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{{WTF}}
[[File:All Is Dust by MajesticChicken.jpg|250px|right|thumb|Ahzek Ahriman]]
{{heresy}}
Ahzek Ahriman (A.K.A. The Sorcerer of the Red Cyclops) is a powerful Chaos Space Marine of the [[Thousand Sons]]. He is noted for pissing off [[Magnus the Red]] to the point where Magnus kicked his ass out of the Thousand Sons after Ahriman simultaneously saved/damned his legion with the Rubric of Ahriman. On the Tabletop, he is known for two things: costing as much as a [[Land Raider]] and dropping a [[Touhou]]-esque level of [[Psyker|mind-bullet]] [[dakka]] each round he's on the table.
[[image:csgoto.jpg|thumb| Police sketch.]]
You are reading the 1d4chan article for '''C.S. Goto''', and this pleases him.


Cassern Sebastian Goto is a <s> Demon prince of [[Tzeentch]]</s> <s> [[Nurgle]]</s> black, Irish leper Daemon Prince of [[Tzeentch]] [[Khorne]] [[Slaanesh]], who is one of [[/tg/|/tg/'s]] most beloved [[Black Library]] authors. If you think that the aforementioned title is nonsensical, here's the reason. Slaanesh got so happy reading Eldar torture scenes so he got daemonned by him/her/hermie, Khorne got pissed off by that, but Khorne likes that so he got Daemonned, and Tzeentch loved the troll, so he got daemonned.His books contain plenty of [[Eldar]] torture scenes, and also completely disregard most [[Warhammer 40,000]] [[canon]]. Most likely because they are actually recycled versions of his old movie scripts (rejected by all studios with at least as much sense of self-preservation as a retarded lemming – i.e., all of them) from fifteen years ago, with just some names changed (this pleases him).
== Early Life ==
He was born among the wealthy tribes of the Achaemenid Empire, whose kings had allied with the Emperor during the Unification Wars. His name and birth region indicate that he is Iranian. He was then inducted to join the Astartes along with his twin brother Ohrmuzd (who later died of severe mutations, making it a dead giveaway to Ahriman and Ohrmuzd, two Iranian deities of Light and Dark--guess which one Ahriman is). He quickly rose through the ranks and became both Captain of the First Company and Chief Librarian of the Corvidae (the most powerful cult of the Thousand Sons).


* [[Multilasers]], anyone?
Basically, he is an evil Persian Space Marine reeking of [[JUST AS PLANNED]].


* Oh yea. And Eldar. It's fucking CANON that the Aspect Warriors don't own their armor (except Exarchs, but '''theirs doesn't come off''') and return it to the Aspect Shrine when they grow too much sense to play dress-up kung-fu ninjas anymore. Goto had several Eldar keeping the helmets they wore as Aspect Warriors like some sort of fucking souvenir. And they all worship [[Slaanesh]], including the entire Ulthwe Seer Council and [[Eldrad]] himself.
== During the Heresy ==
Like all Astartes, Ahriman assisted his Primarch during the great crusade. With him serving as Magnus' second in command and advisor. Ahriman was present during the time when Horus became Warmaster. He was also present during Magnus' trial on Nikaea.


* Or D-Cannons? The things teleport chunks out of the target (looks kind of like Looney Toons-style swiss cheese production, but messier). The retard had them fire '''bullets'''.
When the Space wolves attacked Prospero (under false orders from Horus), Ahriman led the Thousand Sons Cults to battle. Defying Magnus' orders to accept their fates under the idea of redemption equals death. Despite this, the Sons were already near total annihilation until Magnus finally decided that enough was enough. Magnus battled [[Leman Russ]], but Russ got the upper hand and was about to slay Magnus. Magnus then swore allegiance to Tzeentch in a desperate move to save his legion, and so Tzeentch teleported Magnus, Ahriman and the Sons to the Planet of the Sorcerers.


* Or [[Craftworld|Biel-Tan's]] Avatar? Apparently he hasn't had his Wailing Doom sword for the past 3,000 years. And is dead.
== Rubric of Ahriman ==
Seeing as to how the Thousand Sons were quickly succumbing to the flesh-change since Tzeentch is the God of change and all, Ahriman attempted to permanently cure them of their mutations. Without Magnus' consent, he, along with a cabal of other sorcerers, cast the Rubric of Ahriman. On the up-side, all the psychics in the legion stopped mutating and became more powerful than they were. On the down-side, everyone else in the legion who wasn't a psyker was cursed to be turned into dust and be sealed in their armor for all eternity, turning them into soulless automatons who are unable to think for themselves. Needless to say, Ahriman went [[derp]].


* Everyone knows that [[Terminator]]s, wearing the ridiculously heavy armour that they do, are perfectly capable of performing backflips, right? No, not right, fucking stupid.
After Magnus learned of this, he flew into a nerd [[rage]] so great that even an [[Angry Marine]] would take pause to admire. Magnus was about to kill Ahriman but Tzeentch himself told him that everything was [[just as planned]], and so the Cyclops kicked Ahriman's ass out of Prospero instead and forced him to wander the Chaos Wastes.


