Stercus Ludicrum
The concept: On a backwater shithole of a ice planet, a governor's son's desire to tinker with sleeping Necrons leads to everyone in the galaxy fighting everyone else over a planet with no strategic value for no reason. And it is AWESOME!
Stercus Ludicrum translates roughly to "Shit Show," and boy-howdy, that first human to see it and give it a name that would span thousands of years, he was right on the money. The locals call the world Cold Shoulder, likely because it's cold as a Necron's tit.
Speaking of the metal bastards, an enterprising Ordo Xenos Inquisitor found there were signs of a Necron tomb buried in the planet's ice crust. Like any watchful eagle, protecting the Imperium from threats inside and out, he pawned the job off to the planetary governor, and went to go bone the governor's slut of a daughter. The governor, likewise, passed the job to his son, who would pass it to his general, and so on, and so on. Eventually the PDF and a few incoming regiments of conscripts with no training were marched out to do battle for Emperor and Imperium against undying metal robots. Things went about as well as could be expected.
Things continued going downhill from there. The surviving commissar called for back-up. He got yet another inquisitor, bolter bitches, and various space marine chapters. Eldar came to kill the Necrons and be stuck up bitches. All the fighting drew Orks and Chaos to the world (though to be fair chaos was already there). Tyranids came with all the food on display. Dark Eldar came to raid in all the commotion. Some poor Tau passed too close and got dragged in, as well.
And then things start to get really bad. Give it a read.
Active Characters
This section includes any and all characters who are currently still alive and present in the game.
Imperium
Imperial Guard
- Original Commissar The original Commissar who started it all (always a Commissar). Is currently the closest thing that the local PDF on Cold Shoulder, has as a capable leader.
- Future Commissar The same guy as before, but from a far shittier future that occurs a year and a half after the war of Cold Shoulder originally started. We don't understand how he got here, or why he's still here, so stop fucking asking, and get back to work!
- Colonel James Arthur Praetorian Guard Colonel, was told by his higher ups to move as many conscripts as he had on hand to Stercus Ludicrum. Hasn't done much but walk around and wonder who is mad enough to have this many troops on one planet, also kinda thinks some of the sisters of battle hate him. Has a nice mustache though. Seems to always be in the wrong place at the right time
- Fessus
- Lloyd
- Marcus
- Phillip
- Commissar Flavia Julia Arodastra
Ecclesiarchy
- Ecclesiarchy Youngster Bishop A rather young bishop, elevated to his position due to him having an Aquila birthmark. During the first clusterfuck war, he united the civilians of the planet into a holy mob. Managed to convert the Governor's Whore of a Daughter away from Slaanesh worship and to that of the Emperor. Is now married to her.
- Governor's whore of a Daughter(call her Steph) The daughter of the recently deceased planetary Governor, and a former Slanneshi cultist like her mother. Went to "rehab" and got better (and by that, we mean she got married to the planetary bishop, and enjoyed the taste of his dick, and so got her act together). Is currently the the planetary Governess.
- Dietrich Wegstein A Inquistorial crusader that was left behind by his team, led by an Ordo Xenos Inquistor. While not lacking in knightly virtues, he stumbles from place to place due to his poor sense of direction.
- Lamos Derstrum
Sisters of Battle
- Canoness Konstanzia Canoness of the Order of the Ermine Mantle, and "leader" of the local sisters of battle currently on planet. Has bionic eyes, and a penchant for drinking far too fucking much expensive alcohol. We've tried talking to her about it, but it usually ends with a serious beating.
- Living Saint Brigitte Formerly Sister Brigitte of the Order of the Ermine Mantle, Brigitte died and returned as a living saint. Is unbelievably humble and a little thick. Tends to die a lot. Currently in captivity of Dark Eldar
- Sister Charlotte - Dominion serving Konstanzia.
- Sister Lydia Drives a repressor for the Canoness with her gunner, Sister Hanna.
