Elf

This page is in need of cleanup. Srsly. It's a fucking mess.

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If you made an Elf that looks just like that, then you are doing it right.

Elves are a staple fantasy setting race which can also be found in science fiction settings with fantasy elements such as Shadowrun and Warhammer 40000, to say nothing of Elf-like races found in most science fiction that has aliens. The modern Elf trope is that of a humanoid being with otherworldly features, usually a tendency towards fondness of nature and the ability to sense and do things through a connection to it or the wider universe. Caucasian skin, a flowing language without heavy or guttural sounds, and pointed ears are standard, and are usually as tall or taller than humans although an older shorter version (AKA Christmas Elves) exists. Compare and contrast them with Dwarves, another staple fantasy race who share mythological origins.

Elf History

Myths And Evolution

Elves are one of the oldest western European myths, having roots in Germainic folklore which extends into the pre-Christian era (and thus is almost impossible to pinpoint an origin or original variation). The myth is widespread in the early history of each of the major Germainic cultures which results in varied versions tied to their history.

• Roman: Some historians connect the origins of Elf myths to the Romans, who had myths about the spiritual explanation for misfortune and guerilla warfare they dealt with in the far northwestern reaches of Europe. Some further connect it to a tactic possibly used by the Celts against the Romans, dressing children and small adults in mud and leaf camouflage and using them to sneak into Roman camps to steal supplies and weapons to use against them.
• Scandinavia: Norse mythology the nature of Elves changed wildly based on the author's use of them. In most texts they are similar to how the Greeks used the word Daemon, a reference to most kinds of non-god spiritual beings that tells you very little about what said being is or does other than it not being human (although in some texts Elves includes the gods and not humans, or humans and not gods). One text divides them into svartálfar (Black Elves), dökkálfar (Dark Elves), and ljósálfar (Light Elves). Elves are sometimes a type of Dwarf, or Dwarves are a type of Elves. There are references to paying tribute to Elves, the sun being an Elven creation, Elves wander the countryside and can be seen in mornings, and Elf men lust after human women while human men lust after Elf women and the descendants of such unions are often heroes. Unfortunately Elves aren't actually the focus of any surviving stories, and as a result there are only minor references to them that we no longer have much context for.
• Germany: German myths use Elves as tricksters who are a blight on humanity, causing mischief and disease like a type of fairy rat. Elves also behave like several Greek countryside feyfolk by seducing or raping human men and women. Dwarves are distinct from Elves, but Dwarves can behave like them and use Elf magic against humans.
• Britain: Elves in British folklore are fairly synonymous with fairy myths. Elves are often trickster spirits like in Germany, and breed with humans like in the Norse accounts, but British Elves are gone into in depth as having their own kingdoms and politics, using humans as wet-nurses for Elf royalty and Elf nobility forcibly abducting/raping/marrying human maidens. Thus British Elves are less trickster spirits or types of lesser divine beings and more another race of mortals living in the realm of fairies and playing by fairy rules. Scottish and Irish folklore both kept Elves in the trickster fey position.

In most myths Elves were seen as pagan, repelled by Christianity. The sign of the Pentagram was considered the "Elf Cross" and could be used as a symbol on jewelry or decoration to ward away the ill-intentions of Elves (in theory that would mean Elves not wanting humans to bother them would use the sign of the Christian cross).

During the late medieval period and the Enlightenment, Elves were used to add a sense of wonder to stories such as in William Shakespeare's Midsummer Night Dream, or a touch of eroticism such as in the popular ballad Elveskud where a female Elf seduces a young man to be her husband (in most variations he dies before he can).

By the 1700's Elves appeared in song and literature to add a sense of beauty to descriptions of the wilderness, an idyllic version of the countryside full of magic and mystery. A kind of war of words was waged around this time between authors from various European countries for ownership of the concept of Elves, waged by famous figures such as Jacob Grimm (of the Brothers Grimm) and Hans Christian Anderson, each of whom carried Elves further away from sexual human-like beings and further towards what we know today as fairies (as in the thing your daughter might run around the house in plastic butterfly wings pretending to be).

This continued into the Victorian era where small diminutive humanoids were added to pictures of toadstools or tree branches, helped further by the widespread appeal of fairy tales and the reprinting of the works of the aforementioned great authors into children's storybooks with thousands of illustrations by different artists.

