Dark Angels
| Dark Angels | ||
|---|---|---|
 |
||
| Battle Cry | "Repent! For tomorrow you die!" | |
| Number | I | |
| Founding | First Founding | |
| Successors of | None | |
| Successor Chapters | Angels of Absolution, Angels of Redemption, Angels of Vengeance, Guardians of the Covenant, Disciples of Caliban, Consecrators, Persecutors of Darkness | |
| Chapter Master | Azrael | |
| Primarch | Lion El'Jonson | |
| Homeworld | The Rock, originally Caliban | |
| Strength | 1,000 (officially, maybe much more) | |
| Specialty | Plasma weapons, terminators, bikes, historical revisionism, |
|
| Allegiance | Imperium of Man, |
|
| Colours | Green, black | |
The Dark Angels were the first Space Marine Legion to be formed by the Emprah. Their Primarch is Lion El'Jonson a.k.a The Lion. As a result, the Dark Angels are totally gay, their Primarch happening to be named after a homosexual poet who wrote a poem called "The Dark Angel" and might've dated Oscar Wilde. Oh, and their homeworld is called The Rock, a (now defunct) gay bar known to the original writers (it's actually a mobile Space station that can take out most of Battlefleet Solar on its own.). They're now the posterboys for both 6E and Citadel's "new" line of paints. Fuck yeah, we guess? Russian fa/tg/uys believe that Dark Angels are Jews (no one knows why). Interestingly, they're also the only Space Marine Chapter in the Imperium that willingly employ xenos retainers, known as the Watchers in the Dark; they get away with this by claiming the Watchers are undead Fallen DARK Angels.
By the way, anything that is struck out is the truth A COMPLETE FABRICATION, and any subsequent message written in all caps is an attempt by an agent of the Dark Angels to suppress information that implicates them of treachery TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT REALLY HAPPENED. The 1st Legion and its successors are composed entirely of closet heretics THE MOST LOYAL AND STALWART SERVANTS OF THE EMPEROR. Such is their secrecy OPENNESS that they will go to any lengths to conceal their dark past and prevent any outsiders from knowing the full story HONESTLY STATE THAT NOTHING HAPPENED. If such is the case, it may be safe to assume that the original author of such reports has either been killed or captured DECIDED TO TAKE A LONG VACATION.
- Days later, the author was found lying dead in a ditch, missing most of his head and upper torso. Examination of the body indicates that the likely cause of death was catastrophic injury resulting from
detonation of a small calibre explosive shell in the cranial cavity, such as a Bolter RoundA GUN UNLIKE ANYTHING THE DARK ANGELS USE. An autopsy conducted bya Dark Angels apothecaryAN UNBIASED APOTHECARY CHOSEN AT RANDOM concluded that the victim had either committed suicide or had been attacked by Ork snipers, and closed the case.
The new Codex heavily implies that they may be at Legion strength as no-one knows just how many worlds they recruit from or the number of recruits they actually have. The lack of clarification on this matter and the suspiciously close cooperation between the Dark Angels and their successor chapters hasn't gone unnoticed by the Inquisition, although their attempts at exposing the Dark Angels' secrets haven't met with much success thus far. However, one reason they and their successors work together so well is likely due to the fact that the pre-heresy Dark Angels Legion was already assembled out of chapters. After the heresy, they merely needed to give the chapters names instead of numbers and have the chapters adopt different heraldry and colors; as such, the Dark Angels and their successor chapters might still be (functionally and unofficially) a (more-or-less) cohesive Legion.
Their theme by HMKids,which Makes them look like loyalists SHOWS THEIR ABSOLUTE LOYALTY.
History
The original Dark Angels had black armour, back in the days of the Corvus pattern helmets. Modern Dark Angels instead use a dark green colour, except for the Deathwing and Ravenwing companies, which are composed entirely of bone-white Terminators and black Fast Attack units respectively. They were introduced in the Deathwing expansion to 1st edition Space Hulk with a spiffy background story by Bill King.
