Marines Malevolent

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Evil Marines
Battle Cry	This ancient Terran chant
Founding	Fourth or Eighth Founding
Successors of	Unknown, as no Chapter in their right mind would admit it.
Successor Chapters	No Chapter would admit it anyway
Chapter Master	Scumbag Steve
Primarch	Secundus Unknown
Homeworld	Worse off for having them
Strength	Hopefully declining
Specialty	Being absolute assholes, dickwards and douchebags, pissing off the Salamanders, and getting completely burned by said Salamanders
Allegiance	Imperium (much to their chagrin)
Colours	Piss Yellow and "Hangover poop" Black trim

Witness the very pinnacle of douchebaggery, the yellow that reeks of scum PISS. They are every Salamanders' nightmare and major cause of ragequits. They are... the Marines Malevolent. Notice they are also the colour of wasps, undisputed douchebags of the insect world.

The Marines Malevolent are a Space Marine Chapter in Warhammer 40,000. They have only two real defining characteristics: they are complete assholes, and they hate (and are hated by) the Salamanders, which is probably related to the first point. It may also be related to their unique approach to hostage situations (hint: it involves Whirlwinds). They're such super massive assholes that, if their douchebaggery was a real and actual thing, it would collapse into a black hole and suck in the entire universe. Imagine Angry Marines but with all the anger and rage replaced with passive-aggressiveness and complete dickishness. They're pretty much the poster boys of everything bad about the Imperium rolled into one collection of chucklefucks.

They have a shortage of power armour (pissing off the Adeptus Mechanicus tend to have that effect), so they use whatever parts of it they can find. In the novel Salamander by Nick Kyme they even steal some from an abandoned forge ship. Their callous and insufferably smug attitude towards authorities and civilians has even caused the ire of the Inquisition to press charges to censure the chapter. Yes, even the trigger-happy Dickbags that pop Exterminatus like Christmas presents, find the Marines Malevolent to be fucking unpleasant and cruel towards civilians. They even blackmailed a First Founding Chapter Master to the point that he had to physically restrain himself from smacking the fuck out of the Malevolent representative. When the two met again at the end of the Third Armageddon campaign, said Chapter Master openly insulted the Malevolent Captain (after he beat the ever-living fuck out of him in private) in front of the entire army, causing much sniggering amongst the nearer Guardsmen and earning the Chapter Master (Tu'Shan) the title Hero of Armageddon.

Well OK, he got it for kicking Thraka's ass, but who cares.

Most Chapters such as the Imperial Fists or Ultramarines regard casualties, particularly those of the collateral nature, to be unfortunate but largely unavoidable. Yes, many civilians and Guardsmen died during the orks' assault on the hive, but had we not fought the xenos there, many more would be dead. Civilian casualties should be avoided but the mission always comes first.

A few Chapters (such as the Salamanders and the Space Wolves) go out of their way to minimize casualties. Battle-brothers, we few are all that stand between the heretics and the refugee camp behind us. The PDF and the Guard have not the men to spare to protect this place as they withdraw themselves. But curses upon ourselves and our Chapter if we allow that degenerate rabble to harm the Emperor's faithful!

But then there are the Marines Malevolent; their attitude is that the dead are worthy of contempt, for they were too weak to live, and if the wounded suffer, then it is likewise because they are wretchedly weak. Help, Guardsman? No, you will only have my scorn. This might be why the other Space Marine assholes known for sacrificing civvies, the Star Phantoms, nearly destroyed the chapter during the Macharian Heresy.

In short, in a galaxy of horror and tragedy, most suffer jadedly, a few grieve but only the Marines Malevolent jeer.... well, and the Iron Hands, but that's basically retconned now.

Other forces in the Warhammer 40k universe may be EEEEEEVIL!!! on some sort of grand cosmic scale of grimdark, but very few are just nasty, petty, and cruel in an all-too human way. They treat their Chapter Serfs like slaves, and for those not in the know, this is otherwise unheard of. That's not grimdark, M&Ms, that's just... unpleasant.