The return of the man-sized Elves came with the 1823 American poem "Twas the Night before Christmas", describing Santa Clause as being "a right jolly old elf" which was followed by an artistic evolution, a key figure of which was cartoonist Thomas Nast, creating a visual and a folklore for Santa Clause as an Elf who is identical to a human as if from Norse mythology, helped by child-sized Elves of the Danish shoemaker Elf variety.

Modern Era

The first modern Elf story that defined the fantasy trope that any fa/tg/uy worth their salt would know is actually not JRR Tolkien's. It was The King of Elfland's Daughter, written by Edward Plunkett in 1924. It showcases the full return of the classic Nordic Elves. In it, a human king is given an order by his subjects that they want their next ruler to be magical. The king sends the prince to marry an Elf woman, and he enters the mystical realm of the Elves where he wins the heart of the Elf princess. She returns with him to rule the humans as queen, but is unhappy and longs for her family and returns. The prince sets out to return to her side but would die instead, causing his bride to beg her father to enable them to be together. The Elf king uses his magic to draw the entire human kingdom into the Elf lands, uniting the two races in one dynasty over one kingdom.

Tolkien

Tolkien grew up fascinated by mythology, but thanks to most of the pre-Christian pre-Roman British culture being lost he always felt disappointed that his own people would never have the amazing mythology of the Norse or the Egyptians. As a result he spent much of his youth creating his own, which became a lifetime project. Tolkien's non-fiction scholarly pursuits in the study of language and translation of various classical texts from early European history helped him greatly in his endeavors, allowing him to essentially reverse-engineer a semi-plausible fictional mythology. Tolkien himself was a very devout Catholic and as a result his work shied away from being heavily pagan, taking a note instead from how the Norse mythology gradually changed (Odin becoming less warlike and more wise, Loki changing from clever trickster to villain, Baldur transitioning from unimportant victim in a story about arrogance to being a literal resurrected nice guy everyone loves after the end of the world). Tolkien's fiction borrows heavily from many feyfolk in European folklore which, as previously mentioned, basically can all be fairly called Elves. The actual word Elves he reserved for his favorite beings in the setting. A recurring theme in his work is the importance of music and passing on stories (because many of the pieces of ancient history we have today were exactly that, stories told by a storyteller or a song sung in celebration or remembrance).

In the Tolkien setting, there is one omnipotent god called Eru Iluvatar who used aspects of his own personality to create lesser beings mistakenly worshiped as gods by mortals called Ainur. After creating the Ainur he conducted them to sing, the first sound that ever existed. One of the Ainur named Melkor refused to participate in Eru's melody and began singing his own tune and confusing others into harmonies and dissonances between the two conductions, although the vastly more clever Eru trolled Melkor with the second piece becoming a single greater song no matter how hard Melkor fought to create an independent one. That song not only created everything that ever was or ever will be, but its echo is literally destiny and the great plan of Eru for all his creations and their creations and so on. Eru gave the Ainur their own free will at this time and gave them the knowledge they needed to understand his plan (but not all of it, nothing is omniscient other than himself). then Eru sat to watch his plans unfold (which is basically all he does for the rest of time as far as anyone knows), while the Ainur sorted themselves into Valar (the strongest, and the rulers) and Maiar (the weaker ones which serve the Valar). The Valar set themselves to finishing the world according to Eru's still-echoing song (with the exception of Melkor who followed his own by fucking up the works of the others, creating volcanoes and dark deep places, all not knowing that Eru had planned for that shit during the singing of the great song).

While the Ainur helped to create much of the world during the Music of the Ainur, Illuvatar alone created two special races using the secret fire; the firstborn were the Elves, who awoke before the creation of the Sun and were brought to live under the Valar's protection away from Melkor, while he served his prison sentence for tampering with the world (and in secret, corrupting captured elves to become the first orcs). After his sentence came to an end, Melkor pretended to have reformed, but immediately set to work stirring up trouble again. In particular, he convinced the most hot-headed of the elves, Feanor, that his half-brother wanted his royal birthright, and the two nearly came to blows. To stir things up even more, he destroyed the Two Trees (Earth's only source of light at the time), murdered Feanor's father, and stole his gems, the Simirils. Feanor was so pissed that he swore revenge, no matter who stood in his way, including his own kin and the Valar. Well, oaths are a pretty serious deal in Middle-Earth, and Feanor did end up murdering his fellow elves and having his people exiled in his quest for revenge - only to get killed by Melkor before he had the chance to exact it.