Veterens wear robes representing the shame of the chapter OUR NOBLE PURITY IN THE EYES OF THE EMPEROR, BELOVED BY ALL, and capes and such on the field of battle, and it looks pretty awesome.
Over 5,000 years ago, some planetary ruler insulted Leman Russ and he got all pissy about it. Then Lion ended up killing the leader and Leman was like "Whatchu do that fo' fool?" because he wanted to take the bitch-ass out. And Lion was like "fuck off, furry," despite his own furtastic name and his dickish kill-stealing. Leman, never being good with words, reason, or sobriety, megaton punched the Lion. The two of them fought for a day or two, an epic struggle between cool-headed tactician and hot-blooded barbarian, douchebag and bro-tard. Then Leman said "this is stupid" and Lion knocked him out.
In true anime fashion, after Leman regained consciousness and was less-inebriated, the two eventually became best buds and treated it as water under the bridge; their respective chapters still carry on the friendly rivalry, a pair of champions engaging in sacred and non-fatal honour duels whenever the Dark Angels and Space Wolves meet. And a couple of light years away, the Tyranids eat a planet while two of the most important Space Marine chapters waste time on this Nerf-chainsword-duel-honour-bullshit because that's how they roll.
They have apparently also become the love-chapter of some of GW's writers, since they now have the best motorcycle squads around (yes, apparently even better than the White Scars), the "last" (they might have a ton of them or be making new ones!) jetbike in the Imperium, and servant aliens.
History of the Dark Angels
Due to a slight mutation in their gene-seed, the Dark Angels had a slight predisposition to be emo, but other than that, they were cool. They killed lots of Orks and other xenos scum for great justice and were the most successful Legion during the early years of the Great Crusade.
During the Horus Heresy Lion El'Jonson rushed to come to the aid of the Emperor, fighting his way through the Night Lords and traitor guard to reach Terra. He didn't make it in time, because he wanted to see which side would win the Horus Heresy THE ENGINES WERE A LITTLE SLOW THAT DAY and returned home to Caliban only to find that to his shock his closest friend Luther had turned to Chaos, converting the garrison force with him EVERYTHING WAS A-OK. The Lion fought his way into his own fortress KICKED BACK and dueled Luther for the fate of the legion HAD SOME BREWSKIS. When daybreak came Caliban was nothing more than an asteroid field, a result of the Dark Angels loyalists bombarding their own planet so mercilessly SOMEBODY LEAVING THE GAS ON IN THE FORTRESS MONASTERY. When Dark Angel forces reclaimed the void shielded remnants of their headquarters they found that Luther was a gibbering wreck, and Jonson was nowhere to be found THE LION WENT OUT FOR SOME SMOKES HE'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE. Oh, and the surviving Dark Angels painted their armour green to distinguish themselves from their Chaos worshiping former Brothers BECAUSE GREEN IS THE EMPRAH'S FAVOURITE COLOUR AND THE DARK ANGELS ARE THE LOYALEST OF ALL CHAPTERS. This rather stressing turn of events caused one Dark Angel to comment "I hate Mondays".
Because Caliban was far away from many Imperial Worlds, the core leaders of the Dark Angels known as the "Inner Circle" decided to cover up Luther's treason THE COMPLETELY RANDOM ACCIDENT INVOLVING SOME FUCKTARD FIRING A FULL SALVO OF ORBITAL BOMBARDMENT CANNONS ON THE PLANET and mask it as an freakish warp accident. The Imperium's not exactly sure what happened to Caliban as anyone who investigates about this matter, even Inquisitors, disappears faster than Candlejack snatching away a victim after saying Ca
Ahem, to carry on where my predecessor left off after his mysterious disappearance, the Dark Angels became the most obscure chapter in the millennium following the Horus Heresy. Where as Imperial officials can try to order around chapters like the Space Wolves and Black Templars, the Dark Angels can never be approached because they can't be found 90% of the time. They are known for mysteriously appearing out of nowhere to aid Imperial forces and disappear just as fast, even if the forces they were aiding were still in need of their help. This has led to much complaint from Imperial commanders, who are often understandably pissed off.
