nirn: as the Gods of the world they live in every part of it. While not as "focused" as their Daedric counterparts they are more widespread, worshiped and give their blessings and artifacts more freely than the Daedra, plus they have control over one realm that everyone wants to have, Nirn.

Daedra

"Not Our Ancestors" in Aldmeris, the Daedra (singular: Daedroth, not to be confused with the crocodile-like Daedra called Daedroth) are the et'Ada who did not partake in the creation of the world. As such their powers on the Nirn are more limited than their Aedric counterparts. As such their powers are limited to the likes of curses and artifacts, and can only walk the realm in forms that severely limit their powers. Though Daedric Princes instead have their own singular realms, Realms of Oblivion. In those realms Daedric Prines have full control over everything because it is part of them and their mind, they are made out of them similar how Nirn is made out of Aedra, but with one being and on a smaller scale, leaving them more alive and in control. Despite serving as the setting's "devils" (in that the word Daedra pretty much means Devil) they are not all different flavors of evil; they range from "hate undead" and "wants to hunt dangerous game" to "prince of destruction" and "king of rape". Even if they are benevolent at times, the Daedra are not to be trifled with and are very dangerous.

Because the word Daedra covers all forms of Daedra, the title "Daedric Princes" refers to the seventeen most powerful of the Daedra, the Et'ada that created solo realms in Oblivion out of which all the lesser Daedra spawn. Do note that in this context, Prince stems from the Latin "Princeps" (First) and not from the more commonly used "son of a king". Another reason that the "son of a king" phrase is wrong is because the Daedra are genderless beings, their shapes changing on their whim. Like many folklorific devils, Daedra have true names (their protonymic) that can fuck them up badly. These names are of course closely regarded secrets, the only time it is known that a protonymic was used against its owner was in the game Battlespire where they player fucked Mehrunes Dagon up badly.

Races

Tamriel, shown alongside the now sunken islands of Yokuda, the original home of the Redguards, and Pyandonea, a land inhabited by the Maormer, sea-elves.

The first two Elder Scrolls games had eight playable races; the three after that added Imperials and Orcs as playable races. There's also a ton of unplayable races as well, but UESP can explain them better than us.

The races of Tamriel are generally divided into three categories; the races of Men are the various ethnicities of human, the Mer races are the different species of elf, and the Beastmen are explained as "where the fuck did these dudes come from?".

Men

• Imperials: Imperials are a civilised people, more or less Roman in culture.
• Nords: The First Men of the setting. Basically not-Vikings from the frozen land of Skyrim.
• Bretons: Best described as half-elves from Bretonnia with a hint of French-ness.
• Redguard: Skilled warriors hailing from the sunken islands of Yokuda, and the only guys to have invented gunpowder. Fantasy Africans.

Mer (Elves)

• Bosmer (Wood Elves):" Wood Elves in the "Dwarf Fortress" sense, only less insane.
• Altmer (High Elves): Every stereotype of Elves being narcisisstic pricks, amplified a hundredfold.
• Dunmer (Dark Elves): Elves with a blue-grey tint to their skin who got cursed by their Daedric patron for complex reasons.
• Orsimer (Orcs): Descended from a race of Elves who got screwed over due to Daedric faggotry. Mostly assimilated into other cultures.

Beastmen

A family of Khajiit. Given how these things work it is very possible that the housecat that the catgirl is holding is the father of the tiger in the back. TES is weird like that.

• Argonians: A race of warm-blooded lizard people, well-spoken and skilled as both warriors and mages. Have a weird connection to semi-sentient trees called Hist.
• Khajiit: Technically related to Elves, but hard to tell by looking. They are skilled desert raiders, merchants and farmers. Their prime export is said Moon Sugar, a substance that can be best described as magical cocaine made from crystallised moonlight.

Games

Though several spinoffs were made, when referring to "The Elder Scrolls" only the five central games are being referred to.

The Elder Scrolls I: Arena

Jagar Tharn, the Imperial Battlemage and trusted servant of the Emperor Uriel Septim VII turns evil, locks the Emperor inside Oblivion, and takes over Tamriel. His apprentice Ria Silmane discovered this and told the player, so Tharn killed the former and imprisoned the latter. Yet Silmane persisted, and helped the player escape prison and revealed how Tharn could be destroyed: by recovering the eight parts of the Staff of Chaos from all over the empire. The player succeeds, kills Tharn, returns the Emperor and all is well. This was the only game to take place in all of Tamriel.