Pretty much all of the worst elves died in the wars against Melkor, so the ones that survived to the end of the Third Age were much wiser and mellower. Though they also experienced intense sorrow since immortality means outliving everyone you knew. On top of that, whereas elves can't die of old age, they can whither away into wraiths unless they return to the undying lands, which nearly all have by the end of the LOTR trilogy. Many elves are actually envious of humans' mortality, calling it "the gift of men," since Illuvatar has a special fate for them that none but him knows of, whereas elvish souls are bound to Middle-Earth until the end of time.

On /tg/

Elves are magical, pointy-eared, forest-dwelling hippies; the antithesis to the industrious, manly dwarven race (though ironically in the original Germanic mythology all Dwarfs are a subset of elf, meaning that all Dwarfs are elves but not all elves were Dwarfs). Though related, they are not in fact Eldar due primarily that one is found in space with guns that shoot shuriken, and the other live in forests and have bows that loose arrows... unless you're playing something crazy like Spelljammer. Elves are the chosen race of many hipster Mary Sues in the fantasy setting thanks to their pointed ears, slender builds and ever-perky breasts. In all actuality, that could be why they're always scantily-clad and the fantasy of neckbeards everywhere.

The origins and nature of elves lies in Germanic mythology and folklore. Reconstructing the early concept of an elf depends almost entirely on texts in Old English or relating to Norse mythology, which all together is a clusterfuck of alternate versions and retcons. The facts about elves in these legends often changed though the general idea was a group of beings with magical powers and supernatural beauty, ambivalent towards everyday people and capable of either helping or hindering them. They have been everything from lesser gods to harmful fey beings almost as bad as demons. These varied portrayals and possible pagan origins led to further demonization of elves when Christianity spread to those parts of the world. Most elves in modern fiction are derived from their usually benevolent, fey or near-angelic portrayal in Tolkien's works (ironically Tolkien himself was a Christian).

Please note that this article probably wouldn't concern Dark Eldar and some forms of dark elf, who are usually many times more metal than their fruity non-dark cousins, allowing them some form of toleration or even acceptance by some smar/tg/entlemen. They are also much more likely to show some skin and/or put out, which helps.

NOTE: Below is a factual but tongue-in-cheek discussion about the aspects of elves. Due to various reasons including overuse, being arrogant, and the males being effeminate threatening the gender insecurities among the audience (such as yourself; WANT SOME OINTMENT FOR THAT BURN!?), there is ALOT of scorn towards elves among communities such as /tg/ and here. Read on, learn more and draw your own conclusions.

Elves in 4th Edition

In Dungeons & Dragons 4th Edition elves happen to be the all-around mechanically best race in the game for nearly every class (yes, an elf fighter will deal around the same damage a bugbear fighter can, with one or the other coming on top depending on the situation) due to their Elven Accuracy racial encounter power, the flat-out best racial power ever, which can be upgraded further with the Elven Precision racial feat.

This mechanical advantage, of course, comes with the price of being an elf and this legacy of OP mechanics and butthurt probably one of the main reasons they are scorned.

Elves in 5e

Thanks to the equalizing nature of 5e, Elves are no longer OP. Kind of. Still the same tree-hugging, magical, "beautiful" snooty bastards, though.

• Ability Score: +2 Dexterity
• Typical Alignment: Favor Chaotic Good (Lawful Evil if Drow)
• Size: Medium. Ranges from under 5 to over 6 feet tall, with slender builds. Nothing's stopping you from making a fat elf, of course.
• Speed: 30 foot base walking speed.
• Darkvision
• Keen Senses: Proficiency in Perception.
• Fey Ancestry: Advantage on saves against being charmed, and immune to magic that puts you to sleep.
• Trance: Trancing for 4 hours yields the same effect as an 8 hour sleep.
• Languages: Common and Elvish.