After the destruction of Caliban
Ever since that fateful day ten thousand years ago, the Dark Angels have striven to prove to the Emprah and their Primarch that they are still cool guys to hang around with, despite their earlier Heresy HAVING THE FLASHIEST BITS THAN ANY OTHER CHAPTER. To this end they have acquired toys like plasma cannon jetbikes, Terminators that count as scoring units, and a mini-Gitmo in a flying chunk of planet to torture the Fallen ENEMIES OF THE EMPEROR FROM THE NINE TRAITOR LEGIONS, in order to prove that they are still loyal, and to attempt to disprove the rumour that that they are flaming homosexuals. This torture chamber has a rather impressive ability to make Chaos Marines give up Chaos.
Luther himself is kept within a special cell equipped with stasis fields (both to keep him from escaping and to prevent him from dying of old age before some kind of confession can be extracted from him). He's still barking mad from Chaos withdrawing its influence from him HIS OVERWHELMING LOVE FOR THE EMPRAH! But his ramblings have occasionally assisted the Dark Angels in apprehending the Fallen FINDING NEW WAYS TO IMPRESS CHICKS and locating lost relics within the Rock. Recently, he's been claiming that the time for the Lion to return and absolve the Chapter of its past is growing closer...
Unknown to the Dark Angels, Lion El'Jonson is alive and well- after his duel with Luther TRIPPING OVER A POWER SWORD THAT LUTHER FORGOT TO PUT AWAY, the Watchers in the Dark brought him to a hidden chamber in the depths of the Rock so he could be healed of his wounds. He has long since healed now, and now all that is needed for the last loyal Primarch's return is for the Emperor to give him the signal to do so.
Tensions between the Dark Angels and Black Templars have recently increased due to an incident involving Dark Angel forces and the Templar vessel Ophidium Gulf. The Black Templars were allegedly in the area to apprehend a heretic running a deviant branch of the Imperial Cult who turned out to be a Fallen Angel FOLLOW UP RUMOURS THAT ROGAL DORN'S SECRET STASH OF SORORITAS GONE WILD VIDS HAD BEEN FOUND and then mysteriously disappeared after sending a single astropathic communication because they were ambushed by a far superior force of Dark Angel vessels in order to keep them from spilling the secret of the Fallen THEY FOUND OUT THAT THEIR NAVIGATOR WAS A PSYKER AND KILLED HIM WHILST SHOUTING "BURN THE WITCH!", THEN GOT LOST IN THE WARP. AS LOYAL SPACE MARINES WE MOURN THEIR LOSS, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS THEIR OWN FAULT.
The Unforgiven
After the Horus Heresy, the remaining Legions were forced to split into chapters of around 1000 men according to Roboute Guillimans (the biggest blue monkey faggot) brand new Codex Astartes and the Dark Angels followed suit if only to avoid suspicion DEMONSTRATE THEIR LOYALTY TO THE NEW IDEALS OF THE IMPERIUM.
Where Rogal Dorn RAGED against the idea of splitting his legion, but eventually relented on the threat of civil war, the Dark Angels quietly split themselves up but maintained in covert contact with each other. Keeping the same chain of command as before, and mostly the same traditions and expectations. Particularly with co-operation in the hunt for the Fallen Angels CHILLIN' OUT MAXIN' RELAXIN' ALL COOL, but they also refer to each other as "brothers" in arms. (Kaldor Draigo noted that the correct terminology for different chapter is "cousin" and resolved to have a word with Azrael over it.) and the Supreme Grand Master of The Rock is deferred to as the highest authority on the secrets of the newly formed Inner Circle.
Therefore the Dark Angels still function unofficially as a Legion, and this gets the Inquisition particularly worried, though they can't prove anything, since from the outside, each chapter has its own distinct chain of command and adheres to codex requirements.