The Elder Scrolls II: Daggerfall

The player, a personal friend of the Emperor, is sent to the city of Daggerfall, High Rock to investigate a haunting by the ghost of the former king. Things quickly get out of hand when you discover the Numidium, a massive golem used by Tiber Septim to gain control over Tamriel. There are several mutually exclusive endings possible; canon opted to make them all happen in an event called the Warp in the West, a Dragon Break, where time and space took it up the ass hard.

This game is infamous for a number of reasons. First, it's the biggest game in the history of forever: though a good bit of it is empty space, this game features a map that's twice the size of Great Britain. As in, all of it. Secondly it has more bugs than Macragge during 745.M41 and is about as stable as a card house during Exterminatus. Third, dungeons are randomly generated, meaning you have ruins, ruins EVERYWHERE. Finally, the bizarre instructions. Early on in the game you get a letter from a person who wants to meet you in, say, Westfield Inn, Daggerfall. When you go to Daggerfall though, no Westfield Inn. Then you realise you have to look for the VILLAGE called Westfield Inn.

Oh, and there's a song that sounds like The Animals' House of the Rising Sun.

The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind

If you can explain at least 75% of what's going on on this image, you are a true fan.

Widely regarded to be one of the best vidjas OF ALL TIME. Taking everything good about the first two games, perfects it, raises its ass high and beckons you to make sweet, sweet love to it. Morrowind ships the player to the island of Vvardenfell, in the Dunmer province of Morrowind, where you are to report to the perpetually shirtless crackhead called Caius Cossades to investigate a cult that is growing rapidly in size. This cult is revealed to be the doings of the Sixth House, a clan of Dunmer that was destroyed after its leader, Lord Voryn Dagoth, rebelled against Lord Indoril Nerevar, the leader of the war against the Dwemer. Nerevar died shortly afterwards (though it is unclear if he died from the wounds Dagoth inflicted on him, or that his advisors, the Tribunal, killed their lord so they could use the tools of the Dwemer to grant themselves near-divinity), and the Tribunal took over as the god-kings of the Dunmer.

Yet Dagoth did not die, and when the Tribunal returned to the site of Dagoth's defeat, the chamber the Dwemer had found the Heart of Lorkhan (the heart of a fallen god which grants them their power), Dagoth and his servants were waiting for them. Taking away two of the three tools needed to renew their powers, the Tribunal retreated and built a great barrier (the Ghostfence) to contain Dagoth and his followers. The Ghostfence drains much of the Tribunal's power, making them unable to strike at Dagoth directly. Taking the moniker of Dagoth Ur, he began to reshape his followers into monstrosities, his highest ranking followers being made akin to Illithid, and corrupting the regular Dunmer through their dreams. He also unleashes the Corprus, a horrific disease that turns you into something Nurgle would approve of.

That's where you come in. A decade after the completion of the Ghostfence, on decree of the Emperor an unnamed prisoner is shipped to the island of Vvardenfell. Your co-prisoner, Jiub, aside from being a total bro, one day becomes a saint by exterminating all Cliff Racers (see below). You quickly discover that you may be the Nerevarine, the reincarnation of Lord Indoril Nerevar, who killed Dagoth Ur many centuries earlier. You also catch Corprus along the way, but are cured with the side effect of making you immune to disease and basically immortal. But it takes more than that to rise up against House Dagoth: you will need to be named Nerevarine by four tribes of Ashlanders (native Dunmer who practice a nomadic life), and Hortator (war leader) by three of the Great Houses. This involves a LOT of running around and talking to people, especially with the Ashlanders and Great House Telvanni. When you have their support you are summoned by Vivec, the leader of the Tribunal, who gives you a Dwemer-made gauntlet that allows you to handle the other artifacts, Sunder and Keening, without them killing you on the spot. At that point you assault the citadels of the Sixth House, taking down Dagoth's most powerful followers, the Ash Vampires (think 7' grey-skinned completely ripped Chaos Dwarfs), and eventually Dagoth Ur himself, by way of destroying the heart of Lorkhan with the recovered Sunder and Keening. House Dagoth is once again destroyed, you walk into a clear sky, and are given a magical ring by Azura for your trouble. Or you can skip the bullshit, stab the heart and finish it all in less than 4 minutes.

What made this game an instant classic was its new and unconventional story and setting, its many factions, beautiful environment design (giant mushroom towers ftw), its emphasis on your stats instead of your player skills (combat is more like a pen and paper RPG: there are rolls to see if you hit your enemy, despite visibly hitting them, and for how much damage, which severely gimps your effectiveness with weapons you're unskilled), the metric fuckton of items you can find (there are dozens upon dozens of unique weapons, pieces of armor and magic jewelry to find, there's something for everyone), the desolate beauty of the world, the unusual creatures, taxi services provided by massive ticks, and the smug end boss.