And, of course, there are the subraces. The High Elves, with the Sun Elves being the asshole, extra arrogant bastards we all think of, and the Moon Elves, who are more common and friendly (note: they both fall under the umbrella of High Elf, with the same bonuses). Then, there's the tree-hugging Wood Elves, and the edgy Drow.

High Elves

• Ability Score: +1 Intelligence
• Elf Weapon Training: Proficiency with Longsword, Shortsword, Shortbow, and Longbow.
• Cantrip: Free cantrip from the Wizard spell list. Uses Intelligence as it's Spellcasting Modifier.
• Extra Language: Free extra language.

Wood Elf

• Ability Score Increase: +1 Wisdom
• Elf Weapon Training: see above
• Fleet of Foot: Base walking speed now becomes 35 feet.
• Mask of the Wild: You can attempt to hide even when you are only lightly obscured by natural phenomena, such as foliage, heavy rain, falling snow, and mist.

Drow

• Ability Score: +1 Charisma
• Superior Darkvision (120 feet instead of 60)
• Sunlight Sensitivity: Disadvantage on attack rolls and Perception checks that rely on sight if you, your target, or whatever you're trying to perceive, is in direct sunlight.
• Drow Magic: Start with free Dancing Light cantrip, get free Faerie Fire at 3rd level, and free Darkness at 5th level. Both recharge on a long rest. Charisma is your spellcasting ability for these.
• Drow Weapon Training: Proficiency with rapiers, shortswords, and hand crossbows.

Humans the new Elves?

...FUCK (truth hurts doesn't it)

It is common knowledge that we Humans have a raging hate towards these treehuggers, more so if it is /tg/. Seriously we only think that the only positive outcome of elves if their women gets the tentacle rape treatment. Yet it never really come across that maybe we were the elves the entire time? Well before you carry your pitchforks and shotguns. Think about it. We are the most lithe and agile of the primate species, our women being more flexible than any other primate out there. We also consider ourselves superior to these pebbling animals and we have a relatively long lifespan, that and the fact that we are more inclined to range weapons than bonking large beasts in the heads as well as being generally physically weaker than all of the great apes and even our extinct relatives by a large margin. Well you may say that this may not be true because we have Vikings and other historical badass motherfuckers. Which is kinda true. The parallels between humans and elves became even more striking in the later 20th century and early 21st century. Seriously think about it. We are seeing a rise in veganism and animal rights activist like the stereotypes of elves being salad munchers and animal fuckers. We are also seeing the rise of the dreaded SJW and the pussification of humans the same way we view elves as colossal pussies. If anything we may be seen as the pussified elves of the animal kingdom to the Neanderthal dorfs. We only differ from true elves in that we humans are raging morons at times. Humanity fuck yeah?

Elves and Dwarf Fortress

Elves in Dwarf Fortress are notably different than elves in other settings... They are the polar opposite of the above descriptions. The RAGE they create isn't inspired by their gay Mary Suedom, rather the RAGE they create is often related to primal fear and panic. They are terrifying figures of rape incarnate, meaning that all that rape usually focused upon elves in other fantasy settings will be thrust upon your little Dorfy settlers and fortress, with little to no mercy.

TL;DR THEY EAT PEOPLE

(The above may be the ramblings of an Elf propagandist. One of the ones the dwarves didn't drop into the lava. Yet.)

See Also

• Lelf
• Elf Subraces

The Races of Pathfinder
Player's Handbook:	Dwarf - Elf - Gnome - Half-Elf - Half-Orc - Halfling - Human
Advanced Race Guide:	Aasimar - Catfolk - Changeling - Dhampir - Duergar Drow - Fetchling - Gillman - Goblin - Grippli - Hobgoblin Ifrit - Kitsune - Kobold - Merfolk - Nagaji - Orc - Oread Ratfolk - Samsaran - Strix - Suli - Svirfneblin - Sylph Tengu - Tiefling - Undine - Vanara - Vishkanya - Wayang
Bestiaries:	Android - Astomoi - Caligni - Deep One Hybrid - Gathlain Gnoll - Kasatha - Munavri - Naiad - Orang-Pendak Reptoid - Rougarou - Shabti - Trox - Yaddithian
Adventure Paths:	Being of Ib - Kuru
Inner Sea Races:	Ghoran - Monkey Goblin - Lashunta - Skinwalker Syrinx - Triaxian - Wyrwood - Wyvaran
Ultimate Wilderness:	Vine Leshy
Blood of the Sea:	Adaro - Cecaelia - Grindylow - Locathah - Sahuagin - Triton
Planar Adventures:	Aphorite - Duskwalker - Ganzi