* [[Land Raider]]s. They can transform into [[Razorback]]s now. (They also change back in under a page and a half.)
== Current Status ==
He is constantly trying to gain entrance into an Eldar library. Not just any library, where he can nerd out like most other geeks, but the mystical [[Black Library]] where he can nerd out mystically and become a new major chaos god (which would thus tear reality yet another great big asshole like the eye of terror). And he is constantly failing at that task. To be fair, it is hidden in the ass end of the Webway (which is to say it is hidden in the ass end of the ass end of nowhere). It's also protected by the [[Harlequins]], who are really fucking good at getting their shit done, and the [[Cegorach|Eldar Laughing God]], who still has the full measure of his god-like power, also a master of [[just as planned]] (to the point that he can play this dreadfully complicated game on a fairly equal level with the Deceiver, Tzeentch, and the Emperor), and is capable of challenging [[Slaanesh]] for the souls for the Harlequin Solitaires and winning. In the end, Ahriman has an excuse, unlike a certain [[Abaddon|despoiler]] whose first name is [[FAIL|Ezekyle.]] 


* You know that Dawn of War book he wrote? Apparently, during Winter Assault, [[Sturnn]] got to the titan first and met a company of blood ravens who claimed there was a webway gate buried underneath. Oh and the [[Ultramarines]] [[Sturnn]] escorted? [[derp|They were the Alpha Legion in disguise]]. Fucking Stupid.
In spite of this, he is one of the most awesomely powerful psykers in the galaxy. His miniature can psychic power spam like no one else can, as he is able to throw four powers per turn, three of which can be shooting attacks, which means that he can kill pretty much anything dead with just a mean look.  Nerd [[Rage]] abounds as to whether the Doom of Malan'tai, [[Mary Sue|Tigurius]], [[Eldrad]], Ahriman, or [[Blood Angels|Mephiston]] is the most powerful psyker alive and not balls to the wall insane or a daemon.


* [[Khorne|Khornate]] Sorcerer. ('''[[Rage|RRRRAAAAGGGGEEEE!!!!]]''')
Pretty much answered, at least in terms of straight psychic power (Eldrad's got powerful anti psyker and perils bypassing stuff that Ahriman doesn't, so in a psychic fight he'd beat Ahriman) now that Ahriman's been boosted to mastery 4, making him the most powerful psyker in the game, other than the tzeentch daemon lord.
Unrelated to everything above, he's named after Ahriman from Zoroastrianism.


* 180 pages of describing the gory (and non-canon) death of [[Taldeer]] (who is now a novice Farseer from Biel-Tan instead of a veteran from Ulthwe) during the events of Winter Assault. The resulting torture scenes rival Matt Ward for his sexist snuff obsessions.
{{Template:Chaos-Marines}}
 
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]][[Category:Chaos]][[Category:Space Marines]]
While similar accusations might be fairly leveled at almost any [[Black Library]] author, instead of the usual once-per-book or once-per-chapter, or even just once, against Goto you can count one for every page on average (sometimes more).
 
He is also the only Black Library writer to ever be so much of a pussy to try excusing himself with "having an artistic license" (which in his definition apparently means he's being free to screw the canon left, right and inside out however it fucking pleases him). He is apparently also a cigar-smoking midget, and rides a motorcycle that pleasures him simultaneously — much like [[Doomrider]] — which pleases him.
 
It is also a known fact that [[Matt Ward]] is another pen name for C.S. Goto. (What? You thought the books they wrote were similarly terrible by coincidence?)
 
Fortunately, though [[Games Workshop|GW]] demand that anything published through the Black Library be considered canon, they also state that canon doesn't necessarily mean ''true''. The work (in universe) may be written as Imperial propaganda, for example. Or in this case, the real-world fan fiction of a disabled child living in the slums of a hive city. C.S. Goto is not [[Ben Counter]], though he may wish he was.
 
[[Twilight|Still, it could get worse, just pray to the Emperor that it doesn't.]]
 
We have recently obtained information on his background confirming that at some point in his life he was butt-hurt by a man in a red robe. Well it's either that or approached by a salesman of these items.
 
Which would explain his near-on obsessive need to fit the words red robe into nearly every paragraph and his desire to rape the established background of 40k.
 
==Gallery==
<gallery>
Image:Multilasers.jpg|This is what C. S. Goto actually believes.
 
Image:GOTO_HH.png|Typical Goto heresy - Superb Cover clamped around manure.
 
</gallery>
 
==See Also==
* His website: http://www.csgoto.com/csgotopositions.html
** Read the interview. He ''KNOWS'' about the Multilasers, and all the stuff we said about him. He reads the pages and forums about him... and it pleases him. Yeah. He is almost an avatar of [[Tzeentch]], [[troll]]ing everything in his way. Well, he would be, except [[Nurgle]] just loves his utterly devastating fluff-corruptive powers.
 