Two expansions were made: Tribunal, where you traveled to Morrowind's capital city of Mournhold after being attacked by an assassin, featuring a large city with its wide underground ruins, the wider Dwemer ruins under them, and the even wider Daedric ruins under them. In Bloodmoon you travel to the frozen wastes of Solstheim, where you got to play Skyrim 9 years before Skyrim came out.

Also has one of the best theme music for a game. It's an amazing experience walking along the roads of Morrowind while that music plays.

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

Emperor Uriel Septim VII and his heirs are assassinated, and it's up to the player who was unintentionally released from prison to fix that shit by finding the Emperor's last son who had been sought out the last known child of the Camoran Dynasty, the family who had ruled over man for years before Alesseia came and slap their shit. It was the first big-name RPG to appear on seventh generation consoles, and made the Playstation 3 and Xbox 360 work for their money.

Two expansions were made: Knights of the Nine was a "Heroic" (If you call taking on the responsibility of a genocidal paladin heroic) Fantasy story that pitted the hero against an evil wizard, and Shivering Isles has the player recruited by Sheogorath, the Prince of Madness, to prevent the destruction of his realm and is one of the best expansions ever made, I mean you become a God, how cool is that?

Players felt that this game was being dumbed down for the console kiddies when compared to Morrowind, whereas the Oblivion fans claimed that Morrowind was a difficult mess of a game, unplayable due to its learning curve. It was kind of like the 3e VS 4e debate, except both games were actually cool. And both groups were right.

Has received criticism over the fact that your character is largely insignificant in the story line (although many found this a change from the all too common "You are the super magic hero savior Chosen One" storyline that plagues fantasy settings) , and the fact that virtually all NPC dialogue sucked hard.

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

rightDat Nord Frost Resistance

Also known as the Volsunga Saga: The Game.

You're a prisoner, but in a shocking turn of events, this time you're actually told WHY! Turns out you crossed the damn border illegally, you filthy alien (of course, if you are a Nord it's just chalked up to bullshit bureaucracy). And you're to be executed along with the a group of captured rebels called Stormcloaks, along with their leader - Ulfric Stormcloak (who is voiced by Vladimir Kullich). Before you're sent to Sovengarde (Guess what that is. Go on.), a giant dragon god named Alduin the World Eater decides to introduce himself to the world. Alduin being referred to as Akatosh's firstborn son is an outright confirmation that he is also an aspect of him. Some background characters speculate that Alduin is Akatosh himself in the role of a destroyer.

Anyway, you escape and after much badass manly Viking dragon slaying, you figure out that you're the translated foreign word, much like in Morrowind. This week, you're the Dovahkiin, DRAGONBORN! With the power of the THU'UM! The ability to project your vital essence into a magic shout in the Dragon tongue! So yes, fighting a dragon is basically one big fucking debate (HA! You fucking wish it was with an Ancient Dragon on Expert difficulty). The only way this could be more awesome is if you can beat dragons in drinking games. You then go on to learn from the Greybeards, monastic experts at using the Thu'um who live on Skyrim's tallest mountain, and their leader (Spoiler Alert...) a really old dragon called Paarthurnax (voiced by motherfucking Mario himself, Charles Martinet) who used to be Alduin's right hand dragon, but realized what a douche he was and became very bro-tier; he allies with you and gives you further knowledge, including Alduin's weakness.

As part of the secondary questline you can either join the Imperial Legion and try to reunify Skyrim under the Empire's rule or join the Stormcloaks like a true Nord (but the other half of the Nords will say that a true Nord stays loyal to the Empire). The conflict is actually more complex than a conflict between loyalty VS independence. One of the things that contributed to the conflict is the freedom of religion that would allow the Nords to worship Talos, who is really popular in Skyrim. This is banned because of the White-Gold Concordat, the agreement that ended the war between the Empire and the Aldmeri Dominion. One of the stipulations of this agreement is the banning of the worship of Talos, with Thalmor agents being allowed to move through the Empire to hunt down those who do so anyway. While the signing of the document was widely unpopular, the alternative was for the Aldmeri Dominion to outright destroy the Empire, so the Emperor relented and signed the agreement. This sign of weakness, combined with the aforementioned violation of the freedom of religion and persecution by external forces, is why the Stormcloaks started their rebellion; to free Skyrim from the yoke of both the Empire and the Thalmor. Neither the Empire nor the Stormcloaks are fully in the right here: the Empire allowing the persecution to happen within its borders and its heavy-handed approach to fighting the war (case in point: your almost-execution at the start of the game) while the Stormcloaks take their struggle for freedom as a justification for a doctrine of racial superiority and justifies mass-murdering the natives of the Reach. All of this is further muddied by the fact that their leader, Ulfric Stormcloak, is a former Thalmor prisoner who is being used to throw Skyrim into conflict so that the Aldmeri Dominion will have an easier time taking over the place once the time is ready. The reason they are doing this is listed earlier on this page: because they are aiming to unmake the world and return it to a more primal state prior to when the Doom Drum gave it form and linearity.