The Races of Starfinder
Core Races:		Android - Human - Kasatha - Lashunta - Shirren - Vesk - Ysoki
Legacy Races:		Dwarf - Elf - Gnome - Half-Elf - Half-Orc - Halfling
Expanded Races:		Aasimar - Amrantah - Anassanoi - Astrazoan - Bantrid - Barathu - Bolida - Borai - Brakim - Brenneri Cephalume - Contemplative - Copaxi - Damai - Dessamar - Dirindi - Draelik - Dragonkin - Dromada Drow - Elebrian - Embri - Endiffian - Espraksa - Ferran - Formian - Ghibrani - Ghoran - Goblin - Gosclaw Gray - Haan - Hanakan - Hobgoblin - Hortus - Ifrit - Ijtikri - Ikeshti - Ilthisarian - Izalguun - Kalo - Kanabo Kayal - Khizar - Kiirinta - Kish - Maraquoi - Morlamaw - Neskinti - Nuar - Orc - Oread - Osharu - Pahtra Phentomite - Quorlu - Ramiyel - Raxilite - Reptoid - Ryphorian - Sarcesian - Sazaron - Screedreep Scyphozoan - Selamid - Seprevoi - Shakalta - Shatori - Shimreen - Shobhad - Skittermander - Spathinae SRO - Stellifera - Strix - Suli - Svartalfar - Sylph - Telia - Tiefling - Trinir - Trox - Undine - Uplifted Bear Urog - Varculak - Verthani - Vilderaro - Vlaka - Witchwyrd - Woioko - Wrikreechee

The Elves page is currently an absolute goddamn mess that needs some massive revamping to make it at least somewhat decent. The following will be sorted out or blammed accordingly.

Elf hate in /a/

Even animes hate elves, with the antagonists of Last Exile being a race of elves who are complete pricks and pretty much the cause for the world's problems. Except tan-skinned and white-haired "chocolate elves", they are generally agreed to be pretty cool.

Is your Elf /tg/ approved?

Elf watching is a popular hobby

A Quick guide to making a /tg/ approved elf. Every answer of yes is a point in their favor.

• Do they eat people?
• Are they batshit crazy?
• Does he/she do cocaaaaaaaaaaine?
• Are they NOT Chaotic Good? (Double extra important if it's a Drow)
• Does he/she wield a chainsaw? (only applicable to some settings Forget that part. A chainsaw wielding, magic casting elf will be accepted anywhere, due to the rules of awesome)
• Is he/she NOT protective of trees/animals ? Alternatively, is he/she protective of trees and/or animals BUT to the point of bloody fanaticism ?
• Is he/she sexually attractive?
• Is he/she bloodthirsty?
• Does he/she know how to work metal?
• Is he/she skilled at making technology? Otherwise, is he/she at least skilled at using technology?
• Is he NOT effeminate, if a he?
  • Does he have a beard or other facial hair besides eyebrows?
• If he is an archer or melee combatant, does he/she have visible muscles?
• It is NOT another fucking Drizzt clone?
• Does he/she inspire fear incarnate and is shunned if not hated by society ?
• Is he NOT childishly, excessively optimistic ?
• Does said elf fight with something ELSE than a bow/longsword/rapier/magic ? (Axes, hammers, fists, crossbows, hell even guns if you have them)
• Does he/she swear profusely like a drunk pirate?
  • Does he/she drink?
    • Is he/she a pirate?
• Are they not bigoted against non-elves? Alternatively, do they hate non-elves to the point of seeing them as vermin to be enslaved or destroyed?
• Is it NOT like any other elf stereotype you have every seen ?

If you have a large majority of "yes", congratulations. You have a /tg/ approved elf.

For DM's, you can create any type of elven race. Be it faggy and hate inspiring or scary shityourpants, run away because its slowly coming this way. Unless it's a slave-elf, which is often disapproved of for a variety of reasons.