They have only a few named characters, and only a few are alive at the time of the 'present day' in 40k. The only Malevolent known to be alive at the time of Medusa was Vinyar, a Company Captain with a raging grudge against Tu'Shan. They had no fewer than thirty three of their men (including a Veteran Sergeant, two Techmarines, a pilot, and a fucking APOTHECARY) get infected by the Obliterator Virus while they were boarding the ship Demetrion, so Vinyar basically told them to go hit themselves with Tu'Shan's Thunder Hammer until they were purified. We are not kidding.

At this point, with the amount of hatred the Chapter has garnered, it's pretty amazing in and of itself that several other, cooler Chapters don't just petition the High Lords to disband them and give the armour and weapons to other Chapters who don't shit themselves laughing after launching artillery at a refugee camp. Hell, since the Imperium is so bumfuck retarded, they could probably be hit with the 'Traitor' stamp for killing civilians for no reason (ooh, some Kommandos are nearby. It'd be nice if we had some sort of low-key, un-Power Armoured marine who has been trained in stealth and reconnaissance to go and take them out). And should that happen, I can't think of too many Chapters who would turn down the chance to kick the Marine Malevolent in their collective dicks. Especially if the Minotaurs and SPESS SHARKSH!!! happen to be in the area. One of the Malevolents challenged a Black Templar to an honor duel, just so he could take the Templar's armor when he won, so the Templars would probably be first in line as well.

One could make the argument that this dickishness is just extreme pragmatism, combined with scorn towards everyone (including their own) who show weakness. You'd be wrong. Being pragmatic isn't bad in itself as such Chapters like the Raven Guard, or their successors like the Raptors, show multiple times, but the Marines Malevolent are just callous. They see others as an interference in doing their job as Marines, while those who prevent them in doing so actually do so because even they draw a line. An Inquisitor must be pragmatic due to the things he has to deal with constantly, but even then he wouldn't go that far as to put an entire sector to the torch unless he has enough evidence to justify this act, and even then he'll go to great lengths to hit places where heresy and corruption are at its worst and then cauterize the rest before it grows and strengthens itself. The Raptors Space Marines are known for their pragmatic take on warfare, yet even then they will never go so far as to waste allies or bombard a place with civilians in it. This is the reason why Marines Malevolent are not liked that much by the Imperium.

They also have piss-coloured armour, the ungrateful fucks.

They're still active in the 42nd Millennium (unfortunately). A Marines Malevolent relief force arrived to rescue some Custodians defending Primaris Marine Gene-tech on Loque II, just in time to rescue the last surviving Custodian and the gene-tech. Knowing the Marines Malevolent, they probably not only tried to take the gene-tech but they probably took the credit too.

Chapter Tactics

Friend no one Likes: When determining the level of allegiance between a faction with this chapter tactic and another without it decrease the standard level of allegiance as shown on the allies matrix by one to a minimum of Come the Apocalypse.

Victory at any Cost: Units with this chapter tactic may make shooting attacks at enemy units that are locked in close combat with any allied unit that does not have this chapter tactic. To represent the nature of firing into a swirling melee use the following rules when firing: If using a blast or template weapon place them as usual but allied models may be under its starting position and roll for scatter as necessary. If firing another kind of weapon target the enemy unit as normal and roll to hit with a -1 to ballistic skill. For each successful to hit, roll to wound against the enemy unit, but for each miss roll to wound against the allied unit. All wounds are randomly allocated and saves may be taken as normal.

Disdain for the Weak: Units with this chapter tactic automatically pass morale checks the unit must take due to Casualties or to Losing as Assault.

marines malevolent facts

• the marines malevolent are the reason we don't get half life 3
• the marines malevolent are the reason we cant have nice things
• the marines malevolent are the reason chaos players cant use basilisk tanks and obliterators are crap now

daily rituals of the marines malevolent

7:00am - the marines malevolent are roused from their beds after whatever stagger party was on last night the chapters battle hymn is sung for an hour straight, typically this is a variant of the chapter battlecry except louder and more elaborate.

8:00am - prayer to the emperor the marines malevolent give praise to the emperor for being the marines malevolent and not some faggoty ultramarine, chaplains reinforce the view that “if the emperor didn’t want us to open fire into orphanages full of children to get one ork/heretic/gaunt he would have made them bullet proof, like us.”