You can also join up with the less generic fighter's group in this game called the Companions, and thus gain one of the best battleaxes in the game; Wuuthrad. Which is an elf-killing battleaxe wielded by the father of of the Nordic people. There are also the other guilds such as the College of Winterhold (Mages guild), the Thieves Guild (speaks for itself), and the Dark Brotherhood (assassins guild).

Like Oblivion and Morrowind, two major expansions were made for Skyrim. Dawnguard has you choosing to either side with the vampires or the vampire hunters from stopping a plot to blot out the sun forever (and trying to score with a sexy as fuck vampire princess, voiced by THE queen of vampire hotness herself, Laura Bailey), while Dragonborn is a fight between the First and Last Dragonborn over the issue of screwing over Hermaeus Mora, plus lots of Lore hints to even deeper lore mindfuck known as Amaranth.

The main difference between this and the first four games in the Elder Scrolls series is that Skyrim is much more Grimdark than the previous ones, what with having less color than Oblivion (although still more than Morrowind, which looked like a turd despite being fun), everyone being super serious 100% of the time, all of the voices from the last 2 games changed (people debate whether this was a good or bad thing). That's just the gameplay, let alone the fact that three of the four of your favorite factions from the first four games are dead or barely holding on (Mages Guild is kill, Thieves Guild is barely alive, Dark Brotherhood is barely alive, and the Fighters Guild only got out of this due to not having a branch in Skyrim to begin with), the Blades are all but wiped out (with the remaining two consisting of a short, reckless fuckwit who has a revenge boner against everything, and the other is the awesome Max von Sydow), and the Imperium is horribly broken due to the fact that the elves formed an evil group and are well on their way to turn the Imperium into a puppet government. Basically, it's Warhammer 40,000 in fantasy. Wait a minute...

While not as amazing as Morrowind's theme, Skyrim's theme is one of pure awesome. The metal version of it makes it even more awesome.

Oh, and if you by any chance were hoping for the sequel, Bethesda Game Studious ain't done re-releasing Skyrim (again), with some paid mods and "My-name-ain't-Zelda!" skins to boot, so it seems you'll just have to wait a while longer...

The Elder Scrolls Online

The game will be set one thousand years ago, before the events of Skyrim, where Molag Bal, the Deadric Prince of Domination conspires with the Tharn Family (current rulers of the Akaviri Potentate) and Mannimarco, the King of Worms, to use the state of Tamriel's civil war to merge Mundus with Molag Bal's realm of Coldharbour.

The games' factions will be as follows: The Aldmeri Dominion (Altmer, Bosmer, and Khajit) - led by Queen Ayrenn, the Ebonheart Pact (Dunmer, Nords, and Argonians), and the Daggerfall Covenant (Bretons, Redguards, and Orcs). If a player gets the Imperial Edition or an upgrade later on they can play an Imperial in any faction. Another upgrade allows one to play any race in any faction as well.

The player character will be known as the Vestige, whose soul was taken from him/her by Molag Bal (apparently so that it can justify the countless resurrections in-game). You win with help of Meridia.

You start as a prisoner in Cold Harbor. There are okay books here and there. People are very bi-polar about the game, some really hate it, some really like it, majority on 4chan are butthurt. Has apparently improved a lot now, after some patches and changes to the base game; some will swear to it as one of the best MMOs out there. Many, however, still refuse to touch it - It *is* an Elder Scroll MMO, after all.

Might want to note that this is more Zenimax's thing, Bethesda isn't even developing it. Might explain some of the butchering of the lore and why there was suddenly an Elder Scrolls MMO out of nowhere. Hopefully this also means that any "transcription errors" don't get merged with the actual canon.

Memes

The reactions of players everywhere to the sequel of The Lusty Argonian Maid.

Like Dawn of War, The Elder Scrolls have spawned a considerable amount of memes.