- Sister Terese - Seraphim serving Konstanzia.
- Sister Olga A sister of battle with the Ermine Mantle. One of their heavy weapons specialist's armed with a heavy bolter. Her fellow sisters all say she eats too much, and think she's massively overweight. She only eats as much as she does, because she burns more calories than the rest of her sisters, due to lugging around a 50 pound gun, and it's ammunition. Is currently in a relationship with a certain Primaris space marine.
- Palatine Barbastella Palatine of the Black Sepulcher. Doesn't mess around.
- Palatine Sara Palatine of the Golden Light, self described avatar of The Emperor's fury. Really likes ancient terran "western" holo vids and powder based weaponry. Can kill exactly twelve heretics at once, before she needs to reload. She has a grudge against Drathor for stabbing her at the wedding. Has a cool hat.
- Sister Nyx Likes to go fast in her Black Sepulcher battle hearse. Gets a little exited sometimes
- Sister Maria
- Sister 'Missy' Karmistha Ordo Famillus of the Order of the Ermine Mantle. Apparently it pretty hot. Political arm of Ermine Mantle.
- Sister Annmarie
Space Marines
- Primaris Sergeant Jaren Artorius A Primaris space marine, belonging to the Broken Shields chapter of space marines. His squad dropped into orbit with orders to take down a titan, but ended up swallowed by it, and ending up in the Warp. After an intense journey with an insane version of Kaldor Draigo, he and his squad managed to escape, and make their way back to cold shoulder, before continuing to assist with planetary defense. It was during this time, that he met and started a relationship with a member of the Ermine Mantle chapter of sisters of battle, by the name of Olga.
- Captain Marek Avalon
Captain of the Broken Sheilds Chapter on Stercus Ludicrum. Gave Jaren Artorius "The Talk"
- Captain Thorn
Captain of the Imperial Fists Chapter on Stercus Ludicrum. Solid Dude. Lost the chapters gene seed stocks and relics in a bet over Jaren and Olga.
- Brother Jiro
Wing commander of the elite Xiphon formation Zero Flight of the Solar Hawks chapter. Likes to go fast, but on a jet plane instead of a bike for some reason.
- Veteran Sergeant Dalmier
- Brother Romeo Ignatius
Rogue Trader
- Rogue Trader Corazon III
Mechanicus
- Juris Magos Anthony Cosanostro
- Vusio
- Medusa
The Inquisition
- Inquisitor Elmas Frud
Civilians
- Oswald "the última luz" Helldreks
Renowned Blood Bowl player. Unimpressed by the new governess.
- Randle Cuthbert
Taxi driver and recently, sailor
- Rick Promethium
Xenos
Dark Eldar
- Sybarite Drazar A warrior of the Starless Night Kabal who can't seem to catch a break. Spends a lot of time running away from things. Is the love interest for a Succubus by the name Ann'Ette, however he is unaware of this and thinks she wants to kill him. Likes to loot bodies and has caches of weapons and armor all over the place. Slowly but surely rising through the ranks of his Kabal.
- Succubus Ann'Ette A Dark Eldar Succubus. Currently chasing her love interest, Sybarite Drazar across the planet. Thinks he is just playing games with her and can't possibly be so dense to think she's trying to kill him. Got her crush on Drazar after he (accidentally) saved her from a grenade by falling on it. Called in a favor with a Haemonculus to stitch him back together.
- Archon Dathram
Commander of Dark Eldar forces on Stercus Ludicrum. Pretty fun guy. Currently has custody of the Arch-Bishop and Sister Olga
- Kent
Dathram's trusted body gaurd. Ogryn or Half-Ogryn, and valued for his loyalty. Carries double splinter cannon dark lance. Often gives Dathram helpful advice.