So far (and for ten thousand years) these indiscretions have passed as rumours and suspicions LIES AND SLANDER, since the unforgiven go to extreme lengths to protect their secrecy DEMONSTRATE OUR UNQUESTIONABLE LOYALTY TO THE IMPERIUM but also if the Inner Circle ever decided to go rogue they could cause an impressive shitstorm for the Imperium. Statistics indicate that the Dark Angels successors make up around 15% of the total space marine chapters at large in the Imperium, and while this does not seem like a massive amount (Ultrasmurfs make up around 50%), the fact that GW doesn't have any divergent rules for the successor chapters or implied anything other than the tight-knit brotherhood of the unforgiven fluffwise, leads us to conclude that the entire Unforgiven (around 150 chapters. That's atleast 150,000 marines, assuming they're all at full strength.) function as a SINGLE, UNIFIED unit across the entire galaxy; This is further compounded when you factor in the unknown size of the Deathwing and Ravenwing, possibly meaning at each of those chapters is much larger and better equipped (with such relics as Terminator Armour) than a codex compliant chapter.
So no-one should be able to stand against them if they put their minds to it. Thankfully they're on the Imperium's side.
Daily rituals
04:00-Morning Prayer: The Dark Angels are roused from their cells to begin prayer at the leadership of the Interrogator-Chaplain. Prayer is extra long compared to most other Chapters due to the existence of the Fallen THE DARK ANGELS BEING SO LOYAL THAT THEY WANT TO SHOW THEIR DEVOTION TO THE EMPEROR AND THE LION.
06:00-Morning Firing Rites: The Dark Angels take to the ranges to begin firing practice.
07:00-Battle Practice: The Dark Angels descend to the Battle Cages to practice in close-combat. Members of the Ravenwing will practice with their bikes and land speeders, while members of the Deathwing will practice counter-Fallen scenarios ENGAGEMENTS WITH THE ENEMIES OF THE EMPEROR, WHICH MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT INCLUDE ANY OF THE SONS OF LION EL'JONSON.
9:00-Chocolate milk and cookies break.
12:00-Midday Meal: A light meal is prepared by the Chapter Serfs.
12:30-Tactical Indoctrination: The Dark Angels will engage in tactical briefings on opponents they will be facing in the future. Members of the Inner Circle will determine targets such as traitors from the First Legion THE NINE TRAITOR LEGIONS WHICH REBELLED AGAINST THE EMPEROR, BECAUSE THERE ARE ONLY NINE TRAITOR LEGIONS.
At this point a battle-brother may visit the Apothecary, while Interrogator-Chaplains will interrogate Fallen Angels they have been assigned to HERETICS WHO ARE AIDING THE EMPEROR'S ENEMIES, ALL FROM DIFFERENT LEGIONS AND CHAPTERS.
14:00-Afternoon nap with dimmed lights and soft instrumental music playing in the background.
16:00-Evening Fire Rites: The Dark Angels take to the ranges to begin firing practice. They usually use black-colored targets to better hone their skills at shooting Fallen Angels in the dark FOUL TRAITORS WHO ARE NOT FROM THE FIRST LEGION WHO USE BLACK ARMOR AND THE COVER OF DARKNESS LIKE COWARDS.
17:00-Evening Prayer: The Dark Angels assemble for prayer under the Interrogator-Chaplains, who have just finished torturing Fallen Angels SHOWING THEIR UNDENIABLE DEVOTION TO THE EMPEROR WHICH TAKES MANY FORMS.
19:00-Evening Meal: A feast is prepared by the Chapter serfs.
20:00-Maintenance Rituals: The Dark Angels will tend to the maintenance of their wargear, while also washing their robes. Members of the Ravenwing will perform maintenance of their attack bikes and land speeders.
00:00-The Dark Angels will retire to their cells for CO-ED sleep with their non-human retainers, because that's what the Dark Angels do to ensure their silence about the Fallen BECAUSE THEY ARE PLAYERS.