• HALT HALT HALT HALT. The guards from Daggerfall shout this when you're running from them: it should have been a single HALT, but due to bugs it keeps being looped.
• N'WAH! Shouted by Dunmer in Morrowind onwards. Since you fight a lot of Dunmer in Morrowind, you hear this one a lot.
• STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM is Oblivion's most popular meme, and has its own page.
• If you become the champion of the arena in Oblivion, you can be followed around by the Adoring Fan: a Bosmer with an ugly as fuck haircut. He is often taken to Dive Rock, a location with one of the game's deepest drops, and kicked off.
• Cliff Racers are one of THE most infamous enemies in gaming. They're flying reptile things that move faster than you do (without exploits), descend upon you making a godawful sound, wail on you until you kill them and by the time you've killed it another one often appeared. Jiub, the guy who wakes you up at the beginning of Morrowind, became a Saint of the Tribunal Temple after killing them all.
• Mudcrabs are somewhat of a meme on their own, but in Oblivion they are a frequent subject of discussions between people having seen and avoiding them.
• The Lusty Argonian Maid is a play written by Crassius Curio, a noble of Great House Hlaalu. He is famous for his rather... forwardness with the player (he'll only sponsor you in House Hlaalu if you strip down for him, and will support the Hortator only after a kiss). He is the author of The Lusty Argonian Maid, an infamous work involving an Argonian maid polishing the "spear" of her (self-insert)master. There's a sequel in Skyrim involving a "loaf" "sating" the "appetite" of the maid's "mistress". The latest Skyrim DLC adds in a book in the same style called "The Sultry Argonian Bard" about a "private performance" of the title characters "delicate instrument".
• Wonderful! Time for a celebration! Cheese... FOR EVERYONE! Shouted by Sheogorath during the Shivering Isles main quest.
• FUS RO DAH! is the first Dragon Shout you learn in Skyrim (well, you learn "Fus;" "Ro" and "Dah" come later). It means "unrelenting force," and it's basically a Force push. It is highly effective against pretty much anything, especially if it's got a cliff behind it.
• "I used to be an adventurer like you; then I took an arrow in the knee" is one of the pieces of random dialogue that any NPC guard in Skyrim can say when spoken to, or when you just happen to pass too close to them and they feel like chatting, and a version exists for each different guard voice-set. As a result, while playing Skyrim, you will hear from an awful lot of guards, from all over Skyrim, both male and female, that their promising adventuring careers were cut short by crippling knee-related injuries. The frequent use of the phrase inspired a derived meme wherein it is declared that "I used to X; then I took an arrow in the knee" (sometimes using the line as an interruption to an existing text which happens to contain a line fitting the format). The joke took the form of plaintext or image macros and briefly made the rounds on the internet (including, of course, /tg/) due to Skyrim's massive popularity. It wishes it were as cool as Oblivion's "STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM". (As a matter of fact is actually a metaphor for being married.) Also worth noting is that at this point, this meme has become so fucking overused that most people, even hardcore fanbodys of the game, are just plain sick of it and using it nowadays is a classic troll move due to its tendency to induce massive amounts of rage. Try using the "been a while since we had a good bandit raid" line instead, that's still fresh.
• Have you seen those warriors from Hammerfell? They've got curved swords. Curved. Swords. Currrrrved. Sworrrrrrds. Guards from across Skyrim will repeatedly inform you about these currrrrved sworrrrrrds as if it's some kind of hypnotic suggestion. Or just plain suggestion
• Transcription Error. Phrase coined by loremasters of TESO. They used it to represent their inability and zero knowledge about Cyrodiil and why is it not a jungle anymore and since then majority of Lorefags hate TESO. Transcription Error is usually used to refer to any lorerape or lore inconsistency.
• Dude, do you even CHIM? Don't you listen to the great Mikael? Whenever CHIM or other deeper levels of the TES lore is mentioned, there's bound to be some upcoming internet comedians making fun of CHIM, and just how complicated and weird a concept it is. What, don't you get it? Imagine the Godhead! Awaken within the dream!

And above all, C0DA MAKES IT CANON. JUST FUCKING TRUST US ON THAT ITS CANON.

Gallery

This article contains PROMOTIONS! Don't say we didn't warn you.

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  This is depressingly true.
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  Almsivi!
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  An average day for a TES protagonist.

See also

• Scrollhammer: if the Elder Scrolls and Warhammer had a bastard son, it would probably be like this.
• Unofficial Elder Scrolls RPG: A pen and paper RPG currently dead because Seht decided to take a break, but he's back now. Core 2E is pretty polished and in a playable state but GM/Player handbook are far from it and maybe will never get finished. Some anons are still working on it, but slowly.