- Kabalite Vex
Orks
- Kommando Gor'Muncha
- Warboss 'Ead-Krumpa
- Weird-Dok Gutpoker
Eldar
- Hast'El'Vishkaya On the planet to recover the souls stones of the dead eldar, very stuck up (like all eldar) and full of himself. Also likes spouting Elvis puns.
- Prys'Ellia El'Vish's companion, and wraithlord. Died on the planet some time ago and came back for round 2.
- Kaviala Kade A Farseer who has come to Stercus Ludicrum to blow up the Necron Tomb Complex
Tyranids
- Genestealer Patriarch 'Scar' A genestealer who began the construction of a cult after all the battles settled down. It got big impossibly fast, due to warp fuckery likely the same as created Future Commissar. Slain in battle, and currently enshrined within the Cathedral of The Four Armed Emperor.
- Sister Cecilia A former Sister of Battle, she was infected by the genestealer patriarch, and got REALLY into worshipping the Four Armed Emperor. She now leads the genestealer cult ground forces. Killed by Sister Barbastella.
- Norn Queen Becky - The insidious Norn Queen burrowed beneath the planet, plotting her revenge on everyone else.
Necrons
- Menkaukht
Tau
- Shas'Vre Tash'var Dorax A Farsight enclaves soldier who came to the planet originally as a reconnaissance mission but then buddied up with a Tsons sorcerer and then broke off to continue a new mission of killing as many T'au of the Sept worlds as he could, especially after he found out they were corrupted by Slaanesh. His suit was possessed by a daemon which has begun to teach him the art of melee and stole a sword from the Grey Knights.
- Fio'Vre Mal'Caor
- Aun'Dik Formerly an Ethereal with a penchant for fine ass bitches, Aun'Dik's hedonistic desires were twisted into devotion to Slaanesh. After falling to Chaos, Aun'Dik proceeded to corrupt nearly every Tau under his command to Slaanesh. For his efforts, Aun'Dik was transformed into a daemon prince. He celebrated by raining Slaanesh tainted beer upon Angel's Landing, followed by crashing his ship onto the other side of the planet, where Shas'Vre Tash'var Dorax hunted him down and killed him. Aun'Dik is currently waiting in the warp for the time he can return to the material plane.
Chaos
Traitor Marines
- Hakron Geras Alpha Legion Operator-Master and current second in command to the Harrow-Master of Cell ΨO
- Headhunter Killteam λ The Alpha Legion Headhunters of Cell ΨO, lead by the Headhunter Prime Tylax. Captured the genestealer known as 'Scar'.
- Nerus Alpha Legion Apothecary of Cell ΨO. Got bored and let genestealer known as 'Scar' escape.
- Mefros Alpha Legion Infiltraitor of Cell ΨO
- Various unimportant squads of Legionnaires
- Xerxes of the Thousand Sons A Sorcerer from the Thousand Sons, he has bird head in addition to his normal one. He hates the bird head. Cursed Shas'Vre Tash'var Dorax's battlesuit with Ar-Pharazon. Cursed his rubric with a hat.
- Tar Gwill Last legionnaire of the Night Lords 83rd company. Working for the Alpha Legion, but doesn't like it too much.
The Lost and The Damned
- Drathor
- Medeth Absinthium
- Julius
- Brick a tzaangor who carries around bricks. He is an idiot, but also a shrewd investor
The Neverborn
- Tnez'ahman'Dor
- Ar-Pharazon
Bloodthirster of Khorne who one day was bored and wanted something to do, so he went through the warp to find the Tau fire warrior Shas'vre Tashvar Dorax and has been teaching him and his men the art of melee and it's importance, during the battle with Aun'dik he possessed and took control fully the suit of the Shas'vre when he was being seduced by the Ethereal and brutally murdered him, also turned the Shas'vre red, literally.
Gallery
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Threads
Thread 1: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/58335731/
Thread 2: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/58415703/
Thread 3: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/58537811/
Thread 4: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/58639533/
Thread 5: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/58772704/