Don't let us know, or we will find you.

Common names for Elves

Another way to do it right.

• Elfs
• Elfginas
• Elftards
• Lelves
• Those Treehugging Assholes
• Fey
• The Fair (or Fey) Folk
• Douche-bags
• Fantasy's Worst Creation, Second Only To Blood Magic
• Skinnies
• Forest Sluts (Wood Elves)
• Pompous Sluts (High Elves)
• Edgy Sluts (Dark Elves)
• Fruit (a common item of an elven diet)
• Smug Forest Cunts
• Punching Bags
• Long Eared Forrest Mongrels
• Dandelion Eaters/Keebs (from Keebler Elves) (Shadowrun)
• Knife Ears (Dragon Age)
• Santa's Minimum-wage Sweatshop Workers
• Keebler Cookie/Cunt
• Salad Eaters
• Dentists
• Vagelves
• Cra
• Fun Police
• Aelves (commonly thought to be a mispronunciation caused by a corporate phallus lodged in the speaker's throat)
• Vulaelves
• Molesty McGee, the slitheride.
• Mer
• Hymer
• Beren's Folly
• Beren's In-laws
• Shota Fairy Aliens
• Dobbys
• Bard Bait
• Plains Dwarves
• Elfgoo
• Ward Saves

Typical Elven Traits and Habits

Some people take this shit too far.

• Having long/pointed ears
• Being physically agile
• Magical powers (or just magic in their blood even if they can't use it)
• Lifespan of hundreds to thousands of years, with correspondingly low birth rate.¹
• Hugging trees (How are we supposed to climb them?- an elf)
• Anal pounding ²
• Eating granola or other grain mixtures
• Kissing bunnies
• Prancing in meadows or equivalent
• Snapping in light breezes
• Being sissies or girls
• Bringing useless cloth to your dwarven fortress
• Radiating obscene levels of intense gay
• Being unbelievably fucking smug
• Washing my boots
• Speaking in Dickensian prose and hacking into your computer network
• Having Elfginas

All elves are female until proven otherwise. A variant of this axiom is that an elf's gender is "elf".

A common exception to the above is the 'Fair Folk' variant, known to steal children to raise as another elf with no human memories; they'll take your soul if you catch a glimpse of their Wild Hunt, and sadistically murder you if you ever appear near any of their sacred places. In that sense, maybe the Dark Eldar's habits are a spin on their national time-honored traditions. Who knows.

footnote 1: What elves don't want you to know is they have a birthrate similar to humans, but to achieve their longevity and control their population, they eat their own young. That's why they want you to stay the fuck out of their forests: no witnesses. Another rational and plausible explanation is that, due to their immortality/extreme long-livety, elves limit the number of children they have to prevent overpopulation or simply have widespread female infertility due to anorexia.

footnote 2: or they just prefer buttsex

Uses of elves

• Slaves/pets.
• Cocksleeves
• 35 elf bone bolts can be made from one elf. The bones are exceptionally splintery. Perfect for dealing with the aforementioned slaves.
• Twigs make excellent fire starters
• Each elf contains about seven pints of elvish blood; easier to carry if you decant first.
• Excellent targets/punching bags. Not only do you hone your skills, but an elf is dead (or at least in pain) at the end. The perfect system! (NOTE: Beware settings where the elves shoot or punch you back).
• Snacks.
• Easy start for aspiring pimps.
• Corporate negotiators
• Orators
• Actors
• Mages
• Circus performers
• Hackers
• Nothing of any value
• Being better than you and whichever race you play as (unless you play as an elf) Applying butthurt to their sensitive ego

Reproduction

The female elven reproductive tract is the throat. This has led to several advantageous traits evolving, such as long, sensitive ears to aid in sexual pleasure during the act and chocolate-flavored semen to act as a reward mechanism. Unfortunately, the elven birth-rate is stagnant due to most female elves being haughty bitches who "don't do that!" And the adventurous, kindly spirits who aren't all take up adventuring to get away from the bitches, and so end up with human husbands.

Half-elves usually come from human fathers, who find it very hard to go back to human women once they have experienced elf-sex. Human women involved with elven men rarely get around to getting pregnant when there is a self replenishing supply of chocolate on offer.