[[Category:Warhammer 40,000]]
[[Category:RAGE]]
[[Category:Writers]]
[[category:Black Library]]

Revision as of 11:55, 22 March 2013

Ahzek Ahriman

Ahzek Ahriman (A.K.A. The Sorcerer of the Red Cyclops) is a powerful Chaos Space Marine of the Thousand Sons. He is noted for pissing off Magnus the Red to the point where Magnus kicked his ass out of the Thousand Sons after Ahriman simultaneously saved/damned his legion with the Rubric of Ahriman. On the Tabletop, he is known for two things: costing as much as a Land Raider and dropping a Touhou-esque level of mind-bullet dakka each round he's on the table.

Early Life

He was born among the wealthy tribes of the Achaemenid Empire, whose kings had allied with the Emperor during the Unification Wars. His name and birth region indicate that he is Iranian. He was then inducted to join the Astartes along with his twin brother Ohrmuzd (who later died of severe mutations, making it a dead giveaway to Ahriman and Ohrmuzd, two Iranian deities of Light and Dark--guess which one Ahriman is). He quickly rose through the ranks and became both Captain of the First Company and Chief Librarian of the Corvidae (the most powerful cult of the Thousand Sons).

Basically, he is an evil Persian Space Marine reeking of JUST AS PLANNED.

During the Heresy

Like all Astartes, Ahriman assisted his Primarch during the great crusade. With him serving as Magnus' second in command and advisor. Ahriman was present during the time when Horus became Warmaster. He was also present during Magnus' trial on Nikaea.

When the Space wolves attacked Prospero (under false orders from Horus), Ahriman led the Thousand Sons Cults to battle. Defying Magnus' orders to accept their fates under the idea of redemption equals death. Despite this, the Sons were already near total annihilation until Magnus finally decided that enough was enough. Magnus battled Leman Russ, but Russ got the upper hand and was about to slay Magnus. Magnus then swore allegiance to Tzeentch in a desperate move to save his legion, and so Tzeentch teleported Magnus, Ahriman and the Sons to the Planet of the Sorcerers.

Rubric of Ahriman

Seeing as to how the Thousand Sons were quickly succumbing to the flesh-change since Tzeentch is the God of change and all, Ahriman attempted to permanently cure them of their mutations. Without Magnus' consent, he, along with a cabal of other sorcerers, cast the Rubric of Ahriman. On the up-side, all the psychics in the legion stopped mutating and became more powerful than they were. On the down-side, everyone else in the legion who wasn't a psyker was cursed to be turned into dust and be sealed in their armor for all eternity, turning them into soulless automatons who are unable to think for themselves. Needless to say, Ahriman went derp.

After Magnus learned of this, he flew into a nerd rage so great that even an Angry Marine would take pause to admire. Magnus was about to kill Ahriman but Tzeentch himself told him that everything was just as planned, and so the Cyclops kicked Ahriman's ass out of Prospero instead and forced him to wander the Chaos Wastes.

Current Status

He is constantly trying to gain entrance into an Eldar library. Not just any library, where he can nerd out like most other geeks, but the mystical Black Library where he can nerd out mystically and become a new major chaos god (which would thus tear reality yet another great big asshole like the eye of terror). And he is constantly failing at that task. To be fair, it is hidden in the ass end of the Webway (which is to say it is hidden in the ass end of the ass end of nowhere). It's also protected by the Harlequins, who are really fucking good at getting their shit done, and the Eldar Laughing God, who still has the full measure of his god-like power, also a master of just as planned (to the point that he can play this dreadfully complicated game on a fairly equal level with the Deceiver, Tzeentch, and the Emperor), and is capable of challenging Slaanesh for the souls for the Harlequin Solitaires and winning. In the end, Ahriman has an excuse, unlike a certain despoiler whose first name is Ezekyle.

In spite of this, he is one of the most awesomely powerful psykers in the galaxy. His miniature can psychic power spam like no one else can, as he is able to throw four powers per turn, three of which can be shooting attacks, which means that he can kill pretty much anything dead with just a mean look. Nerd Rage abounds as to whether the Doom of Malan'tai, Tigurius, Eldrad, Ahriman, or Mephiston is the most powerful psyker alive and not balls to the wall insane or a daemon.

Pretty much answered, at least in terms of straight psychic power (Eldrad's got powerful anti psyker and perils bypassing stuff that Ahriman doesn't, so in a psychic fight he'd beat Ahriman) now that Ahriman's been boosted to mastery 4, making him the most powerful psyker in the game, other than the tzeentch daemon lord. Unrelated to everything above, he's named after Ahriman from Zoroastrianism.

Famous members of the Traitor Legions
Originating from
the Canon:
Abaddon - Ahzek Ahriman - Argel Tal - Cypher - Doomrider
Eidolon - Erebus - Fabius Bile - Haarken Worldclaimer - Honsou - Horus Aximand
Iskandar Khayon - Kharn - Kor Phaeron - Lheorvine Ukris - Lucius
Lugft Huron - Luther - Madox - Maloghurst - Necrosius the Undying - Occam - Sevatar
Shon'tu - Svane Vulfbad - Talos - Telemachon Lyras - Typhus - Ygethmor - Zardu Layak - Zhufor
Originating from
the games:
Araghast the Pillager - Azariah Kyras - Bale - Crull - Eliphas The Inheritor
Firaeveus Carron - Kain - Nemeroth - Neroth - Sindri Myr - Varius