9:00am - morning meal is prepared by the chapter serfs consting of Cheetos, Chinese food, and mountain dew serfs in the marines malevolent have a reputation for expedience in food preparation, and yet in spite of this it is not uncommon for battle brothers complain and have them made into servitors.

11:00am - battle practice: typically marines malevolent will use this time to spar in combat cages or play an ancient terran game called “dodge ball” upon being struck by said dodgeball the marine will cry out in pain and will say “You only grazed my shirt, brother!”

12:00am firing practice: over the centuries the marines malevolent have been lent or borrowed many fine technological relics and master crafted weaponry, from whatever unfortunate chapter or mechanicum adept they duped into lending them, these are very often used and abused by battle brothers usually aimed at something equally expensive or valuable. when queried about why such a valuable relic is in the hands of these guys, the marines malevolent respond with “why would you spend that much on it anyway?” favorite targets include but are not limited to stcs, the works of shakespear, the last remaining copies of game of thrones on blu ray, the emperors tears, beatles memorabilia and an ancient terran document called magna carta (used for flamer practice)

1:00pm midday meal: the marines malevolent will often cease their maneuvers to consume more food, it is not uncommon for chapter serfs to be called “lazy and uneducated wretches worthy only of our scorn” by marines malevolent only for said battle brothers to ask the local techmarine how Netflix 40000 works

2:00pm inter company field maneovers and survival training: the marines malevolent will disperse to the woods for 4 hours of camouflage and survival training, naturally the subject of food will be brought up when 1st, 3rd 5th and 9th company will have brought tide to go and extra ammunition while 2nd and 4th company brought beer and power weapons the blame will be then shifted to 10th company who will in turn try to pin this on the chapter serfs, like everything else

6:00pm tactical indoctrination: the marines malevolent will spend the next hour or so planning out the best way to crush the enemies of the emperor. Tactics that result in total annihilation are encouraged, these include full scale ordinance into a populated area, drop pod assault, the use of metal storm frag shells in a populated area(known anti personell weapon) and the use of phosphate weaponry, anyone who says “hold your fire those are civilians” will be forced to wear a space marine sized dunce hat and sit in the corner. Nobody has suggested preserving civilian lives in 800 years. Other tactics of merit include robbing the mechanicum of all their toys and requisitioning the food and water of the local population their defending especially on desert worlds as marines malevolent get thirsty

6:45 pm milk and cookies break: marines malevolent will stop their tactical indoctrination early to consume the sacred meal of milk and cookies, cookies are consumed in large quantities and the now empty box is put back into storage, no effort will be made to replace said box and the blame will be put on chapter serfs.

7:00 pm evening meal marines malevolent will retire for the evening meal, sharing is forbidden, unless an inquisitorial representative is in attendance or a chapter master or a high lord, then he’d better have brought his own damn food!

8:00 pm team building exercises marines malevolent will very often play the anchient terran game “call of duty modern warfare 2” for an hour, claiming their the best and blaming the local tech marine for bad latency while simultaneously berating other teams for among other things, using cover, using tactics, good communications while they themselves use the most overpowered weapons in the game when queried about this a typical response is “don’t hate the battle brother hate the game!”

10pm free time of popular viewing is the ancient terran holo video known as “beauty and the beast” while the chapter debates the ethics of consorting with a man afflicted by witchcraft and what is assumed to be sorcery, the marines malevolent cannot but praise the assumed hero of the story known as Gaston, seeing him to be everything that a marine malevolent aspires to be. Based on his size and physiology most assumed him to be some kind of space marine or scout in training while assuming his serf known as lefou is some kind of squat. The marines malevolent also enjoy watching the star wars triliogy cheering when alderan is blown up or the empire shows up.

Gallery

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  A squad of Marines Malevolent, resplendent in their piss colored armor.

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  YELLOW BOXES! Carron would be pissed.

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  Brother-Captain Assneus Dickeos.

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  Salamanders weep bitter tears when the Marines Malevolent arrive.